Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

HartsGirl · #1 05-26-2012, 12:12 AM

So my man and i just got back together. This is his second bid...we have been going back and forth for almost 8 years now. I know i love him and want nothing more then to be with him. For awhile i always thought i would find someone on the outside that could make me feel like he does...but i just can't! I love my man with all of my heart. But right now i am scared to death to start telling everyone we are back together. He wants me to wait til he gets out in Oct. But i dont think its right to hide it! Ugh. Help please!

BAHK · #2 05-26-2012, 06:34 AM

take it slowly, this is yours and his relationship and no one else should be a factor of decisions. talk it out with him and see why he thinks waiting to tell others would be better? Maybe he feels its unimportant others know?

taraadele18 · #3 05-26-2012, 07:07 AM

You don't have to run around and tell everyone that y'all are back together. It's kinda like a don't ask don't tell thing to me. Do what makes you more comfortable!

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

InmateLover67 · #4 05-26-2012, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HartsGirl

So my man and i just got back together. This is his second bid...we have been going back and forth for almost 8 years now. I know i love him and want nothing more then to be with him. For awhile i always thought i would find someone on the outside that could make me feel like he does...but i just can't! I love my man with all of my heart. But right now i am scared to death to start telling everyone we are back together. He wants me to wait til he gets out in Oct. But i dont think its right to hide it! Ugh. Help please!

You have to live your life with and how you want, without being scared to tell others. If you two love each other, it should not matter what others think.

This is also my second bid with my man, however it is the LAST. This is not the way I want to live the rest of my life. It is time for him to pull up his big-boy panties and keep his shit straight.

I hope you two have a wonderful future!

Peace~

**Nieves915** · #5 05-26-2012, 07:50 AM

Do what your heart tells you.. Who cares what others think,,, they dont have anything to do with your relationship. we as a people have a bad habit of making judgements and opinions about eachother and we have absolutly no right to do so.....
Look i may be different, but i one of those people that tell me story to anyone that will listen, i love my man, jail no jail, bad boy, good boy, it dont matter, that is my man and im proud to be with him, regardless of where he is at...... but thats just me, I learned along time ago that other peoples opinions dont mean much,,,,,, thier judgments they can keep, cuz we all have issues in and out of our relationships, and those friends of mine who think they have a prefect relationship and want to down mine,,, well i just sit back and smile cuz i know my husband loves me.....

Zuweee · #6 05-26-2012, 11:32 AM

Other people don't understand because they think they're above the situation- "That would never happen to me" kinda stuff. It's a far stretch but maybe you should try talking to a therapist. It's worked for me, especially because a lot of my friends and family only have negative things to say when I bring up my relationship. I get to just spill everything I'm feeling, good and bad. I don't have to worry about everyone knowing our business and she even gives advice about how to make sure my own needs are met. It's a form of concentrating on myself and it's helped me remain calm with things I have no control over.

Abraann · #7 05-26-2012, 12:34 PM

If someone asks me I'll tell them my man is locked up and if they have something to say I just shrug it off. Especially when it comes from someone who picks real winners. It's really no one else's business but mine and his and if they don't like it they can kick rocks! Unfortunately someone is always gonna have something to say. But if they are your real friends or someone who really cares about you they'll understand.

k127 · #8 05-26-2012, 08:28 PM

Some people really dont understand. I feel like people judge me when i tell them my boyfriend is in jail. I dont care, i know how i feel about him. All that matters is that you two are happy together :-)

Abraann · #9 05-26-2012, 10:18 PM

I always explain it like this. How is it that much different than a long distance relationship.

Scotties_Girl21 · #10 05-26-2012, 10:22 PM

Ppl do judge and it sucks. I tell some ppl our situation and where he is but like when I go to the doctor for ultrasounds and stuff they ask where he is and I reply, he's working out of town and will be home July 27th. I don't see it as a lie I just feel its not everyone's business and I don't feel like my doctor looking at me and my kids differently and wondering about his crime. I just don't need that, I'm not ashamed whatsoever but like I said its really not everyone's business IMO.

143forever · #11 05-26-2012, 10:50 PM

Some people hear the word inmate and just gasp out of disgust. I laugh at them. People assume those who are incarcerated are some crazed psychopaths who deserve to rot where they are at. Nobody truly ever understands until they live it. When someone asks me about my sons dad i tell them honestly. You asked, i answered so stop giving me that dirty look i want to say lol. I make a joke out of it and take it lightly. Peoples opinions don't bother me. If i let them bother me i would be one depressed woman. As far as family, i tell them openly that this is my life, when i die its my life thats going to be gone so im going to live it as i please. Everyone seems to respect that and discuss it openly with me or just not talk about it at all.

I wouldn't out right tell your family, but if they ask just be honest. Don't sound intimidated or embarrassed when you tell them, stand proud for who you love as its YOUR life and YOUR choice (:

Good luck!

dixiebelle1973 · #12 05-26-2012, 11:02 PM

I think one reason people don't understand they've put inmates in a class as sub human evil villan well they aren't. They are human they feel love etc. We know this. I have always been the type of person that thinks but OK they did something bad some worse than others...then I wonder how they feel etc. When people start dehumanizing someone they can justify doing just about anything to them and calling it justice. I have some very strong opinions about it, and will leave those out. Humans should all be treated as such as if they feel and deserve to be given the basic rights as a human being anywhere should have. Just my opinion. I get angry to see people mistreated no matter what they've done.

denisegallegos · #13 05-26-2012, 11:18 PM

Its simple, lack of experience and education.
People that have rude comments just don't get it, they talk out of fear of the unknown.
Inmate are just like you and me, everybody makes mistakes, our Inmates just got caught!!!!!!

pss12 · #14 05-26-2012, 11:26 PM

Alot of people don't understand because when they think about it they think of them being in your position waiting on YOUR man who they don't care about. I usually ask them if they would stay with their current husband or boyfriend if he was to fall on lock up time....the answer is usually yes.

HartsGirl · #15 05-27-2012, 12:06 AM

I hear you about being the last! Im really hopeing this is the last one we do!

Quote:

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

You have to live your life with and how you want, without being scared to tell others. If you two love each other, it should not matter what others think.

This is also my second bid with my man, however it is the LAST. This is not the way I want to live the rest of my life. It is time for him to pull up his big-boy panties and keep his shit straight.

I hope you two have a wonderful future!

Peace~

my1stall · #16 05-29-2012, 08:10 AM

No one understands love. Sometime we don't understand our love for them. If he makes you happy than your happiness should always come before what a person has to say or think its you life.

MariaLongley24 · #17 05-29-2012, 08:25 AM

I love the look on some people's face when I answer them so comfortably when asked about where he is or why he is there. Honestly, I wish people were not so ignorant. They feel like because he is in prison he doesn't have the capability to love or be loved, and they shame me for "attempting the impossible." I often get the response "Oh, well you always did have a big heart and want to try to fix and help people." My response to that? "Yes I did, that's why it is so beautiful and a blessing that I found someone else who does the same. We fix an help each other. That's what a constructive healthy relationship is, correct?" And then I usually get the 0_0 or -_- and I smile and walk away. That is MYman, and if people have something to say, it means that me and my man are on their mind

dixiebelle1973 · #18 05-29-2012, 08:49 AM

yeah i was acused of bringing home a lost abandoned puupy

hellen1970 · #19 05-29-2012, 09:19 AM

For to be honest, I had such a situation a few month ago, and normally I turn my back to people that juge without knowing what is or was happened for real. However, this was a situation my sometimes hot temper got me.
I live at Germany and I talk with a few guys, and one ask me about my loved one. I told them he was in the USA in prison. He looked at me like a dump and ask me if there are no nice and real guys at Germany so that I NEED to take a guy from the USA and in prison. I don't look sooo old that I need that, he guessed. And if I want to live like a nun until he perhaps comes out one day?
My answer was spontaneously - yes; I think I need it, because I don't need these guys like you from Germany, not charming, not nice and very stupid.
I can accept that people don't understand it, and it don't touch me, because it is my life, but sometimes I could kill them for these comments.