Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Eddies mom · #1 04-10-2012, 10:11 PM

Could use some insight, please.
I am torn about telling my son because I think its difficult to grieve in peace, in prison. He has 10 mos. left on his sentence. On the other hand, It does not feel right to not tell him. But I dont want to cry at visitation, and for now, I cant talk about it without crying. I know he will be hurt & saddened by the news.
The prison dog adoption program is likely where we will get our next pet. I wondered if any of the families of the inmates that trained the dogs were able to adopt them for when their "trainers" come home (?) if anyone knows, seems like a good thing if that could happen.
Thank you

bluebella · #2 04-11-2012, 08:15 AM

I do not know about getting the dog when the trainer is in prison, though the process may take time and could be lined up with him coming home. My son's dog passed while he has been in and his girl with child stop visiting at the same time. She had the dog and also got in some legal trouble. He was old and that also means he had him for a long time. I am just saying I can relate and I think it would be a great idea to surprise my son with a dog also!
I know when I was away from my family home and came home and was not happy about the house across the street burning down and nobody said anything?? I think you know you will tell him, it is just the when. Get stronger and do not have to make any decisions on the when, just get stronger. You all have lost a family member, give yourself time.

Indymom12 · #3 04-11-2012, 09:28 AM

I had to tell my daughter that one of her good friends commited suicide while she was in Juvenile. She was very upset and angry that she couldn't go to the funeral, but she also said she wouldn't have wanted us to keep it from her. Hard decision. Let God lead you in which way to go.

Kelleycat · #4 04-11-2012, 06:21 PM

I agree. I would tell my son because we have always had that kind of understanding between us. You know what will work best in your own situation. It's heart breaking...so sorry you are having to deal with this.

1bird2 · #5 04-11-2012, 06:32 PM

This is really REALLY a tough thing to deal with....I've had to also. There will be many more times I will have to tell of passings...mine is serving 10 yrs, so he is prepared (as prepared as can be) to hear of such sad occasions. I feel for you....and for him.
I'll keep you and him in my prayers...
I do think a new Prison trained dog sounds like an outstanding idea!
Love and prayers,
XXXOOO

Eddies mom · #6 04-11-2012, 07:12 PM

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It seems best to tell (sooner than later), yet at a time when I'm better able to handle my emotions. This is a wonderful community. Thanks again.

mrsrimoldi · #7 04-16-2012, 10:30 PM

My son asked me not to tell him when his dog Max died. Max was already old when he went in and he had a long sentence. When Max did die he went in the woods and didn't come out. My son called and asked about Max~ my husband had said Max went to the woods to die and I wouldn't hear of it, then my mom said it too and I knew it was true~ eventually hubby did find him. I told him he had been missing for a few days and he knew too. He told me Mom I told you not to tell me, I told him then you shouldn't have asked! I am the worlds worst liar and my son knows that. Since that sad conversation I've had to tell him of loved ones who have passed. He always wants to know at the end of a visit or in a letter. Once I had to tell him of a family friend who died on his 21st birthday. I brought a picture of Joey and when he saw Joey's picture he asked me why I brought it. I told him and he said " Mom I told you at the end of the visit the end for sad stuff!" We both cried and after the visit he called me and said he'd rather me tell him in person b/c then he has somebody he can grieve with.
I think adopting a dog your son has trained is a great idea! My son is in the dog program here and I adopted his all time favorite pup. I'm not sure if she will still be alive in 7 1/2 more years but I sure hope so. He talks to her sometimes when he calls she cocks her head and looks like she knows that voice and every time I come home from visiting him she smells me from head to toe and tried to roll all over me. LOL
If we lose either of our dogs before he comes home I will definitely adopt another of his dogs. He'd like me to adopt every one of his dogs!
Good luck!

Pastorbrad · #8 04-16-2012, 10:35 PM

I think with most locked up have been lied too in one way or another. Even thought it will be hard God will always honor being honest.

PHXmom · #9 04-17-2012, 12:18 PM

Well, my son loves his dog so much I can't bear to tell him ... especially when he's locked in hell and can't grieve properly. He's got a big heart for a man. He cries and I admire that in any man, for it shows they have a true heart. I can just see the reaction he'd get from that emotion there in a hell full of heartlessness -- though there are a lot of them that are good-hearted and in for non-violent or NO CRIME at all, like my son. I certainly can't tell him over the phone, it'd have to be in person. That would just be cruel and unusual. If it were me in there, I'd prefer to think my dog is happy, running the hills, barking at the bad guys for mom, etc ...

Eddies mom · #10 04-20-2012, 06:29 PM

Thank you for the "real deal" story and your son's insight. that helps greatly. Its great you have a piece of your son at home with you, the dog knows that voice and smell, that's a blessing...

Eddies mom · #11 04-20-2012, 06:30 PM

You are right. Thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastorbrad

I think with most locked up have been lied too in one way or another. Even thought it will be hard God will always honor being honest.

Eddies mom · #12 04-20-2012, 06:38 PM

I understand your point too, we just have to do the best we can with what we know about our children.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PHXmom

Well, my son loves his dog so much I can't bear to tell him ... especially when he's locked in hell and can't grieve properly. He's got a big heart for a man. He cries and I admire that in any man, for it shows they have a true heart. I can just see the reaction he'd get from that emotion there in a hell full of heartlessness -- though there are a lot of them that are good-hearted and in for non-violent or NO CRIME at all, like my son. I certainly can't tell him over the phone, it'd have to be in person. That would just be cruel and unusual. If it were me in there, I'd prefer to think my dog is happy, running the hills, barking at the bad guys for mom, etc ...

**sidewalker** · #13 04-22-2012, 06:36 AM

Im in CA and they have at least one program for one facility here. (not sure about the other facilities......)
anyway.....I read of one story on the humane society's web site of a guy who was in the program to train *bad* dogs. They bring them to the prison and the inmates rehab the dogs. One guy who was close to parole, was able to adopt the dog he *trained*

So it may be possible.

Im very sorry about the dog and your son.
And yeah, I'd tell him too.
Never easy.