Couple of things...Methadone & Visits

[Misssy2]

Methadone withdrawals...my son has detoxed completely off Methadone in prison. He said from his last dose....it was 2-4 days that he was uncomfortable..couldn't sleep, his teeth are starting to hurt now (the Methadone was masking cavity pain. He said he couldn't believe all the stories of how it takes months to detox from Methadone. He was on it for 2-3 years. And he is doing well without it. I'm sure it is a psychological adjustment and he is a bit snappy right now...but otherwise, looks healthy and is not complaining of the horrible withdrawals, that I have read about for the last year.

My visits to the prison...I am going to stop them until I feel in my heart like visiting. I went tonight and last time...a little over a week ago...both times, I left feeling disheartened. He came down tonight (not following the rules had something in his pocket which he showed to the guards...3 of them were all over him, took him in a back room and I didn't think he was going to visit with us). It was a medical slip for his tooth, he forgot to leave it in his cell. Then he was telling me about some kid he wants to fight upstairs. If he does..he will lose 21 days good time. He started telling me how he HAS to defend himself and he can't turn the other cheek. Which tells me he isn't learning too much and tells me that if he does go into segregation for fighting that I SHOULD NOT feel bad for him. This is all being premeditated and I told him that. He doesn't like anything I say....and he is snappy...but nice to his Dad. I am a TRIGGER for him. I can totally see that...and he triggers sad feelings in me. The last couple of times I have left SAD. I am going to stay away for a while and just send him letters telling him what is going on around here....stay away from the lecturing...etc. I did order him books, but I'm not sending them. I see very clearly that RIGHT NOW...the only use he has for me is for the money. I did get a very warm hug when I went in....I am his Mom....he loves me I know that but it seems that we are not good for each other in this prison setting. I didn't tell him that I won't be going. But, I don't think I will be missed as much as I will miss seeing him WELL (without drugs in his system). But he is in jail. I'm going to rest until he comes out, because I don't have a good sense yet as to where his head is at...and in case there is more trouble coming...I'm going to distance my self a little bit more....right now.
I have a secret hope that he will miss me.....I have a fantasy that he is going to wake up someday and realize that he wants to be a better all around person....I hope if any of my fantasies come true...that one does. Hope everyone is coping....enjoying life...I'm doing my best!