Heartbroken for him

[bnbjea]

So, I get a letter from my sweetie the other day and in the letter he's telling me about all his stresses that he's going through. He got locked up when I was 3 months pregnant. I'm now almost 8 1/2 months. So he has basically missed the whole pregnancy. Unfortunately he will also be missing the birth . But one of his "bothers" that he put in the letter was that he was afraid our daughter wouldn't know him when he gets out and that it really bothers him thinking that. I wrote him a letter to reassure him that she will know who her daddy is, that they will share a bond. It's heartbreaking to me because it REALLY bothers me that he can't be here right away. He's due to be home in Dec and that will make her 6 months (if she doesn't decide to come early!). He has picked up another charge though while he's been in so we aren't 100% sure on the whole getting out in December so I think he also may be afraid of that and is thinking she won't know him for even longer than her being 6 months. I just am wondering if any other lady out there has had to deal with this fear from their LO while they were IN during the pregnancy, birth, and months after they are born? And if you did how did you help the bond for them both while he's IN. I thought of always showing her pictures and telling her that's her daddy. I also would like to take her to visits, we haven't discussed that yet, but the visits are over a TV screen but I was thinking he would at least get to see her more than just in pictures. I'm just feeling down about it, because this has so far been one of the HARDEST things I have had to deal with in my life: I never imagined my first pregnancy going like this. And he feels SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO down and bad about how it's all "went down".

[143forever]

Im sorry you are going through this. I know this was also difficult for me.

My LO missed my entire pregnancy and birth of our son. He was released when our son was 3 months. Hes been in and out a couple times since so he got the opportunity to bond with his dad. He definitely knows and loves his daddy very much. I keep him involved through calls, i read his letters to him, and pictures. I unfortunately cannot take him to visits because his name is typed on the Birth certificate instead of signed. He had to sign papers agreeing he knew he was the father and wanted to be listed as so on the b.c and they just slapped it on there without physically letting him sign the actual b.c. its stupid but i cant change that.

Im always talking about his father, asking him questions about his father, just to help keep him thinking about him. He watches videos of dad and has a photo album of his dad.

Unfortunately there is only so much you can do. As long as he gets out before she is 2 i would say he has a good shot at bonding with her.