Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

bryonsbabe · #1 05-05-2012, 05:48 AM

How many of u think ur guy will change when he gets out? I'm having a hard time with it. My guy says he's goin to change and I want to believe him. I love him n I'm hi.na give him the chance to prove himself n I believe he can...I'm just worried a little!

Lazysbby · #2 05-05-2012, 05:58 AM

If you believe he will change and you got faith that he will then there's nothing else to do but to go for it because what if you don't you will never know if things would've worked out or not if you love him nd he loves you truly then live will overcome any obstacle....idk i feel the same way i want my man to come out different and he says he going to change to give him a chance and i honestly think he will....so i wish you the best....if you never try how will you evr know if things will work out you know juat stay positive and give him all the support he needs to make his change....you guys will be happy in the long run

taraadele18 · #3 05-05-2012, 06:48 AM

Actions speak louder than words! He can talk till he's blue in the face, but it's seeing it in action when you really know he's changed. If he's doing good where he's at now, staying out of trouble, looking after himself, bettering himself.. Staying focused on what's right, then that's all good signs! If he wants it bad enough, he will change.

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

nimuay · #4 05-05-2012, 07:03 AM

I guess the question is "What do you want him to change?" Some things are easy to work on, many are much harder and take professional help. Not many do it alone.

InmateLover67 · #5 05-05-2012, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bryonsbabe

How many of u think ur guy will change when he gets out? I'm having a hard time with it. My guy says he's goin to change and I want to believe him. I love him n I'm hi.na give him the chance to prove himself n I believe he can...I'm just worried a little!

We all want to trust and believe that our men will change, but they relly have to want it and be willing to do whatever is necessary to experience lasting change.

Once a man has been in the system, there is always a chance he could go back. Some do not, some do several times. Then, they finally realize that life is getting them nowwhere living it in jail/prison.

The only thing we can do is love ourselves, stay focused on our personal goals and be willing to allow our men to make lasting change in their lives. If they do not, then we have to decide whether we want to live our lives in and out of the prison system.

I myself am NOT doing this another time. This is my second bid and my man knows that this is his last chance to pull up his big-boy panties and grow the hell up. If he does not and ends up going back, he will not have me standing beside him.

There comes a time when we have to draw the line on what we will and won't tolerate. Everyone makes mistakes, but in my opinion, if you don't learn your lesson the first or second time around, you are doomed. It becomes a pattern at this point and most will not make lasting changes.

I sincerely hope that my fiance makes healthy decisions in the future, but there is no guarentee. I love him with all my heart and support him in doing anything that assists him in experiencing a different life, but I will NOT enable him to do the things that will land him back in prison.

Now that I have written a novel, I hope all of our men make lasting changes in their lives, but we have to take everything one day at a time, and continue taking care of ourselves.

Peace~

bryonsbabe · #6 05-05-2012, 08:08 AM

Thanks guys! I guess I can just pray!

tripsgirl · #7 05-05-2012, 11:41 AM

You just gotta have faith. I'm worried too - I trust him but there's always that little voice in the back of my head.

bryonsbabe · #8 05-05-2012, 11:54 AM

I do have faith....and I'm glad u can understand!! There's always that little voice!!

nimuay · #9 05-05-2012, 01:02 PM

That little voice is inside you, but unfortunately not inside him! His little voice isn't telling him to stop behaving badly.

luvmyluis · #10 05-05-2012, 01:24 PM

I don't want to be the one to drop the bad news but I listened to the jail house talk that he was going to change. He was released from custody two weeks ago today. Within those two weeks he has been arrested twice & I am currently sitting outside the county jail waiting for him to be released on bail again. Please don't get me wrong not all of our men are the same but please listen to your head & not your heart. Cause that is where I went wrong! Like someone else said actions speak louder than words. If there is no actions this time around while out on bail I can't wait around no more for him to change!

FastCarGirl · #11 05-05-2012, 01:31 PM

They can change only if they want to, and seek help to learn new coping skills for the things they can't change on their own.

On a positive note, so far, 4 months out Romeo is doing what he needs to in order to stay out of prison and get off paper. So it can happen, but it's their attitude and actions that mean the most.

luvmyluis · #12 05-05-2012, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FastCarGirl

They can change only if they want to, and seek help to learn new coping skills for the things they can't change on their own.

On a positive note, so far, 4 months out Romeo is doing what he needs to in order to stay out of prison and get off paper. So it can happen, but it's their attitude and actions that mean the most.

You are 100% correct. I do not have a degree but I think prison made my fiancé "hard". From day one I pictured this glorious reunion the day I picked him up but he opened the car door, gave me a kiss & asked for a smoke. I was so hurt.

I am so happy for you & your man! Keep you the good work!

n016s · #13 05-05-2012, 01:35 PM

Hey. I too have had those thoughts... Will he actually change? For myself I have seen a huge change in his behaviour towards me. If he tells me he's going to do something he will do it. I have told him the biggest change when he gets out is who he is hanging out with. His friends are no good, and haven't visited him or anything since he's been in. Its all been me. He is well aware that if I don't see a change I will be out of his life because I despise this. Like someone has said, if you believe there can be a change then stick by him as long as he's showing he's changing. If I didn't give him the chance I would regret it for the rest of my life.

bryonsbabe · #14 05-05-2012, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by n016s

Hey. I too have had those thoughts... Will he actually change? For myself I have seen a huge change in his behaviour towards me. If he tells me he's going to do something he will do it. I have told him the biggest change when he gets out is who he is hanging out with. His friends are no good, and haven't visited him or anything since he's been in. Its all been me. He is well aware that if I don't see a change I will be out of his life because I despise this. Like someone has said, if you believe there can be a change then stick by him as long as he's showing he's changing. If I didn't give him the chance I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I agree with the friends....he needs to make new ones....and I told him and he knows too that that's the very first thing he has to change. I told him from the beginning to quit calling them "friends" cuz they aren't true friends if they are enabling!

tripsgirl · #15 05-05-2012, 02:22 PM

Yeah I have told mine that the people WE were hanging out with are no good and we need a fresh start. He agrees. I KNOW he wants to change he's just gotta show it to me when he gets home.

Reece'sBaby · #16 05-06-2012, 01:54 AM

What if you don't want him to change? "/

bryonsbabe · #17 05-06-2012, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reece'sBaby

What if you don't want him to change? "/

What do u mean?

ek2011 · #18 05-06-2012, 11:10 PM

Thats one of my biggest fears...Im worried that once again when he comes home the drugs and his buddies will be right there waiting and off he goes...

I can't just walk away..Ive thought long and hard about how I am going to do this and have decided that I will be there for him BUT it will be on my terms. I didn't do the crime but I get to be without my husband, my kids without their father and what for? Because his other persona decided to come out and play. I hope to hell he changes because this life aint for me

bryonsbabe · #19 05-07-2012, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ek2011

Thats one of my biggest fears...Im worried that once again when he comes home the drugs and his buddies will be right there waiting and off he goes...

I can't just walk away..Ive thought long and hard about how I am going to do this and have decided that I will be there for him BUT it will be on my terms. I didn't do the crime but I get to be without my husband, my kids without their father and what for? Because his other persona decided to come out and play. I hope to hell he changes because this life aint for me

You sound just like me...when I write him it seems like that's all I'm writing in his letters...just begging him to pull his head out of his ass and realize what's more important in his life. This life ain't for me either...I can't keep putting my life on hold just because of his stupidity...n I won't do this again. I wish u the best of luck n hope that ur man changes for the better!

AllSmiless · #20 05-07-2012, 12:16 PM

I hope mine changes but I know it's going to be a long & hard road. that's the only lifestyle he knows. hopefully this jail stint has opened his eyes. I've already told him that if he goes back he's on his own.

adamsrubberduck · #21 05-07-2012, 05:06 PM

Change is about the person involved. He has to change for himself and not for you. If you change for another person then it doesn't work. It is okay for you to benefit from the new man that he becomes.

Pray for him. Pray that change comes easy for him and that it is lasting.

I am not worried that my guy will do what it is that he went to prison for but I wonder what crafts that he has picked up in prison that he may think about trying. I have a mind that works that way. I have a hard time trusting anything until i have proof that it will or will not happen. It should not be this way but that is who I am. Prison is a college for criminal behavior as far as I am concerned. They don't rehab people. They don't teach you anything. The person has to want to learn something different and go after that. My guy as been taking classes from the start because he wanted something. He attended some church services and cultural events to learn other things but who real knows what will happen. I can only wait until he is out here to see if he can stand under the pressure of real life. He has not been in long (3 years minus a couple months when he is done) but that was long enough to learn some thing that I wouldn't want him to know.
Best of luck to you and your guy and I hope that you can trust him more than I trust people. That will probably help the situation if you can trust him.

Libra&Cancerluv · #22 05-07-2012, 07:06 PM

Guess I have a different perspective on this whole idea of "change." How can you change something, that was already there to begin with? When I first met my fiance, I saw his potential far before he even saw it himself. So when he tells me he's changed, I tell him that he just "evolved." He's always been that person...just disguised behind years of hurt and pain.

So I'd have to say nope...my man hasn't and won't change. He'll just be in a more positive and loving environment to help foster his abilities....

Strong4us · #23 05-07-2012, 07:31 PM

My bf has a rough past. I use to say,if u go back to ur old ways I'm gone! But I feel,that just adds pressure on him n isn't very supportive (in my opinion). He wants to change n is changing, but nothing is guaranteed as Far as the future,right? So now instead of saying I'm ups if u mess up - I say I'm gonna be by ur side n give u reasons to continue to be a better person n stay out! I feel,now, he makes me wanna be a better person.....so I believe him when he says I make him wanna be a better person.