Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Beelasoul · #1 05-14-2012, 04:53 PM

Prior to meeting my significant other my plan was to have at least one child by the time I was 30, 32 worst case scenerio. Now that we've met and fell in love...children have been discussed and I disclosed to him my child by 32 plan to which he wasn't very happy about; him and I want to have children together BUT he doesn't come home for another 6 years which will put me at 36 and him at 44.

This would be my first child and he already has an 18 year old son. The older a woman gets the higher risk a pregnancy is which is why I made 32 my cut off. Plus, truth be told - I really would like to have children as soon as possible. The problem is I'd like to have them with him :/

When it's all said and done.. waiting is my only option but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

Abraann · #2 05-14-2012, 05:09 PM

I feel ya. But 36 really isn't too old, lots of women have children in their 40's now. I wouldn't put it out of the question completely just yet. Do they allow conjical visits where you're at?

Beelasoul · #3 05-14-2012, 05:13 PM

Sadly no, they don't. Otherwise, it'd be an easy solution to that problem lol.

**tee.dot.q** · #4 05-14-2012, 05:58 PM

Women are having babies until well into their forties now... 36 is by no means the end of the road!

If you feel that strongly perhaps you could pursue the possibility of a donor. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to accept that if it's such an important issue to you.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do

Beelasoul · #5 05-14-2012, 06:16 PM

Before meeting him I only dated women, so a donor wouldn't have been that outrageous of an idea. When I suggested the idea to him..he was livid and said absolutely not.

hisbabygurl2014 · #6 05-14-2012, 06:40 PM

My mom had my baby sis at the age of 39-that was four years ago. And she came out healthy and a beautiful if that! lol . Yeah women are having kids beyond 30s. My professor had her baby at 41, now waiting for second baby. There is hope for you. But this a decison you and him have to make, i understand you dont want to take risk- But in the end do things that make you HAPPY!!

**tee.dot.q** · #7 05-14-2012, 07:05 PM

You know sweetie, there is a tremendous risk in ANY relationship, and one that is MWI is certainly no exception. Suppose your relationship doesn't work out and you have to *start* the process then? Will you forever regret it? If the answer is yes, then the answer is clear.

If something is genuinely important to you, your partner *needs* to back you up. If they don't, it's possibly a deal breaker.

You have to do some soul searching. If this isn't just a biological clock blip and it will pass, then maybe its not a big deal. That said, if this is a deep down need of your soul then you need to make a decision.

It's not an easy place to be - I wish you the best

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beelasoul

Before meeting him I only dated women, so a donor wouldn't have been that outrageous of an idea. When I suggested the idea to him..he was livid and said absolutely not.

Beelasoul · #8 05-14-2012, 07:37 PM

To say that was never a thought would be a lie. I think I'd regret waiting if him and I were to break up and probably resent him in the process. The positive thinking me fully believes in him and this relationship so that's my sole reasoning for waiting it out. Despite his criminal indescretions, he's an upstanding man, very noble, loving, nurturing, intelligent, attractive, personable, ect...all the qualities I would love for a child I create to possess, thus making him the ideal choice to father a child with. It just so happens..as luck would have it..he's temporarily unavailable. As frustrating as it is I just have to wait it out and continue to hope for the best. And if for whatever reason we don't work I think I still may ask him for a "donation" lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q

You know sweetie, there is a tremendous risk in ANY relationship, and one that is MWI is certainly no exception. Suppose your relationship doesn't work out and you have to *start* the process then? Will you forever regret it? If the answer is yes, then the answer is clear.

If something is genuinely important to you, your partner *needs* to back you up. If they don't, it's possibly a deal breaker.

You have to do some soul searching. If this isn't just a biological clock blip and it will pass, then maybe its not a big deal. That said, if this is a deep down need of your soul then you need to make a decision.

It's not an easy place to be - I wish you the best

fdgfgd

tabathapope1 · #9 05-21-2012, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beelasoul

Prior to meeting my significant other my plan was to have at least one child by the time I was 30, 32 worst case scenerio. Now that we've met and fell in love...children have been discussed and I disclosed to him my child by 32 plan to which he wasn't very happy about; him and I want to have children together BUT he doesn't come home for another 6 years which will put me at 36 and him at 44.

This would be my first child and he already has an 18 year old son. The older a woman gets the higher risk a pregnancy is which is why I made 32 my cut off. Plus, truth be told - I really would like to have children as soon as possible. The problem is I'd like to have them with him :/

When it's all said and done.. waiting is my only option but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I'm in the same boat but honestly I can't imagine having kids with anyone else. I'm 32 in august and unless my man makes parole he won't get out until 2015 but he is the only man I want to have kids with so my only option is to wait for him to get out.

caribbeanblue77 · #10 05-21-2012, 05:45 AM

Just talking about the medical perspective. My doctor said I shouldn't drive myself mad with all this thinking about age (I am 34 and planning to have my first child soon. I feel if I wait any longer I might be too tired for a child). Ok, they will have to do more check-ups etc. but since my medical history and lifestyle is ok and healthy he said I should not worry too much of the what-ifs. If something is wrong with the baby there is nothing we can do about it anyways. We can only live healthy and prepare everything for the pregnancy etc. I am totally against abortion so I am going to accept the baby as it is but not thinking all the time that something might be wrong with it. I would only drive myself crazy by thinking like that.

RoseIsARoseIsA · #11 05-21-2012, 11:22 PM

We both have baby fever big time, and it only makes it worse when we see all the people around us, friends and family having babies upon babies. It is frustrating, but I know he is the man I want to have my children with. So as soon as he gets out and we pass the year mark to make sure we are gonna make it and that we have secured ourselves financially, we're gonna start cranking them out like crazy. Hopefully we won't have any problems conceiving :-(

*fingers crossed*

Webbelayne · #12 05-22-2012, 12:09 AM

i have baby fever bad and i have two children that aren't his. I want a baby so bad and right now I'm 26 and I don't want any more children after the age of 35 which is pushed back but 33 was my cut off time. He doesn't get out until I'm 30 so still time for babies. having babies will happen just work on it as soon as he gets home because my man knows as soon as he touches down I'm gunning for that!!!

tabathapope1 · #13 05-23-2012, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Webbelayne

i have baby fever bad and i have two children that aren't his. I want a baby so bad and right now I'm 26 and I don't want any more children after the age of 35 which is pushed back but 33 was my cut off time. He doesn't get out until I'm 30 so still time for babies. having babies will happen just work on it as soon as he gets home because my man knows as soon as he touches down I'm gunning for that!!!

Haha my man knows that too.he knows as soon as he gets out that I wanna start working on getting pregnant. Lol hell he told me he was gonna f**k me so much when he got out that he get me pregnant that first week he out lol we will see. I hope so. I wanna have a boy and a girl .we both do.

HiZ*BaByGiRl · #14 05-28-2012, 01:46 AM

There are more things that factor into your decision other than your age. Yes, more women are having babies in their late 30's into 40's. Your medical history and family genetics play a role. On that part, have a long and serious talk with your doctor, and he can tell you what a wise medical decision would be. A previous poster was right...you have more appts and they keep a closer eye on you. But your doctor is the best person to talk to. Now, as far as your man WANTING it...well I would have a long and serious talk with him and find out what he wants and what his plans are. If they aren't what you want...then you have a big decision to make. I am 32. Didn't want kids after 30. I have a teenager and a 9 year old. I didn't want anymore until he brought it up. We had a long talk about it and I told him the truth...I may not want anymore. My oldest is almost 18. Do I really want to do it again? Over a decade later? But I know how much he wants it. We agreed we take it one day at a time. He comes home and gets stable...a job and stability so we know he's not going back to prison...and see where we are then. If we want one...then we go to the doctor together and see what is best for us, and me. If I really don't want to, then he is okay with it and we spend our time focusing on us and the children we do have. Bottom line....honest communication, with him and your doctor. Then you should be able to make a decision that is best for you both. Good luck!

Mzkelley09 · #15 07-28-2012, 09:36 PM

we plan on trying when he comes home and is settled cause we both dont have kids and we plan on being together but he tells his mom to get ready to be a grandma again cause its his turn this time and she likes me so far so we shall see