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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 04-04-2012, 11:42 AM
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Default I abandoned him

I got scared and ran from. I broke his heart and mine too. But i realized there is no me withought him. How do I get him back?:sad& blue:
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:55 AM
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Write to him and tell him exactly how you feel
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:56 AM
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Hope for the best and prepare yourself mentally for the worst.

My prayers go out to you & I hope everything works out the way you'd like it to.
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:59 AM
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I would write him a nice long letter explaining what was going through your mind at the time, and how you are feeling now. There's nothing worse than being hurt by someone and not knowing why. Hopefully he can look past it and you two can end up back together. Best of luck to you!
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Old 04-04-2012, 12:00 PM
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Awww i read this and i immediately felt an ache in my heart for him...i can BARELY imagine how he must feel right now i hope u can get him back but dont be surprised if he has trust issues with you thereafter..you will have a long journey of trying to regain his trust BUT if you TRULY Love him you'll do whatever it takes to fight for whats rightfully YOURS!

#GOOD LUCK!
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Old 04-04-2012, 12:02 PM
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How long was ya'll a part? I would write him a letter just checking in on him. By his response you should know if it is safe to try and build a friendship with him. I say friendship because your going to need that in order to have a strong relationship. The friendship phase it were he can get out how he felt about what you did and you can get out why you did it and ya'll can learn each other fears and likes and dislikes. I wouldn't promise him nothing right now and I wouldn't want him to promise me anything right now. You have to see if he is writing someone else and if so you have to respect that and just focus on the friendship.
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Old 04-04-2012, 12:19 PM
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I agree with klewis! Try to build a friendship with him first!!! The rest will fall in place. Always though be truthful with your feelings...
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Klewis View Post
How long was ya'll a part? I would write him a letter just checking in on him. By his response you should know if it is safe to try and build a friendship with him. I say friendship because your going to need that in order to have a strong relationship. The friendship phase it were he can get out how he felt about what you did and you can get out why you did it and ya'll can learn each other fears and likes and dislikes. I wouldn't promise him nothing right now and I wouldn't want him to promise me anything right now. You have to see if he is writing someone else and if so you have to respect that and just focus on the friendship.
9 months
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:05 PM
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I did this too and then I just wrote him back. He was silent for about a week, and then I got the most awesome love letter ever. WRITE!
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:08 PM
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Are you guys still married? Obviously y'all married each other for better or worse, but there's more incentive to work things out if your still married than if you got divorced in your 9 months apart.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:14 PM
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Well alot can change in 9 months some good and some bad. He might have got over the fact that you abandoned him and he no longer wants to open that door out of fear or he probably have done some growing up himself and he will be able to address the issue better now then he would had been able to 9 months ago. You will never know if you don't write him.
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Old 04-05-2012, 12:13 AM
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This life is not for everyone, its really hard to be with someone in prison. I wouldnt write him a letter, if you can and if you are still on his list, I would go to the prison to visit him. I think this is a conversation that you should have in person. Just tell him how you feel how hard all of this is for you and how you felt and what is going through your mind now.

Many of us have doubts from time to time and you just never know what will happen on day to the next, the best thing to do is to just be honest and tell him how you are feeling and just go from there. For a while it might be hard for him to trust that you will stand by him, but if you love him and this is what you want, then fight for it, dont let go until you have done all you can to get your relationship back where it was.

Good luck!
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  #13  
Old 04-05-2012, 12:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife View Post
I got scared and ran from. I broke his heart and mine too. But i realized there is no me withought him. How do I get him back?:sad& blue:
Not sure you can, especially while he is locked up. It is bad enough that they are serving time, but to have someone run or break their heart, makes things even more difficult.

He may not trust you ever again, are you willing to live with that? He would probably be fearful that you will run again. I am not sure how long he has left on his sentence, but I would think it would be hard to try and re-build your relationship with him serving time. He will have no clue what you are doing or who you are doing it with.

I am sorry you made a mistake and now realize that you love this man. I really would like to say that you can make this work and get him back, but it will be a long difficult road, in my opinion. Maybe some will disagree with me, but once trust and communication have been lost in a relationship, not much else is there. I guess you could try and share with him that you screwed up and ask for his forgiveness and see if he would be willing to give it another try.

I wish you luck with this one.

Peace~
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Old 04-05-2012, 01:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife
I got scared and ran from. I broke his heart and mine too. But i realized there is no me withought him. How do I get him back?:sad& blue:
Write to him. I did the same thing. I ran as fast as I could. Didn't write, didn't respond to his letters. Nothing. I was scared and not mentally prepared for THIS type of love. I wrote to him one day just because he had been on my mind and I spilled my guts. I told him how I felt at that time, how scared I was and I sincerely apologized. I told him if nothing else, I would be his friend forever if he would forgive me. We are now engaged. I was brought back to him and I will never abandon him again. God blessed me with a 2nd chance and this time I'm gonna do it right.

Good luck to you!!!
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Old 04-05-2012, 06:32 AM
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I agree with Tela he may have trust issues with you, afraid to give you his heart thinking you may get scared and run again. Then he is prision so he has alot of time to think. Like the other woman said I would write a letter explaining how you feel about him, why you left, and why you changed your mind. Reassure him that this is what you want and you aren't gone to go anywhere. Taking things slow at first may work, let him see over time that you are true to your word and you are gone to stand by him. Let him know even if you are angry and don't want me back, I want to be here for you regardless, and start sending him letters, peoms, cards, pictures. Make him see have to really prove yourself now, that is if you really want your man back. My prayers are with you girly, Good Luck!
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Old 04-10-2012, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
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Are you guys still married? Obviously y'all married each other for better or worse, but there's more incentive to work things out if your still married than if you got divorced in your 9 months apart.

Yes we are still married
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:39 PM
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what did you get scared of and run? are those type of things still going on? how do you know you can do this? you gotta be sure this time, my sister.

were you true to your vows during your 9 months apart? this might be a factor as well.

i wish you the best. like the other ladies are saying on here, it is gonna be a long road back, if back is an option for him.
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Old 04-10-2012, 08:46 PM
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Why did you leave ? Sometimes that instinct to run is self preservation & the going back is lonlieness & doubt of your own self worth.

Write a list.. reasons to go on without. Reasons to go back. Be honest . Read it a few times. Think on it. Pray on it. Then act.
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:36 AM
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You can write him and he might take you back since neither one of you have applied for a divorce. I'm assuming there is still love on his end too but be prepared for the back lash. He might forgive you but he probably won't forget. IJS
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Old 04-15-2012, 10:15 PM
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If I remember correctly, you guys are MWI and your man was a gang banger who can't stay out of trouble and exibited signs of becoming violent with you while in prison.. I think you should do as another mentioned and write down all the reasons you left, think about them long and hard.. but skip writing down all the reasons you should stay. None are worth being scared.
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
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If I remember correctly, you guys are MWI and your man was a gang banger who can't stay out of trouble and exibited signs of becoming violent with you while in prison.. I think you should do as another mentioned and write down all the reasons you left, think about them long and hard.. but skip writing down all the reasons you should stay. None are worth being scared.
yes that was me I ran because he caught fed charges and my kids were being threatened but I miss him I know it sounds nuts
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:21 PM
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You miss HIM or you miss what you hoped he would be ? Seriously, as time goes on, I see mine more clearly. I just miss having someone i can brag to about the kids,etc...not the person he really turned out to be.
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Old 05-02-2012, 01:43 AM
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yes that was me I ran because he caught fed charges and my kids were being threatened but I miss him I know it sounds nuts
He threatened your children???? Good God. What are you thinking?

Your initial impulse to run was right. If not for yourself then for the safety of your children shake off the nostalgia and keep moving.
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Old 05-02-2012, 02:54 AM
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What do you miss about him? I was reading the advice that the sisters were giving you to write him and ask him to forgive you, etc. Then, someone, as only a sister can, asked what did he do? Here came the answer. Your kids have been threatened and there have been other problems. The whole senario changed! So, again I ask you, what do you miss about him? Those kids don't need to be threatened. No way! Maybe you miss the idea of what you would want him to be, I think you need to back up and look at this whole situation again. You left for a reason. Think about it!
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Old 05-02-2012, 03:23 AM
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You ran for a reason I would guess...did I read a post that said u guyz got married on the phone? I didn't realize you could do that...tho me and mines only have 15 minutes so I don't think that would work for us..lol

if he hasn't tried to get u back after all this time I wouldn't open it back up.. continue along with ur life cuz it sounds like he may have continued with his......
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