Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Jays1girl89 · #51 02-23-2012, 02:06 AM

I also have a small circle of only close family and friends that know. All my family meaning my parents and some cousins that know all support our marriage his family supports it also. Most of the ppl who dont know know he is gone but not in jail I guess him being in the military they just assume hes deployed. I guess I can say that Im really bless that everyone that I know supports us!

Skye Blue · #52 02-23-2012, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystal111

Everyone I know, knows my husband in one way or another and they all knew when he got arrested, so they all know where he is now. Everyone I know supports me and my relationship with him EXCEPT my father! He seems to think because he went to prison he is the worst person in the world! I really don't understand his mind set because my father has two brothers that went to prison both for 20+ years, he was supportive of them and they are the closest family he has.. It is beyond me! We don't really talk about him anymore because we can't agree on anything when it comes to my husband..

I wonder why your father is accepting of his two brothers, but not your husband.

Skye Blue · #53 02-23-2012, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonelylover08

Curtis' Wife I definitly understand how u feel. Sometimes we think about our hubby n our feelings and dignity in situations like these, that we forget about our children thoughts and feelings when the actually find out the truth. I pray your children dont decide to google it, at least not before u get a chance to tell them yourself. God will bless u n lead u through this.

I also hope that your children don't find out on the internet. Nowadays anybody can find out so much about another person online. Kinda scary!

Skye Blue · #54 02-23-2012, 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shayahzoe

i've told them he is in philiadelphia,nj visiting family he just reunited with;( but my family is not stupid. My fiance and me we inseparable! They know he wouldnt just pick up and leave me like this. So they answer me with "wow hes been there since dec 20" n i say yea. N then change the subject ;( not easy lieing to people u love so much

~iloveuangel1/2/11~

I know exactly what you are saying. Everyone thinks my husband is out of state working, but they keep asking questions about how much longer he is going to be gone. I have no idea how to explain why he's not back yet.

Skye Blue · #55 02-23-2012, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curtis'wife

i have pelenty of time with my kids, aged5 and 3, but they do know the truth as to where he is and when they are older we can explain why... my concern is his older children 3 of which are old enough to be unsupervised on the net and only 1 of them know the truth... we tired to explain to his bm that its best if the others know but she is totally against it... we have to respect her wishes but the kids know there dad and they already question where he really is this is a guy who wouldnt miss a single weekend visit or holiday and now has missed 7 months of there lives.. kids arent stupid

Kids are very smart. How dd you explain to your children that he is prison? Have your kids gone to visit him?

Skye Blue · #56 02-23-2012, 03:12 AM

[quote=MartinezWifey;6618585]Everyone in my family knows. Everyone asks how he is but never details. the few that do I always answer them. I see no reason to lie to my family because they are very nonjudgemental (for the most part) I lied to my kids while he was in county before we knew he was going to prison. I think that kids/family/close friends will eventually find out and be very hurt they were lied to. At least the people I am close with would. I work two jobs and my home health family do not know where he is. My other job knows and are fine with it. To each their own but just be careful about close people because you never know they could be your best and biggest support and you wouldn't even know it!!! I had to get a few days off work for his court and so I had to tell them why.. Come to find out that ladies husband is in prison as well! We are best friends now with a lot in common and I wish we would have known sooner.

That's good that everyone has been so supportive. I'm very nervous about what people might say if they know that my husband is going to prison. Even though he's the exact same person that they know as soon as the word prison is said they might completely change their attitude.

Skye Blue · #57 02-23-2012, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jays1girl89

I also have a small circle of only close family and friends that know. All my family meaning my parents and some cousins that know all support our marriage his family supports it also. Most of the ppl who dont know know he is gone but not in jail I guess him being in the military they just assume hes deployed. I guess I can say that Im really bless that everyone that I know supports us!

I couldn't say that he was deployed because I live close to the largest naval base and people know which ships are actually on deployment. Trust me, I definitely thought about saying that though.

n016s · #58 02-23-2012, 12:47 PM

Only 2 people know in my life, my mom and my best friend. I wish society was more understanding of the whole corrections system in general. Even before I was personally involved in the criminal justice system with my boyfriend's situation, I knew a lot about it because I am studying it in school (how ironic eh?) If only society did not put such a huge stigma on being incarcerated or previously incarcerated I would feel like I could tell people. It's just too much to even try and explain and no one would understand why I am dealing with this, especially with our track record, but you can't help who ya love!

patience_ · #59 02-23-2012, 04:53 PM

My family and friends know hes in prison none of my co workers know hes n prison nor do i want them too... Ppl there are too nosy and gossip alot but i was wondering hes due to get released this year... Does parole contact your job? If so what do they say?

jackiestp1 · #60 02-23-2012, 08:13 PM

Only a few select people know where my Fiance is right now. We havent been told how long his sentence is, and luckily he is only in a detention center right now but its still hard. Unfortunately, we had planned to move to vegas and he went before me and now this. So I am still in Texas and being this far away from him really sucks. My family doesnt know where he is at right now, and like I said only a few of my friends know the truth. They all support me and my decision but also say that if it doesnt work out they will be here to support me and pick up the pieces. I keep telling them that they wont have to pick up the pieces and that I have known from the day I met him that he was my soul mate and I was going to be with him for the rest of my life! Now its just time to prove it to them!

GoingHomeSoon · #61 02-23-2012, 08:43 PM

Honestly, it's none of their business. For me, only my close friends and family have the right to ask questions so personal. They can ponder all they want; just no asking.
My family and close friends know where my boyfriend is. I chose not to tell my collegues because, well, it's first nature to judge. I don't want them to pity me or my situation, etc. My friends and sisters are supportive. Parents and their friends (they told the friends... not me *sigh*) aren't so supportive. Before, they were so incredibly against the relationship and me sticking by him that they lied to me and kept trying to break things off. My parents even got guys to hit on me way more than usual. (lol I don't need help with that!) Anywho lol... I'm blabbing.
Now, they just ignore my relationship. They pretend like he doesn't exist. It's bad but could be worse. I just choose not to be in contact very often anymore. It's too exhausting.

Bottom line is: Don't worry about nosey people. If you want to tell them, you will. They shouldn't be prying in on you anyways.

They should respect your privacy.

This was an awesome thread to start, so thank you

. I thought I was alone in deciding not to tell the people I work with.

Skye Blue · #62 02-23-2012, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinezWifey

Everyone in my family knows. Everyone asks how he is but never details. the few that do I always answer them. I see no reason to lie to my family because they are very nonjudgemental (for the most part) I lied to my kids while he was in county before we knew he was going to prison. I think that kids/family/close friends will eventually find out and be very hurt they were lied to. At least the people I am close with would. I work two jobs and my home health family do not know where he is. My other job knows and are fine with it. To each their own but just be careful about close people because you never know they could be your best and biggest support and you wouldn't even know it!!! I had to get a few days off work for his court and so I had to tell them why.. Come to find out that ladies husband is in prison as well! We are best friends now with a lot in common and I wish we would have known sooner.

**cheyenne**

That's good that everyone has been so supportive. I'm very nervous about what people might say if they know that my husband is going to prison. Even though he's the exact same person that they know as soon as the word prison is said they might completely change their attitude.

MartinezWifey · #63 02-24-2012, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skye Blue

That's good that everyone has been so supportive. I'm very nervous about what people might say if they know that my husband is going to prison. Even though he's the exact same person that they know as soon as the word prison is said they might completely change their attitude.

I really hope the best for you. As long as it don't mess with my job I don't care who knows. I have family members that don't support it. But they are a non-factor when it comes to that part of my life.

**cheyenne**

Skye Blue · #64 02-24-2012, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by n016s

Only 2 people know in my life, my mom and my best friend. I wish society was more understanding of the whole corrections system in general. Even before I was personally involved in the criminal justice system with my boyfriend's situation, I knew a lot about it because I am studying it in school (how ironic eh?) If only society did not put such a huge stigma on being incarcerated or previously incarcerated I would feel like I could tell people. It's just too much to even try and explain and no one would understand why I am dealing with this, especially with our track record, but you can't help who ya love!

You are so right. Most people will judge the situation without even knowing anything about it. They hear that someone is in prison and they automatically think the worst.

Skye Blue · #65 02-24-2012, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patience_

My family and friends know hes in prison none of my co workers know hes n prison nor do i want them too... Ppl there are too nosy and gossip alot but i was wondering hes due to get released this year... Does parole contact your job? If so what do they say?

I completely know what you mean about people being nosy and spreading gossip. I can't answer your question because I have no idea. You might want to post that question in another forum.

Skye Blue · #66 02-24-2012, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackiestp1

Only a few select people know where my Fiance is right now. We havent been told how long his sentence is, and luckily he is only in a detention center right now but its still hard. Unfortunately, we had planned to move to vegas and he went before me and now this. So I am still in Texas and being this far away from him really sucks. My family doesnt know where he is at right now, and like I said only a few of my friends know the truth. They all support me and my decision but also say that if it doesnt work out they will be here to support me and pick up the pieces. I keep telling them that they wont have to pick up the pieces and that I have known from the day I met him that he was my soul mate and I was going to be with him for the rest of my life! Now its just time to prove it to them!

Is a detention center the same thing as a jail?

Skye Blue · #67 02-24-2012, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingHomeSoon

Honestly, it's none of their business. For me, only my close friends and family have the right to ask questions so personal. They can ponder all they want; just no asking.
My family and close friends know where my boyfriend is. I chose not to tell my collegues because, well, it's first nature to judge. I don't want them to pity me or my situation, etc. My friends and sisters are supportive. Parents and their friends (they told the friends... not me *sigh*) aren't so supportive. Before, they were so incredibly against the relationship and me sticking by him that they lied to me and kept trying to break things off. My parents even got guys to hit on me way more than usual. (lol I don't need help with that!) Anywho lol... I'm blabbing.
Now, they just ignore my relationship. They pretend like he doesn't exist. It's bad but could be worse. I just choose not to be in contact very often anymore. It's too exhausting.

Bottom line is: Don't worry about nosey people. If you want to tell them, you will. They shouldn't be prying in on you anyways.

They should respect your privacy.

This was an awesome thread to start, so thank you

. I thought I was alone in deciding not to tell the people I work with.

Thank you for liking my thread. I'm new on here and I'm glad I found this site. Nobody in my life knows that my husband is in jail. On here I can talk to other people who can understand what I'm going through. It's a shame that your parent's weren't supportive of your relationship to begin with.

Skye Blue · #68 02-24-2012, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinezWifey

I really hope the best for you. As long as it don't mess with my job I don't care who knows. I have family members that don't support it. But they are a non-factor when it comes to that part of my life.

**cheyenne**

Thanks! I wish the best for you too.

GingerM · #69 02-24-2012, 05:22 AM

Skye, I feel your pain. My dad is being sentenced today and has been in county since last summer. My mom has dementia. I take care of her bills/house stuff. I'm very definitely middle-aged, making my parents very definitely senior citizens.

When the neighbors and other started asking what was going on, I was at a loss. My dad had 29 indictments of various forms of child sex abuse against him. This isn't something the whole neighborhood needs to know.

So I've taught my mom to tell her neighbors that "my husband isn't living with me right now, and I don't know if he will be coming back or not." (His sentence is long enough that he may not outlive it) I have been telling people the same thing.

That being said, I work in a very small company, and my mom calls me frequently throughout the day. The people at work needed to know because I sometimes have to leave suddenly when something scares my mom and she needs me to come pull her off the ceiling. I've told a handful of other people I trusted, only to find out that not all of them were trustworthy. As others have said, you find out who your friends are.

I like the "dad isn't living with mom anymore" line because it isn't a lie. The people will make their own assumptions, and no matter what they assume, it can't be as bad as the truth.

My mom wanted to tell everyone as soon as he was sentenced. I warned her about my experiences (I had one person tell me that my dad "should be exterminated" - that was very much Not Helpful). I have become a social pariah for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of people upset with me right now (oddly enough, it all get directed at ME, I wasn't the one who did the crime).

Reasons people shun me now:
1. I went out of my way to prevent him from killing himself (there are many different motivations for why people feel this way, ranging from "it would have been humane" to "it would have saved tax-payer dollars and he doesn't deserve to live")

2. My dad's a demon, so I must be a demon-spawn (guilt by association)

3. My dad is absolutely not guilty, and it's my fault that he's wrongly imprisoned (interestingly enough, if he truly was wrongfullly imprisoned, it would be the fault of our judicial system, not me)

4. All I ever do is tell people bad news (like I have a choice - there is no good news to be had here)

5. Because I still love him, I must approve of his behaviors (these folks tend to not be able to grasp the concept of "love the sinner, hate the sin" and are usually unforgiving people - I think I'm better off without them anyway).

When my mom was telling me that she was going to tell the world what was going on after his sentencing today, I warned her about this. If she wants to be a social pariah too, that's the way to go.

Otherwise, it's best for my mom and me to stick with the "my dad doesn't live with my mom right now" line. Most folks assume marital problems, and most (tho' not all) have enough tact not to ask further questions.

I hope this helps you. It took me months to figure out what to say to people.

patience_ · #70 02-24-2012, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skye Blue

I completely know what you mean about people being nosy and spreading gossip. I can't answer your question because I have no idea. You might want to post that question in another forum.

Thanks for your post...i thought i was the only one who felt this way.... Im glad i found this site and am able to relate with ppl in my situation... Ill try posting my question in another forum thanks

jackiestp1 · #71 02-24-2012, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skye Blue

Is a detention center the same thing as a jail?

Yes, but its not prison yet and we dont know what the outcome is going to be.

shayahzoe · #72 02-25-2012, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skye Blue

I know exactly what you are saying. Everyone thinks my husband is out of state working, but they keep asking questions about how much longer he is going to be gone. I have no idea how to explain why he's not back yet.

Yep....its like I feel they r not stupid...just found out my brother, wife n my cousin know where my fiance is at......all thanks to the internet...smh......

~ILOVEUANGEL1/2/11~

CINTIA N AUGIE · #73 02-25-2012, 09:52 AM

All my family, friends, & co workers know, they r all very supportive

if it was for me i would have kept it to myself but it's kind of hard when u live in a small town and u have the media report the arrest..

stacienoelle · #74 02-25-2012, 04:38 PM

im proud of who im getting married to. and i tell EVERYONE. i dont even care if i just met them, they ask me where my fiance is i tell them. you dont like it? dont talk to me. i dont give two shits about you. yes he made mistakes in his past when he was a kid and his mistakes made him go back to jail. but i think hes sexy for being such a "bad boy "

so i dont mind!

Skye Blue · #75 02-25-2012, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patience_

Thanks for your post...i thought i was the only one who felt this way.... Im glad i found this site and am able to relate with ppl in my situation... Ill try posting my question in another forum thanks

You definitely are not the only one who feels that way. Nobody in my life knows about my husband being in jail or that he was just sentenced to 9 years in prison. I am glad that I found this website so I can talk to other people who understand what I'm going through.