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Mrs.Robinson06 · #1 11-17-2011, 10:25 PM

So lately I been feeling down I try not to let my son see me cry cuz he gets upset but sometimes I can't help it. I thought I could handle this but I'm starting to feel as if I have to let go. I been with my man 5 yrs 3yrs out those 5 he cheated on me & I still stayed. Now he got sentenced 30 yrs we are bearly 4 months in to that sentence. Well the girl he cheated with claims the baby she had is his but her dates just don't add up. I'm also pregnant with our 2nd baby. He says he doesn't write her at all but I know that's BS one of his family members posted on Facebook to ol girl that my man missed her and loved her but yet says he has nothing to do with her. Mind you we been through this before I can't trust him & he knows it. He makes it so hard for me to believe anything he says. I don't stress over any of this cuz we been down this road before but I'm starting to think I should leave him for good. In all the letters he says he needs me to stay by his side that he loves me & can't wait to come home to me & the kids. I don't send him money his visits start next month so I know he isn't with me cuz of that cuz really I haven't sent him money or anything. Ugh I just have so much anger towards him for everything he has put me through yet I still love him so much. I just think I need to let him go & focus on me & my baby's.

HesMyForever · #2 11-18-2011, 06:56 AM

Honestly...I think you're right. For him to have cheated on you for three years, imo, that shows a GREAT deal of disrespect toward you and your relationship. You deserve someone that will treat you better than that. As for him writing ol' girl...he's already proven himself untrustworthy many times before, so yeah, I would agree with you that he is probably writing to her. Do you want your little ones to learn this is how a relationship is supposed to be? If you have a daughter...do you want her to grow up thinking that her husband should cheat on her and disrespect her like that? Do you want your son to grow up believing that it's okay for a man to treat his wife disrespectfully? They learn from what they see in their lives. I'm sure you'd want better than that for them....and you should want better for yourself as well.

chosenmemories · #3 11-18-2011, 08:48 AM

One of the most important things you need for a healthy and satisfying relationship is trust. It would seem he has with good reason lost your trust and would have to work very hard to regain it. You certainly don't want to go through the next 30 years stressing over whether or not he is being faithful and carrying around all of that hurt and anger with regards to the way he has treated you in the past and is probably still doing so from the sound of it. It is important that you take care of yourself, your health both mental and physical so that you can enjoy life and be the best mother you can be for your children. You cannot do this if you are constantly worrying about whether or not this man is being faithful and honest with you. I'm not saying you should cut him completely out of your life, but if he is sincere about wanting to be with you than make him do the work necessary to be a better man for you. He needs to regain your trust and that is a long hard road but if he is truly committed to you he will do it. If he is not willing to give you 100% of his time, effort, respect and love than you need to go on and let him go.

Tina · #4 11-18-2011, 10:15 AM

I think you deserve better.

Beachhouse · #5 11-18-2011, 11:20 AM

Without trust and honesty I wouldn't do this. Especially not for as long as my guy has.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #6 11-18-2011, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

Honestly...I think you're right. For him to have cheated on you for three years, imo, that shows a GREAT deal of disrespect toward you and your relationship. You deserve someone that will treat you better than that. As for him writing ol' girl...he's already proven himself untrustworthy many times before, so yeah, I would agree with you that he is probably writing to her. Do you want your little ones to learn this is how a relationship is supposed to be? If you have a daughter...do you want her to grow up thinking that her husband should cheat on her and disrespect her like that? Do you want your son to grow up believing that it's okay for a man to treat his wife disrespectfully? They learn from what they see in their lives. I'm sure you'd want better than that for them....and you should want better for yourself as well.

That's what I tell him I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that's what a relationship is suppose to be like to be honest I feel like I have fought hard enough to stay with him & I just have nothing left in me. He has broken me down physically emotionally mentally verbally in every way & I would hate to see my kids go through anything like that. Everytime I say I'm leaving him he begs me says he needs me & he does what he can to get me to stay.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #7 11-18-2011, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chosenmemories

One of the most important things you need for a healthy and satisfying relationship is trust. It would seem he has with good reason lost your trust and would have to work very hard to regain it. You certainly don't want to go through the next 30 years stressing over whether or not he is being faithful and carrying around all of that hurt and anger with regards to the way he has treated you in the past and is probably still doing so from the sound of it. It is important that you take care of yourself, your health both mental and physical so that you can enjoy life and be the best mother you can be for your children. You cannot do this if you are constantly worrying about whether or not this man is being faithful and honest with you. I'm not saying you should cut him completely out of your life, but if he is sincere about wanting to be with you than make him do the work necessary to be a better man for you. He needs to regain your trust and that is a long hard road but if he is truly committed to you he will do it. If he is not willing to give you 100% of his time, effort, respect and love than you need to go on and let him go.

In a way I don't want to cut him off completely cuz of the kids & I have gave him plenty chances & always lets me down

Mrs.Robinson06 · #8 11-18-2011, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Duncan

I think you deserve better.

Thank you

Sully1215 · #9 11-22-2011, 07:40 PM

You have little people counting on u. They r gonna need u at your A game mentally,emotionally and spiritually and having any bad feelings towards their dad may come out in ur daily dealings you don't need that baggage. You have to focus on u and them and he may come around once he has really sat and reflected on his life. But for the time being, u have to do for u and them. The saying goes "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be." If he doesn't come back (meaning get his act together) it's his lose but it opens things up for Mr. Right.

InmateLover67 · #10 11-22-2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.Robinson06

So lately I been feeling down I try not to let my son see me cry cuz he gets upset but sometimes I can't help it. I thought I could handle this but I'm starting to feel as if I have to let go. I been with my man 5 yrs 3yrs out those 5 he cheated on me & I still stayed. Now he got sentenced 30 yrs we are bearly 4 months in to that sentence. Well the girl he cheated with claims the baby she had is his but her dates just don't add up. I'm also pregnant with our 2nd baby. He says he doesn't write her at all but I know that's BS one of his family members posted on Facebook to ol girl that my man missed her and loved her but yet says he has nothing to do with her. Mind you we been through this before I can't trust him & he knows it. He makes it so hard for me to believe anything he says. I don't stress over any of this cuz we been down this road before but I'm starting to think I should leave him for good. In all the letters he says he needs me to stay by his side that he loves me & can't wait to come home to me & the kids. I don't send him money his visits start next month so I know he isn't with me cuz of that cuz really I haven't sent him money or anything. Ugh I just have so much anger towards him for everything he has put me through yet I still love him so much. I just think I need to let him go & focus on me & my baby's.

I say gain some self respect! You deserve better than this. When kids are involved it makes things difficult, but I would not want my kids growing up in an environment that resembles the one you are living in now. They do not deserve that. You need to think about yourself and your children. If you do not trust him, why do you stay with him? What is it that you feel as though you should stay and suffer? if your heart is telling you to move on, then take the necessary steps to free yourself of this unhealthy relationship.

I hope it all works out for you!

Peace~

Mrs.Robinson06 · #11 11-23-2011, 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sully1215

You have little people counting on u. They r gonna need u at your A game mentally,emotionally and spiritually and having any bad feelings towards their dad may come out in ur daily dealings you don't need that baggage. You have to focus on u and them and he may come around once he has really sat and reflected on his life. But for the time being, u have to do for u and them. The saying goes "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be." If he doesn't come back (meaning get his act together) it's his lose but it opens things up for Mr. Right.

Thank you & its alot more going on but I just feel like I can't do this with him anymore I have done it too long even though we have kids together I feel as if he is the only one that can keep himself from them I'm not the type of woman to use my kids against him nor push them on him cuz at the end of the day I'm the one that's there with them. I'm just tired of trying & I would hate for my kids to think how/what their dad treats me like is ok.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #12 11-23-2011, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

I say gain some self respect! You deserve better than this. When kids are involved it makes things difficult, but I would not want my kids growing up in an environment that resembles the one you are living in now. They do not deserve that. You need to think about yourself and your children. If you do not trust him, why do you stay with him? What is it that you feel as though you should stay and suffer? if your heart is telling you to move on, then take the necessary steps to free yourself of this unhealthy relationship.

I hope it all works out for you!

Peace~

It is very difficult when kids are involved. & I don't want my kids around this environment but at the same time he is their dad. My heart is telling me to stay but also telling me to leave. I do love him & I hate that he is in the situation he is in & feel like if I were to leave him now he would hurt himself cuz he has tried the first time he was in jail & I left him. It's so much easier said then done.

nimuay · #13 11-23-2011, 04:54 AM

He's their dad, huh? What's a dad? It's the guy who plays with them in the evening when he comes home from work, who goes to that job every day to make the money to keep them going, who arranges his life to shelter his family. He's NOT a dad, he's a donor.

Kimi06 · #14 11-23-2011, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

He's their dad, huh? What's a dad? It's the guy who plays with them in the evening when he comes home from work, who goes to that job every day to make the money to keep them going, who arranges his life to shelter his family. He's NOT a dad, he's a donor.

EXACTLY! SO SOO TRUE!

To the above poster don't make that as an
excuse for you not to move forward and do
better. Because he is the father doesn't mean
be a doormat to his BS. My oldest son who is
now 22yrs old father was left in the dark a LONNNNNNG
Time ago. Praise GOD he was, or I wouldn't have
the hubby for 12yrs together now. Who
has also been my 22yr olds father. Also think
about what you are showing your babies?? Continue
being a shinning light for your kids. They always come
before ANY MAN. I don't care if it is the father. if he
is treating you like crap he doesn't get that title in my book.

Blessings to you and yours
KImi06

babygirl270 · #15 11-23-2011, 11:34 AM

[quote=Mrs.Robinson06;6452790]So lately I been feeling down I try not to let my son see me cry cuz he gets upset but sometimes I can't help it. I thought I could handle this but I'm starting to feel as if I have to let go. I been with my man 5 yrs 3yrs out those 5 he cheated on me

FastCarGirl · #16 11-23-2011, 12:20 PM

30 years is a long time. It's a lifetime. Your kids, will be adults, possibly with kids of their own by the time he is out. You are going to grow and change as a person over the next 30 years. So will he....for better or worse. You may grow together or further apart. And you may love him now...but wonder what you ever saw in him when you find someone who is there, who isn't doing you dirty or breaking the law and treats you and your kids right.

You can choose to let him be part of your kids life, or you can file for abandonment and get his parental rights terminated. He's not "there" for his kids. He's not paying child support, he's not helping to raise them. They will be adults before he gets out. He's a father by biology, not reality.

You are the standard by which your children are going to guage relationships. If it's OK to be cheated on, they will see that. If it's OK to be emotionally abused, they will see that and think it's "normal". You have the choice to take contol of your life and where you want it to go. Maybe it's with him...maybe not. Only you can decide that. But with the current trust issues you have with him, based on his past and current actions...I know I couldn't do it. Not with someone I don't trust 100%.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #17 11-23-2011, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

He's their dad, huh? What's a dad? It's the guy who plays with them in the evening when he comes home from work, who goes to that job every day to make the money to keep them going, who arranges his life to shelter his family. He's NOT a dad, he's a donor.

Regardless of how he is with me their still his kids to. But I agree with what you said 100%. Its very true that is the definition of a dad/father.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #18 11-23-2011, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimi06

EXACTLY! SO SOO TRUE!

To the above poster don't make that as an
excuse for you not to move forward and do
better. Because he is the father doesn't mean
be a doormat to his BS. My oldest son who is
now 22yrs old father was left in the dark a LONNNNNNG
Time ago. Praise GOD he was, or I wouldn't have
the hubby for 12yrs together now. Who
has also been my 22yr olds father. Also think
about what you are showing your babies?? Continue
being a shinning light for your kids. They always come
before ANY MAN. I don't care if it is the father. if he
is treating you like crap he doesn't get that title in my book.

Blessings to you and yours
KImi06

No like I said before in my other response to other posts I don't want my kids to think that's what a relationship should be like I have a son which I would hate for him to treat his wife/girlfriend like that, I have a daughter who I would hate for her to let a man treat her like that & my kids come b4 ANYBODY including him.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #19 11-23-2011, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FastCarGirl

30 years is a long time. It's a lifetime. Your kids, will be adults, possibly with kids of their own by the time he is out. You are going to grow and change as a person over the next 30 years. So will he....for better or worse. You may grow together or further apart. And you may love him now...but wonder what you ever saw in him when you find someone who is there, who isn't doing you dirty or breaking the law and treats you and your kids right.

You can choose to let him be part of your kids life, or you can file for abandonment and get his parental rights terminated. He's not "there" for his kids. He's not paying child support, he's not helping to raise them. They will be adults before he gets out. He's a father by biology, not reality.

You are the standard by which your children are going to guage relationships. If it's OK to be cheated on, they will see that. If it's OK to be emotionally abused, they will see that and think it's "normal". You have the choice to take contol of your life and where you want it to go. Maybe it's with him...maybe not. Only you can decide that. But with the current trust issues you have with him, based on his past and current actions...I know I couldn't do it. Not with someone I don't trust 100%.

Yeah 30 yrs is a long time & like I told him if its meant for us to be together than we will be but he has to change that's why I'm pulling myself back

kccss16 · #20 11-23-2011, 03:51 PM

Let him go. I've been there. Ur kids are counting on u. U deserve better.. Love him from a far and the experince u had in which it will make u a better woman. Stay strong n focus. Move on.

Mrs.Robinson06 · #21 11-23-2011, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kccss16

Let him go. I've been there. Ur kids are counting on u. U deserve better.. Love him from a far and the experince u had in which it will make u a better woman. Stay strong n focus. Move on.

Thank you I am cuz I don't want to go through it anymore & my kids mean so much more to me than anything/anyone. I gotta take care of myself in order to take care of them.