Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

letap30 · #1 12-25-2011, 02:28 PM

What his true intentions are with me. He gets out on friday and all he does is ask me about his stuff that I bought him. I told him I couldn't get it all and he doesn't seem to understand that I am dealin with my own financial issues here and I have been for a while. He keeps saying he will pay.me back but I don't even have the money to get it in the first place without puttin myself in a risky situation. What should I do?

Camsbabygrl · #2 12-25-2011, 02:36 PM

You should do what u can but make sure that ur gona be taken care of first. He should be thankful ur able to help out at all. Seems like hes looking out for only himself so u need to tell him how ur feeling and that u cant put urself in a bad spot just to buy him stuff.

letap30 · #3 12-25-2011, 02:45 PM

He knows my situation but it just seems like he is out of touch or trying to manipulate me. For the first time in my life I finally see my finances getting back on track and I feel like he could potentially screw.that up for me. I don't know how to cut my losses without hurting our relationship bc right now I feel like saying, how bout you work full time like everyone else and get your own stuff? Am I wrong for thinking this way? Anytime he ever needed anything for the past eight years he has gotten it from me. I am tired and spent honestly, I don't think I can help him anymore without hurting myself.

Camsbabygrl · #4 12-25-2011, 03:20 PM

No ur not wrong. You need to look out for urself, maybe u just need to stop doin stuff for him! He seems to be taking advantage of it!

Mrs.taylor2011 · #5 12-25-2011, 03:30 PM

he should be thankful for what you have done for him..i wouldnt stress it ,or let it get to me..because he is being ungrateful a little bit..but hey you can only do what your $$$ allow u to do..if u cant buy him all what he needs then he should be understanding

MissLexy · #6 12-25-2011, 03:42 PM

You should never make purchases that you don't feel comfortable with. He has to understand that you have to take care of your own expenses, and understand that he's going overboard making requests that may be excessive.

InmateLover67 · #7 12-25-2011, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by letap30

What his true intentions are with me. He gets out on friday and all he does is ask me about his stuff that I bought him. I told him I couldn't get it all and he doesn't seem to understand that I am dealin with my own financial issues here and I have been for a while. He keeps saying he will pay.me back but I don't even have the money to get it in the first place without puttin myself in a risky situation. What should I do?

Then tell him that! If he does not respect your having your own financial issues then he is self-centered, in my opinion.

How long have you been together? Only give what you can afford and if you cannot afford anything, then do not do it.

You have to take care of yourself FIRST! When he gets out, he can get a job and buy his own stuff. You are not his Mommy....

Hope it all works out for you

Peace~

ArabPiscesBone · #8 12-25-2011, 04:32 PM

Just tell him you can't and stick to that answer. What sense does it make to help someone else so that you need help yourself?? If he doesn't understand, you two will have much bigger problems than this once he is home.

nimuay · #9 12-25-2011, 05:21 PM

You can't save him and let yourself drown! Please, regardless of his 'expectations', do not go one inch further than you can, and in fact don't even go that far. He is NOT a necessity in your life, he is an accessory. He is not your child, he is an accessory.

Be kind, be loving, but do not be foolish enough to believe that your relationship rests on whether you are buying every last thing, because if that's what breaks it, it's not a good relationship.

crystal111 · #10 12-25-2011, 05:21 PM

If he gets out on Friday what exactly could he NEED? I agree with everyone else, don't put yourself in a bind.

nanna linda · #11 12-25-2011, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by letap30

What his true intentions are with me. He gets out on friday and all he does is ask me about his stuff that I bought him. I told him I couldn't get it all and he doesn't seem to understand that I am dealin with my own financial issues here and I have been for a while. He keeps saying he will pay.me back but I don't even have the money to get it in the first place without puttin myself in a risky situation. What should I do?

Hi

The first thing you do for yourself is look after number one which is you, and be in control of the situation of what is expected from you and what you cannot affort to do for another when you are struggling yourself, i have heard too many i will pay you back stories, and havent been paid back leaving myself short while another got what they wanted and have not cared about leaving me in the red, but that was a lesson i had to learn the hard way, if you are struggling to make ends meet and cant go beyond that then set up boundaries around you and stick to them, no one should expect you to buy them things when they know you are doing it tough yourself, to me that shows lack of respect for your situation.
You dont have to feel bad for not being able to give another what you cant give in the first place.
Stick to your guns if someone is wanting all the time from you then it should give you a pretty good picture of their true character i would be careful of this one, allow yourself to recieve only what you feel is a genuine person in your life from what you are learning about from now with this one.
Life will show us many things in many different ways about ourselves and others be aware of what your gut feelings are telling you, your gut feelings are your soul truth, the truth you cant suppress or deny if this doesnt feel right then it isnt.
Honour your truth and your feelings and live to your truth, you will find it will make a big difference in your life and will help you clear out the weeds in your life to make room for all the good things that are for your highest of good and growth.
Take care Nanna linda.

TommysGirl101 · #12 12-25-2011, 06:11 PM

I read what you wrote, and it strikes home a little as Tommy wants things when he comes home, but I think now he has realized other things take priority, like rent lol. Anyway, I think all you can do is say it how it is, when it come to making sure your ok, make sure everything can get paid. I know you want to get him everything he wants, reality sucks and he'll have to wait until is possible to get them.

I say this because so far i have made sure he has everything he wants whilst inside, books always have money on them, phones always full etc Ive missed out, i dont mind, but at times it is a real pinch... make sure you are ok and dont get in over your head in payments for things, having him home is great

then buy what you can ~ as a couple~ when the two of you can afford them

letap30 · #13 12-25-2011, 08:37 PM

I just thought he had changed into someone who is not materialistic, I put myself in serious debt bc of my past relationships, and I warned him that I couldn't carry the weight of another when we started this whole deal. Honestly the last couple months have made me question whether I want to even do this anymore, bc this is not the person I fell in love with. I am just trying to distinguish whether its just anxiety on his part or does he really think that this is not a big deal. I actually have gotten almost everything he asked for, and it has put me behind already so I had to put my foot down. I have heard too many pay you back stories in the past too so I decided I gotta keep my guard up. He knows that so I don't know why he keeps reverting back to what seems like is his before prison self.

Thanks for the advice, this has been bothering me all day. No one in my family knows the truth.about him either and that has also been bothering me a lot. The fact that I am the one lying to everyone and putting my reputation on the line for him, I realize now what a big deal it is, I guess I was blinded before bc I love him.

thank you

Klewis · #14 12-25-2011, 08:47 PM

This is a big red flag and your inner voice is screaming NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!. It sounds like he is not worried about things like if he is going to have a roof over his head because it does not sound like he is going to be under yours for to long. He is not worried about electric or gas. He does not even sound mature enough to know what any of that is. If you are having doubts then you owe yourself to act on them doubts. Why are women so afraid to come off as mean or disloyal to someone that is going to be just that to them.

MrsDB · #15 12-25-2011, 08:52 PM

Just as everyone stated dont do anything more than you can afford. He ahould be happy you got him some of the stuff on his list. Honestly the way I feel is like dis if he got clothes, food, and shelter then everything else is his Wants and since he isnt a child you dont have to provide it. You beed to put yourself first and then him and if he.cant understand that then he can get the steppin. Believe me I know it is easier said then done but when you have had enough you will find inner strenght you never knew you had!

irishcanuk · #16 12-26-2011, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by letap30

What his true intentions are with me. He gets out on friday and all he does is ask me about his stuff that I bought him. I told him I couldn't get it all and he doesn't seem to understand that I am dealin with my own financial issues here and I have been for a while. He keeps saying he will pay.me back but I don't even have the money to get it in the first place without puttin myself in a risky situation. What should I do?

Tell him just that and if he puts pressure on you or makes you feel badly then that will reveal his TRUE intentions.........if he loves you he would not put that burden on you.........don't fall for the " I will pay you back" schpeil....... take care of yourself and YOUR responsibilities, not his.

irishcanuk · #17 12-26-2011, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by letap30

What his true intentions are with me. He gets out on friday and all he does is ask me about his stuff that I bought him. I told him I couldn't get it all and he doesn't seem to understand that I am dealin with my own financial issues here and I have been for a while. He keeps saying he will pay.me back but I don't even have the money to get it in the first place without puttin myself in a risky situation. What should I do?

Tell him just that and if he puts pressure on you or makes you feel badly then that will reveal his TRUE intentions.........if he loves you he would not put that burden on you.........don't fall for the " I will pay you back" schpeil....... take care of yourself and YOUR responsibilities, not his.

TraeNBoo · #18 12-26-2011, 10:56 AM

Never be afraid to say NO

Then plead your case....if he isn't understanding then maybe he isn't the right man- but not necessarily. It's easy for them to forget about life out here, I swear sometimes they think shit is sweet because we aren't behind physical bars. But we know whats up!