Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

mnmzmom · #1 05-04-2012, 09:58 AM

My son just started a 5-10 year sentence at his home prison at SCI Pine Grove in PA. And I feel like i just started the sentence right along with him.. I am worried constantly, worried about his physical safety, worried about my 9 month old granddaughter, will she remember her daddy?? We just went and visited him last Saturday at Camp Hill, He saw his daughter for the first time since January. She has gotten so big, he said. I smiled but deep down the tears were burning. He writes her a letter every month and I keep them in an album for her.Its sad. He kept telling me that he hears all this bad stuff about Pine Grove, the jueveniles, but he did find out that they have blocks for adults who all ready have there G.E.D. and stuff. I hope thats the case. Is anyone familiar with Pine Grove?? What is it about? Can he further his education?? I think I liked it better when he was a juevenile, at least i got phone calls when he got into a fight, etc... Worried to death!!

sleepless in Tu · #2 05-04-2012, 11:16 AM

I'm not familar with prison your son is at.I felt that same way with my daughter.It changed so many things that I too felt imprisoned.I'm so glad your son has your support and is able to see his daughter.That is so impotant.I always cried at visitation.I thougt "Oh good, I didn't cry this time" and sure enough ,there came the tears as I opened the door to leave.This site and the parents are so helpful and supportive.There are State forums here that can help with information for specific prisons.

KidzMom · #3 05-04-2012, 12:25 PM

Welcome to PTO. Sleeples in TU is right. There are local forums that will give specific information about each facility. PTO is a wonderful resource.

We all are worried for our children and feel what you feel! It is so easy to dwell on what he will be missing and feel deep pain and loss. The "I wish my son was here" thing happens always (just last night there was an arguement between children about if ("so and so" was here I would ask him to help BUT HES NOT so will you please help me! - Broke my heart

...). I write at least 3 times a week and keep my son up to date on everything - even what food we ate, how someone did something silly....everything - so he feels like he is there with us. It makes me feel better and he LOVES getting mail. They look forward to mail call with high hopes and go away with heavy hearts if their name is not called. Your son will line his cell with every picture his little one draws! Encourage her as she gets older.

I don't know about PA but here in CA if you have contact visits you can have a picture taken when you visit. It will be hard to look at I think (I haven't been able to yet) but as your son's time in prison "it is what it is" it would be great way for your grandaughter to keep her fathers face alive in her mind!

I am only into the 11th month of this with my son with at least 40 to go if he behaves (I count by months because it seem easier than years - actually my personal count is by weeks because weeks go by quick). I promise that you will hit a "cruising speed" where things remain relatively constant in the emotions department. Major upsets and breakdowns will slowly get further apart. Acceptance will set in in due time although the worry is still there for me.

deerwoman · #4 05-04-2012, 03:47 PM

KidzMom gave you good advice. You will always miss him because you love him. My son's baby girl wasn't even a month old when he left. Luckily we have pictures of her daddy holding her when she was born. There is also a pic of him online with his unit ministries and she likes to look at his pic. Her older sister remembers him and reminds her who their daddy is. He also talks on the phone with them when they are visiting me. If you are working that is good. For me, besides working, I sew, read, participate in community acitivities, and travel some. That is good to have something to write about or tell him when he calls. So hang in there you'll make it.

szcunane · #5 05-04-2012, 06:08 PM

i think in many ways we are doing time with them . ..our hearts are broken, fear and worry seem to be constant companions, sleeplessness becomes a way of life . . but gradually life goes on . .different, we slowly move into a routine. Two years in I get tense if we go more than a week without talking, and after about six weeks, I need to see him. we readjusted our budget to cover phone calls and canteen money. it's a life i never thought i would live, but i am learning not to fight it - it drains me of too much energy, so i think it's best we move forward . .to accept what has happened and hld our heads up and take each day one day at a time. keep writing, send him pictures of the baby weekly, visit when you can . ..and always come here . .we need each other. you will be okay . .different, but okay.

rkered · #6 05-04-2012, 08:06 PM

I think all families are"sentenced" with their children. How can we not worry when we know they are in horrible, unhealthy, dangerous places. I even worry about dental care!,,,,

bumblebee37 · #7 05-04-2012, 09:30 PM

you are doing the time with your child. do you stalk the mailman? watch the clock? stare at the phone and not want to leave your house for fear you might miss something? that's doing your own kind of time right beside them. but then as I have learned when you don't think it can be any worse you get to do another kind of time~I personally would like to go back to stalkling the mail truck. you just have to keep your head up and be thankful it is just a matter of time before your child hits those gates and hold the other parents hands here because they walk with you. . .

Tracy147 · #8 05-05-2012, 05:47 AM

My son did 6yrs...he was 17 at the time he went to prison. For the first year I believe I did his time with him...very stressful. My other family members felt cheated as I didnt seem to have time for them. I was so consumed with my son that I forgot about my own happiness. I found myself "forwarding calls to cell phone so I wouldnt miss a call....making visits every other week, talking to him daily to make sure he was ok, (running up phone bills)...ect, my mind never stopped thinking of him.
I remember the day I said to myself...YOU have a life, you have other family, ppl are sick of hearing me talk about my son around the clock, its time to let go of this. I knew I couldnt change anything and was tired of being so stressed. I started to live my life, and letting my son do his time. I stopped cheating myself out of life and put a smile back on my face. I got rid of the guilt that I so blamed myself if maybe I would have done a better job of raising him....but knew I did the best I could and that HE made the choices he did, not me. Its not easy to go thru this, but life was good and happiness came back, and those 6yrs went by a whole lot faster as I moved forward.
I love my son, but it was his time........

jancy · #9 05-05-2012, 06:43 AM

Hi there, fellow PA person! My son was in 4 county jails and one state prison while his son was living ihs first 5 yrs. He missed so much. I did take his son to see him at all the jails but one and of course to state prison. Even though he missed all that time with his son...he now has full custody of him and the lost time is forgotten as they move on thru life. Your granddaughter can be taken to see her dad ...he can hold her, feed her...and they will continue to bond.

The SCI's in Penna are mostly boring. They have programs and if the judge ordered some, your son will have to get thru them. Tell your son to behave in prison and he will most likely do half his time...his minimum.

He will learn the ropes. Camp Hill is brutal but his home prison will be much more routine and he will learn the ropes. You and he will settle into a routine too, of letters and visits and phone calls. My son was challenged a couple times in prison but he held his ground and did not back down and the fights never happened. He did make friends of the guys his own age and that helped him get thru as well.

Sounds like your son has been in trouble more than once since he was a juvenile...like mine. He will be ok. He is learning that if he wants to have freedom to be there to be a dad to his child...he has to comply. I always said that to my son "comply, comply, comply!"

Go live your life and have boundaries on how much you let your son's life affect yours. Of course you miss him, but you have a life and a body, too and deserve to live. When he gets out, you will worry then, too. SO...while he is being housed and fed and watched over by others...time for you to keep him in prayer, but to also grow stronger.

((HUGS))

spiffy-heart · #10 05-05-2012, 02:21 PM

At his first place, he was in a cell a lot of the time! He could see only a bit of sky at the top of a 15X15 ft concrete yard! I got to worrying about his not getting enough vitamin-D! So I made a big ole mistake! I wrote the warden, asked if he could have vitamins, especially D supplements, and I'd be glad to pay for them! Oh god, they yell up at his cell at 2:30am, waking the entire dorm, "you are supposed to go to medical! Get down here!".

Well, he refused, but had to fill out a form to submit, and take to medical, saying he was refusing! What I didn't know, was, 1)he didn't want to be singled out. 2) He was embarrassed that at 44yrs old, his Mother was asking him to take vitamins! 3) He didn't trust the "minimum wage" employees, who give him pills one at a time, by hand and might get the blue pill mixed up with a green pill, and he wouldn't know what he was taking! 4) he'd have to stand in line with men who have aids and hep-c to get meds!

I was SO sorry! He was right! I'll never do that again! I felt just awful! I think that if he had done something awful, to have got put in jail, or if he had a history, like some....it would be easier for me to say, you did the crime, so you will just have to do the time! But he didn't do anything, but be stupid and get mixed up in politics! Have you ever heard of a pawn?

I don't know how long I can stay angry, but whatever our children have, or have not done, prison is a dangerous place, where people are warehoused, and it's a place that needs constant reform! Especially in Louisiana, where they are totally different, with a different way of governing and law, than the other 49 states!

Ricks Mom

1bird2 · #11 05-05-2012, 05:31 PM

Welcome mnmzmom, I'm glad you made your way to us!! I'm so sorry for your needing to be here....but since you do....I'm glad to meet you! Yep, we are all doing time...one way or another....and we most certainly do understand and feel your pain. I'm thankful that your son has you!!! He is too!!! Your granddaughter will not forget her daddy...YOU WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!! It will just be different for her for awhile....but like Jancy said, he'll come home to her and they'll get on with the future.
These long sentences are rediculous, barbaric and unfortunate...but we'll ride this nightmare to the end!! I will keep you and yours in my prayers....lots of prayers.
NEVER LOSE HOPE...NEVER! We'll make it...together. The worry lessens when you pray...and trust Him to take care of your son....He can be there with him....and He will be!
Hang in there as you settle into your new normal....things will level out....and your son will get into some kind of programs that will help the time go faster.....just write him and visit as much as you are able to!
Love and prayers,
XXOO