Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

MzDarknLovely31 · #1 05-25-2012, 11:39 PM

So my ex and daughter's daddy came over on tonight, he spent time with our daughter for two hours. They played and laughed until she passed out. When she did, he went to work on me (duh!, lol). Call me stupid but I caved in and gave into his sexual advances, before we went all the way and I was in his arms I felt like oh, I missed him so much. oh, I have loved you for so long yet when we were making love everytime I tried to open my mouth to say the words they wouldn't come out.

After we were done...several times (hehe) and I sat next to him on the couch and he held me while we watched a movie and I thought I would feel remorseful or scared he would hurt me or up and leave and I didn't. All I cared about was the time he had spent with our baby. All this time I thought deep down I wanted him too but after having him and after the more he talked...he is still a child. He is manning up where our daugther is concerned but we are on different wavelengths. I didn't feel a connection with him at all.

He was so demanding, cook this for me tomorrow and could you get me this and that and Im in the back of my mind like um, he really think because he got broke off Im bout to complete a to do list. Tuh! No sir. I'm still wondering why am I not mad or sad that he didn't seem to be worried about no one but himself. Is it because I already expect that or accept that? Is it because I did the same thing, slept with him because I wanted to see if my feelings were real or for someone I made up in my mind.

The man I thought I wanted all this time and the man I was with tonight are two different people. Here I am up now and I sent him home. He wanted to stay the night and I told him hit me up tomorrow. He kissed me good night and told me he would call us tomorrow. If he calls for his baby of course Im gonna let them talk, they looked so cute together and she loves him already and he seems to be loving on her. Something happened in me tonight though. Like honestly if I saw him with another chick in the bed right now I swear I wouldn't feel nothing other than be a father.

I know some may bash me for it sounding like maybe I used him. But it wasn't like that. I honestly when I went there with him felt like I love him so much and miss him so much and I just wanna be in his arms even if it is all a lie and just one night but when it was all said and done I just wanted him to go and never come back except for only for our baby. The more he talked...he has not changed. The streets are calling him already. Im sad for him that that's the only life he knows. I could try and watch over him and guide him not to do that, but he is grown but as his friend I will try but nothing more. I want nothing more than his friendship and a co parenting relationship. Its crazy my mom told me that I dont want this man but the man Ive made up in my mind and when he get out and you spend time with him you gonna see that you dont even really want him. She was right. And its not because ok I got him, but because he is NOT the person I dreamed up in my heart and mind. Not by a long shot. He seems to be making for a good father tho I will give him that but he itchin for the streets.I hope he resists tempatation. Sigh. I feel like a bad person. Am I crazy?

MRS.GRIFFIN · #2 05-26-2012, 12:03 AM

Dang girl,,,,,love story on the block. Well i wish you best

hisbabygurl2014 · #3 05-26-2012, 02:39 AM

Dang mama. I am not going to bash you because thats your life and you found your closure. Now that you have that maybe you can move on.

Mrs.taylor2011 · #4 05-26-2012, 02:51 AM

this whole situation is like a soap opera ..lol

La Divina · #5 05-26-2012, 07:30 AM

Hell no dont feel bad!!! It is what it is..!!

InmateLover67 · #6 05-26-2012, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MzDarknLovely31

So my ex and daughter's daddy came over on tonight, he spent time with our daughter for two hours. They played and laughed until she passed out. When she did, he went to work on me (duh!, lol). Call me stupid but I caved in and gave into his sexual advances, before we went all the way and I was in his arms I felt like oh, I missed him so much. oh, I have loved you for so long yet when we were making love everytime I tried to open my mouth to say the words they wouldn't come out.

After we were done...several times (hehe) and I sat next to him on the couch and he held me while we watched a movie and I thought I would feel remorseful or scared he would hurt me or up and leave and I didn't. All I cared about was the time he had spent with our baby. All this time I thought deep down I wanted him too but after having him and after the more he talked...he is still a child. He is manning up where our daugther is concerned but we are on different wavelengths. I didn't feel a connection with him at all.

He was so demanding, cook this for me tomorrow and could you get me this and that and Im in the back of my mind like um, he really think because he got broke off Im bout to complete a to do list. Tuh! No sir. I'm still wondering why am I not mad or sad that he didn't seem to be worried about no one but himself. Is it because I already expect that or accept that? Is it because I did the same thing, slept with him because I wanted to see if my feelings were real or for someone I made up in my mind.

The man I thought I wanted all this time and the man I was with tonight are two different people. Here I am up now and I sent him home. He wanted to stay the night and I told him hit me up tomorrow. He kissed me good night and told me he would call us tomorrow. If he calls for his baby of course Im gonna let them talk, they looked so cute together and she loves him already and he seems to be loving on her. Something happened in me tonight though. Like honestly if I saw him with another chick in the bed right now I swear I wouldn't feel nothing other than be a father.

I know some may bash me for it sounding like maybe I used him. But it wasn't like that. I honestly when I went there with him felt like I love him so much and miss him so much and I just wanna be in his arms even if it is all a lie and just one night but when it was all said and done I just wanted him to go and never come back except for only for our baby. The more he talked...he has not changed. The streets are calling him already. Im sad for him that that's the only life he knows. I could try and watch over him and guide him not to do that, but he is grown but as his friend I will try but nothing more. I want nothing more than his friendship and a co parenting relationship. Its crazy my mom told me that I dont want this man but the man Ive made up in my mind and when he get out and you spend time with him you gonna see that you dont even really want him. She was right. And its not because ok I got him, but because he is NOT the person I dreamed up in my heart and mind. Not by a long shot. He seems to be making for a good father tho I will give him that but he itchin for the streets.I hope he resists tempatation. Sigh. I feel like a bad person. Am I crazy?

You did what you felt you had to do, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Even if this does sound like a soap opera, it is yours and you have to deal with it, in your own way.

My concerne is that you not give yourself to this man, if your heart is not in it. Doing so, is selfish, in my opinion. If you have gotten closure, then keep moving on and don't give in to his sexual advances ever again.

Peace~

Sheryl P. · #7 05-26-2012, 07:53 AM

If the streets are calling then all you can do is let him go.
I hope he can man up and be there for your child but some men need quite a bit of time before they mature.Some are always selfish
You did not use,you just heard what he was saying for the first time.
Move on and have a great life.
Good for you that you are allowing him to bond with your daughter.

Miss_A · #8 05-26-2012, 07:58 AM

I don't know. I just get the feeling that he's using the daughter to get to you. He knows he can "go to work on you" and get what he wants. I hope you realize that he will try again. I just hope that you can say no. Because if you don't, you'll be right back where you were in the beginning.

Best of luck to you.

TraeNBoo · #9 05-26-2012, 08:48 AM

I'm gonna keep you in my prayers that this doesn't end up in heartbreak for your child and you. I really don't know what to say, but I wish you the best.

MzDarknLovely31 · #10 05-26-2012, 09:32 AM

Lol @ mrs taylor...yes it is like a soap opera but that is how my feelings always were for him when he wasn't in our lives. I daydreamed of him all the time and us being a family and when he went to prison and we got back together he started sounding like what I thought I was missing until right up to close to his release. And in the beginning when I first saw him I felt like I missed him and wanted him. And when things started off I was all caught up in my romantic feelings lol, but as it went on, I didn't hear I love you one time like in prison, I heard "I got mad love for you" and we can do whatever you wanna do. The lovemaking was good but then again it always was but after he was all about what can you do for me now. Like his "tool" was him paying a toll, smh and when he talked he sounded so childish, there was nothing profound in his conversation and he kept mentioning pills and weed and how he was done with em but then he would flip flop back to maybe just a lil bit after his first urine test. I can't judge him and I feel bad like Im putting him down but I'm being honest in how unattractive he became to me last night. I mean he was such a philosopher in prison and this was someone so different. But I can't judge him and his character or how he choose to live his life but I do hope that he doesn't go back to that lifestyle.

The way he was talking about me and the other baby mama. I know when she's back in town he's gonna try her too. I can just tell in his actions. InmateLover you are right I should not go there with him again now that I know Im not feeling the same for him. But when we initially got into it I didn't know I was gonna feel what I do now so I wasn't trying to hurt him but you are right now that I know I shouldn't go there.

Mrs. A I have a feeling I wont be hearing from him again for a good while. I know his character and his mannerisms right before he got out of my car, I can just tell, he good right now. I hope he doesn't shut our baby out but Im not going to chase him to be there for her because how his ego is he will take that as Im using her because Im digging on him. So if he calls me for her then cool, if he doesn't, he doesn't. Ive done the begging and pleading he be a daddy thing when he wasn't there the first year and early in jail, Im done doing all that. Its on him now and me not to block it.

But I know him. I wont be hearing from him again now that we did something cause that may have been all he wanted. I don't feel used, I wanted him too at the time so I won't be hurt for me if he doesn't call, I'll be hurt for our baby. But all I can do is what every other single mother has always done and push on and make it on our own. Thank you for not judging to all who have commented

I have a last question tho and I say last for a while because I need to sit back and focus and get back on track, thinking on this for so long has turned my brain to mush just about. I want to cling to my children and focus on my goals again and not this "soap opera" . My last question is how long would any of you leave the child support open (its been open since she was 8 months old and he's in arrears, they don't know he's home cuz I haven't said nothing and while he's trying I'm not going to) but when would any of you think I should make a move on that or would you close it now that it seems he's trying. I asked his take on the support now that he's out he said that he aint trippin, but dont expect to get nothing else out of him financially other than what they take from him and that he works cash in hand so they wont catch up to him right now so he aint trippin. I dont want to send him back to prison no matter what happens with us, what do you think I should do?

Mrs.taylor2011 · #11 05-26-2012, 10:06 AM

i mean if you want a friends with benefits thing with him thats fine,just dont get too caught up in his games that hes paying hell your grown you can screw who u want lol..but atleast now your seeing the real him take it as a lesson learned..and as far as child support ill give him like a month to show and prove if he isnt trying to do for yall child then put him on child support and go full force on it..if he goes to jail then oh well he needs to learn when two ppl make a baby the baby needs support from both parts.. its only so much a mother can do,raising a baby is hard as hell ..if he doesnt care about yall(you & the baby) i wouldnt care about him getting locked up again..hopefully he wakes up ! goodluck

MzDarknLovely31 · #12 05-26-2012, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.taylor2011

i mean if you want a friends with benefits thing with him thats fine,just dont get too caught up in his games that hes paying hell your grown you can screw who u want lol..but atleast now your seeing the real him take it as a lesson learned..and as far as child support ill give him like a month to show and prove if he isnt trying to do for yall child then put him on child support and go full force on it..if he goes to jail then oh well he needs to learn when two ppl make a baby the baby needs support from both parts.. its only so much a mother can do,raising a baby is hard as hell ..if he doesnt care about yall(you & the baby) i wouldnt care about him getting locked up again..hopefully he wakes up ! goodluck

Smh...NO indeed on the friends with benefits. I mean it was good but that's all it was but I need more behind it than just the physical feeling. And the way he talking I know that "tool" is for everybody willing to do one or two things for him. He did just text me and all he said was he was gonna hit me up when he get a new phone because the one he has now is a piece of crap, which I saw it, it is. But if he want his baby he can get to any phone so not letting him use excuses but I didn't go into anything or accuse him of anything or get heavy. All I texted back was 'Aite'. So now, the ball is in his court. Going to sit back and watch and see what he does and I think a month is a good amount of time. Not gonna push him or wait around. Gonna see what he does on his own. And I will be on my guard because of the body bumping lol, he prob will think he got me in his pocket now when he have a need. Time will tell from here on out.

MzDarknLovely31 · #13 05-26-2012, 12:42 PM

So I took initiative and called him and I told him I had a good time last night but I wanted us to start all over again, no heavy stuff, no drama. Be REAL friends for once, get to know the man I have a child with outside of the relationship tip and be a help and not a hindrance or stress to one another. He told me he like where my head is at and its good to hear we can try to be on a positive tip and not negative. He said he respect that I was the bigger person and started to talk about last night, he was dreading it, lol but Im glad I did too. It was our moment after everything and that's all it was but I'm glad we are starting over. He promised to see our baby again tonight and I told him to go to my moms and she will be there. I wanna say its sad we didn't work out but actually I'm excited to get to start over and not be all stressed out and frowning up. Now that I was the one to take initiative and try and be cool for the sake of our baby if he blows it I wont feel bad because I will know I tried and did the right thing. I feel good right now! I don't want to keep coming here reporting every little detail lol but wanted to add this just in case someone else is going through something like this billions of ppl in the world Im sure someone is and may see it. I probably will come back a month or so from now and report how things are going for anyone following my story. I follow so many on here before I even started posting and am always excited when they come back online to share. Thank you PTO for your support and all that you have offered me through the years of when he was in and the few days he's been out. This is one of the greatest sites ever!