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SGV girl · #1 02-04-2011, 11:24 PM

Hey ladies

I have read so many threads in which the ex wife, gf, lover of your man is the worst person in the world, evil satan incarnate......and everything wrong with your mans life is her fault.

Having lived through this, after my divorce my kids' father said everything was my fault because he was using dope and in an out of jail and I had the NERVE not to let him see our kids - damn me to hell! - I just wonder:

How is it that these guys are in prison and EVERYTHING is the fault of these evil ex wives, gf, lovers...and not his fault??? He's perfectly innocent??

I will grant you a few times these men have been set up, and that sucks...but all the time?

I am an ex, and I am not evil...I will protect my kids from stupidity until the day I stop breathing...if I am blamed for that, so be it!

Just sayin....

vera31 · #2 02-05-2011, 12:45 AM

Many times I have wondered this very thing! I run from men who blame everything on women. Sometimes, I think the ex is truly at fault and horrible! But other times, the new woman is so glad to have a man that she will blindly believe anything he tells her. Or maybe the ex IS bitchy, but that may be partially a result of dealing with him for years. I think if the ex is truly out of her mind and horrible, wouldn't he have noticed that in the beginning before getting involved with her???

JHavokStar · #3 02-05-2011, 01:40 AM

My bf is in jail/headed to prison and a RSO because his 15 year old girlfriend wrote in her diary that they had slept together, when her mother read it it was after his 18th birthday so everyone assumed that they were still having sex - although he claims they weren't after he was 18, but that they had twice when he was 17. Either way - does he blame his ex for where he is? Do I blame the ex for where he is? Yes, of course - she should have stated that they didn't have sex after he had turned 18 but at the same time... both of us also know that he's to blame as well - he knew that sleeping with a 15 year old while he was 17 could still come back and haunt him after he turned 18 - although he didn't know that at you can still be charged with sexual assault of a child when you're under 18, he knew the risks when he became a legal adult. He takes responsibility for the probation violations, but when it comes down to his original sentence, he does have some dislike towards the ex because of what she wrote, when she wrote it and the fact that she didn't bother to tell police or social services that they never slept together after his birthday - she just kept quiet and let him take the fall - I'm also an ex of a man who's been in and out of jail SEVERAL times in fact he's been in jail more in the last 6 years than he has been out - he blames me for everything - be blames me for his bid when he was arrested for beating the **** outta me, he blames me for his bid when he broke my restraining order 5 different times, he blames me for turning him in when he called me and threatened to kill me... etc, etc, what it boils down to is people taking responsibility for their own actions - most of the time (in my ex husband's case) it is all the man's fault, afterall, I didn't ask him to beat me or ask for him to violate my RO... in my bfs case, its both their fault, he should have known better, and she should have spoken up - it might not have made a difference in the outcome, but not speaking up with the truth is just as bad as lying in my book.

BlueEyedEllie · #4 02-05-2011, 06:04 AM

JMO,a man who blames everything on his ex i feel that's a red flag.Esp if she has children by him.I think he should respect her as the mother of his kids,and keep his negative feelings to himself.esp if he is in prison.he may claim she's,a,b or c,but at the very least she's out here raising HIS kids ALONE due to his selfish actions so he should at least give her props for that.And also HE picked her so if she is so god awful what does that say about his taste in women??!!

I also think it's a red flag because it then is obvious he's learned NOTHING from his previous relationship.I don't care what anyone says,when a relationship breaks down each party did things wrong(unless one party has been beaten,etc),and if he can't take ownership for HIS part then he's bound to repeat the same actions again in the next relationship and the one after that....Also the way he talks about his ex(es)is the way he may speak about you some day.

LoveBuggy · #5 02-05-2011, 06:42 AM

Do I blame her for him being locked up? No. Do I like her or want to be BFF's with her? No. I think the reason why a majority don't like the Ex is because women can be very spiteful when the see their former partner with someone else. Most of the time they don't want them but they don't want anyone else with them. My sister is a prime example. She left my bil that was an abusive addict that she no longer wanted. Still made it hard on the next GF. Why? I don't know but it was disgusting to watch.

As far as seeing all the posts about women blaming the Ex for everything. I think that 9 times out of 10 it's playing the blame game and the man should take responsibility for his actions. Pretty hard to believe some of the stories about the evil ex. Although I have one of my own lol.

lil peep · #6 02-05-2011, 06:48 AM

Do I blame his ex for everything? No. I don't like the things she did to him, but at the same time he made the decisions he did. I dislike her without having met her. Is that fair? Probably not, but I love my guy and she hurt him really badly so it's hard for me to be unbiased

angeldoll · #7 02-05-2011, 06:52 AM

hehe im one of the ones that actually do blame her for everything cause she was the one who legit caused him to be in jail. its a long long story as to why shes so jealous and vindictive. shes done everything she can to split us apart and we're still together. i seriously just hate her, but when she did come around she was the one who was always and a*hole to me and i always tried to be nice, until she did what she did to my man. think it depends on the situation. my fiance absolutely despises her and wishes her to hell lol

Danielle88 · #8 02-05-2011, 07:05 AM

Well, she really doesnt have to much to do with him being in prison but I see what your saying. HE doesnt blame her for everything, some stuff tho. Like she refused to let him see him family, they all know thats her fault. But some of his other behavior she encouraged but in the end he made the disicion to obey her so they both have equal shares.
As far as blaming anyone? I dont BLAME her for anything, but I acknowledge the fact that she's a horrible mother and alot of the shyt she pulls bogles my mind. Sorry but some women really are that f**king crazy and she fits the bill. I can only hope that one day we get our lives together and provide a stable home for the kids.

Danielle88 · #9 02-05-2011, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angeldoll

hehe im one of the ones that actually do blame her for everything cause she was the one who legit caused him to be in jail. its a long long story as to why shes so jealous and vindictive. shes done everything she can to split us apart and we're still together. i seriously just hate her, but when she did come around she was the one who was always and a*hole to me and i always tried to be nice, until she did what she did to my man. think it depends on the situation. my fiance absolutely despises her and wishes her to hell lol

Ha ha, mines too dude! Shes a nut job and I dispise her and so does he.

june5 · #10 02-05-2011, 07:15 AM

Some people I'm sure are using the ex as a scapegoat, and some no doubt are legitimate. To me, it is not my situation...he doesn't have any ex's that have any bearing on my life or his, thank god.

Personally I will either post sorry you are dealing with this or leave it alone especially if the person is not *asking* do you think the ex is at fault...if someone is venting who is to decide if it is legitimate or not.

angeldoll · #11 02-05-2011, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danielle88

Ha ha, mines too dude! Shes a nut job and I dispise her and so does he.

haha omg girl, right my fiance's ex is legit insane!! i seen someone say didnt he know when he got into a relationship with her, he didnt at first but knew she wasnt good enough for him and then all her crazy came out lol. some girls hide their crazy until a good moment and then after the relationship ends it shines some more haha. he was always like "why r u being nice" when she came around and its just hard for me to be mean to neone, but nows a dif story. i never seen so much crazy before lol

thugwife · #12 02-05-2011, 08:10 AM

My man didnt have a ex, he was a puppy of 17 years old when I got with him, and fresh out of a juvenile jail. Any choices my man made was of his own choice.

angelwitnowings · #13 02-05-2011, 10:14 AM

I think every situation is different!!! In my husbands case it is the ex's fault that he sits in jail today!!! So to be honest you have to know everyones story and situation and then be the judge.

SGV girl · #14 02-05-2011, 10:16 AM

Wow, some interesting perspectives, thanks ladies

I appreciate your input!

kerrinneil1119 · #15 02-05-2011, 10:19 AM

Well I will say this...years ago I probably would have found a way to blame his ex's for everything, but the truth is I thank them now. The way they were and the types of people they were are the reason that we are together. If they had been angels he would probably still be with them!!! So no I dont blame them for a thing...now my ex's can I blame them for a few things YES...let me just say I love getting 7 dollars a week in child support!!!

Peach&Cream · #16 02-05-2011, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thugwife

My man didnt have a ex, he was a puppy of 17 years old when I got with him, and fresh out of a juvenile jail. Any choices my man made was of his own choice.

i feel ya.

i met mine right after he was charged as an adult at the age of 15 and went off to CYA.

im the ex (the only ex so far) and although the reason he's in jail has nothing to do with me - i sure am guilty of playing games with him ~ i felt like he deserved it ((we were kids for goodness sake)). today the only issue he could complain about me to any of his future gals is that i kept our daughter from seeing him for 2 years out of his 12 year term, other than that the rest is all on him!

Temeron0926 · #17 02-05-2011, 12:20 PM

I don't blame his ex for the fact he is in prison, I blame HIM. He chose to break the law, knowing as he did so that he could get caught. He knew the consequences of his behavior, yet he did it anyway. He is paying a heavy price for it too.

I DO blame the ex for not letting him see his children. The last time he saw his boys was 7 years ago. The boys were 13 and 14, and he got to see them for a whopping 30 minutes! They are now in the position of trying to rebuild a relationship since the boys are adults. No, his ex is not happy about it, but thank God, she doesn't get to choose anymore!

His youngest tells me (and has told his father on the phone) that "I will love my Dad until the day I die, I have his back" That makes me feel good because things could have turned out a lot worse then thy have.

SGV girl · #18 02-05-2011, 12:35 PM

KIRK!!!! Wassaaaaaaaaap?

So..she didn't let him see his kids for what reason? (Sorry if too personal a ? )

I know my ex didn't see our kids for 5 years because HE was locked up and/or home on dope and running around with nasty whores. Yes, nasty whores, I said it! His choice in women after we got divorced was disgusting and a damn shame - guess that's what running around with street rats does to you! My kids were not going to see him in either situation. He was told that if he was HOME and SOBER and ALONE he was more than welcome to see the boys....if he couldn't accomplish those things, that was his problem.

I wasn't going to allow him around the boys high, or with some trashy broad, and I didn't take them to see him behind glass or electric fences. I will protect my kids until the day I quit breathing, and if that makes me the bitchy ex because of choices HE made...guess I will accept that title.

Needless to say, he has cleaned up his act, and I erven compromised and took them to the prison to see him a few times, though it makes me unhappy to do that! And the kids have been in contact with him the past few years....but I have no qualms or hesitation about cutting it off again with a quickness that will make his head spin if he goes back to using and acting a fool.

I am not being vindictive or hateful, I just won't tolerate stupidity. If he had come to my house with a respectable woman and she was intelligent, and cared for my kids - and he was sober, I would have no issue with what he did. This was not the case

I don't know....I just don't like how ex's are judged for the idiot choices that the men make. When really, how we act is usually in response to his behavior. Usually.

Temeron0926 · #19 02-05-2011, 01:47 PM

So..she didn't let him see his kids for what reason?

She didn't let him see his children because she was "punishing" him for his choices. She fails to realize, even to this day, that she was punishing her children too. That is manipulation in the highest order in my mind! His children did nothing wrong, they didn't deserve to be cut off from their father. I understand that he broke the law, that he is in prison, but he is STILL their father! He never treated his children badly, he didn't deserve to have her do this to him.........and to them. His boys are a bit "put out" by thier Mom's decision to cut off their contact with their father. Once they both turned 18, they contacted him on their own and are now doing their best to make up for lost time. I am glad his boys have chosen to do so.

phoenixisrisen · #20 02-05-2011, 04:49 PM

My man's ex was his counselor in the juvenile facility he was in. HE thinks she loved him. I think she was a predator who abused her position and preyed on a juvenile with no family to look out for him.

I think I'm the one who is correct, because if she loved him, would she have literally dumped him at a bus station in the middle of winter when she got bored with him? Plus, she now tells everyone that he was "crazy" and "her biggest mistake"- but she's still picking up former patients when they get out of juvy and having "relationships" with them.

I hate that woman. She is the devil.

SGV girl · #21 02-05-2011, 09:46 PM

Ugh...I can't stand people that abuse their professional position and engage clients/inmates/patients in relationships that they are not ready for and are unhealthy. People like that should never be allowed to work in these professions.

Sickens me.