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  #1  
Old 04-09-2012, 11:32 PM
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Question Intro--research junkie from Wisconsin

My name is Katie and I'm a total research junkie - thus the name.

My ex (kids' dad) is incarcerated ... and since I've never been in the system - I have a lot of questions/concerns.

He started going down the spiral kind of quick and just keeps tacking on offenses. I had to call the police on him last October because he was very drunk and belligerent and I was starting to worry about mine and the kids' safety. He has serious substance addiction issues and I'm not sure if jail/prison will ever straighten his mind/path out.

Anyways - he spent a few months inside and didn't talk to anyone besides his lawyer. I wrote him a dozen letters and never got a reply. I wasn't expecting anything though - I just figured it would be nice/good to hear from someone who believed in him regardless of his situation. He was released for huber and never told me (because his dad didn't want him to and his dad didn't want him to start paying child support ---- his dad's a bit of a jerk that way). Anyways - he was just recently put back in (St. Patrick's Day's night). He decided he wanted to be dumb and went down to the bars in town and expected me to pick him up/be there for him when he came back insanely drunk. He violated his probation, almost was tased by the arresting police that night, and is now facing a whole heck of a lot of time... I can only guess a few years but I sure could use some input on what to expect?

Thanks in advance!
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  #2  
Old 04-10-2012, 08:16 AM
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Hi & welcome to PTO. My bf is in downtown Milwaukee right now. He's also in for parole violations. Feel free to message me anytime.

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Old 04-11-2012, 05:16 AM
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Welcome to PTO.. Im a Kiwi, so I have no idea how things work over there, so Im not able to help you out sorry. Take a look in the WISCONSIN forum. You may find a few things that will help you. Also the Probation, Parole & Supervision forum. Im sure if you ask your parole question in there, someone will be able to answer it.
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Old 04-11-2012, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by EastsWoman View Post
Hi & welcome to PTO. My bf is in downtown Milwaukee right now. He's also in for parole violations. Feel free to message me anytime.

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thanks eastswoman. this is all new water i'm treading so any input/advice would be helpful. i still love the man but he's got a lot of fixing himself before anything else can come of it..
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Old 04-11-2012, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by research junkie

thanks eastswoman. this is all new water i'm treading so any input/advice would be helpful. i still love the man but he's got a lot of fixing himself before anything else can come of it..
I know what you mean, I was friends with my man when he was in for his first bid, now we're together for this time around. He knows he's got to fix himself, but I love him to death & I'll be with him for all the help he needs.

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Old 04-12-2012, 12:32 AM
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Originally Posted by EastsWoman View Post
I know what you mean, I was friends with my man when he was in for his first bid, now we're together for this time around. He knows he's got to fix himself, but I love him to death & I'll be with him for all the help he needs.

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yeah - he knows i'll always be there for him ... just hope he can do the same after his time. see i have 2 boys... one is 5 and the other is 1. the 1 yr old is his. we had a VERY hard 2011.... the 1yr old had to have heart surgery @ 17days old. i had a car accident bout 2 weeks after that. had gall bladder problems and had it removed bout 2-3weeks after the car accident..... and that was just all the hospital related shtuff!?

but he wasn't there for any of it. he came to the ICU the last day we were there before we moved to the recovery room where we spent an additional 2 and a half days. it killed me he couldn't/wouldn't/didn't want to be there for his kid!? i KNOW why but it still doesn't make it okay. he was afraid of losing him..... he finally got close to him and then he almost lost him so he shut down BAD.

so yeah... now that i'm pregnant w/ his second child... and he won't be there at all for the birth or who knows how long after..... just kills me....

i wanna be there for him when he's in there but it's hard to never hear from the guy!? idk... just a lot of craziness.....
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Old 04-12-2012, 05:18 AM
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Hon, the guy is so wrapped up in his own head and his addiction that there's no room for you or kids. Don't waste time on him. Prison is not rehab. He probably won't come out sober; he will come out dry, but without the information or tools to stay sober.

You called him your ex - keep it that way.
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Old 04-12-2012, 12:55 PM
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i never even considered him my ex til he called me his ex the night he was arrested .

yeah i totally agree w/ his addiction taking hold of his mind ... i just don't wanna completely push him away like everyone else has in his life....
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Old 04-12-2012, 12:58 PM
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The problem with addicts who have no-one is that they're like people who murder their parents and then throw themselves on the mercy of the court because they're orphans.

Simple reality - your feelings for him are not the kind of feelings that an addict can actually return. Not until he's been sober for at least a year (not dry, SOBER). Until then, he's using you.
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Old 04-12-2012, 02:52 PM
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i don't disagree one bit. just hard to put my feelings in a box and burn it.

his son looks sooo much like him and now with his second one brewing in my tummy .. just makes everything that much harder to "deal with".

i don't hold much hope in me every finding a man that can deal with all the "baggage" i have.... and i'm a codependent and totally afraid of being alone the rest of my life. i know i have my kids til the end of time - but the want/need for a man's affection is still there.
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Old 04-12-2012, 05:30 PM
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Hi Katie ~ Welcome to PTO!

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Old 04-13-2012, 02:23 PM
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Hi Katie, welcome to PTO. Glad to have you join us.
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:21 PM
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Thank you JosephsAngel and Closer2MyDreamz

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