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Domestic Violence Q & A What is domestic violence? If someone is being abused what can you do to help? Q&A regarding domestic violence issues go here.

View Poll Results: Do you remember the first time you were hit...or the violence began?
Yes, I remember it well 121 88.97%
No, I am not really sure 15 11.03%
Voters: 136. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 03-01-2012, 09:06 AM
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Yes I do remember the first time and if I shall every forget the marks on my neck will make it were I will never forget. It was Nov. 2004. I was pregnant with my now X husband's child. We was not married then. He actually had a girlfriend that he had been with for some time now and I happen to be someone he just used because they had got in to a fight and I was new in town. Bout time I found out he had a girl I was already pregnant. Well his girlfriend could not have any children so this quickly turned in to a our baby instead of a his and I baby. I was scheduled for an ultrasound that day and I was frustrated because he was late. When he came to get me she was also in the car. Yeah I was real confused. We drove to the hospital and when he came in the office with me to sign some paper work I told him I be damn if she think she is going in to my ultrasound with us. He said no. He thought he was such a mack. I mean here he is with two girls. Make the long story short when he dropped me off, her and him got in to an argument because all of us had started arguing in the car on the way to drop me off because she was telling him if he wasn't sleeping around we wouldn't be in this mess. Then she tried to call me a hoe but I let her know baby your man is the only man I am sleeping with (and it stayed the only man for some years) Well I guess he did not go to work because they kept fighting so he called me and told me to give him my proof that I had an ultrasound that day so he can give it to his job to be excused. I told him hell no because my ultrasound did not have nothing to do with the fact he did not go to work. Well he came over still trying to get the paper. We started arguing and before you know it I was being beat in the head. Choked and I passed out because the beating started on one wall but when I came back I was beating choked on another wall. My friend came afterwards and called the ambulance. I pressed charges but get this mess. Instead of him worrying about his unborn child or its mother that he just beat the crap out of he and the girl was at the hospital right. She went in faking she was having stomach pains so he can get a excuse for work. The police seen him there but they never told me and they did not question him or arrest him. My friend came and told me yelling at me saying why did I call him up here. It would take 5 months before he was held accountable and he probably served 3 months in jail if that. Now after reading this your probably asking yourself what I have asked myself many times why in the hell did I end up marrying him. Sometimes revenge will make us do some crazy sh**. Yes I made his girl pay. Yes I made him pay and in the end I will be lying if I said I don't feel good about it. Smart no because even though our relationship lasted 5 years I was beat at least 6 times. The revenge was not worth what our daughter went though and what my children seen so I guess I don't feel totally good about it because it didn't just affect him or me. I have grown up and I have learned that love is not suppose to hurt.
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  #77  
Old 03-05-2012, 04:05 PM
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Well all of my abuse started this past september and ended a horrible monday mid january. My boyfriend got taken to jail for domestic violence. I wad the victim. Since he moved in with myself and our baby he would have crazy mood swings. He had a trial for a vehicular homicide case in october and was convicted and set for sentencing a couple days before christmas but they gave him an extention till jan 30th and so the whole time anything would happen ( him hurting me) i never called the cops because i didnt want anything bad to happen to him. Well on jan 16th he freaked out on me cuz i called him an asshole and poured a whole thing of syrup in my hair and broke some doors and just plain went into a rage.. A couple of his friends that were there left and hos dad and little brother were there and while we were in the other room his dad called the cops because he said he thought i was dead.. The cops came and now tomorrow is his trial for it. They are charging him with battery and assault distruction of property and resisting arrest. When they had him cuffed and were trying to take him to the door to leave he spit in my face and lile they had to almost taz him.. I dont know what to do because i do love him and want him to change.. He is in prison right now for 2 years.. Our son turned 10 months old just a few days ago and i really miss him. i am so confused on what to do but had a great money making month at work last month and im pretty sure its cuz he isnt dragging me down. ive had fun these past few weeks but have wrote him almost everyday and been loyal. he has been taking substance abuse classes since getting taken to his facility and also got hired for one of the highest paying jobs there.. Training horses. We talked on the phone last night but i got very upset. This whole dv case is ruining our plans and i need some help on what to do.

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  #78  
Old 03-06-2012, 07:24 PM
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Honey, he's ruining more than your plans! He's ruining his life, and what you really have to be concerned with is that he not ruin yours and your son's any further than he already has.

For his father to call the police, he must have been terrified of the havoc his son was wreaking. That's a pretty good indicator of just how dangerous your 'boyfriend' is. Go get a danger assessment done at the domestic abuse agency near you, and some therapy.

My son was 9 months old when I left his father, and sadly, he still remembers the violence. It has colored his life far more than I would have thought.
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  #79  
Old 03-17-2012, 12:20 AM
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This is my first time on this site. So I hope i'm doing this right. I called the cops on my boyfriend. Because he hit me. It started as a beautiful night. Its going on 2 Weeks sat. Had a beautiful dinner. Driving around and then out of the blue it was like the devil jumped in him. He wanted to go get missed up. All drugged up. I didn't want him to go I just wanted to stay home and watch a movie have some love making. We just found out we were pregnant so we needed just some us time. Anyways he couldn't find the keys to the house when we got home and just went crazy. He told me he didn't give a fuck about me or the baby and I should get an abortion.,and everything you could think of. I was 6 weeks then, nkw im 8 weeks. He slapped me cause I told him to clam down and just look for the key clam. And then me punched me and made me bleed. And dragged me by my hair from the passanger seat to the driver so I hit my atomach in the middle consule. He broke my car keys my TV and dented my new car with his foot. As I cryed in the car I saw I had my spear key so took off and found an officer he saw the marks on my face and took him in. he ened up having several warrants and is staying there for a while. I just feel so bad like I did wrong by not staying by my man side and betraying him by calling the cops. What do I do?
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Old 03-17-2012, 07:33 AM
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bets chick, what you do now is care for yourself and your baby. A lot of the times we feel guilty about their problems, but we have to fix that inside ourselves.

Take advantage of your local domestic abuse agency (you can look in the blue pages of a phone book for their number) and get some help there. They have counselors, legal help and other women who have been through this same awful time.

Hugs, darlin'. This is a terrible thing to have to go through and it hurts both your body and your heart.
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  #81  
Old 03-18-2012, 02:52 PM
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I agree with Nimuay. You can also call the National DV Hotline - 24 hours/day - and they can find the nearest shelter to you. Counseling is free and you don't have to live at the shelter to get the help.

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  #82  
Old 03-18-2012, 03:34 PM
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I remember. He got mad because I was talking and wouldn't let him sleep. I was 16 years old, 5months pregnant. He told me to shut up, I told him no. Next thing I knew my body was slamming the door shut and he had his hands on my neck. I was scared to death for my child & I could not get a word out. I tried tp say "stop".. he let me go & I just cried. That was just the first time. I'm so glad I left that relationship.
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  #83  
Old 03-27-2012, 03:39 AM
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somethings you just never forget. we were sitting on the front porch, he was all messed up and we went upstairs to bed. the next morning i found myself being woke up by him screaming at me because HE couldnt find his keys or wallet anywheres. He grabbedme out of be made me search the house as to no luck nothing was found. He proveeded to drag me downstairs to look outside by where we were sitting. By this time he was beyond outraged, as we began to head upstairs arguing about HIS keys and wallet he grabbed me by the throat and dragged me up the rest of the stairs I was unconcious by the time we got tot he door. The neighbor downstairs came up wondering what was going on I could hear them talking but couldnt say anything. The neighbor downstairs informed HIM HE left his keys and wallet on the porch and that he had brought them into his apartment as it was late and was going to bring them up in the morning. Our neighbor was exertemly upset as how he had seen me and punched him in the face and told him if he ever touched me again there would be hell to pay. Two days later from being released from the hospital he pushed me out of the car doing 45mph and kept on going.. I went threw almost 10yrs of his crap and it has takin me so long to get myself back to the real me, in which I really dont think I am the real me anymore as the physical and emotional abuse never heal completely. Now I am back into the same situation with an ex who resides with me and he is co-owner of the house as I was under the impression from what he had told me that since i was totally disabled and on Medicaid I was only allowed $2000 in assets so I had added his name to the Title to protect the house, after purchasing the house about a 1.5 yrs later there has only been one physical confrontation, he pulled a machete and I ran like hell called the cops and left the house. I was currently awaiting for his PPO to be served, as I had filed one that morning for him videotapiing me and my b/f and he had made coments to me " how would I feel if I woke up with a gun agsainst my head" I was stunned to hear thst come out of his mouth. Then he says well n/m the gun as knives are silent killers". When we went to court I stated the facts on stand and he lied his rear off, the judge looked over his statements yet didnt bother to read mine nor listen to any witness's I had that heard the conversation and other conversations. The judge told me that I did NOT show enough cause and allowed him back into my home. Since the beginning of all this I have been having medical issues, today I finally went to the ER as the stress and my nerves had caused my white blood cell count to hit 18,000 which was making my stomach cramp up and not release. Normal white blood cell count is approx 5000. So I have not heard anything from the prosecuting attorney about the D.V with the machete, yet he has spoken with him several times.. I am going to the Community Mental Health place tomorrow and also am getting my turn to see the prosecuting attorney at my request.. Now I feel as tho I am back in time, everything from the past that was dead is fully alive and I truely do not know how I am gonna beable to handle it. I keep a daily journal of how I feel everyday and how my room mate acts and treats me. That is about all I can do as I have ZERO faith in the police or the court system.
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  #84  
Old 03-27-2012, 05:04 AM
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squishie, you need to go to your local domestic violence center! You can call this number - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) - to find out where it is. They will have legal help for you and a probably a victim's advocate and counseling.

Please go to them!
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:09 AM
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Well once again I feel as violated by the Justice system as I do by the abuser. The Pros. Atty is NOT pressing charges because the police report states " Jane Doe does not want to press charges, but weants a report for s PPO order. I was flippin at the court house 3hrs prior to the incident happening. I had asked the P.A if had reviewed the PPO and he said NO he did not have access to that. Umm somrthing there doesnt add up. I have called the my local D.V. center, I need to call back the lady who is the legal advocate. I also have to go and get an evaluation done at the CMH and find out wjere my brain is at. I cant believe this is happening to me again..
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Old 06-02-2012, 01:45 AM
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We was at my mothers house and he was playing with a bb gun and he thought it was cute to point it at me while we was arguing about something I said earlier to upset him I was tired of talking and turned my back on him and he shot the bb gun in the back of my head and I still have a bb lodged in my skull till this day. Funny that I still love him as all this happened when I was only 16 years old and he was 18.
Its never too young to experience domestic violence
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  #87  
Old 08-26-2012, 10:05 AM
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Well....it wasn't too long after he got out of prison. I found out that he was communicating/flirting big time with his ex girlfriend.

He called her to "prove" nothing was going on. He was talking to her in this sincere kind of way and i got pissed. I grabbed the phone and he grabbed my neck and slammed me down.

I still have the scars from that one. White claw marks on my dark skin.

( i really didn't want to post, but i think it's good for me)
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Old 09-09-2012, 06:28 PM
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she stormed out , upset after a family fone call. It was late at night so I tailed her just to try to make sure she was safe. It was freezing and we'd been walking for about an hour. She had started to talk, so I suggested we start to wend our way back and we could carry on talking as long as she wanted indoors where it would be warmer and safer.

I can't remembrr what was said by either of us but she then kicked my shins repeatedly (karate's great in the wrong hands). I don't remember anything else, the bruising must hae been impressive but I can't recall it. All I remember is her coat - weird.
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Old 09-09-2012, 07:13 PM
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My hubby has never put his hands on me! But my ex that I was with for 5 yrs was abusive. And to be honest I do not remember the first time because it happened to frequent and daily. I know it was about a year after we moved in together. He would hold me down with my face in the pillow and over and over punch me in the back of my head or in my temples. And my parents would be in the next room. He would grab my thigh and squeeze until I showed tears. I kept brusies there. One time he kicked me so hard in my shin I thought he cracked my bone. Now everytime the weather changes my leg aches and you can see the dent in my leg. He me in my stomach when I had a cyst on my ovary an I bled for 3 months. My Dad tried to kill him once an I should have let him. I thank God everyday for letting me get away. Somedays I thought it was truly the end. The only good thing that came from that relationship was my strength to keep standing!!
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Old 09-09-2012, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DzWifey08 View Post
Now everytime the weather changes my leg aches and you can see the dent in my leg.

I got one of those dents too.
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Old 02-23-2013, 04:50 PM
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Default I remember it like it was yesterday

I remember the first time he put his hands on me like it was yesterday. I was 17 and he was 23. We had just been togeter about 3or so months. We were arguing outside. I think I wanted to go home and he wouldn't let me. We are in the front lawn and he jacks my pager out of my hand and is holding it above my head making me so mad. I took his tank top and I ripped it. In turn, he punched me in the chest like a man. These 2 little boys were watching from above and they yelled at him to stop.
I was always thankful to those kids for being there. I believe because of them, he did not beat me more, like he ended up doing for the next 6years. Left me for dead a few times.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:16 AM
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I don't remember the first time, because it wasn't as drastic as drastic as all the most recent times. Our relationship started with simple punches, slaps and pushes. A few kicks and wwe like body slams even while Important pregnant but nothing compares to his bad is has gotten. its like each year the fights go to a higher level. Now that were at year the #8 those what I call simple assaults have turned into hitting me repeat ly inmy head while pulling over when he was taking me to work until my ear drums bust and blood started to pour from my head. Having dents in walls in every room of ou apartment from him literally trying to throw my through a actual wall. Not being able to eat because he punched my in my face like i was a man and Bloodand jaw meat literally flew out of mouth. These things i describe or just the half of it. What's more disturbing than any of this is that i still want to be with him. I still love him with every bone and my body and I am hoping that we can get married shortly after his release
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Old 02-24-2013, 03:48 PM
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Please go to a domestic violence shelter and ask for some counseling. Please. This will not end well for you. You must see something is terribly horribly wrong with a man who is beating you so severely and you wanting to marry this psychopath Please run to help
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Old 02-24-2013, 05:11 PM
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Mekastar, What's the behavior you won't tolerate? He's cheated on you, he's hit you, he's in prison . . . what else?

If he were a dog and each of those violent acts were a bite, would you keep that dog?
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Old 02-24-2013, 06:54 PM
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I guess I will tolerate anything. I'm not saying that I will allow our relationship to continue this way. These terrible things have happened, but we were not fighting right before he went to jail. I have faith that if we both change, put God first in our relationship that we can actually have a good relationship. We can be together without violence. Something just tells me that we are both at a place where the fights are just enough. Neither of us want that any more for ourselves. I have to give it another try. I have to give it my all and at least know if we could ever have a happy normal relationship. If I hit him or he hit's me then we have failed at "us". I will leave I swear to God I will never except another strike from him. I swear to God if I ever lose it enough to hit him I will know that I am not ready and I have to get out of the relationship immediately.
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Old 02-24-2013, 07:38 PM
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So, do you understand the 'honeymoon' phase of domestic violence? The promises are made, the sun shines bright, the smiles are everywhere. And then, 6 months or a year or 3 days later, it goes bad again.

No it won't always go bad, but more often than not it does. When you've got such a long history of violence, you will trigger each other.

Get a whole lot of counseling for yourself. That 'one more hit' can kill you - it's called one-hit murder.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:55 PM
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When I first saw this topic I thought I could honestly say yes I remember the first time but most of my life has ended up in relationships that were violent. My first relationship was when I was a runaway at 15 living in Chicago. He always knew he could hit me and get away with it because I didn't want to go back home. I think the first time was when he gave me a black eye and pulled my hair I had went to work and we got off work late, he accused me of cheating even tho I had proof that i was at work. He pulled my hair an made me go where he wanted and I had to face a black eye.
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Old 05-26-2013, 01:04 AM
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Default the first hit

We were arguing on the stairs.he would let me go down the stairs to the kitchen.he pushed me.im laying on the stairs as he socks me twice on my face.he then grabs my head an bangs it against the stairs.i w as dazed for a second ..i got him off.he started saying sorry right away an saying he loved me.told me it was my fault that he hit me.he said why dont you listen to me.he was a master minipulator.he broke me and made me weak.
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