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  #1  
Old 05-07-2012, 01:08 PM
anilom0514 anilom0514 is offline
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...then what DO you say? Its been a really rough day. My sons prelim was rescheduled so we have to wait another three weeks so hes really stressed out. But he keeps calling me now and saying that i rather see him in there. That he "knows" im not going to bail him out. He said he doesnt want to talk to me anymore to take the money i spent on the lawyer and he will use the public defender. I just have no idea why he is saying any of this. And i tried to explain that i understand hes terribly mad and frustrated and feels his hands are tied and thats why hes talkingto me like this and im just here for him but he still went on and on.

He was away a couple of years ago as a juvenile for 7 months and i took a 6 hour ride twice a week to go see him the entire time he was in barring once i didnt because of a snow storm! I did everything to support him. I lost money and almost lost my house because i spent so much time travelling to see him and support him. I explained to him i am working my butt off now to get the money for bail in the hopes that it will be loewred when he does have his prelim but he just thinks im lying. Im about to lose it. hes also been on the Zoloft but its only been a few days and he said he slept late today so he didnt take it. I knw you cant just stop it and suggested he go to the nurse but he wont. I wonder if that could be contributing, but then as everyone has said here, its a roller coaster and to be expected.

I guess what Im looking for are the words....what do you say when then get like this. Its so hard to say call me back when you are able to talk to me nicely and i just hang on hoping that he will see I am doing everything physically humanly possible. What do you say?
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  #2  
Old 05-07-2012, 04:10 PM
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I would say that it's time to stop rescuing him. You've done enough. It's a little bit of tough love, but you cannot lose your life and health over his behavior.
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Old 05-07-2012, 06:41 PM
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I think I would say exactly what you said - "Call me back when you can talk nicely". Nothing will get better until you set some limits. Be strong and follow through and I bet he will begin to get the message. You deserve a break and he needs to learn some respect. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 05-07-2012, 07:02 PM
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He sounds like my two boys.....spoiled rotten to the core!! You've just got to put your foot down and then when you aren't there to be talked to like a dog he'll realize (hopefully) that he's done you wrong and see that you've only been trying your best to help him. Keep your chin up girlie, he'll figure it out!
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Old 05-07-2012, 07:05 PM
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Yep, he is freaking out....and taking it out on you. I agree that you should tell him that you will talk to him when he can talk to you with respect and consideration. He just wants what he wants when he wants it....and who doesn't? However, for him to think that you can wave your magic wand....but you just won't....because you don't want to is off the charts....
He'll calm down and realize that there is no way around it...just through it....and that you are the ONE person that will be there to support him ... his biggest advocate....
He'll figure it out in time....
I would not take the abuse from him in the meantime.
I am keeping you both in my prayers, and I'm so sorry that it has come to this place.
Love and prayers,
XXOO
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:49 AM
sleepless in Tu sleepless in Tu is offline
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That is so sad.You certainly do not deserve to be spoken to in that manner.Your son has no right to take his frustrations out on you because you are "handy" and he is able to make contact with you.Let him get even just a little taste of how it would be if you were not there 100% 24/7.He'll learn some gratitude very quickly.Yes,they are scared but so are we,that needs to be appreciated not abused.Just my opinion,I hope your son realizes so many do not have family support.
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Old 05-08-2012, 10:33 AM
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Thanks all! lol It just took me to say that I wouldnt be up to visit him and he broke down like a baby. I told him why would i want to come and see him when he was in a mood like that. he must have called me five more times after that to apologize and said he stopped thinking about himself or a change and put himself in my shoes and cant imagine how i must feel. Hes not normally like that and i knew it was the stress of the events but after all I done if he was here he would have gotten a kick in his butt But he has come to his senses for the moment and is at least acting much more sympathetic and appreciative. And today has been a good day so thank god for small things!
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Old 05-08-2012, 11:45 AM
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Oh good! I'm so glad he realized how much his Mama does for him and is treating her normal again. They know where their real love comes from! Awesome news to hear today!
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Old 05-08-2012, 03:57 PM
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Well, good for you for standing up to him, and good for him for backing down!
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Old 05-08-2012, 03:58 PM
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Excellent news!!!!
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Old 05-08-2012, 04:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anilom0514
Thanks all! lol It just took me to say that I wouldnt be up to visit him and he broke down like a baby. I told him why would i want to come and see him when he was in a mood like that. he must have called me five more times after that to apologize and said he stopped thinking about himself or a change and put himself in my shoes and cant imagine how i must feel. Hes not normally like that and i knew it was the stress of the events but after all I done if he was here he would have gotten a kick in his butt But he has come to his senses for the moment and is at least acting much more sympathetic and appreciative. And today has been a good day so thank god for small things!
Im glad he figured it out. It's so hard to see our kids going through this.
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:36 PM
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That's great news! You're doing a good job and your son is learning a valuable lesson. Keep it up and be proud that you made some progress!
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Old 05-08-2012, 10:40 PM
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A roller coaster it is! You just never know sometimes how they will react! Good for you for putting your foot down! As their biggest supporter's we have to let them know we are still their momma!
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Old 05-08-2012, 11:56 PM
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Good for you and good on him! I always say we teach people how to treat us. You can not put up with that kind of emotional blackmail or abuse. I understand he is upset but you sure didn't put him in jail so he needs to get over his anger towards you~ it sounds like you set him on the right path. I had to tell my son one time to check his attitude and I'm thankful for that! It seems like in the beginning the courts are always postponing hearings and it can be so frustrating. I hope things work out for both you and your son.
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:05 PM
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I'm glad things are going a little bit better for you!
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