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ersaucedo · #1 10-08-2010, 06:51 PM

Today I was talking to an old friend I haven't seen in probably 11 years. He was a mutual friend of my bf and I. So while I was on the phone with him he starts talking shit about my man and I'm like WTF?? I didn't ask for your opinion! He went on and on until finally I was like "I gotta go"... My question is what do you do when someone talks crap about your loved one? I am actually mad at myself for not putting this dude in check. All I did was tell him I had to go, I didn't correct him or go off. I feel like I didn't defend my man. But maybe that was the right thing to do, I don't know! I hate to hear people talking bad about my love, that's it! What would you have done?

KeithsWifeyxOx · #2 10-08-2010, 07:47 PM

He's talking shit about your man because it's his way of passively coming onto you. I've had MANY of Keith's "friends" subtly make comments about him in order to downgrade him and upgrade themselves...You need to ignore it.

BAD214 · #3 10-08-2010, 08:37 PM

This guy could have been into you in the past and wanted to see if u would go along with the crap talking and if u did, then he may have hit on u because he would know that u weren't serious about ur man. I think u did the right thing by just saying u have to go and getting away from the drama talk. Otherwise, this guy could have been trying to get u to say something bad about his friend so he can go back and tell this friend because maybe he wants to break u two up. Maybe this guy believes that his friend has changed ever since u two were together and wants his "old" friend back. The only reason I am bringing this up is because I've been thru it. I don't know all of the details that u do about the relationship between ur man and his friend or u so I am sorry and I was not trying to offend. Just trying to help because I have been there before.

Lost2/25/10 · #4 10-08-2010, 09:38 PM

I would have just hang up to then i would tell my man to check his boy or the next time i will. Ive done that in the past before he got locked up. And if u dont say something to ur man his will try to flip it n say u was hitting on him. Next just check the guy that away u at less feel better.

Edim · #5 10-08-2010, 09:54 PM

I've had this happen to me before, where a good friend of mine (who is no longer my friend) kept talking crap about my boyfriend, talking about it'll be forever before I see him again, why wait on him, and just b.s. But I quickly let him know that if he didn't approve of my relationship w/ my boyfriend than he couldn't be in my life. So we're no longer friends. Every now and then I may run into while I'm out running errands and he shakes his head when he sees me but I don't care.

Same thing w/ my BFF (which she is no longer my friend either) she got so upset that I was w/ my boyfriend and she'd talk b.s. about him, and I finally told her if she was really my friend, even if she disapproved she'd at least have respect. I understand she was trying to look out for me, and she did the right thing by giving her opinion, but to just keep putting it out there over and over, especially when I talked to her about it, I couldn't no longer do it.

LoveBuggy · #6 10-08-2010, 10:14 PM

I can call my hubby a dummy for doing what he did. I'll be damned if anyone else says it in my presence.

watrn2002 · #7 10-09-2010, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ersaucedo

Today I was talking to an old friend I haven't seen in probably 11 years. He was a mutual friend of my bf and I. So while I was on the phone with him he starts talking shit about my man and I'm like WTF?? I didn't ask for your opinion! He went on and on until finally I was like "I gotta go"... My question is what do you do when someone talks crap about your loved one? I am actually mad at myself for not putting this dude in check. All I did was tell him I had to go, I didn't correct him or go off. I feel like I didn't defend my man. But maybe that was the right thing to do, I don't know! I hate to hear people talking bad about my love, that's it! What would you have done?

All I have to say is that people always feel entitled to tell you how horrible or negative your significant other is. People always have judgement. My fiance just got sentenced yesterday and one of my friends told me to tell people who can't keep their opinions to themselves and feel entitled "I appreciated your opinion" and then remove them from your space unless you want them there. I have learned that I do not have to defend him. I know who he is and what he is about and I don't have to defend anything to anyone. That is why I have decided to take my friends advice and thank people for THEIR opinion, and that is just what it is, an opinion, not our truth. They do not walk in our shoes or our man's shoes so the words that hurt don't really have power unless we allow them to. I have had to remove people from my life do to my choice of being with Shawn and understanding his truth.

And I too would have been mad at myself for not saying anything, but at least you got yourself out of the situation as fast as you could.

Thanks for sharing.

Hisoneandonly · #8 10-09-2010, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GinaH

I can call my hubby a dummy for doing what he did. I'll be damned if anyone else says it in my presence.

Thats exactly how I feel...and god help the person who tries. I'm a very calm peaceful person till I hear someone talking crap about my family then I go off

OneOfMany · #9 10-09-2010, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ersaucedo

I am actually mad at myself for not putting this dude in check. All I did was tell him I had to go, I didn't correct him or go off. I feel like I didn't defend my man...

He caught you off guard with his ignoramus attitude--next time (if there is a "next time") you'll be more prepared. You did the right thing, though, by cutting off the conversation so there is no need to downgrade yourself.

We're not obligated to defend our men/women anytime somebody wants to talk stupid. They can talk stupid all by themselves. Defending, arguing is like throwing gas on a fire.

If they can't learn the fine art of being respectful, then they shouldn't be using up my oxygen in my space. It's not our fault they flunked the Respect 101 class!

BlueEyedEllie · #10 10-09-2010, 06:22 AM

Be classy about it,and just ignore negative comments.Everyone is entitled to having an opinion.Unfortunately many are very vocal about expressing theirs.you can't control how they act you can only control how you act.I think you did the right thing.

mandee3911 · #11 10-09-2010, 11:46 PM

my friend always talks crap. we finally came to an agreement last night that he is who i choose, i knew about all his faults when i met him (my friend actually introduced us) and i'm going to be with him whether or not he likes it and he just needs to be like "do what u think is best" because i do that for him. i finally said "ok" and i was like this also means if i wanna talk about him, u listen without all the mean comments and when he gets out if i'm hanging out with you, it should be ok for him to hang out too. he finally said he would, its taken almost a year for him agree to this. he's given me crap ever since i met him.

ohsweetmaryjane · #12 10-10-2010, 08:57 AM

I've had this happen before. As Keith'sWifey said, I too think it is a way of subtly coming onto you, letting you know that they are "better" than your man. The last time this happened, I told the guy to NOT CONTACT ME and HUNG UP ON HIM. It wasn't the first time the same guy was talking about my man, and I'm done with it. He's attempted to contact me via text message several times since....NO RESPONSE NECESSARY.

%StillInLove% · #13 10-10-2010, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ersaucedo

Today I was talking to an old friend I haven't seen in probably 11 years. He was a mutual friend of my bf and I. So while I was on the phone with him he starts talking shit about my man and I'm like WTF?? I didn't ask for your opinion! He went on and on until finally I was like "I gotta go"... My question is what do you do when someone talks crap about your loved one? I am actually mad at myself for not putting this dude in check. All I did was tell him I had to go, I didn't correct him or go off. I feel like I didn't defend my man. But maybe that was the right thing to do, I don't know! I hate to hear people talking bad about my love, that's it! What would you have done?

usually when that happen the guy is into you, I think you haandled it well just don't pick up for him anymore.

mandee3911 · #14 10-10-2010, 09:06 AM

my friend isn't "into me" he's gay. so i think he just doesn't understand. he's known my man longer and he knows his past. which i do too but accept it anyways.

hissunshine4evr · #15 10-10-2010, 09:41 AM

it doesnt sound like hes really your friend. a real friend would be supportive. i had a friend talk shit and guess what were not friends anymore. people come and go but your husband is for life!

drearalphy · #16 10-10-2010, 11:26 AM

Maybe it's just me, but I don't associate with any of his "friends". They don't give him importance when hes locked up so why should I care?

If any of his friends ever tried to call me up talking smack like that, I would give him an immediate check. Im sorry, Im not usually rude, but thats one thing I CAN'T stand.

ersaucedo · #17 10-10-2010, 06:05 PM

I will not be talking to him anymore. I don't want to hear anything he has to say and I find it quite rude for him to feel free to just talk crap. I hadn't talked to him in 11 years..now I know why lol.. Thank you everyone for your feedback! And if this dude was trying to be my "sport coat" as my man calls it lol, he's barkin up the wrong tree!
I didn't tell my bf what the dude said because what's the use in pissing him off when he's got enough to worry about behind bars!
Thanks again everyone!

hisangel2587 · #18 10-10-2010, 06:16 PM

i completly agree with everyone! one of my so called best friends all she did was talk shit and we are completly done as friends...another really good friend had her doubts but she doesnt talk shit and supports me in my decision and asks about him and tells me to tell him she said hello and shell pray for him! so i completly agree that REAL friends will support you and the love you have for him....unless he was a prick who cheated on u and beat u than they have no room to say anything!

i also agree that this guy probly is coming onto u and unless it just never showed itself to ever be a situation like that than hes just a deuche who doesnt get our loyalty and degree of love for our men! hes probly jealous he doesnt have someone out there whos ride or die for him!

dont beat yourself up for not saying anything...it happens but u really should let it roll off your shoulders....i have told people to kiss my ass basically when they wanna give me their "opinion" of the situation and sometimes im just like whatever and go about my business so dont get down on yourself for that! some people will just never understand us and its ok if they dont! what they say is so not important so let haters be haters and let doubters just be doubters...its a big waste of their time and energy!!!

Danielle88 · #19 10-10-2010, 06:53 PM

I just have the same problem a week ago. This girl who was supposed to be a good ass friend of mine got on facebook and was talkin a whole bunch of shyt about my husband! I told her that she was a damn liar and to keep my mans name out her mouth and if she got any beef with him to say it to his face! I hate fake people, andi cant stand people talkin shyt about my baby!

NC_girl · #20 10-11-2010, 08:14 AM

It sounds like your friend is trying to build his self esteem by insulting your man. I think you did the right thing by taking the high road and calmly removing yourself from the situation.

I would do the same thing. I wouldn't let this person turn me into a screaming, angry mess. I would just end the conversation and go on with my life, knowing his opinion is irrelevant.