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  #1  
Old 05-01-2012, 02:56 PM
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iminprisontoo iminprisontoo is offline
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Default Son is sounding depressed - 4 months in

Hi all, my son has 4 months in. The last letter he said he got up at 10:30 a.m. and went back to bed until 3 p.m. The next letter said he was writing it at 1:30 a.m. and had gotten off the phone with his wife who he wrote probably doesn't love him anymore, won't wait for him anymore and he ruined his life. I feel so sad for him. He said, I am depressed and that is one thing my son never said before. I thought the prison thing would get easier but for me and him, it has gotten harder. Events are coming up he is missing, things his kids are doing, I don't want him to be forgotten.

I asked his 5 year old daughter what she missed most and she hugged herself. I said his hugs and she said yes. That was this past weekend and all I can think of is how to get him out, he can't stay there, he can't be there and I am frustrated because I am powerless and it aggravates me.

A few letters he said that he was so irritated by the other inmates he was afraid he would do something stupid. He has a victimless crime so it is out of his character to feel that way and I am worried about him getting hurt. This really sucks. Thanks for letting me vent. Mary Beef
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  #2  
Old 05-02-2012, 01:56 AM
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I am glad you both have somebody to vent to. He has gone through alot. Here in AZ I know the intake and travel and then the new guy at the highest yard he will be in during his time. The sadness of the whole deal and wishing it could be wished away for me does not go away. We did not see this comming, I'm sorry but I just did not see this in my or my childrens furture!!! We have a routine, deal with things, our bond is growing, communication and respect and sharing of feelings is deeper. Come back and fill me in on your son's days, I hope he experiences some kindness when he needs it the most!!
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Old 05-02-2012, 06:02 AM
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He will have many days like this one....and so will you. It will get easier as time passes. 4mths isnt that long to adjust to all of this.....I know you hurt for your son, but you cant do his time for him, you have to continue to live your life and dont feel guilty for doing so. I hurt many times for my son, but HE is the one who put himself where he was and I had to find positive things that would come from all of this. I had to live my life and not let him consume me. Things got easier when I excepted the things I cannot change, and looked forward to a more positive future with him.
Prison sucks, no doubt, it hurts us deeply as parents as we have such love for our children. Prison may have taken our child, but it cant take our love, and I was damned if it was gonna take me.
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  #4  
Old 05-02-2012, 09:48 AM
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Default Feel your pain

Quote:
Originally Posted by hairy3947 View Post
Hi all, my son has 4 months in. The last letter he said he got up at 10:30 a.m. and went back to bed until 3 p.m. The next letter said he was writing it at 1:30 a.m. and had gotten off the phone with his wife who he wrote probably doesn't love him anymore, won't wait for him anymore and he ruined his life. I feel so sad for him. He said, I am depressed and that is one thing my son never said before. I thought the prison thing would get easier but for me and him, it has gotten harder. Events are coming up he is missing, things his kids are doing, I don't want him to be forgotten.

I asked his 5 year old daughter what she missed most and she hugged herself. I said his hugs and she said yes. That was this past weekend and all I can think of is how to get him out, he can't stay there, he can't be there and I am frustrated because I am powerless and it aggravates me.

A few letters he said that he was so irritated by the other inmates he was afraid he would do something stupid. He has a victimless crime so it is out of his character to feel that way and I am worried about him getting hurt. This really sucks. Thanks for letting me vent. Mary Beef

I refuse to allow my son to get depressed. He has also been serving for four months now. From the beggining it has been a challenge. I carefully listen to his comments, to make sure there is no negativeness. I try to head it at the pass. While he was in the county facility he was allowed to call every day, as many times as he wanted. He called cellular phones, house, anywhere. Once he went into his permanent camp, which is 3hrs away, there is alot of restrictions on telephone. I have not been able to get permission for an approved telephone. Last excuse, it is under my husband's name, therefore not my telephone!!! Nevertheless, I visit every weekend. HIs fiancee and myself make the trip up to the camp, put on our best smile, and spend some quality time with him. MY family is a great support system. There is always someone visiting, With the agreement that the sad faces stay outside. WE talk about family events when he gets out, how we miss him, and all the nice things that have happened. When he starts mentioning something negative I rey to make it sound funny. My struggle is on the outside, I miss him and cry every time there is a problem with the phone list. I wtite every other day, send books amd funny cards. I keep uipdated in this site. I get ideas from these great ladies. I now know that I can print some articles of things he is intrested in and send them to him. Make his focus change to the good things that will happen. Fight mom, fight!!!!!!!
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Old 05-02-2012, 08:24 PM
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I'm soooo sorry....sometimes it is difficult to find something positive to look at right now....in the moment....BUT, this is NOT where you both will be forever....there IS a future out there...full of ups and downs, and whatevers. I just read where a nurse gave a son zoloft...because he was really having a tough time adjusting.....I'm not big on meds....but if it would help....then maybe that is something he could look into.
I don't believe that your son will be forgotten....YOU won't let that happen...I'm thankful that you do get to see your grandbabies....that is a plus! PLEASE try to look beyond right now....because "right now" is just tooo painful to stay in.
I think Cubanmom is right....stear all communication in a good direction...send him uplifting, funnies....and laugh at them yourself before you mail them. People are amazingly resilient...we get through things we NEVER dreamed we'd get through...and we keep ticking...and pushing and fighting and we MAKE IT....we just do!....YOU WILL MAKE IT.....there is no other way .... than THROUGH IT....and you will get THROUGH it....things come to pass, not to stay.
Hang in there....make yourself ....ALLOW yourself to smile.....grandkids are good for that!!
Love and prayers,
XXOO
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Old 05-03-2012, 02:50 PM
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While I agree it's good to keep things positive and upbeat, I also believe that you need to let your child vent if he feels the need. My son has said many times that we are the only ones who he can be "real" with. When he's feeling down or depressed, he knows that he can talk to us and the feelings usually subside. You have to be strong and tough to survive in that environment, you can't appear weak or vulnerable, and if he complains or vents to us occasionally, I think it's healthy for him. That's the way it is for our son - maybe each one requires different things - only the parent knows for sure.

In any event, hairy, I think your son will adjust. Things will calm down for him as he gets used to the daily routine and accepts that this time is only temporary. He will be back with his kids and his family at some point and that is something he can look forward to.
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:36 PM
szcunane szcunane is offline
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i agree with tglsmom - - he has a reason to be depressed and you are his safety zone. it's okay to agree with him that this stinks- it isn't the life you want for him. eventually he will be able to think forward - -when he gets into the routine, maybe doing something he will like . . .if his depression goes on for too long, you might suggest he ask to see a doctor, and get help. keep assuring him you will love him, you miss him, you forgive him . .. and i think gradually he will begin to improve,
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