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Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

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  #1  
Old 05-01-2012, 06:55 AM
pgh1520148 pgh1520148 is offline
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i meet a guy from a web site called writeaprisoner.com i never did anything like this before.i guess i'm lonely has hell and thought i would give it a try.he is everything in a man that i would want. he hasn't ask for money or anything even though i sent $30. i read on the web site that guys in kentucky prey on gay men. i have sent him 17 letters in less than a month i got 6 from him. i hope and pray this is for real but i have this feeling i might be being used. does anyone have a positive story to tell me thanks
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:00 AM
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eloriel eloriel is offline
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Welcome!

So you would like to hear the "happily ever after" story? Or the story in which the frogs turned out just to be toads instead?

I know what you mean in having this feeling....all I can say go with your guts. The question is why do you feel scammed? I mean so far he hasnt asked for money. There seems to be an imbalance in letters....but just know that mail issues can also prevent an inmate from writing.

My story so far with my guy. I asked for his trust fund account statement in order to just have some "verification" of this money issue. I have not yet the feeling that I have been scammed, so yes there are the "good" guys....but as a gay you still have to be extra careful. Just give what you want to give, unconditional. If you dont want to send any then dont. Time will reveal a scam by itself, if it comes to that.

About Kentucky...yeah, sadly those inmates seem to have lived up to their reputation. That doesnt mean they dont deserve the benefit of the doubt.....but I'd throw in a challenge if I were to have a KY inmate....

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Old 05-01-2012, 05:46 PM
Asantemode Asantemode is offline
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I am gay and have been talking to a gay prisoner in E.K.C.C. for about 5 months now. I also found him on writeaprisoner. So far he has been absolutely the best. He has never asked me for money. We write each other almost every week. It has been crazy!! But a good crazy. We have also talked on the phone. He has kind of blown me away I must admit because I did not expect to meet someone like him. He says he is looking for love so we will see.. one day at a time. We have been open and honest with each other so far. He gets out next year in May or June 2013. So my advice is take your time, follow your gut instincts about him that's all we have. If it don't feel right , then it's not right.
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Old 05-06-2012, 03:34 AM
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All I can advise anyone that comes here with questions is that you must keep your eyes wide open and just don't get all 'in love' too quickly.

I am NOT saying that there are not great men behind bars - there are. I am NOT saying that you cannot find the man of your dreams behind bars - you might.

Ask yourself how with all the men on the outside you find this one that you write letters to and magically you are in love and he is the best thing ever? You have not met him and you have not spent any time with him? What is this love based on? Fact or fantasy?

Just becasue a Prisoner does not ask for money does not mean that he is not scamming. The smart ones don't ask immediately. The smart ones know that they will get you to do it when you are ready because they never asked...

Anyway - I am not here to shed negative light on everyone that comes here but from someone who has watched 'relationship' after 'relationship' for TEN years on this site, I do know a thing or two about what is happening here.

Again - I am NOT saying that all are scammers.

What I am suggesting is don't fall in love from six letters back from him. Don't fall in love because you want it to be real. Take your time - get to know this guy - write - talk on the phone - go and visit in person - GET TO KNOW HIM. Then fall in love. You could have a great guy here but take your time and get to know him.

Love was not built in a day.

Keep your eyes wide open. Go carefully. Give of yourself, your emotions, and your money without any expectations until you know the lay of the land.

I hope and wish for you that this is what you want it to be.

Keep us up to date!
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Old 05-07-2012, 05:16 PM
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pgh, all I can say is be careful and take it nice and slow. I think of myself as a success story. I wrote to a few guys I found on the same site as you. The first was a user. The second turned out to be the love of my life. He is hard working, loyal and has a laugh that will light up the world. Here is something you can try....do a google search with his name and see if he pops up on any other prisoner pen pal sites and if his info reamins consistant.

Good luck to you.
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Old 05-08-2012, 04:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tried&True View Post
pgh, all I can say is be careful and take it nice and slow. I think of myself as a success story. I wrote to a few guys I found on the same site as you. The first was a user. The second turned out to be the love of my life. He is hard working, loyal and has a laugh that will light up the world. Here is something you can try....do a google search with his name and see if he pops up on any other prisoner pen pal sites and if his info reamins consistant.

Good luck to you.
Sounds good! Does this mean that your guy is living with you on the outside now? Just curious because I never heard that before.
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Old 05-08-2012, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by eloriel View Post
Sounds good! Does this mean that your guy is living with you on the outside now? Just curious because I never heard that before.

He still has some time to go, but, yes, he is coming home to live with me when he does get out. We call, write, and email all the time. We have hit a few bumps, but we hang on.
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Old 05-08-2012, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
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Here is something you can try....do a google search with his name and see if he pops up on any other prisoner pen pal sites and if his info reamins consistant. Good luck to you.
That's good advice. You can take it a step further. Writeaprisoner uses the same url if a prisoner repost an ad after it has expired. I think the url is based off of prisoner information or something. You can use the way back machine, a website, to search for cached versions of his profile. This doesn't always work since the way back machine can't cache every page on the internet. writeaprisoner allows guys to change the sexual orientation on their ads. The first guy who had ever responded to me had changed his profile from gay to straight to gay. An old pen pal of mine was listed as bi when i wrote him. We drifted a part and when i went back to the site he had re-listed himself as straight. I have seen one dude list himself as straight, straight looking for goth girls, gay, and then straight looking for the right one.

If the OP knows the county where his MWI was arrested he can look for the record of the arrest. I was also able to find part of the transcripts to my boyfriends trial because they were listed in an appeal.

As far as success stories I consider us one so far. I was so obsessed with figuring out if he was lying to me early on that I nearly destroyed the relationship. My boyfriend is not out and prison and some busy body in the mail room nearly had him jumped. Despite all of that we are going strong. I can't think of anyone else i would rather be with. I can have a two hour conversation with my guy and have said nothing important. We are two silly, smart, sexy, studs who came from nothing and feel like we have everything we need in each other. I am blessed to have him on this journey with me. If we work out in the real world I will be doubly blessed. good luck keep your eyes and heart open.
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pgh1520148 View Post
...i guess i'm lonely has hell and thought i would give it a try. He is everything in a man that i would want.
I guess I'm always concerned when relationships of any kind are born of neediness. I'm not sure how to frame this, other than to say that if you're lonely - one of the common results of that is that you may make your well-being contingent on the behavior, response, affection, moods or whatever of another person. That's so unwise and such an immediate danger signal, I would have to caution, to quote Lost in Space, "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson".

One of the things about writing to someone in prison we haven't met is that you can only see them through the filter they want you to see them through. Their words, personal descriptions, etc. But, in real relationships we learn more important stuff than what people say about themselves, we learn what they do around others. How they treat the gas station attendant, or the grocery clerk, or just other people. In time you can come to know who your friend is, but when one person is incarcerated and the other isn't - that doesn't happen quickly - or remotely.

I think it's wonderful that you want to write, (although 17 letters seems excessive to me - and if I were in your prison friend's shoes, I would consider it borderline stalking - but that's another issue) but you have to put it in perspective. I especially recommend you re-read Ken's post as his words are very wise and spot-on.

I want you to also consider, and I mean this with all respect, that being used goes two ways - and it is equally unhelpful, and ultimately un-productive, if you are using this person to meet your deep emotional needs. Your friend is sort of a "captive audience" - and as a person with a lot of prison experience, you are setting up a relationship that is way out of balance already - a certain recipe for future drama.

I have friends who are enlightened enough to recognize that their inmate crushes can be a lot of fun, for the both of you - but longer term, substantial relationships are most effective when there is at least the opportunity for parity and partnership.

Just stuff to think about...
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Last edited by Scott; 05-09-2012 at 06:55 PM..
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