Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

missy.lille · #1 05-01-2012, 10:02 PM

Recently my daughter's father was pulled over and put in jail for possession and dealing cocaine and methamphetamine. At first he said it wasn't his (likely story) and he was going to take it to jury trial. Days before the jury trial was set to begin (would have been today) he signed a plea agreement for a minimum of 30 years (the first plea they offered him - stupid). Our daughter is 22 months old and adores her daddy. I had stopped letting him see her a couple months before he went to jail because I knew he was using drugs and I didn't want our child around that, but she has never "forgot" him.

I hope that there is a way that he can back out of the plea he signed the other day so he can try to wait for something better, but I'm not sure.... My child needs her father in her life. I do not plan on taking Anna to see him much at first (not at all while in the county jail because it's a pointless telephone visit and she's too busy for that), but as she gets older I plan on going as much as she requests.

I'm open to suggestions as to how to handle the situation with Anna being so young and him going away for so long. Even after 1/2 the time he will be gone at least 15 years and I doubt he will behave himself to get a full time cut.

The thing that makes me the most upset is that he was never a good dad as far as helping support our child. In her almost 2 years he has bought her one pair of shoes (that is the start and end of the list... no diapers, clothes, wipes.... just one pair of shoes that she didn't even need). He has been in and out of her life. He has always put himself first, housing with whatever woman would take care of him. Putting all of that aside, Anna loves her daddy, but it makes me REALLY angry that after two years of him not helping I'm going to be out more money to drive to see him and to continue to support her on my own. Selfish? Yes.

Again, any words of advice from any other parent who has had similar situations would be greatly appreciated.

LadeeInWaiting · #2 05-02-2012, 10:06 PM

wow - Hugs to you and you little one.
I am not facing the same - but my dad was like that in/out of my life, more focused on his habit than his kids... etc. Although I did not think so then - I now really wish my mom would have cut off all contact until I was in old enough to understand his issues and make the choice for myself. I spent alot of my younger years wondering why I couldnt get his love (of course he did - but his priority was his addiction and that feels like a lack of love to a young person). And know I am waiting at home for my addict hubby to come home for prison . It wasnt until much later in life that I came to realize the profound effects it all had .

Now I cannot say for how my life may or maynot have been different without him - and everyone needs to make the decision that is right for them. Just something to consider.

missy.lille · #3 08-12-2012, 05:16 PM

Thank you so much for your response. Best of luck to you!

missy.lille · #4 08-12-2012, 05:21 PM

Also, he kept that plea deal and was sentenced to 35years fully executed in the doc. He has been sent to Wabash Valley Correctional Facility. sigh.

bumblebee37 · #5 08-15-2012, 01:20 AM

Sometimes it's better if the biological parent isn't a part of their child's life. I see it everyday.

missy.lille · #6 08-15-2012, 10:51 PM

I agree 100% with that statement! My concern is my daughter, it's one of those situations where I need a crystal ball to see the future.... I don't want her to end up resenting me for doing that, or worse, hating me...

I've decided that I'm going to take her and see how it goes... at least once. If it doesn't go well, or doesn't seem beneficial to HER, I won't go back until she asks to, if she asks to.

Thanks for the responses! I truly appreciate them!