10 yrs feels like forever (Ideas to help the time go by a little easier)

[wickzfinest727]

I have been with my fiance since I was 16 an am now 22, he was sentenced to 10 yrs minumum mandetory. He has only done 4 so far an I have to say this has been the longest hardest 4 yrs of my life. I have tried to stick byan be supportive but as we all know life goes on out here I jus recently started talkin to him an writting again which has made me an him very happy again im gonna go see him this weekend for the first tome in a year im so nervous. What are some thoughts or ideas on how to make these last couple years a little easier?!

[ThumpaGirl]

I know how u feel...my bf and I met when we were 14 and we're 22 now, my bf was sentenced to 10 - 30....he's done 3 years so far and I wasn't with him the 1st 2 years...we reconnected about a year ago and everything was great bcuz we hadn't been in contact for so long...now a year later things are different, i try to keep things interesting, I talk about work family school and everyday things...that can get boring to me but he enjoys it...my advice to you is to keep your social life going...go out, have fun, and don't forget to enjoy your life...don't give up too much and put in too much energy too quick becuz you'll get bored really quick... I wish someone would've told me this at first bcuz its so hard for me to keep our relationship interesting since I've done so much and put so much in to it in only a short amount of time... so basically I'm just tryin to say take it slow and it'll be over before u know!!

[longislandny997]

Originally Posted by ThumpaGirl

I know how u feel...my bf and I met when we were 14 and we're 22 now, my bf was sentenced to 10 - 30....he's done 3 years so far and I wasn't with him the 1st 2 years...we reconnected about a year ago and everything was great bcuz we hadn't been in contact for so long...now a year later things are different, i try to keep things interesting, I talk about work family school and everyday things...that can get boring to me but he enjoys it...my advice to you is to keep your social life going...go out, have fun, and don't forget to enjoy your life...don't give up too much and put in too much energy too quick becuz you'll get bored really quick... I wish someone would've told me this at first bcuz its so hard for me to keep our relationship interesting since I've done so much and put so much in to it in only a short amount of time... so basically I'm just tryin to say take it slow and it'll be over before u know!!

my Husband has done 5 i got 4 more to go, were married so its for better or worse....Alot of times I just want to say the hell with it, this is to hard to live out in this crazy world alone but i know in my heart of hearts I love my husband and it is just acceptance and I have to live my life for me till he comes home and of course keep in touch with him as often and as much as I can afford it i will try to make his life alittle easier but I am not the one who did the crime, but I am also definatly doing the time...

[concern29]

I also know the feeling, my husband has 10 years and we have done 2 years and we have been together for 11 years and we have two kids together. He also has a daughter before our marriage that turned 18 while he has been in. The kids start to school this year a third year without him. Im in georgia and the things here really do suck. I was told to call this month for a tpm date but who knows how that will go. I will keep u and yours in my prayers and also be praying for me and mines as well.

[eugene allen]

My name is eugene allen and my author pen name is Grizman Parker. I spent 30 years in prison and have now been free for over ten years living a healthy crime free life. I write support books for families who have loved ones in prison. I would love to help in any way possible with your situation. I know what my family went through when I was in prison. Feel free to contact me at my e-mail genetou2396@yahoo.com if you need someone to talk with. I am a support person for any family members who have loved ones in prison. My parents died while I was in prison and I will never forget what I put them and my family through. In my case I chose to not let my love of my life do the time with me. I thought it was very unfair for her to have waste her life waiting for me. We stayed friends and I encouraged her to go on with her life and she did. But this doesn't mean it is wrong for what you are doing. I had a very dear friend in prison whos wife waited for him 25 years and they now live a very happy life out in the free world as I do. All situations are different but don't do the time with any mate, live your life while you are waiting.

[longislandny997]

intresting, live your life, isnt always that easy....

[mikes lady]

Originally Posted by longislandny997

intresting, live your life, isnt always that easy....

I agree! It isn't that easy to just live life without him. I actually feel guilty sometimes because I am out here with our kids doing everyday things when he can't be, even tho he's the one who made his mistakes. I can't stop wishing he was here with me doing the normal day routine. I still have 10 yrs to go and I've only been doing this for 18 months! He's already done 10 yrs by himself. The time seems like its creeping....

[emtjen]

I feel guilty all the time because I am free to go out to the park or to dinner. But my life cannot just stop for the next 28 years and my lovey would not want it to. The children and I have to continue with our everyday life. I have found the time goes faster because I have hobbies, groups and outside activities. My lovey actually loves hearing about the everyday's of mine and the children's lives. He loves knowing that we are healthy and as happy as we can be without him. I hope your 10 years fly by.

[juss me6]

wow i feel for you ladies. you have my respect sticking by a man for that long. i read a lot of your posts and i dont think i could ever put myself in your shoes. the amount of energy it takes the amount of love and support. i know a lot of you probably do appeal work and everything for your men. how do you do it? im shocked and amazed! you juggle work,kids,friends,his court work and more!

[MsPrettiJackson]

And 15 years feels like an eternity😰....We all agree there has to be a better way。。。(^｡^)

[longislandny997]

Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson

And 15 years feels like an eternity��....We all agree there has to be a better way。。。(^｡^)

1.2.10.15 ALL THIS TIME IS AN ETERNITY. IT IS REALLY HARD. I GOT MYSELF IN ALITTLE TROUBLE WITH THE LAW, AND BOY MY HUSBAND WHO I HAVE BEEN BY FOR THE LAST 5 W/ ALMOST 21/2 MORE SENT ME A LETTER, LECTURING ME, TALKING 2 ME LIKE I AM AN IDIOT. YES, OK I GOT IN TROUBLE. HE SEEMS TO FORGET, I AM OUT HERE BUSTING MY ASS, MY MOM JUST DIED 2MTHS AGO, I HAVE HEP C GOING THRU THAT TREATMENT ALONG WITH OTHER SHIT, AND WHILE HE WAS OUT WAITING FOR THE PAPERS TO TRANSFER FROM NY TO ME IN FL, HE GOT IN TROUBLE AND SENT RIGHT BACK. I DIDNT RESPOND TO HIM FOR A MINUTE, THEN I GET A LETTER W/ A STAMP LIKE THATS WHY I HAVENT RESPONDED. ITS A BITCH OUT HERE BY MYSELF. MAYBE IF HE WAS HERE THINGS WOULD BE ALITTLE EASIER ON ME BUT HE DOSENT THINK THAT WAY. HE IS MAKING ME RETHINK THINGS, AND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD. FOR BETTER OR WORSE WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, BUT PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE. THEY LET HIM CALL ME WHEN MY MOM PASSED AND TALKED FOR 5 MIN. YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HE WOULD BE GLAD ENOUGH I CALLED THE PRISON SO HE COULD CALL ME SINCE I HAVENT HAD MONEY FOR THE PHONE....I AM SORRY I AM VEDNTING HE HAS ME DAZED AN CONFUSED..I CAN FEEL THIS WAY BY MYSELF THANKS VERY MUCH....

[longislandny997]

Originally Posted by mikes lady

i agree! It isn't that easy to just live life without him. I actually feel guilty sometimes because i am out here with our kids doing everyday things when he can't be, even tho he's the one who made his mistakes. I can't stop wishing he was here with me doing the normal day routine. I still have 10 yrs to go and i've only been doing this for 18 months! He's already done 10 yrs by himself. The time seems like its creeping....

i used to feel guilty but you know what its his time, i didnt choose to do it but i dont have any choice. 18mths and you still have 10 yrs, thank god for this site, cause boy can it get hard lonley and exhausting..good luck honey..

[longislandny997]

Originally Posted by wickzfinest727

I have been with my fiance since I was 16 an am now 22, he was sentenced to 10 yrs minumum mandetory. He has only done 4 so far an I have to say this has been the longest hardest 4 yrs of my life. I have tried to stick byan be supportive but as we all know life goes on out here I jus recently started talkin to him an writting again which has made me an him very happy again im gonna go see him this weekend for the first tome in a year im so nervous. What are some thoughts or ideas on how to make these last couple years a little easier?!

You figure it out i would love to know....lol..Where in fla is he?

[wickzfinest727]

Originally Posted by longislandny997

You figure it out i would love to know....lol..Where in fla is he?

Lol he is in north Florida hopefully soon closer to him

[wickzfinest727]

Originally Posted by wickzfinest727

Lol he is in north Florida hopefully soon closer to him

**home!!

[ilovecoffee]

I havent known my babe for his whole bid that he has already done. He has done 10 and he has 9 years 11 months left. I dont ever get bored with him. I cherish every single letter,email and call. I have no desire to be with anyone else. I keep myself busy with life,kids and recently was accepted into school! So I keep myself busy.

[mikes lady]

Originally Posted by longislandny997

i used to feel guilty but you know what its his time, i didnt choose to do it but i dont have any choice. 18mths and you still have 10 yrs, thank god for this site, cause boy can it get hard lonley and exhausting..good luck honey..

Yes it does get hard and I'm sure it's gonna get harder as time goes on. This site is wonderful cause at least there's others who understands us. Ty and good luck to u also!

[Aane]

Hello all!

I think the most important thing to remember is that while you are waiting you are not at the same time. I know that sounds weird, but I feel like it is a long harvest season in which the seed takes a long time to grow. While I am out here I am doing work within myself and with our kids (he has one from a previous relationship and so do I). Like the seed that is under the soil it feels cold and dark in there and lonely like no one else feels what you are going through, but that's why you come to sites like this, take up hobbies, get the kids involved in stuff so that you are built up. Pretty soon you bust through the ground and everyone is flourishing then your loved one comes home and look how much better you all are by the end. So, it's developing not waiting. If I had met my fiance under different circumstances earlier in his life and mine I would not have been ready and maybe this time away is getting us ready to be an even stronger and happier couple in the long run who knows?! Not only am I am long haul lady I am also a MWI (double whammy). I trust God's plan so it is all meant for my good. Things get super busy because I am working the legal part too, but you have to create balance.

The short answer: Stay busy getting things ready for his homecoming.

[Biznessgal2]

Originally Posted by Aane

Hello all!

I think the most important thing to remember is that while you are waiting you are not at the same time. I know that sounds weird, but I feel like it is a long harvest season in which the seed takes a long time to grow. While I am out here I am doing work within myself and with our kids (he has one from a previous relationship and so do I). Like the seed that is under the soil it feels cold and dark in there and lonely like no one else feels what you are going through, but that's why you come to sites like this, take up hobbies, get the kids involved in stuff so that you are built up. Pretty soon you bust through the ground and everyone is flourishing then your loved one comes home and look how much better you all are by the end. So, it's developing not waiting. If I had met my fiance under different circumstances earlier in his life and mine I would not have been ready and maybe this time away is getting us ready to be an even stronger and happier couple in the long run who knows?! Not only am I am long haul lady I am also a MWI (double whammy). I trust God's plan so it is all meant for my good. Things get super busy because I am working the legal part too, but you have to create balance.

The short answer: Stay busy getting things ready for his homecoming.

I agree with everything said very much. It is important to live a life, not think of it as just a waiting game.

Life is never promised to anyone, and it would be a shame to just see each day as another lonely waiting day. As a psychologist said, " Life is not a dress rehearsal."


My husband and I make a point of having as good a life now as we can, even tho apart. We share things constantly, all the news little and big, send letters and call as much as possible, read books together, and we stay close and active. I support his efforts for his health and enriching his mind, and he knows all about my work and the names and personalities of my friends, even my cat, my challenges and my happy times. I try to include him in important life decisions all the time.


While I never discourage the "when I get out, when I come home" talk, I also encourage the positive "now" talk too. We're both over fifty, no sense waiting for his release to feel joy and happiness in life and together. We feel blessed just to have each other, to be this close, to be soulmates, for so many years under the toughest circumstances. Some people never find that right person, and we know we were lucky that we did.

Blessings,
MJ

[mrs.cervantes19]

They want to give my man a 14yr deal "/ I told him today to just tale it because if he loses he'll get Life... We're in the process of getting married, I love him very much & Im planning to stick around but im scared i'll fail .

[Biznessgal2]

Originally Posted by mrs.cervantes19

They want to give my man a 14yr deal "/ I told him today to just tale it because if he loses he'll get Life... We're in the process of getting married, I love him very much & Im planning to stick around but im scared i'll fail .

we took 22 years at 85% rather than life. I am glad we did.

Remember, in living our life there is no "failing". There is only living the best way you know how to do.

You love each other. Take it one day at a time together. It will be lonely and unsupported sometimes for you, but terrible in so many ways for him. If you guys can find strength in each other, it could be a strong and nurturing relationship.

Don't try to solve all the future challenges up front. As we all say on this site, take it one day at a time. Stay busy, as fulfilled as you can be, be strong for him, let him find himself again and then he can still bring so much to you in the relationship.

Blessings,

MJ

[mrs.cervantes19]

Originally Posted by Biznessgal2

we took 22 years at 85% rather than life. I am glad we did.

Remember, in living our life there is no "failing". There is only living the best way you know how to do.

You love each other. Take it one day at a time together. It will be lonely and unsupported sometimes for you, but terrible in so many ways for him. If you guys can find strength in each other, it could be a strong and nurturing relationship.

Don't try to solve all the future challenges up front. As we all say on this site, take it one day at a time. Stay busy, as fulfilled as you can be, be strong for him, let him find himself again and then he can still bring so much to you in the relationship.

Blessings,

MJ

Thank you very much (':
I just try to think of it as "atleast 1 day he'll come home" & yes i'll take it 1 day at a time ai think thats what the problem is I do try to solve the future challenges .
Thnx again!