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Siblings of Inmates For brothers and sisters of prisoners

View Poll Results: Biggest obstacles your released sibling will face?
Employment 223 61.94%
Finding living accomodation 49 13.61%
Emotional- low self-worth, depression, dealing with crowds etc 109 30.28%
Reconnecting with family, friends 62 17.22%
Everyday routines-money management,making own decisions etc. 116 32.22%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 360. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 07-28-2011, 02:14 AM
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hywesley1 hywesley1 is offline
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When my 54 year old brother went to prison Oct of last year I thought his problem would adjusting to a new town and way of life. But NOW his obstacle is going to be ME, ME, and more of ME! He has been in jail before but never prison and its hard on him, on all of us. Lucky for him he has disability so a couple of months after release he is going to be ok. But we are going to share a house in the town I live in and Im the only one who can drive. At times he talks about getting back with his ex and THAT will be over my dead body! (figuratively). Ive told him if he even thinks about it Im going to break his legs! I wouldnt really but Im sure not going help anymore if he does.


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  #102  
Old 08-24-2011, 10:45 PM
ncangels03 ncangels03 is offline
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when my sister sheri gets out in 8 yrs most of her family with be deceased. Dad died in April and the rest of them are in poor health.
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  #103  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:55 AM
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my sister will have to face going back with her gang freinds
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  #104  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:56 AM
sisofinmate sisofinmate is offline
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Default i will keep them in my prayers

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when my sister sheri gets out in 8 yrs most of her family with be deceased. Dad died in April and the rest of them are in poor health.
i will pray for them
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  #105  
Old 09-20-2011, 02:57 PM
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I voted for finding employment. My Brother was a very hard worker, but he says life in jail has really broken his routine and there is a lot of time doing nothing. It's going to be a big change being busy again all day.

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  #106  
Old 04-18-2012, 07:42 PM
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This is going to sound mean...but,my sister will have to find houseing. I can't handle not being able to live my life cause of her mess anymore. ( sorry )

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  #107  
Old 04-30-2012, 09:23 PM
LizzyBorden LizzyBorden is offline
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Default biggest obstacles

My sister will have labels and will be judged by many. I think along with that she will have the challenge of learning to make healthy friends, finding a job, and finding support. Most of my family has abandoned her and a lot of her previous friends were not friends. I'm also afraid that people might take advantage of her because she is a bit below average intelligence. I will try to get good support for her as far as resources.
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  #108  
Old 06-17-2012, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by werewolfsgirl View Post
This is going to sound mean...but,my sister will have to find houseing. I can't handle not being able to live my life cause of her mess anymore. ( sorry )

pixy p loves & misses her werewolf
sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your life running smoothly
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  #109  
Old 07-02-2012, 12:55 PM
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My brother has been in for 6 months. All he wants to do is find a job, so that is what I voted for. I'm guessing it's going to be very difficult to find employment; especially in this economy. I don't even know where to look for him.
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  #110  
Old 07-18-2012, 03:12 PM
mikeyb mikeyb is offline
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My brother gets out at the end of 2013 (hopefully) after 8 yrs. He was a kid when he went in barely 18. Hes got white power tats all over his face: chin, eye brows, hands, head. My goal is to remove them for him, Im trying to raise $ for a laser tatoo removal machine (they are pricey) while Im getting my RN/BSN, that way when he gets out I can remove them and provide a free service for other excons who may also have tats that will hamper them in progressing. My fear is not employment, my husband can help him, teach him a trade adn get him work, my fear is he has been in at such a young age and for such a long time. He will be almost socially retarded. His growth and experience haulted at 18 though he'll be 26 when he gets out. How will he make good choices(relationships, friends, drugs/alcohol)? he wasnt able to grow as a person.


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What do you think the hardest things your sibling will have to overcome/deal with once released? (You can vote for more than one.)
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  #111  
Old 08-22-2012, 06:06 PM
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i feel so horrible for you. i am actually a recovering addict and have dealt with that drug for majority of my life and my marriage. unfortunately it is the devils drug. it is one of the hardest drugs to break free of. i actually had to move away all together. my husband was clean for about three years and went back to it. i wish you the best of luck.
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Originally Posted by aztkgirl View Post
My brother's biggest obstacle will be, staying off drugs. Meth is his demon, and I hope that this time around things will be different. His mentality however has not changed. You know how guys say they are going to do things differently when they get out... well he doesnt even do that. He just says that he is who he is and thats that.

He gets released this month. For anyone who has or is living with a loved one on this drug, you know how difficult, dangerous, and stessfull it is.. Wish us well.

Last edited by JLYNNB; 08-22-2012 at 06:30 PM..
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  #112  
Old 08-24-2012, 12:56 AM
mcfaciane mcfaciane is offline
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I think that each of those can have a significant affect on my little brother considering he went in at such a young age (19) and he will be getting out when he is 29 years old. He is going to miss the years where your allowed to mess up a little (of course not as bad as he did). The years where you can suck with money, get too many credit cards, fail a few college classes..take a break...come back...fail a few more.., wreck your car, go to bars a party, etc... I'm not saying that everyone does these things but your 20's (for most people) is the first REAL freedom you experience in life. I hate that my brother cut his short before he got to experience how much fun legal fun can be I am currently in college and have a really well thought out 5 year plan (that turned into a year and a semester break...making it more of a 7 year plan haha) so I will be able to help him when he gets out. I know that he isn't going to want to go back and live with my parents so i'm trying desperately to be able to get him his own place (very close to family) when he gets out.'

We talk a ton about what he thinks its going to be like when he gets out. Sometimes he is very upbeat and optimistic and sometimes he says that he wont ever amount to anything. I just always tell him that "on the bright side its too early to tell but the bad side is the bright side."
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  #113  
Old 08-24-2012, 01:02 AM
mcfaciane mcfaciane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyb View Post
My brother gets out at the end of 2013 (hopefully) after 8 yrs. He was a kid when he went in barely 18. Hes got white power tats all over his face: chin, eye brows, hands, head. My goal is to remove them for him, Im trying to raise $ for a laser tatoo removal machine (they are pricey) while Im getting my RN/BSN, that way when he gets out I can remove them and provide a free service for other excons who may also have tats that will hamper them in progressing. My fear is not employment, my husband can help him, teach him a trade adn get him work, my fear is he has been in at such a young age and for such a long time. He will be almost socially retarded. His growth and experience haulted at 18 though he'll be 26 when he gets out. How will he make good choices(relationships, friends, drugs/alcohol)? he wasnt able to grow as a person.
This really touched my heart. I read your post after I wrote mine but your reasons/obstacles of difficulty that you foresee for your brother are the very same that I see for my own. As I said in my post he will have missed his young-adult-allowed to mistakes phase in life. Not only will he be expected to get his life together when he gets out..any minor indiscretion will seem a billion times more wrong than if he had never went to prison.

Last edited by mcfaciane; 08-24-2012 at 01:03 AM..
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  #114  
Old 09-25-2012, 04:20 AM
BabySisterC BabySisterC is offline
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Default To All Little & Big Sisters.

My heart goes out to all of you. I'm 20 and I have a brother (turning 22 this year) who is serving a 9 year sentence. He's my best friend! I think the biggest thing I worry about is that he'll go back to his old ways and go live with his dead beat homies who don't even write him while he's locked up, & get back into drugs.

Not to mention, I'm worried about how he'll react to the slightest bit of conflict. I just don't want the politics in there to reflect on his feelings and actions when he's released. I know he'll never be the same brother I had before, but I really hope he doesn't fill himself full of anger & sadness when he's out.

Sending all my love and prayers to anyone with a sibling, child, or love in there. Keep your faith strong.
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  #115  
Old 03-01-2013, 05:44 AM
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S.o.A.Fan S.o.A.Fan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyb View Post
My brother gets out at the end of 2013 (hopefully) after 8 yrs. He was a kid when he went in barely 18. Hes got white power tats all over his face: chin, eye brows, hands, head. My goal is to remove them for him, Im trying to raise $ for a laser tatoo removal machine (they are pricey) while Im getting my RN/BSN, that way when he gets out I can remove them and provide a free service for other excons who may also have tats that will hamper them in progressing. My fear is not employment, my husband can help him, teach him a trade adn get him work, my fear is he has been in at such a young age and for such a long time. He will be almost socially retarded. His growth and experience haulted at 18 though he'll be 26 when he gets out. How will he make good choices(relationships, friends, drugs/alcohol)? he wasnt able to grow as a person.
I said mentionally retarded. Is he slow or do u think bc he went in as a young boy he is more subseptable to being "institutionalized"
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  #116  
Old 07-16-2013, 01:22 PM
ann gleeson ann gleeson is offline
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Default To all Texan Enablers,get out of the way!

Quote:
Originally Posted by aztkgirl View Post
My brother's biggest obstacle will be, staying off drugs. Meth is his demon, and I hope that this time around things will be different. His mentality however has not changed. You know how guys say they are going to do things differently when they get out... well he doesnt even do that. He just says that he is who he is and thats that.

He gets released this month. For anyone who has or is living with a loved one on this drug, you know how difficult, dangerous, and stessfull it is.. Wish us well.
Do not enable,do not let them live with you,let them fall hard and find Revovery,they chose,not you,tell them to find Sober living,and get a life,its always a choice,Jail ,Death,or Recovery......Family Recovery Coach,ANN,Houston,Texas.Get with the PROGRAM!
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  #117  
Old 09-20-2013, 10:07 AM
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InSiliconValley InSiliconValley is offline
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I would say that the double burden of getting out of prison and being very old is what faces my brother. He is serving a 50 year term and was middle-aged when convicted.
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  #118  
Old 01-18-2015, 08:43 PM
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The biggest burden my older brother has faced?

His inability to think that there's anything wrong with what he does, and the family's support of violent and criminal actions.

You know the family you're in has some big problems when they're disappointed their daughter graduated from law school, but really proud of their son for breaking his parole conditions (instead of just asking his PO for permission).
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  #119  
Old 01-18-2015, 10:45 PM
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Staying off drugs. He's constantly saying "I'm clean now. I am done doing that stuff." But we just cannot believe him...I think he'll probably start back up when he's out.
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  #120  
Old 02-16-2015, 07:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
The biggest burden my older brother has faced?

His inability to think that there's anything wrong with what he does, and the family's support of violent and criminal actions.

You know the family you're in has some big problems when they're disappointed their daughter graduated from law school, but really proud of their son for breaking his parole conditions (instead of just asking his PO for permission).
I'm so sorry to hear that
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  #121  
Old 04-18-2015, 04:59 AM
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I voted "employment", "emotional", and "everyday routines" but I'll add a few..

Numero uno his addiction and mental health issues. Next, a very real and severe case of Post-incarceration syndrome/PTSD/"institutionalization"...

He will have a place to live and while he won't have his own transportation (which is good!! he doesn't need it!! but try convincing HIM of that!!) he will have someone to take him where ever he needs to go (me, my mom, or both)..

Age is a problem too. He will be 59 if he serves his entire sentence.. and most of his life off and on he's been in prison. He had some training in prison (in Florida) in Auto-cad but that's now useless. He is very smart and talented but he is also physically unable to just go out and do day labor or other physically intense work. He really should qualify for disability with his mix of physical and mental health issues but that seems like such a crap shoot.. he could get it right away or it could take years or it could never happen! So, I've been talking with him about possibilities for returning to school to focus on a degree that's practical in terms of physical ability and chances of actually being hired with his record.

I am doing what I can to try and find resources for him to help with his mental health issues RIGHT away so he has no period of "free falling" which has hurt him in the past when he was released...

Honestly I don't expect or believe he won't drink and I can be okay with that.. if he just wouldn't drive. I made a bad joke the other day about it talking to my 23 year old son and we both had a half serious conversation about how we kind of wished my brother would just have some sort of accident that physically prevented him from DRIVING ever again.. and my son said "Well maybe we can shoot him in the kneecaps? Tell him it's for his own good, and have an ambulance on standby? "

Yeah, sick humor but that's where your mind goes. Because, he would still need mental health help and he'd still be an alcoholic and he'd still be a pain in the ass but he couldn't get behind the wheel which is what has lead him to prison EVERY SINGLE TIME.
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Last edited by SheriBaby; 04-18-2015 at 05:05 AM..
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  #122  
Old 07-13-2015, 07:30 PM
Falisha123 Falisha123 is offline
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My heart goes out to all who've had a family member locked up. When our loved one is locked up so are we. My family isn't complete, neither am I. Now he's coming home after years, I moved out of city so when he's out there's no excuse for same "friends" same environment. The change has to come in their mind to be later expressed through their actions. that's why they keep going back. They're locked up for years but their issues are never dealt with. I am super excited cause he's coming home next month but worried about his choices. He's got a small child he's never met. God help us all.
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  #123  
Old 07-16-2015, 11:27 AM
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I also think it's employment for the choices that are provided. If employment is in place, their self esteem will be better than without. However, first and foremost, is his addiction and understanding that he has to stay away from bad influences, specially when that influence is his own cousin! You are who you hang around with. You can't continue having the same influences and expect different results. Who he hangs out with right out of prison will be my indication as to where his life will end up.
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  #124  
Old 07-16-2015, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by werewolfsgirl View Post
This is going to sound mean...but,my sister will have to find houseing. I can't handle not being able to live my life cause of her mess anymore. ( sorry )

pixy p loves & misses her werewolf
I totally get where you're coming from. If it were up to me, I'd never see my brother again. But my poor parents keep housing him and supporting him. He has no reason to "grow up" when someone keeps feeding and housing him. It's been so peaceful since he's been put away...sorry to say.
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