Spoiling MWI?!

[Sweet_Tee]

Hello ladies. I have a little dilemma and I would much appreciate your input. My MWI is the love of my life. He makes me feel as no man has ever made me feel. We are getting married in October and I can not wait to have his last name. Now, here's the thing, I usually see him once, every other week. I feel myself getting addicted to him. I feel I need to see him every week when I'm off from work. My bestfriend says I am spoiling him. She knows when I love, I love hard. Meaning, I don't have a problem telling it, showing it, proving it. She knows in my past dudes have taken me for granted. And I would end up hurt.

In your opinion, do you think seeing my fiance' every week is spoiling him? His gets no visits from anyone but me. All his family and friends are about 3 and a half hrs away and I am about 45 mins. I see it as holding him down, she sees it as me setting myself up because "men love bitches, not ones who actually care for them". My besties words, not mine.

I take him food that he likes, I put money in commissary in case of need, I keep money on the phone so he can call me. None of which he asked me to do. I do it because I love him and want him to be comfortable. Am I doing too much?

[Mcox'sbabygirl]

If your marrying him I don't see the problem. You love each other & u want to see your man. I fly to Vegas to see my husband 1x month for 45 min (he's in the hole), I put $ on his books (he IS spoiled) and if someone is selling something (cds, coffee) my hubby is buying & calling me to pay for it lol. I love hard too. Its just taking care of ur man. I want my husband as comfy add can be. everyone is different but if it makes u happy then do it.

[hisbabygurl2014]

If you feel that your loving this dude to fullest and he in return shows you that-than what ever everyone else is saying shouldnt matter. if you know it than dont second guess your love for this guy. I know that your best friend is coming from a good place of trying to help you and not get hurt. every good friend never wants to see their friend in a dark place. But if you feel this is right- I salute you

[Ms. Tazzie]

Naw,, I don't see it as spoiling at all,,, cause ur getting something out of it too.. You say you "need" to see him too.and if ur financially "able" to do it,, then,, why not??
Poppi know I do what I can,, when i can,, and only what's comfortable for me,, and don't "expect" me to do anything more..

[tee.dot.q]

Girl, if you can afford it and you aren't sacrificing you (you family, bills, needs and wants) to give him the things that make him comfortable then I say do what makes you feel good inside.

People will probably get all up in here and say "he gets nothing" but between you and me and the lamppost - neither sending or not sending guarantees a damn thing. If you are doing something from the heart and you *can* do it, no sweat - then you shouldn't question yourself.

And honey, if I were 45 mins away believe I'd be there at least once every two weeks - the visits benefit us as much as they benefit them!

Your girl is trying to look out for you - appreciate the love but make the decision based on you and yours, not her and hers... yanno?

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Tee

Hello ladies. I have a little dilemma and I would much appreciate your input. My MWI is the love of my life. He makes me feel as no man has ever made me feel. We are getting married in October and I can not wait to have his last name. Now, here's the thing, I usually see him once, every other week. I feel myself getting addicted to him. I feel I need to see him every week when I'm off from work. My bestfriend says I am spoiling him. She knows when I love, I love hard. Meaning, I don't have a problem telling it, showing it, proving it. She knows in my past dudes have taken me for granted. And I would end up hurt.

In your opinion, do you think seeing my fiance' every week is spoiling him? His gets no visits from anyone but me. All his family and friends are about 3 and a half hrs away and I am about 45 mins. I see it as holding him down, she sees it as me setting myself up because "men love bitches, not ones who actually care for them". My besties words, not mine.

I take him food that he likes, I put money in commissary in case of need, I keep money on the phone so he can call me. None of which he asked me to do. I do it because I love him and want him to be comfortable. Am I doing too much?

People care about you and your friend has a point in my opinion. She feels like maybe he is using you. Why would he need anyone else when you give him everything? She may be seeing a pattern with your style of love that has not worked for you with your past dudes, so I believe she is looking out for you. Afterall, she is your best friend, so she probably knows you pretty well.

I am concerned when you say "I find myself getting addicted to him", because, it sounds codependent to me. I am not saying you are, but it is possible.

I would suggest you not give as much as you do for a couple of months and see how he reacts? Will he be pissed that you are not giving him all that you have been? If so, that is a serious red flag.

The bottom line here is; you and he know what you have with your relationship and if you are happy spending the money you are on him, then keep doing it.

Does he have a job in there? You must remember, his basic needs are met, so he does not need a lot of extra's. If you enjoy giving him a cadillac lifestyle and it does not put a financial strain on you, keep on keeping on.

Peace~

[mzthickythic]

Whn i read ur story it remind me of myself i was tht same wmn u are Now head ova heel we both deep n love me spoiln hym like crazy and n the end guess what he left me High n dry took My kindness for weakness listen 2 ur friend cus i wishd i woulda listnd 2 all of mine u doin what u doin from the kindness of ur heart n love bt 2 hym thts a sign of weakness MEN LOVE A BYTCH!! DAMN BEIN NICE ITS GONE GT U HURT I KNO U CANT C IT NOW OR MAYB U NEVA WILL BT I WAS THIS EXACT WMN good luck hun best wishes

[tee.dot.q]

Sorry that you got played but you don't know this woman, her man or their circumstances.

I understand that misery loves company but come on - not everyone is sealed to your same fate.

I hope you heal soon from your heartbreak. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by mzthickythic

Whn i read ur story it remind me of myself i was tht same wmn u are Now head ova heel we both deep n love me spoiln hym like crazy and n the end guess what he left me High n dry took My kindness for weakness listen 2 ur friend cus i wishd i woulda listnd 2 all of mine u doin what u doin from the kindness of ur heart n love bt 2 hym thts a sign of weakness MEN LOVE A BYTCH!! DAMN BEIN NICE ITS GONE GT U HURT I KNO U CANT C IT NOW OR MAYB U NEVA WILL BT I WAS THIS EXACT WMN good luck hun best wishes

[hisbabygurl2014]

Originally Posted by mzthickythic

Whn i read ur story it remind me of myself i was tht same wmn u are Now head ova heel we both deep n love me spoiln hym like crazy and n the end guess what he left me High n dry took My kindness for weakness listen 2 ur friend cus i wishd i woulda listnd 2 all of mine u doin what u doin from the kindness of ur heart n love bt 2 hym thts a sign of weakness MEN LOVE A BYTCH!! DAMN BEIN NICE ITS GONE GT U HURT I KNO U CANT C IT NOW OR MAYB U NEVA WILL BT I WAS THIS EXACT WMN good luck hun best wishes

I can relate to this because i did consider myself to be a nice person and i recently found out that i was being played. He took my kindness for weakness and all that stuff he was talking about was out of the way. The thing i realized is that these man dont need much to survive in there and the money that you spend on them you could be saving for your future togather. Its sad cus when by friends were telling all these things i was blinded by "love". But Thank god i was snapped into reality few days ago..lol

Listen to your friend sometimes they know what is best for you; either way follow ur heart and if this is what u want than go for it

[hisbabygurl2014]

but you don't know this woman, her man or their circumstances.

True- But her best friend knows her and she telling her to watch out.

I understand that misery loves company but come on - not everyone is sealed to your same fate.

True not anybody is sealed with this kind of fate and I hope her nothing BUT happiness in her relationship. Sometimes we got to stop and look what we are doing. SOmetimes we let our hearts rule us while our mind is taken aside.

[Sweet_Tee]

Thank you ladies for all your responses and it is appreciated from the top to the bottom of my heart. To answer a few questions. Yes, he does have a job in there. He's a cook. Yes, I know they don't need much. But I want him to have all that he does need and some wants. They get pennies for hours of work. So because he does work and not lay up waiting for time to pass, I reward him. And yes, I know some males do love bitches, for whatever reason. But a MAN loves and appreciates a woman who will not turn her back and treat him like shit when he is down.

When I say I am addicted, I mean I am head over heals in love with him. I love and miss his face, his hugs, his kisses. That's all I get until we are married. I am an affectionate woman and I am addicted to how he makes me feel, without having sexual contact. *blushing* and I'm damn sure not looking to get it from anyone else. So I feel I need to be felt up and kissed on once a week by my man to get me through. Lol. Phones dates is not cutting it any more, I am addicted to looking in his eyes when I talk to him.

He gets on me about putting money in his account. But do I listen, NO. Does any woman listen? Lol. My past, yes, I have been through the wringer and back again, with men on the outside, none the less. Is he a user? I have no doubt in my mind that he is not using me. There are reasons I know this but don't feel the need to go into that here and now.

I have no responsibilities but myself meaning, no children. My bills always come 1st. My hair, nails, clothes, etc 2nd. Then I hook him up. Lol. I will not judge him by my past and the actions of other male species, that's called baggage. I threw all that out when I decided to open my heart to him. I know my girl, loves and cares about me but at the same time, she laying next to her husband at night....

Tee.dot I see you ;-)

[~Christina~]

@OP do what you feel is right for your situation. just cause some got played don't mean you will. i spoil mine to, but in the end i do what i do cause i want to and because i'm able to, not cause i expect eternal allegiance from him. if we break up i won't think i was used.

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by ~Anthonys_Lady~

@OP do what you feel is right for your situation. just cause some got played don't mean you will. i spoil mine to, but in the end i do what i do cause i want to and because i'm able to, not cause i expect eternal allegiance from him. if we break up i won't think i was used.

Thank you, Anthony's_Lady. I agree with you 100%, if things were to end between us, I wouldn't feel used. I do what I do because that's how I am. I look for nothing in return. I treat people how I'd like to be treated. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would pray for someone to come along and care for me in the same manner.

[moonbaby1111]

I just gotta say...damn ur a refreshin breeze

I missed the very beginnin but I read ur other post where u were explainin a lil and I was thinkin she sounds just like me... lol jus when u don't think there's many that think like u BAM n it does feel good....

I think ur doin jus fine you sound happy..you sound like u got control..you sound like ur getting as much out of it as he is...all gud gud things..... if I could visit with mines you bet I'd have my ass there as much as I could..he's tryin to get a transfer to my state right now but it'll still be quite a ways unless I move up closer which is a very real possibility and then I'd be there everytime I could no questions bout that tho I can't bring him food in the feds ;( ..give anything to look into his eyes, touch him, feel his skin and lips, see him smile, hear him laugh, and just watch his facial expressions n smell him...yeah smell him I'm a very sense oriented person....lol ... can't say one negative thing bout ur post cuz I'm lookin in a mirror... hopin nothin but good coming for the both of you.....
congrats on october....

[He&me]

I am a strong believer as long as i want to give by my free will, its ok to take it.

My husband is spoild and he deserve it, he spoil me in other ways.
If he left me? I will be sad but i will never think about the money.

For me you do what you want to do, what you enjoy to do and so go on, be happy spoil him and you know how great it is to make somebody happy.

[MissVal1920]

hey girl! You know I love you, right? Well, listen... if you can do it and he appreciates it, go for it. Unfortunately this life is naturally parasidic and that's just how it is. I spoiled my husband at one time and when it was time for me to start working towards owning my home I cut back and he came disappointed and whiney (spoiled ass LOL) when the lavish lifestyle I was providing was getting scaled back... we worked through it and had to put him on a budget and let him know what I will and won't do and its been fine since. Especially with the FRP visits, those are very expensive and had to take that into consideration. Im just saying that it may be wise to keep things on a budget or within a range that may be just under what you can do just in case circumstances come up for you in the future and minimize any issues that may come up from him being so used to the lifestyle you've afforded him. Im just speaking from experience but of course, we are all different relationships and my experience won't necessarily be yours.

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by MissVal1920

hey girl! You know I love you, right? Well, listen... if you can do it and he appreciates it, go for it. Unfortunately this life is naturally parasidic and that's just how it is. I spoiled my husband at one time and when it was time for me to start working towards owning my home I cut back and he came disappointed and whiney (spoiled ass LOL) when the lavish lifestyle I was providing was getting scaled back... we worked through it and had to put him on a budget and let him know what I will and won't do and its been fine since. Especially with the FRP visits, those are very expensive and had to take that into consideration. Im just saying that it may be wise to keep things on a budget or within a range that may be just under what you can do just in case circumstances come up for you in the future and minimize any issues that may come up from him being so used to the lifestyle you've afforded him. Im just speaking from experience but of course, we are all different relationships and my experience won't necessarily be yours.

Thank you, hun. I love you right back and your input is much appreciated. I definitely feel what you're saying. I talked to him about it today. All the money I've given, he has been saving. He says the guys try to get him to buy stuff and he tells them he doesn't have money because he refuses to spend foolishly. And they're like, "how you don't have money? You got a woman." He just leaves it at that.

I figured we'd splurge during the summer but when fall rolls around I will tighten the belt up a bit. Can't say I won't visit as much, gotta see my babes. Lol. But I will take a page from his book and focus on saving more.

[Loubabygirl]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Tee

Hello ladies. I have a little dilemma and I would much appreciate your input. My MWI is the love of my life. He makes me feel as no man has ever made me feel. We are getting married in October and I can not wait to have his last name. Now, here's the thing, I usually see him once, every other week. I feel myself getting addicted to him. I feel I need to see him every week when I'm off from work. My bestfriend says I am spoiling him. She knows when I love, I love hard. Meaning, I don't have a problem telling it, showing it, proving it. She knows in my past dudes have taken me for granted. And I would end up hurt.

In your opinion, do you think seeing my fiance' every week is spoiling him? His gets no visits from anyone but me. All his family and friends are about 3 and a half hrs away and I am about 45 mins. I see it as holding him down, she sees it as me setting myself up because "men love bitches, not ones who actually care for them". My besties words, not mine.

I take him food that he likes, I put money in commissary in case of need, I keep money on the phone so he can call me. None of which he asked me to do. I do it because I love him and want him to be comfortable. Am I doing too much?

I didn't read any of the other posts but let me tell you how you are NOT spoiling him!!!! He sees you once every other week! If you want to see your fiancé once a week why not?! I mean come on, if he were out here you'd see him hell of a lot more then that!

When I first started seeing Lou he told me he didn't want me going to see him every week because he doesn't like window type visits that it makes time slow down. So I was ok with that. But he said the first few times every week was ok but after it couldn't continue. Well now that I go every week that I can, when I can't go it's so hard on the both of us! We LOVE our visits and our "alone" time. We laugh about how he didn't want me to go every week and then when I can't go he gets upset now. And he already told me when he gets transferred and we get contacts that I better have every Saturday and sunday open for him LOL.

Girl!!! visit your little heart out!! Do what YOU and HIM want not what others have to say!

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by Loubabygirl

I didn't read any of the other posts but let me tell you how you are NOT spoiling him!!!! He sees you once every other week! If you want to see your fiancé once a week why not?! I mean come on, if he were out here you'd see him hell of a lot more then that!

When I first started seeing Lou he told me he didn't want me going to see him every week because he doesn't like window type visits that it makes time slow down. So I was ok with that. But he said the first few times every week was ok but after it couldn't continue. Well now that I go every week that I can, when I can't go it's so hard on the both of us! We LOVE our visits and our "alone" time. We laugh about how he didn't want me to go every week and then when I can't go he gets upset now. And he already told me when he gets transferred and we get contacts that I better have every Saturday and sunday open for him LOL.

Girl!!! visit your little heart out!! Do what YOU and HIM want not what others have to say!

Lmaooo @ LouBabyGirl!!! I'm going. I hadn't told him I was thinking about coming to see him this week. But when we was on the phone this morning, he whimpers, I miss you so much, Baby. Girrrl! I let it all out. Lol. I told him about this post and how I planned on coming this we. Did I had to sit through his whole speech. Lol. He compared us to being like a couple where the husband is a long distance truck driver and when he comes home they want to see each other as much as possible.

[Miss_A]

Originally Posted by mzthickythic

Whn i read ur story it remind me of myself i was tht same wmn u are Now head ova heel we both deep n love me spoiln hym like crazy and n the end guess what he left me High n dry took My kindness for weakness listen 2 ur friend cus i wishd i woulda listnd 2 all of mine u doin what u doin from the kindness of ur heart n love bt 2 hym thts a sign of weakness MEN LOVE A BYTCH!! DAMN BEIN NICE ITS GONE GT U HURT I KNO U CANT C IT NOW OR MAYB U NEVA WILL BT I WAS THIS EXACT WMN good luck hun best wishes

Let me first say that I've had an MWI relationship go bad. I could be the post child. But even so, I feel you went way off the deep end. Maybe your ex wanted a bytch, but a true MAN does not. I hope that you will learn something positive from this experience, find peace and be happy again.

And to Sweet_Tee:

As Digital Underground would say - "Do what'cha like!!" Go see ya man!

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by Miss_A

Let me first say that I've had an MWI relationship go bad. I could be the post child. But even so, I feel you went way off the deep end. Maybe your ex wanted a bytch, but a true MAN does not. I hope that you will learn something positive from this experience, find peace and be happy again.

And to Sweet_Tee:

As Digital Underground would say - "Do what'cha like!!" Go see ya man!

LOL!!! Miss A took it back to Digital Underground!!!! I am not mad. Haha. I'm going this week. I need to print this page to show him. I love it.

[babygiirl]

i don't think you're spoiling him at all! you're being a great girlfriend, as good as you can be given the circumstances of a MWI relationship.
just make sure that you can continue to keep up the visits because if you can't it will end up hurting both of you in the end. i started "spoiling" my fiancee by visiting 3 times a month instead of 1 because of a new work schedule but once the old schedule came back & couldn't see him those 3 times it really hurt both of us. we got so used to the 3 times that it was hard getting used to the 1 time a month again :[

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by babygiirl

i don't think you're spoiling him at all! you're being a great girlfriend, as good as you can be given the circumstances of a MWI relationship.
just make sure that you can continue to keep up the visits because if you can't it will end up hurting both of you in the end. i started "spoiling" my fiancee by visiting 3 times a month instead of 1 because of a new work schedule but once the old schedule came back & couldn't see him those 3 times it really hurt both of us. we got so used to the 3 times that it was hard getting used to the 1 time a month again :[

You hit the nail on the head. He never knew I was officially going to come back this week. And when I told him I thought about it but I can't make it, I could hear in his voice he was disappointed. The hardest thing is staying away. So won't he be surprised when he finds out I fooled him. Lol.

[ilovecoffee]

I dont think there is anything wrong with spoling him. if you can do it, do it. When your friends strt paying your bills and supporting him tell them they can coment them, but until then they can mind their business.

[Sweet_Tee]

Originally Posted by ilovecoffee

I dont think there is anything wrong with spoling him. if you can do it, do it. When your friends strt paying your bills and supporting him tell them they can coment them, but until then they can mind their business.

Lmaoooo!!! Now this made me laugh. But you are on point.