How does someone stay strong alone with just letters to keep hope?

[ELAiNE&&MARi0<3]

Today I woke up with anger towards my husband. Every now & then I have mixed feelings towards him & it makes me feel like calling it quits. I look back at how I went from one day to having him & the next he's gone.... I think what hurts me more is that he didn't leave me, he left our daughter. She was only a week old ( a preemie at that) in the hospital. I used to come home to an empty bed & an empty crib. I know I shouldn't be dwelling on the past & be thankful for having a beautiful little girl that deserves everything in life; but it's hard... NO DOUBT I LOVE HIM, more than life itself but now with conditions. I want that security of having my man by my side & I don't have it... It may sound like i'm only thinking about myself but the truth is he made the wrong decisions to go somewhere he wasn't supposed to go & made that his number one priority when his daughter should've been number one! RIGHT?

We were together one year before he got arrested, we were still getting to know each other and have a happy marriage as parents. He says it's going to be the same but in reality it's not. It's not HIM & I anymore. It's HIM, OUR DAUGHTER, & I. It's like we have to get to know each other all over again. I have insecurities now, especially with my weight gain after my daughter & its not like it's something we gradually were working on accepting together, I feel like he's gonna be like "what the hell happen to you fatty?" lol I've tried talking to him about but all he has to say is that it's fine I'm the woman he wants to be with & how we're going to make this work.

Make what work?? What's "this"??? How can we love each other without being there for each other when one another needs each other?? If that makes sense????

We're 19 years apart in age... Girls at my age are either partying it up (which isn't me even without him or our baby girl) or being happy with their loved ones... I'm dealing with my grand dad & his cancer & to add a cherry on that my father in law recently got diagnosed with cancer as well... I need him here for all of us... My family doesn't accept me being with him let alone being married to him because of his background but I put all that negativity to the side because he's my husband & the father of my child... but for some reason that's all he is to me now, the father of my daughter... && it tears me up inside to think like this about him because after everything I DO LOVE HIM... I'm confused maybe... IDKK but it's taking a tole on me now... Working 12 hr shifts 6 days a week our bills (his damn packages) & of course my mommy daddy role. I'm exhausted... it even tires me to get fixed up on my days off & look presentable at least... I honestly think i'm going into a depression...


***sorry i had to get it all out... no one else to vent to... so i turn to you ladies... </3333

[Byyourside247]

That is so sad to hear specially being young and with a baby, just take it a day at a time talk to him and let him know how you feel even if he doesn't want to hear it they have to understand our lives didn't stop here cause we have to still be wives,friends,mothers,daughters, household providers while they are in there, they don't deal with that. We try to make them feel as much comfortable as we can sacrificing our own,cheer up just do what you can, your daughter should be your top priority he comes second, he made a choice and it is what it is. Vent as much as you need to that's why we are here for I'm new to pto and it has helped me so much, God is in charge.

[MrsDB]

((Hugssss))Wow that is alot going on with you! Take a deep breath girl!! I think you should talk to him and let him know how you feel. You got to take care of yourself and your daughter! He put himself there and no its not fair that you have to deal with all of this by yourself. How long does he have? Maybe you should take some time for yourself and think of your next move. You can vent as much as you need to.

[dalesgirl]

I tell my man everything, even things like this he doesnt want to hear. Its hard, there is no doubt. Talking helps and everyone here will support you. I did see one thing i want to comment on "his damn packages". Dont be sending them if you cant afford them. You dont OWE them to him, he put himself there. Seems like 12 hours a day is too much for a mommy to be working. Take care of yourself and your little one first and you wont resent him so much.

[COMPLETElyhis]

Sorry you're having a rough time.

How much time does he have?

To answer your question about "staying" strong... I don't believe anyone on PTO "stays" strong. We have all had these same moments... I feel where you're coming from and I feel for you. My advice to you is to continue keeping your head up, continue loving on your husband and your baby girl. The struggle is worth it!

Peace and blessings...

[Olderthanmost]

You are not alone! The things that you are feeling is common to us on PTO! The anger, the loneliness, the questions, the responsibility, the long hours, etc. have a way of getting to us. Some days, I get angry. When the bills come due and I am stretched so thin, I get frustrated. Other days, I am ready to fight the world for him. I love talking to him but when that phone bill comes in, I have to sacrifice something else to pay it. You also have a sweet baby to take care of. The main thing is take care of yourself. Find some "me" time! You deserve it. Time helps! It really does. Everyone on here kept telling me to stay busy! Now, I tell other's to stay busy! lol Stay close to your new friends on PTO!

[queenvo1]

I feel the same way sometimes... Letters are just not enough to hold on to a strong bond. Im waiting desperately for when hes able to call but until then its very hard... I get mad at him because I feel he doesnt write enough and doesnt seem to care that just because hes the one in there hes not the only one suffering, i am too

[KDWifey]

It's hella hard sometimes but then I think about my love and loyalty to him. My leverton for him is so strong I can't imagine myself with someone else.

[ILoveChris27]

Wow.. I feel your pain... I dont get to talk to my man either. Letters only. It's so aggravating at times. He knows that I'm getting frustrated and I hate lashing out on him but sometimes I just feel like he drug me into this lifestyle. I hadn't even known him that long. But at this point I love him too much to leave and i want to.be with him. I think I find strength mostly in remembering how good he was to me when he was here. He loves me like no other. He would do anything for me and to make me happy. Idk I think at the end of the day, love overcomes all the tears,loneliness,and heartache. It's not easy but its worth it.

[Kcouture7]

Girl, i had two police officers sittin outside my hospital room wen my son was born. I begged and cried to the nurses to let me stay longer, i didnt want to go home and deal. I wanted to stay in the hospital as long as i could it was like my fantasy world all alone with my baby
But i had to go home, i had another baby waiting for me at home. I keep my mind off of it by spending time with my boys. Stayin busy at work and focusing on puttin my life together.
Alot of times i get mad, i hafta deal with his drama inside and whatevers left outside, i dont have any emotional or mental support. And sometimes i hate him
But i love him and outweighs any negative thought and feelings