I am so sick and tired of all this.

[tamieTrue]

I love my husband( of 10 years mind you) so much it actually hurts. He did his crime and it feels like I am the one being punished...I am home with all the kids all the bills working to cover all that and his needs...driving the 3 hours one way to visit him every other week...I am exhausted...I am alone...and whats the pay off?

I check my email every 15 minutes all day for the bloody email that doesn't come...Pack the Phone all day long on new years eve for my only second 15 minute call in a week...as our last call ends with me in tears and him promising he will call me back in a little while I get an email the line was too long again. And looks it New Years eve I emailed him yesterday and said please try to call me today I need it...and nothing.

Nothing should have be this hard...

I am just so tired of feeling all alone in this.

It probably sounds selfish I am sorry for that I am I do empathize with him.

I don't know I am just so tired of feeling all alone...and wondering what am I hanging on to?

[eroro1608]

It's not selfish at all!! I'm feeling what you are going thru, it's almost as if YOU are being punished too. It's just what we do...and IMO we as women don't get enough credit for what we'll go thru for our man.

Maybe (and I know this might sound impossible but it's for your sanity too!) take the time that you would do for one visit and spend it on taking care of you. He might not like one visit every month but it might help him see how much you do for him, most don't realize until it's gone how good they have it! Tell yourself to check your email maybe in the morning when you get up and then before you go to bed. He might be locked up but what else does he have to do with his time??? He could stand in that line and send you an email and make you feel better.

I hope you get some "me" time soon! Happy New Year good luck in 2011!!!

[DaMeS_GiRl88]

I think all of us feel this way from time to time lord knows I do I just want all this to be over but a new year is starting so I know you will enjoy it and it will get better

[Jesusismyrock]

I feel for you. I've been in that spot many many times. I've been waiting over 7 years now for my husband. Some days are better some days are worse. The best two pieces of advice I can give you is just concentrate on this day only and try to live out your day in full. There is other stuff I can tell you but I wanted to keep it simple.

[tamieTrue]

I know you are all right...I knew this was going to be hard...I never imagined I would fall apart this way.


I somewhere in chic land thought I would be getting the daily flowery emails and these sweet I love you calls all the time...and on the days I was fighting to keep my head above water in reality...there would be my husband aching for me as I am him and that love would get me through this....I know Puke Gag Chic Fantasy Land. But it didn't turn out that way. I love him...but I need something to hang on to and I guess he doesn't understand that.

His Love for me used to be so strong I swear I could have walked through fire for him...But I just don't feel it anymore...He says I love you, you should know...but his action show indifference.

Oh well that's today and its been a lousy week a lousy month and a lousy year for that matter...I am just whiny and tired but can't sleep.

I pray this is A Normal Part Of the Process...if its not someone please tell me so I can load up my kids and run for the hills...or maybe just Cancun lol.

Thank You All For always being there.

[rayeraye28]

We all have felt that way from time to time. You both do time-just differently. I get tired of doing everything alone, raising our kid alone, working a full time job, paying the bills, dealing with the family drama, defending him and our relationship etc. to all the perfect people who have never done anything wrong etc. I get where you are coming from. We just got in trouble for forwarding the phone but it had to do with my job and was an innocent mistake and I just got a letter today they were taking me off the visitation list. I am the only one who has visited him in the 1 1/2 yrs he has been gone, sent money, written, etc. and I don't know what I am going to do if they don't honor my appeal letter and our daughter will be the one that is punished because of it. So we are all frustrated and they get caught up in their world and forget what we go through. We have had that conversation many times because I feel the same about my husband as you do yours. Just hang in there and you have to take it day by day and know that once this is all over life will being again. It will never be as it was...just pray and hope it will be better than before.

[tamieTrue]

Oh My Sweet Heart...I Pray for you with all my heart.

[Shaneswife68]

Originally Posted by tamieTrue

I know you are all right...I knew this was going to be hard...I never imagined I would fall apart this way.


I somewhere in chic land thought I would be getting the daily flowery emails and these sweet I love you calls all the time...and on the days I was fighting to keep my head above water in reality...there would be my husband aching for me as I am him and that love would get me through this....I know Puke Gag Chic Fantasy Land. But it didn't turn out that way. I love him...but I need something to hang on to and I guess he doesn't understand that.

His Love for me used to be so strong I swear I could have walked through fire for him...But I just don't feel it anymore...He says I love you, you should know...but his action show indifference.

Oh well that's today and its been a lousy week a lousy month and a lousy year for that matter...I am just whiny and tired but can't sleep.

I pray this is A Normal Part Of the Process...if its not someone please tell me so I can load up my kids and run for the hills...or maybe just Cancun lol.

Thank You All For always being there.

I may be wrong because I don't know your husband but, what works for me is when I call him on his "crap"...A polite reality slap is what I like to call it...I let him know how much I love and miss him and then tell him how neglected I feel...To get love you have to give it...I let him know what I need <ie...more letters or calls, etc...>...Most of the time he doesn't even realize he is slacking...Depression because of where he put himself sets in sometimes...I do love him so, before I get frustrated with him, I tell him what is bothering me so he at least has the chance to make it better...Their minds don't work like ours do...I'm not trying to make excuses for him or anyone...Just saying that they are in a whole different world with not only DOC bs but prison politics and things they will probably never tell us go on <not sure if I even want to know>...So, in my eyes, we have nothing to lose by being honest about how upset we are with their lack of keeping up their end of the relationship...but, we might just gain a stronger relationship with our men!

May 2011 bring you and your family peace, love and happiness!

[Shaneswife68]

Originally Posted by rayeraye28

We all have felt that way from time to time. You both do time-just differently. I get tired of doing everything alone, raising our kid alone, working a full time job, paying the bills, dealing with the family drama, defending him and our relationship etc. to all the perfect people who have never done anything wrong etc. I get where you are coming from. We just got in trouble for forwarding the phone but it had to do with my job and was an innocent mistake and I just got a letter today they were taking me off the visitation list. I am the only one who has visited him in the 1 1/2 yrs he has been gone, sent money, written, etc. and I don't know what I am going to do if they don't honor my appeal letter and our daughter will be the one that is punished because of it. So we are all frustrated and they get caught up in their world and forget what we go through. We have had that conversation many times because I feel the same about my husband as you do yours. Just hang in there and you have to take it day by day and know that once this is all over life will being again. It will never be as it was...just pray and hope it will be better than before.

I pray everything works out for you and your family!

[Tjames85]

Originally Posted by tamieTrue

I know you are all right...I knew this was going to be hard...I never imagined I would fall apart this way.


I somewhere in chic land thought I would be getting the daily flowery emails and these sweet I love you calls all the time...and on the days I was fighting to keep my head above water in reality...there would be my husband aching for me as I am him and that love would get me through this....I know Puke Gag Chic Fantasy Land. But it didn't turn out that way. I love him...but I need something to hang on to and I guess he doesn't understand that.

His Love for me used to be so strong I swear I could have walked through fire for him...But I just don't feel it anymore...He says I love you, you should know...but his action show indifference.

Oh well that's today and its been a lousy week a lousy month and a lousy year for that matter...I am just whiny and tired but can't sleep.

I pray this is A Normal Part Of the Process...if its not someone please tell me so I can load up my kids and run for the hills...or maybe just Cancun lol.

Thank You All For always being there.

If he loves you you should be able to feel it. Love is an action word. I agree that you should take the time and money you spend on one of your visits and invest that in you. I am having the same problem with my man. I try to tell him that even telling me he just got back from eating makes me feel good. Little things like that make you feel a little more normal.

[tamieTrue]

I have told him...he just thinks it ridiculous I need it. He said I am supposed to be his Happy Cheer leader all the time because he has it so bad ( he is in a camp mind you) thats my job as his wife. And the last ten years he has stuck by me( mind you he is the one in trouble lol) should tell me all the I Love Yous I need. He doesn't get it and I actually think he resent the fact I tell him I need it...because then he feels like he has to and then doesn't. If he liked being told what to do he probably wouldn't be in prison. Oh well it pisses me off.

Its just messed up he didn't used to be that way...when I tell him that he just tells me it was the wooing phase and I am unrealistic...WTF seriously...am I that lost in chic land at 42?

I just don't get it.

[JackieFlorida]

you are right - he isn't trying hard enough - he isn't waiting in lines long enough - my take

[Fancy]

Get up everyday, and then put YOURSELF first.

Him way down on the list. He is a big boy, he has 3 hots and a cot. He is the least of your worries.

Then the children, and the bills, ect.....

But, you got to do you. You got to or you will have a breakdown. Your mental and physical health will decline. Then you are helping no one.

I like the idea...take the time and money you would have spent seeing him and do something nice for you.

[Pierreswife]

I agree with all! Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my man that I forget about myself. Put urself first because he gets 3 squares and a bed to lay in, the moment that u stop remembering u...it becomes harder for the both of u. I also hink that u need to write him a heartfelt letter telling him exactly why u need the things that u need. Even though he may think its ridiculous...he should want to honor ur request. He may be depressed and he may have given up...remind him that u have him and that he needs to have u too.
on another note...how do u get in trouble for forwarding calls, I am a prison virgin...still lots to learn.

[gatorsgurl14]

Honey I understand what u are saying, but step away from him for awhile and take care of yourself. My guy sometimes does dumb stuff like that, like he wants me to give him support all the time, but does'nt understand that I need it too. Right now I am in burn out mode with him, I don't want to talk to him or even think about him, he is on my last nerve right now so I am taking time for me now. I am going to write and let him know that I am checking out for a while, I have to for my own sanity. Good luck to you girl, you have to be strong for your kids, but he is a grown up.

[Hisoneandonly]

Okay it is time to do something for yourself...Most of his needs are covered in prison so if you sending him money cut back and take yourself on a spa day, atleast once. Try to start exercising even if it is only a walk around the block or up the street (in my case lol since I live in the stix). Also let your hubs know how he is making you feel

[nimuay]

Sit down and write out your schedule. Stay right there and write down your bills and income. Send it to him. Ask him if he's anything like that busy! Tell him that you have earned some 'me' time and you're going to take it, without feeling guilty. You (as has been said before) leave your email alone, you don't collect the mail for a couple of days, you miss a couple of visits. Ask him how he'd do with the kids for a solid week with no back-up (and if he gives you shit for that one, then miss a few more visits and phone calls). He can't do what you're doing, few men can - they just don't have the chops! (My dad did, but he was an extraordinary man.)

Then settle back, find a good book, walk by a brook, light some candles.

And BREATHE! I MEAN THAT LITERALLY, BREATHE! Feel your breath go deep into your belly, let it percolate all the way to your toes. Let it out and relax completely. Do it again. And again. If you're not feeling the relaxation, then tense each muscle in your body, (starting at your toes) and let it go. All the way up to your scalp. Then do some more breathing.

You will feel lighter, I promise!

[shawna2007]

I agree with everyone else, take some time for yourself first. Maybe don't have contact with him for a couple of weeks and he may then understand what it's like for you to have no support. Don't feel alone though I have felt this way many times and even feeling that way right now. And I do think that they get so caught up in their DOC life that they don't realize we are out here suffering and are just as imprisoned as they are. And really, I think they have it easier than we do. We are out here working, going to school, paying all the bills, and raising the kids alone. What are they doing? they are getting three meals a day, have free rent and utilities, and don't have the struggle of raising children alone. They need to understand these things. Mine apologizes all of the time when I have my breakdowns about how hard it is and tells me he was stupid, he's the one not helping me raise the kids and pay the bills and I know he truly feels sorry for it, but he too has to be reminded sometimes.