Damaged By His Cheating, But Can't Seem To Move On

[Peach&Cream]

I was cheated on more than once by my ex ((found that out years after not being with him)), I knew of one gal, found out about her while i was pregnant ((screwed me up, I nearly killed myself)) we were teens when this happened, but still it did a number on me. 15 years later and i still need a band-aide over my damaged heart...

I thought the best way to get over him would be to get under or on top of someones else... that served as a temporary fix, so then I tried college, building myself into a woman and letting go of the childish past, i had a blast and learned a lot, but still in so much pain over it - knowing he was getting out soon I went as far as marrying someone for the wrong reasons. Nothing can fix me, nothing can mend that crack in my heart.

I tried to forgive and let go - 15 years later and we're back together, but damn it there is so much is missing ((well dauhh, he just got out of prison and served over a decade)) - sometimes i feel crazy for putting myself through this. I feel like history and our child keep us together ((ok and great sex)) - trust and communication are missing, arent those like the major tools to a healthy relationship? I'm going nuts - im damned if i walk away and im damned if i stay.