Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

some girl · #1 03-21-2012, 12:16 PM

Hello everyone,

Thanks in advance for reading my post and providing any advice.

In Canada, an accused can be let out on bail if loved ones act as a surety. Basically, you are acting as a civilian jailer. There is more info online (don't know how to post a link). If you google "surety" and "canada" you should get all the info you need.

Coles notes version of my story: I have been off and on with my guy for three years now. When we met, he was on parole and serving the rest of his time in a half way house. He said he learned his lesson and cleaned up his act.

He got back into using, and I left him. We remained friends and in the last few months have been "testing the waters" so to say. I don't think he was using within the last few months.

He got picked up on trafficking charges stemming from 2010. He is asking me to act as his surety. I'm not sure that I can trust him....what would you do?

Thanks so very much. PTO has saved me alot of grey hairs and wrinkles.
If anyone would like more info, please ask.

Some girl xoxo

Mrs.LeGrand · #2 03-21-2012, 12:28 PM

When dealing with drugs abuse, you can never be too sure. You have to use your judgement of him. Has he had help with this matter! will you be punished if something goes wrong?

some girl · #3 03-21-2012, 02:00 PM

Hi Mrs. LeGrand....thanks for your advice & reply.

He has had a run in rehab before, obviously that didn't tackle the problem completely. I have advised him that I won't act as his surety unless he is commited to cleaning him self up. I beleive he will, but I have a very hard time trusting him now that he has messed up again.

I would get introuble if he violates any of his bail conditions and a court can prove that I knew about it.

battym · #4 03-21-2012, 03:48 PM

Hi,
I don't blame you for not trusting him, drug related issues are very hard to deal with not only for him but for you too. They are very talented at manipulating people to get what they want. I would not get myself in that situation unless he proved to me that he is doing his part. He really has to be serious about it.

Purpleorchids · #5 04-25-2012, 07:31 AM

HELL NO. Are you serious?

redtara · #6 05-22-2012, 11:16 PM

You said yourself your not sure if you can trust him. If he's truly into recovery then he will be speaking recovery language and really interested in talking about it and sharing his new found insights. If he's not speaking this new language your taking a big risk. The writing will pretty much be on the wall.

gorickyourself · #7 05-22-2012, 11:56 PM

Maybe! He has them new insights,but he has problems explaining him self.Cause people may thing he is weak! Maybe when he is out he can open up more? Just a thought

**number8** · #8 05-23-2012, 12:12 AM

What a difficult situation for you to be in. If you say no, will he put the guilts on you? (IMO if he does then no is the best answer) I agree with the others who ask where is he at with his recovery. Are you in the same area as when he last offended? does he have dodgy friends nearby? But at the same time, I can totally understand you wanting to assist him to have at least some freedom. Is there any support available in the community for either or both of
you?

LoveYourself1st · #9 05-23-2012, 02:46 AM

HELL NO! If you are not sure you can trust him DON'T DO IT!

~Christina~ · #10 05-23-2012, 05:39 AM

ummm....she asked that question almost 3 months ago.

redtara · #11 05-23-2012, 09:30 AM

It never hurts to attend a few alanon or naranon meetings. It can help teach you how to help the one's you care about in a real and lasting way.
Promises mean nothing from an addict who is not in active recovery. It's a long and difficult journey and you will know it when you see it.