Speechless!.... How do I cope ?

[SexyChef1]

I talked to my friend on the row who I've known since 7th grade over 30yrs We started writing a few months back and he phone as we were talking he said "well you don't have to be afraid to talk about where I am and what may happen., you have a 4-5 year window and either I will be a free man or dead". I choked up and he said don't be sad please. I just don't knpw how - will handle that. And I can't imagine abandoning him as so many other woman have. He doesn't deserve that. I'm scared to love him! This aint easy!

[RainyCola]

it's not easy at all. but take solace in the fact that you're there for him now when he needs it the most and you're helping him in more ways than you can ever possibly understand. it's crazy how they end up helping you through it all. you'll find a strength in you that you never knew existed during this journey. and we're all here to help you get through it.

[BLoved]

Originally Posted by SexyChef1

I talked to my friend on the row who I've known since 7th grade over 30yrs We started writing a few months back and he phone as we were talking he said "well you don't have to be afraid to talk about where I am and what may happen., you have a 4-5 year window and either I will be a free man or dead". I choked up and he said don't be sad please. I just don't knpw how - will handle that. And I can't imagine abandoning him as so many other woman have. He doesn't deserve that. I'm scared to love him! This aint easy!

One day at a time; that is how you do it...
For some couples it works to shun the topic of a possible execution, others need to keep it real and do talk about it. Find your own way in this. Always keep the communication flowing as much as you can.
Be careful not to judge those that did leave him, as we never know the full why of their choice till we walked in their shoes. It is a very very rocky path to go (and that is an understatement!) but one step at a time it can be done.

[Niki]

Loving or caring for someone on the row isn't always easy. Each inmate and each friend must find their own best method of coping with the reality of the situation. I have some dear friends on the row who will talk openly about their fears and feelings and others who prefer to avoid that subject entirely. It hurts them when a person walks out of their lives suddenly without warning but it has happened to just about all of them. Some people start out with good intentions but discover that this road we travel with them isn't for the weak at heart.

Being open with your friend, expressing your own fears and concerns, is the best way to maintain a good friendship. They are human too and their matter of fact attitude about the real possibility of being executed is one of the ways they are able to cope. No, it's not easy, but most things worth doing in life come with a downside. I wouldn't trade my friendships with DR inmates for anything. It hurts like hell when we lose them but we have each other to lean on during those really tough times. You will find a lot of strength amongst the members here in this forum and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in saying that the benefits of loving someone on the row far outweigh the risks.

[lisainengland]

All you can do is offer him your support and friendship. I have talked to my pals about what could happen to them one day and one of them simply said if he hadnt learnt to accept it he would have gone mad thinking about it.
I also lost one of my pals in January this year, it hurt very badly to realise he had gone but I have a lot of happy memories of our friendship

[susanj58]

Niki, Thank You so much for the advice ive just read from you, as im just so new to all of this i want to try my hardest to start my friendship in the right way possible, and your words have really helped me in knowing how to get to know him better in a way that sound sensible and compassionate.

[SexyChef1]

Thanks to all! I will take it one day at a time we chatted today and we were back to ourselves.

[ciudadana06]

Until the end, life is wonderful: every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Just give Love. Love makes life full. So, just celebrate the miracle of life with your heart and your soul with him.

On love power, I will share with you a french poem on death penalty and the feeling of the convicted:

They're breaking the world
With a hammer blow
I don't give a dam
I don't give a dam
There is still enough for me
There is still enough
Since I still can love
A blue feather
A sandy track
Since I still can love
A scary bird
A thin blade of grass
A dewdrop
A wooden cricket
They can break the world
Into small pieces
There is still enough for me
There is still enough
I'll still have a breath of air
And a tiny thread of life
A bit of light in my eye
And the wind in the nettles
And even, even,
If they throw me into jail
There is still enough for me

There is still enough
Since I still can love
This corroded rock
And these iron hooks
Still covered with blood
I love it, I love it
The frayed board of my bed
And the straw mattress
The dust of the sun

I love the judas that opens
The men who have come in
Who come closer, who take me
To find back the life of the world
I love both of these long rungs
And this triangular knife
These men dressed in black
It's my saint's and I am proud
I love it
I love it
This basket filled with bran
Where I'm going to lay my head
Ho, I truly love it It's enough for me to love...
- Boris Vian