Being A Love One Of A Lifer

[pj663]

To Our Lifer Families,

Being a love one of a lifer at times can be as if you're walking a lonely path. At times we actually do and it is ardious path however we make it. Were faced with insurmountable problems....financial, emotional, psychological, social, stigmatization, health problems to face alone, children or famliy to take care of. Keeping the household "together" Working, paying the bills, mortgage or rent, car payments, the insurances and just about everything else under the sun. Holidays and birthdays come and go. We are alone and lonely, most often faced with depression. Here are somethings you can do in your spare time

1. Take one day at a time. Do not think too far in advance. Try to "get through one more day."

2. Nuture your soul and spirit. Take care of you even if it's a walk on a beautiful evening, morning or just doing something nice for yourself.

3.Try to stay healthy. Eat right, avoid junk food and alcohol. Exercise. Try walking. Visiting can take a toll at times and staying healthy is a big help!!

4. Cry when you have to, but try to stay focused. Do not be torn apart by the prison system. You are still a person...and you need to be supportive to your love one.

5. Keep in close contact with your love one. Accept phone calls (if you can afford it, as prison phone calls are extrememly expensive), send your love one letters, cards, magazine and newspaper clippings, and computer print-outs of things that interest them. Send them pictures (old and new). It's nothing like looking at pictures from home It helps them keep from becoming homesick.


Please be assured that PTO will always be a place for support a safe haven to vent and share your thoughts.

[mrsp17985]

Originally Posted by pj663

to our lifer families,

being a love one of a lifer at times can be as if you're walking a lonely path. At times we actually do and it is ardious path however we make it. Were faced with insurmountable problems....financial, emotional, psychological, social, stigmatization, health problems to face alone, children or famliy to take care of. Keeping the household "together" working, paying the bills, mortgage or rent, car payments, the insurances and just about everything else under the sun. Holidays and birthdays come and go. We are alone and lonely, most often faced with depression. Here are somethings you can do in your spare time

1. Take one day at a time. Do not think too far in advance. Try to "get through one more day."

2. Nuture your soul and spirit. Take care of you even if it's a walk on a beautiful evening, morning or just doing something nice for yourself.

3.try to stay healthy. Eat right, avoid junk food and alcohol. Exercise. Try walking. Visiting can take a toll at times and staying healthy is a big help!!

4. Cry when you have to, but try to stay focused. Do not be torn apart by the prison system. You are still a person...and you need to be supportive to your love one.

5. Keep in close contact with your love one. Accept phone calls (if you can afford it, as prison phone calls are extrememly expensive), send your love one letters, cards, magazine and newspaper clippings, and computer print-outs of things that interest him. Send them pictures (old and new). It's nothing like looking at pictures from home it helps them keep from becoming homesick.

Please be assured that pto will always be a place for support a safe haven to vent and share your thoughts.

i back up all ya said mama ...it's the truth ...i jst said the exact same list ! Yup ,yup,we lifer wifes !

[caribbeanblue77]

Originally Posted by pj663

To Our Lifer Families,

Being a love one of a lifer at times can be as if you're walking a lonely path. At times we actually do and it is ardious path however we make it. Were faced with insurmountable problems....financial, emotional, psychological, social, stigmatization, health problems to face alone, children or famliy to take care of. Keeping the household "together" Working, paying the bills, mortgage or rent, car payments, the insurances and just about everything else under the sun. Holidays and birthdays come and go. We are alone and lonely, most often faced with depression. Here are somethings you can do in your spare time

1. Take one day at a time. Do not think too far in advance. Try to "get through one more day."

2. Nuture your soul and spirit. Take care of you even if it's a walk on a beautiful evening, morning or just doing something nice for yourself.

3.Try to stay healthy. Eat right, avoid junk food and alcohol. Exercise. Try walking. Visiting can take a toll at times and staying healthy is a big help!!

4. Cry when you have to, but try to stay focused. Do not be torn apart by the prison system. You are still a person...and you need to be supportive to your love one.

5. Keep in close contact with your love one. Accept phone calls (if you can afford it, as prison phone calls are extrememly expensive), send your love one letters, cards, magazine and newspaper clippings, and computer print-outs of things that interest him. Send them pictures (old and new). It's nothing like looking at pictures from home It helps them keep from becoming homesick.


Please be assured that PTO will always be a place for support a safe haven to vent and share your thoughts.

I can only support each and every point you listed especially the one about staying healthy and finding a balance. I think I underestimated in the past how much the prison system (and his crime) is getting to me, is creeping inside me.
I always thought ooh I am a strong person and I can handle it, and I did. I never had a problem to go to the prison and go through the whole procedure until I can take him in my arms in the VR and whisper "I love you" in his ear. But recently I suddenly started to develop panick attacks (it starts with headaches and feeling dizzy until my circulatory system collapses and I have to get an infusion at the hospital to feel better. It usually take about 5 days until I'm back on track) With the help of my family and a therapist I noticed that the panick attacks have to do with the prison and also with his crime. What helps me to fight these attacks are exactly the things you just talked about: I take it slow and I take it one day at a time. There are days when I don't want to think about prison or his crime at all, and that's what I do. Going out riding my bicyle next to the river, or going for a run in the forrest helps a lot to stay in balance and not let this whole thing destroy my health. We have to keep in mind if we are not healthy we don't have the energy and strength that we need in order to support our loved ones on this bumpy ride
love,
Sandra

[pj663]

Great point Sandra It never get easy when I have to say goodbye on that Sunday afternoon I still tear up seeing him leave and I go the other way. I always tell him at the end come on baby I'm ready to go thinking in my mind that he can walk right through that door with me. But I still hold out hope and that's what keeps up going and of course the patience and love that goes along with it. I'm glad to see that some of these points are of use to you

[traviesita]

Sandra I use to get this too.. He was way far up north... It was a 9 hour drive me and my little side kick daughter would do..

The prison would just be so evil in all they did it would get me scared of just going to visit.

What I would do is before my visit I take about 45 minutes of yoga and boy did that keep me sane and him happy...

[caribbeanblue77]

Originally Posted by pj663

Great point Sandra It never get easy when I have to say goodbye on that Sunday afternoon I still tear up seeing him leave and I go the other way. I always tell him at the end come on baby I'm ready to go thinking in my mind that he can walk right through that door with me. But I still hold out hope and that's what keeps up going and of course the patience and love that goes along with it. I'm glad to see that some of these points are of use to you

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. At the end of our visit I usually say "This is no goodbye, this is only a see you later, ok?" My hand touches his hand as I walk towards the exit until only my fingertips barely touch his fingertips and we finally have to part, he goes back to dystopia, I go back to utopia. This world is crazy if you ask me...

[caribbeanblue77]

Originally Posted by traviesita

Sandra I use to get this too.. He was way far up north... It was a 9 hour drive me and my little side kick daughter would do..

The prison would just be so evil in all they did it would get me scared of just going to visit.

What I would do is before my visit I take about 45 minutes of yoga and boy did that keep me sane and him happy...

Yoga is a great idea!! Or maybe Taiji...I'm gonna try that out. Good idea

[Anne Morris 87]

[quote=pj663;6761528]To Our Lifer Families,

"Being a love one of a lifer at times can be as if you're walking a lonely path. At times we actually do and it is ardious path however we make it. We are alone and lonely, most often faced with depression."

I was at twelve and still am very much alone, as no one understood my depression at twelve and now that I am older, I have come to be very non-verbal following a bad experience with an officer and those who know me don't understand my silence. I have spent many hours alone and as I like to say, I have cried a small swimming over the years, since 1991. I encourage those who know someone serving a life sentence to follow the sugestions below, as I feel that the advise offered is worth taking note of.
It most certainly does help relieve the stress that one feels knowing someone we love is serving a life sentence and it is good to cry and let it all out. The people in prison are always grateful for those who are willing to go out of their way to write to them and let them know that they are not forgotten, as prison can be a very lonely and frightening place. I encourage the loved ones of lifers to hang in their and pray for their loved ones who are serving a life sentence. Thank you!

"1. Take one day at a time. Do not think too far in advance. Try to "get through one more day."

2. Nuture your soul and spirit. Take care of you even if it's a walk on a beautiful evening, morning or just doing something nice for yourself.

3.Try to stay healthy. Eat right, avoid junk food and alcohol. Exercise. Try walking. Visiting can take a toll at times and staying healthy is a big help!!

4. Cry when you have to, but try to stay focused. Do not be torn apart by the prison system. You are still a person...and you need to be supportive to your love one.

5. Keep in close contact with your love one. Accept phone calls (if you can afford it, as prison phone calls are extrememly expensive), send your love one letters, cards, magazine and newspaper clippings, and computer print-outs of things that interest them. Send them pictures (old and new). It's nothing like looking at pictures from home It helps them keep from becoming homesick. "