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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: How long was your man out before he went back in?
Less than a year 59 50.00%
Less than two years 29 24.58%
Less than five years 15 12.71%
He's still out 15 12.71%
Voters: 118. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 04-14-2012, 12:42 PM
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Default Karma? Did he go back in after you broke up?

My ex is officially back in for another 12 years. I got curious how many of our exes are back locked up. I wonder if the inability to maintain a healthy, adult relationship is a sign of immaturity as is their inability to stay out. My ex talked and talked for eight years about what he wanted from life and how he'd changed and what a great dad he was gonna be, etc, etc. To get out and only care about having a good time, and when I refused to go out every night because I'm a grown up and have a job, he cheated on me with a 20 year old. Needless to say, we broke up. She got pregnant. Now, he's back in before the kid's first birthday. She gets to raise the baby alone, and as much as I hated her at one point (she was a very nasty piece of work), I can't help but feel sorry for her because I know when he gets out after years of promises, she'll get what I did and the cycle will start over.
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:05 PM
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I would suggest that for those who cannot manage in one area of life, others tend to be affected. Having said that I have plenty of girlfriends who have been with men that couldn't get it together in terms of interpersonal relationships who have never had trouble with the law. Still, I see where you're coming from.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:14 PM
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I agree with you that this isn't an issue that is only pertains to prison relationships, but this is PTO. Lol! I was thinking that this overall immaturity is what leads them to their bad choices. You know the Peter Pan syndrome. I was just worried how many of those incarcerated had it or maybe the incarceration itself caused it. I have often heard that whatever age they are when they go in is the mental age that a lot of them come out with. I was wondering how true that it. (Today is a slow day. Kids are at ball. House is quiet. Lots of time to think.)
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curegirl View Post
I have often heard that whatever age they are when they go in is the mental age that a lot of them come out with. I was wondering how true that it.
Arrested development? I think it actually depends on the individual. My man spent 6 years incarcerated beginning when he was 17. I have to say that when I met him just a couple of years later he was no worse for the wear in the maturity department.

I know a lot of people, men and women some of whom have been incarcerated for extensive amounts of time that your theory could definitely apply to however I know others for whom it does not.

Interesting that you bring up this subject because I recall reading in our Now That Your Loved One is Home about men serving lengthy sentences having a difficult time assimilating when they are released. In my man's case we are able to pick right up where we left off. I recall the last time he got out the most notable thing was telling him what new items Mickey D's was offering, other than that he keeps it moving, LOL.

Different people respond to various stimulation. I think that is why you have some that can cope while others cannot. Inherent resiliancy is a factor as well. Consider enlisted men and women coming home from war. All are affected but to varying degrees. Some get right back into the swing of things and others are never quite the same.
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Old 04-14-2012, 09:56 PM
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My ex too for the last 6 years talked and talked about how he didn't want to go back there how he was going to get a job and help support us and all that, sounded great but apparently was a lie. He got out in Dec right before christmas and in march I learned that he had been with someone else for the last 3 years and married her the day he got out. She called to find out who I was because he called me with her phone. I did talk to him and he said it was all true that he was just using me for money but she was also standing next to him so I don't know how true that is and since he apparently had been lieing to me for at least the last 3 years I couldn't really trust either of them. I just don't see how he could call me every single day for the last 6 yrs and not care about me at all but like I said I will never know the whole truth. I recently found out that beginning of this month he went back and he was barely out for 3 months and had a warrant for the last month before he got caught. I find it to be sad and if I were her I would wonder if he is going to find someone else when he's back in there or if she is dumb enough to stay with him. He will probably just use someone else. He came across as mature more mature than I was and of course he had his moments but don't we all. My red flag probably should have been when he tattooes player for life on his neck apparently that was true.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:57 PM
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This poll falls along statistical lines: 70-85% return, despite what their opinion about prison is. If a person is not "acting upon" the changes they hope to make with dedication, then chances are good they will return. I wouldn't have believed it, but working with this group has shown me the truth and it is very sad to see people with so much potential continue to make the same mistakes.
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:36 PM
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I went back after…let’s see….4 months. We broke up in November of 06, I started shooting meth again and by March 07 it was over where my freedom was concerned. I would go on to pull 2 years & 7 months before I got out. That was the last time I stuck a needle in my arm, too, so….I’m to say that I’ve lived beyond that habit.

She was a good woman, but…..she was wrapped a little too tight emotionally and she was desperate in the financial sense. It could of worked out, but I was a bit too insecure for my own good. I’d done 9 years flat prior to that and only been out 8 months when we met. I needed to slow down and not take the world so seriously and I’m sure that’s true of a lot of us whether we realize it or not when we’re released.
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:52 PM
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I guess my man did recieve some Karma. He was out almost two years and screwed up and is serving a 19 month sentence for DWS/REV.

Um, he already knows that this is the LAST time I am doing a bid with him. We did a 13 month sentence at the beginning of our relationship.

Peace~
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Old 04-19-2012, 06:38 AM
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I thought this poll was about something entirely different lmfao. We had posted his bail and they sentenced him within a few months, he didn't do something else wrong. I feel stupid now. xD
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Old 04-19-2012, 09:03 AM
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He speak of himself it's a karma.... When he was out I was so fool tried my best to keep him safe.he hits the street with his homie I look so fool to find where he is who he's with what's he doing by that time i dont know even what's weed is so what about other stuff this man teach me alot I look back and was like man!!!! I look like a crazy bitch drive around to find where he is call all weird # the day I gave up protecting him its the day he's done stupid thing that turn himself to prison lol so now he's in and regret all everything YES! I feel like its karma..... This time I'll let him do his job cause I already done mind half maybe over half I can say..... Love him to death this time he better treat me right do better and grow the f&^% up or he can go f&^% himself!!!! I'm on one!!!!

Miss you my b*&^h <3

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Old 04-24-2012, 10:49 PM
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B/c my friend did over 20 yrs, the outside world was a big adjustment for him. IMO - the do not give them the needed tools for survival when they come home.

How do yo expect them to pay restitution and they have no employment. B/c he was tagged as a violent offender, companies would not hire him. However, he was up front w/ them when they ran the background and learned of his past crimes, they would rescind their offer. This crushed him and he spiraled out of control.

As much as he didn't want to return, his behavior spoke differently.

In all honesty - it depends upon the person, their background, upbringing, foundation, etc. They can have the best support system, but if they do not believe that they deserve it and do not know how to cope, it's usually - back to prison. JMO

Difficult to answer the poll, b/c he went back twice. 1st time - 9 months after being out and then 3 yrs after being out. Granted, each time he went back - he didn't look for it and or cause it - he allowed himself to be vulnerable, therefore, not on his A game.

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Old 09-03-2012, 01:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curegirl View Post
My ex is officially back in for another 12 years. I got curious how many of our exes are back locked up. I wonder if the inability to maintain a healthy, adult relationship is a sign of immaturity as is their inability to stay out. My ex talked and talked for eight years about what he wanted from life and how he'd changed and what a great dad he was gonna be, etc, etc. To get out and only care about having a good time, and when I refused to go out every night because I'm a grown up and have a job, he cheated on me with a 20 year old. Needless to say, we broke up. She got pregnant. Now, he's back in before the kid's first birthday. She gets to raise the baby alone, and as much as I hated her at one point (she was a very nasty piece of work), I can't help but feel sorry for her because I know when he gets out after years of promises, she'll get what I did and the cycle will start over.
Sounds like my ex My ex is an addict and therefore keeps violating his parole. He was out exactly a year and went back into county jail for a few parole violations. Somehow he only spent a month in county and they let him out. Two months pass and he picks up a new possession charge and absconds, and is later arrested once again on parole violations and is sitting in county waiting for a revocation hearing.

My ex before we were together and right after he got out over a year ago, had met a girl, got her pregnant, within months after he got out of prison. She had her baby a few months ago and who knows if he will be around for the babies birthday. This is his 3rd child by yet another girl. He is a deadbeat Dad. He tries, but just cannot kick the meth addiction. Currently his baby's Mom is being used by him for money, and she is taking the baby up to the county jail to "visit" him. Disgusting!!! I feel so sad for all his kids.
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:18 AM
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I'm thankful I left my ex 26 months Ago... Whn I found out about the other woman I threw away the 6 years we had because I deserved better.. He got out October 1, 2010 and was back June 30, 2011... He is now serving a 15 man. Sentence !!! Karma is a b*tch but also he will never change and wasn't healthy for me... Should heard him when he found out bout me and my husband hahahahahahahahahahah.... They never liked each other... Oh well
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Old 09-04-2012, 06:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curegirl
I agree with you that this isn't an issue that is only pertains to prison relationships, but this is PTO. Lol! I was thinking that this overall immaturity is what leads them to their bad choices. You know the Peter Pan syndrome. I was just worried how many of those incarcerated had it or maybe the incarceration itself caused it. I have often heard that whatever age they are when they go in is the mental age that a lot of them come out with. I was wondering how true that it. (Today is a slow day. Kids are at ball. House is quiet. Lots of time to think.)
Yes - I also have heard this and believe it to be true!
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:15 PM
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He was home 13 months before he got locked up again Karma is a beotch and also my bff!
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Old 10-13-2013, 06:56 AM
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I don't know if "karma" has anything to do with it. Makes more sense to blame it on their OWN poor choices.
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:18 AM
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both of my exes are back in. one did 4 years was out a few days shy of 2 years and now is looking at a lot of time, the other did 7 years was out 6 months and is too facing a decent amount of time.
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:30 PM
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My ex was only out for 30 days before he got arrested again.This was in 2010 and he doesn't get out until December 2014.
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