Do you love someone that hurt YOU?

[SouthernGyrl]

God said to forgive those who misuse use, he never said stand by and allow them to be abusive to you. That would go counter to everything He promises us. He said only those things which are good come down from the Father of lights.

Also it isn't judgement to tell a person that being in an abusive relationship is a bad idea. It's being honest.

[A&F+22min]

Originally Posted by Miss_A

Well, lets see.....

One month ago, he took it upon himself to physically attack me by grabbing me by my throat. And when I fell on the ground, he then punched me in my face. All of that took place in a prison visitation room in full view of two guards and people sitting all around.

When both his parents found out what happened, their response was, "He must have been REALLY mad." Excuse me?! That's all you have to say?!

So then I guess if a woman decides to beat the crap out of her kid, well then, she must have been REALLY mad.

I have never in my life been physically abused by a man and I ain't gonna let it start now. No one has ever hurt me as much as he has and I DO NOT ever want to see him again. Yes, I still love him, but I love me more. I'd much rather be alone for the rest of my life then to ever go through that again.

What did he go down for? Are or were you together on the outs? Sorry just lost as to why you just found out he had a violent side. Not rude just wanted to know.

[Patricks_Wifey]

Originally Posted by Miss_A

Well, lets see.....

One month ago, he took it upon himself to physically attack me by grabbing me by my throat. And when I fell on the ground, he then punched me in my face. All of that took place in a prison visitation room in full view of two guards and people sitting all around.

When both his parents found out what happened, their response was, "He must have been REALLY mad." Excuse me?! That's all you have to say?!

So then I guess if a woman decides to beat the crap out of her kid, well then, she must have been REALLY mad.

I have never in my life been physically abused by a man and I ain't gonna let it start now. No one has ever hurt me as much as he has and I DO NOT ever want to see him again. Yes, I still love him, but I love me more. I'd much rather be alone for the rest of my life then to ever go through that again.

wow this happened in front of guards was anything done? that is insane i am so sorry smdh

[Miss_A]

Originally Posted by A&F+22min

What did he go down for? Are or were you together on the outs? Sorry just lost as to why you just found out he had a violent side. Not rude just wanted to know.

His crime wasn't a violent one. Drugs. Not an addiction, either. And, no, we weren't together on the streets. But I did know him. His mother and I used to work together.

He wasn't a violent person. Yes, he's been in a couple fights throughout his bid, but that's it. He was well liked by inmates and staff. Even the Warden.

Family has said they've never known him to put his hands on a woman.

So, yeah, that side of him came out of nowhere.

Edited to add: He's since been transferred to a facility that houses inmates who are doing extended time in the hole. Visits are behind glass and he'll be handcuffed and shackled to the floor. Don't know how long he'll be in the hole, though. Serves his ass right for what he did.

[IrishFire]

There is no judgment in my heart, I can say that with a clear conscience and with all sincerity....

All I ask is that for those of you who are in an abusive relationship, go back and re-read the posts by your sisters who are also in a like relationship. There were a couple of things that I noticed were consisitant.

#1 - You precious ladies were making excuses (defending) their abusive behavior. It was the drinking, drugs, stress, family, he was "really mad," etc. This is text-book for abusive behavior.

#2- The certainity that, even in light of the statistical facts, YOUR man will beat the odds. HE will change. Now, I'm not saying that they wont. Some men CAN change. The reason that MOST won't (can't) change is often that they were abused, or watched their mom be abused their whole lives. So to them, it's just normal.

#3- Many of you were very defensive when others made comments or asked questions that were truly not an attack. The replies were either to defend the abusers actions, or attack on the poster.


Finally, I will ask the question that need not be answered publically. If your mom, your sister, your BFF, or God forbid your child were being beaten by a man, would you stand by and pretend not to notice the bruises, the busted lip or the saddness that loomed like a dark cloud? If you saw a man use a cane (or a fist) on your daughter or mother, would your reaction be to wonder what your loved one had done wrong? Or would you do anything, including jepordize your relationship with the abused by trying to help them?
If you see a news report, or read about the horrible way that some women are treated in foreign countries, how do you feel? In the middle east, a man will take a cane and hit his wife with it, in public to "discipline" her for some infraction of the male - female code. Can you justify such behavior? Did this woman do something to provoke or deserve such treatment?

We are all strong, able women. We are all deserving of love (without physical pain), respect and honor. A man who lays his hands on a woman neither loves, respects or honors her.

Please take care of yourselves.
Irish

[OldOrion]

Originally Posted by nimuay

We have this discussion a lot on PTO - "what constitutes support?" Since I've replied to the OP, I'm going to reply to this, too. I've said nothing about mental illness on anyone's part, and I don't believe that is part of the problem.

I do believe that when you are young you have a theory that love will fix absolutely everything. I also believe that it's unfair to withhold information about statistics when they are important to anyone's decision-making. Like - domestic abuse is one of the leading causes of death in pregnant women.

If these women don't know how lousy the chances of someone 'recovering' from being abusive as if it were a case of strep throat are, then I will be there, raining all over that parade. Because to me, being supportive of staying alive and mentally/physically healthy is more important than supporting that kind of love. I do not support and applaud as a car goes over a cliff.

I have been them. I have gone through 2 abusive relationships. I deeply wish that, when the first one happened, someone had told me. I wish that I had gotten counseling, information, direction then, so the second wouldn't have happened. It's not something I would wish on anyone. Ever.

In my country, if you facilitates or even watch a suicide, you will be judged in a homicide trial, as accomplice. Before I got marriage with my ex, my mom could give me some help, telling that alcohool drinks can make guys be more violent, she didn't, because she had an incredible faith in god to fix the bad situations. I still have a big faith, but I believe in the free-will, more than before.
While married, friends spit in my face some truths that I could not even see. And they said unforgetable phrases, which helped me a lot to get the divorce. That was support, help, not mere connivance.
Your words, here, made me remember my sweet friends.

[luvmabrownie]

I am taking his arrest as my chance to break away for good. I love myself and kids too much. Children learn what they live. My man hit his own daughter. He is where he belongs. I am going to show my kids that you can break a woman down temporarily, but a real woman picks up the pieces and rebuilds stronger then ever.

My kids will learn from me that they are my most valued prize and that I love them and myself.

You all helped me get here. Ty
Please stay strong my friends

[lovemyhubby13]

yes I do love my husband and he had hurt me physically and now he had to face the consequences.. I have forgiven him and I believe that he will change and he is helping him self , he will continue the treatment that will help him control his anger once he is out and ...

[luvmabrownie]

Trying to heal, but sometimes I just break down. My fucking heart hurts. I miss him so much. I will never feel his arms around me again. I watch our son sleeping, knowing that I am keeping him safe and that I am doing what's right. Inside I feel myself dying. I love this man. He gets angry. He can be a monster. He can also be loving and wonderful. He made me whole... I want to learn to live again. This is a cruel world

[bricesPnut]

I feel all ur pain girl..... But I'm stronger now I won't let him beat me ever again. He's mom said the same thing I still have faith that he could change but once again I won't be his side if he not stop this behavior!

[littleone86]

I go back and forth with the question of, "Will it happen again once he's out?". My husband slung me around, boxed my ears, and eventually threw me on the floor one night after learning about someone I was with before we ever dated. I reluctantly stayed, blamed it on the fact that he drank too much that night, and we tried to mend everything.

In July 2011, we went on vacation with his family to Florida. He drank all day, most of the night, and (unknowingly to me) took a bunch of prescription meds that his sister had. We went out, he went to sign the tab (from what I remember.. I drank too, like an idiot), and the next thing I know we're getting asked to stop by two bouncers. Apparently my husband wrote f*** off on the receipt and walked out, even though the tab was paid. He and the bouncers got into a verbal altercation while I'm yelling at him to get in the car so we can leave. We finally get in the car, we have words, and the next thing I know he's punching the crap out of me WHILE I'M DRIVING. Thankfully no one else was hurt and I got us home, but now he has a no contact order with me in FL and the state picked up a charge against him for what he did to me.

I'm just worried that there's too much baggage between what he's done and what I've done, and it's just a matter of time before he reverts to his old self. I cheated on him while he was in jail in FL, and I am fully remorseful for that. I don't know that I can say he's fully remorseful for what he did to me. So far I am trying to stay by his side through it all, but it's been very very difficult to do so. Part of me wants to stay through whatever amount of time he serves, and the other part of me worries that he won't change.

[M+E=1]

Im struggling with this issue also..a part of me loves him but the other part wonders if its best to just move on

[martinez1]

I understand both sides I also was in a abusive relationship I would get beat all the time he went to prison took anger management said he changed and when he was released I took him back so I understand its hard to let go when you love but after about 3 months of doing good he got jealous and snapped stabbed me trying to stab a big knife in my temple luckily I was strong enough to grab the knife and he cut my fingers which now I can't bend and will never have feeling in them ever again so maybe the ladies aren't being judgement but people can be deceiving and lie about changing and all it takes it one time that could of easily been my last day and why because I loved him all I'm saying is you have to love yourself more and realize anything can happen at anytime so it may be best to walk away.. but I know every person is different so I wish the best for all of you ladies

[mridgeman]

It is about feeling and being safe. You are the only person that knows what is right or wrong for you. Just know that there really is a life out there perfect for each of us. You could be rich or poor, married or single but happy. The best for me was when I realized I didn't have to lie anymore about anything. It was so great! Good luck to all!