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Tina Bee · #1 11-23-2011, 10:29 PM

Today I got ready to go see my husband. I had an ominous feeling, but since it's the day before Thanksgiving and I haven't had the chance to see him yet I made the trip.

Got there at 3pm and they made a visit for 7:45pm. My husband is on a psych hold/watch in general population so when we have visits no one else who isn't on a hold can have a visit. I got back to the jail at 7pm and sat down. Waited, they called us to go up at 7:35pm, got up there and other people were visiting with me on the same floor. I knew I was in trouble. I was able to tell them his name and was quickly told to go back downstairs.

Long story short someone made a mistake and too bad for me no visit today, but my consolation prize is 3 visits next week. I almost started to bawl right then and there, but I held up until I got outside. I haven't seen my husband in one week. No phone calls or letters. He had court monday and I have no idea how that went. The public defender wouldn't call me back if I tried.

It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle. This is why I told him to stay out, but he wouldn't listen. I think for my own protection I need to remove myself from the situation and no more visits because those officers just love to mess around. I know what happened tonight wasn't my husband's fault completely, but it's too much. I think someone said "oh it's Thanksgiving why does this person get a special visit?" and just bumped me off. I don't think I can use the 3 visits next week because I'll be working and there will be no time to go up there make the appointment, go to work, then go back up to the jail. Hence my frustration.

I had a post on here asking if I should divorce my husband. I resolved that situation and made up my mind to support him with visits until he's sentenced and then when he's done I'll dissolve the marriage if he absolutely refuses medication on the outside. I don't need advice on that issue I just want to clear that up.

I'm not a holiday person at all. I wasn't raised in a family that celebrated anything. I just know he's into it and wanted him to know someone cares. I've been emailing him everyday, but who knows if he's been getting them. Just frustrated and tired. Thanks for reading.

Success508 · #2 11-23-2011, 10:34 PM

My advice? Don't give up...yet. What happened today sounds like the system trying to break you, dont give them the satisfaction. If you had already decided to see him one more time and find out what happened at court, at least do that, don't punish him for the jails f-up. Just my opinion.

seans#1lady · #3 11-23-2011, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina Bee

Today I got ready to go see my husband. I had an ominous feeling, but since it's the day before Thanksgiving and I haven't had the chance to see him yet I made the trip.

Got there at 3pm and they made a visit for 7:45pm. My husband is on a psych hold/watch in general population so when we have visits no one else who isn't on a hold can have a visit. I got back to the jail at 7pm and sat down. Waited, they called us to go up at 7:35pm, got up there and other people were visiting with me on the same floor. I knew I was in trouble. I was able to tell them his name and was quickly told to go back downstairs.

Long story short someone made a mistake and too bad for me no visit today, but my consolation prize is 3 visits next week. I almost started to bawl right then and there, but I held up until I got outside. I haven't seen my husband in one week. No phone calls or letters. He had court monday and I have no idea how that went. The public defender wouldn't call me back if I tried.

It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle. This is why I told him to stay out, but he wouldn't listen. I think for my own protection I need to remove myself from the situation and no more visits because those officers just love to mess around. I know what happened tonight wasn't my husband's fault completely, but it's too much. I think someone said "oh it's Thanksgiving why does this person get a special visit?" and just bumped me off. I don't think I can use the 3 visits next week because I'll be working and there will be no time to go up there make the appointment, go to work, then go back up to the jail. Hence my frustration.

I had a post on here asking if I should divorce my husband. I resolved that situation and made up my mind to support him with visits until he's sentenced and then when he's done I'll dissolve the marriage if he absolutely refuses medication on the outside. I don't need advice on that issue I just want to clear that up.

I'm not a holiday person at all. I wasn't raised in a family that celebrated anything. I just know he's into it gand wanted him to know
someone cares. I've been emailing him everyday, but who knows if he's been getting them. Just frustrated and tired. Thanks for reading.

My huband has been gone since May and i dont have the option to visit due to my own criminal history. So I Rely on the phone calls and letters which is the choice I've made. My advice to you is if you love him, take every opportunity to visit, talk and write. Even if it feels like you're fighting a losing battle.

Tina Bee · #4 11-23-2011, 10:48 PM

I'll try to hold on, but this is difficult. I'm worried about him because of his psych hold. What if he's seriously acting out? Wouldn't a visit calm him down? This is too much. Just because it's a holiday doesn't mean they need to act so mean. Just give me the visit. Not everyone celebrates anyways.

Tina Bee · #5 11-23-2011, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seans#1lady

My huband has been gone since May and i dont have the option to visit due to my own criminal history. So I Rely on the phone calls and letters which is the choice I've made. My advice to you is if you love him, take every opportunity to visit, talk and write. Even if it feels like you're fighting a losing battle.

This might push me into phone calls, but he hasn't even called me since saturday. I'm kinda freaking out here and tonight's debacle just made my anxiety worse. I have some anti-anxiety meds I'm going to need to take now.

I'll try to keep going on, but from now on I have to trust my intuition.

countryzgirl · #6 11-23-2011, 11:02 PM

I'm sorry, Hon. I've followed your other posts, so I'm familiar with what's going on. Given the choices he's making, you're in an impossible situation. I know you've given this a lot of deep consideration and that you take your marriage seriously. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Tina Bee · #7 11-24-2011, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

I'm sorry, Hon. I've followed your other posts, so I'm familiar with what's going on. Given the choices he's making, you're in an impossible situation. I know you've given this a lot of deep consideration and that you take your marriage seriously. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Thank you. I'm not sure what to think about tonight fiasco, but I have to see him. If he's not well which they say he are then someone from the outside who's a family member needs to see about him.

This just seems to be a big game for these officers. Must be nice having power like that over someones life. Sad thing is had this all happened last year during his first bid I probably would've passed out on the floor from an anxiety and panic attack. Sounds dramatic, but that's how I react. I've learned to calm myself down. So I just walked out thank goodness.

countryzgirl · #8 11-24-2011, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina Bee

Thank you. I'm not sure what to think about tonight fiasco, but I have to see him. If he's not well which they say he are then someone from the outside who's a family member needs to see about him.

This just seems to be a big game for these officers. Must be nice having power like that over someones life. Sad thing is had this all happened last year during his first bid I probably would've passed out on the floor from an anxiety and panic attack. Sounds dramatic, but that's how I react. I've learned to calm myself down. So I just walked out thank goodness.

I don't think the C/O's are necessrily playing games with you. Most of them are just grossly indifferent to the inmates and their families, hate their jobs and drunk with arrogance. You're right --if he's not well, someone needs to see about him. I hope he's OK. I'm glad you're handling things better this time. You sure are dealing with a lot. Hang in there.

FastCarGirl · #9 11-24-2011, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina Bee

I'll try to hold on, but this is difficult. I'm worried about him because of his psych hold. What if he's seriously acting out? Wouldn't a visit calm him down? This is too much. Just because it's a holiday doesn't mean they need to act so mean. Just give me the visit. Not everyone celebrates anyways.

If he's seriously acting out, he wouldn't be allowed out of his cell. It'd be a security risk. It'd also be sending him the wrong message...that it's OK to act out, one gets rewarded by getting a visit that way. It also may or may not calm him down, depending on how the visit went. It's tough and it really sucks that you are being jerked around. Your best bet is to call his case manager or the director of mental health there, have him sign a release and talk to his treatment provider. You're more likely to get better info that way.

Tina Bee · #10 11-24-2011, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

I don't think the C/O's are necessrily playing games with you. Most of them are just grossly indifferent to the inmates and their families, hate their jobs and drunk with arrogance. You're right --if he's not well, someone needs to see about him. I hope he's OK. I'm glad you're handling things better this time. You sure are dealing with a lot. Hang in there.

The same officers who ride around on the streets are in the ones who run the jail too. I'm not sure if they're exactly COs, but probably go through special training to double as regular officers on beat patrol and COs. I really don't know specifics.

There's the one officer who has taken a liking to talking to me like I'm a moron when all I do is hand him my slip, ID, and no chit chat. I'm not that sociable in the waiting to visit area because this whole thing depresses me. Everytime they pull up my husband's name he's trying to slowly explain the hold to me like I haven't heard it before. Anyways they probably are indifferent. I would be too.

Tina Bee · #11 11-24-2011, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FastCarGirl

If he's seriously acting out, he wouldn't be allowed out of his cell. It'd be a security risk. It'd also be sending him the wrong message...that it's OK to act out, one gets rewarded by getting a visit that way. It also may or may not calm him down, depending on how the visit went. It's tough and it really sucks that you are being jerked around. Your best bet is to call his case manager or the director of mental health there, have him sign a release and talk to his treatment provider. You're more likely to get better info that way.

I have the number to the psych coordinator. I will talk to her and ask her to have my husband sign a release if there is one. For my own sanity I need to have an idea of what is going on. Getting booted out of visits and no phone calls isn't working.

Tina Bee · #12 11-27-2011, 03:17 AM

Update: I saw him saturday night 11/26/11. He's 100% better and says they have him on all day lockdown because of his hold so he can't call. He's been getting all my emails THANK GOD! He told me what happened in court on monday and that he was present. Next courtdate is sentencing from what he says and he knows how much time he's getting. I just hope he's correct. Right now it's a wait and see type of thing, but I'm absolutely relieved that his meds are starting to kick in. Someone heard my prayers all those months and is answering them now.

Thanks ladies.