Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

FindingHarmony · #1 05-28-2012, 04:53 PM

My guy. I'm not sure what else to call him. He's my best friend, he's like a brother to me. He's also the man that I love and who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But all that is on hold right now. So for now, he's just my guy. We can't sort all the rest out yet.
He's on trial for murder. Facing life without parole. He's sat in county lockup for 11 months now waiting for trial to start. The beginning was so difficult. So scary. He lost his son. He lost his job. He lost everything. No one can afford the $1,000,000 bail that was set, so he's just been sitting there waiting. We've written back and forth all this time. I don't believe he is guilty. His lawyer says he has a 50/50 chance of being convicted.
It's a long complicated story that makes no sense however you look at it.
Trial just started last week. It's going as well as can be expected, they have no solid evidence, but a lot of circumstantial evidence and one really fucked up witness.
I don't know how to get through this. While it was happening it was terrifying and everyone, including him, was completely in shock. Then things settled down, and even though it was hellish and difficult, we had a routine of letters back and forth and some phone calls now and then. But now that trial is started, we're back in panic mode, and it's even worse than it was before.
Has anyone been through this? Any advice?
He's made veiled threats of suicide if he's convicted. He'll never see his son again if he's convicted. I'm scared for him and I don't know how to help. Even if I did know how to help, I feel weak and like I am losing it. I don't want to face the rest of my life without him and I'm falling apart.

nikki256 · #2 05-28-2012, 06:43 PM

I know how you feel sweetie..and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.. sometimes just talking helps. My fiance was found guilty of armed robbery and as its his third felony..he's facing a possibility of life. His sentencing is on Wednesday and the closer it gets..the worse I feel...and I can't even imagine how he feels. He has four kids to lose. We both have pretty much stopped eating and sleeping..just spending time holding each other and praying. I will add you and your man to our prayers...and feel free to message me if you need to talk.

I don't know that there is much you can physically do for him yet...except just make sure he knows you love him and that you're there for him. If you believe in prayer..pray like you never have before..and make sure to take care of yourself.

FindingHarmony · #3 05-28-2012, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikki256

I know how you feel sweetie. My fiance was found guilty of armed robbery and as its his third felony..he's facing a possibility of life. His sentencing is on Wednesday and the closer it gets..the worse I feel...and I can't even imagine how he feels. He has four kids to lose. We both have pretty much stopped eating and sleeping..just spending time holding each other and praying. I will add you and your man to our prayers...and feel free to message me if you need to talk.

thankyou very very much. I have been the opposite, I can't stop sleeping or eating. I've been through depression before, but never with so much fear attached. It's so hard, I just saw him yesterday for the first time since last august. I was sick all winter and nearly died. Then going to see him is so hard. A thick layer of glass and disgusting telephones being the only contact. It really really just sucks.
i'm not sure how to message.

nikki256 · #4 05-28-2012, 06:59 PM

wow..I'm so sorry. That is one of my fears..that he'll be somewhere where we can't even touch during visits. If you don't mind my asking...are you planning to stay with him no matter what the sentence is?

FindingHarmony · #5 05-28-2012, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikki256

wow..I'm so sorry. That is one of my fears..that he'll be somewhere where we can't even touch during visits. If you don't mind my asking...are you planning to stay with him no matter what the sentence is?

He'll always be family. That won't change. But if he's convicted he will be locked up until he's at least 80 years old.
I will always write to him, I will always visit when I am able. And I will always love him. But we will have to end whatever kind of romantic relationship we've had. We've had a rocky romantic relationship in the past. We don't know where it's going in the future. But he will always be part of my life and I will always be part of his. No matter what. But I guess to answer your question, No, I won't be his girlfriend if he's locked up for life. He and I have already discussed this and it's not what he wants for me, and not what I want for myself either. Not sure how to move on though if he is locked up for life. I may just give up on ever being with anyone and just never stop loving him. I don't know what my heart will do at that point besides break into tiny peices.

MrsCetina · #6 05-28-2012, 07:15 PM

I dont have any advice, but i am so so sorry you and your guy are going through this

i hope there is a good outcome to his trial and he doesnt get life.

nikki256 · #7 05-28-2012, 07:18 PM

Bless your heart. There are a lot of wonderful women hear that are in the same situation..some choose to stay in a relationship and some as good friends or pen pals. You have to do what feels right for you. Dont worry about ever falling in love again right now..you have enough on your plate sweetie. Things will work out eventually and even though its hard to imagine (and trust me..I know it seems impossible right now) but youll get into a routine and it WILL get easier. You can do this..I'm sure..I think you'll find that you're stronger than you think.

Also..click on someone's screen name and you'll see a little drop down screen where you'll have the option to private message someone.

dixiebelle1973 · #8 05-28-2012, 07:22 PM

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. I've added you to my prayer list and him. I hope you don't mind. I truly hope it turns out OK for both of you. Mine is only in short term. I miss him. I still can't fathom what your facing.

FindingHarmony · #9 05-28-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsCetina

I dont have any advice, but i am so so sorry you and your guy are going through this

i hope there is a good outcome to his trial and he doesnt get life.

me too. and thankyou so so much. This means a lot to me.

FindingHarmony · #10 05-28-2012, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikki256

Bless your heart. There are a lot of wonderful women hear that are in the same situation..some choose to stay in a relationship and some as good friends or pen pals. You have to do what feels right for you. Dont worry about ever falling in love again right now..you have enough on your plate sweetie. Things will work out eventually and even though its hard to imagine (and trust me..I know it seems impossible right now) but youll get into a routine and it WILL get easier. You can do this..I'm sure..I think you'll find that you're stronger than you think.

Also..click on someone's screen name and you'll see a little drop down screen where you'll have the option to private message someone.

I've been through a lot in my life. This has been the hardest so far, but I know I'm strong. And once everything is settled, even if it is in the end him going to prison. I know just knowing will be easier after awhile, and after the shock wears off. I am strong, and I will get through it.

FindingHarmony · #11 05-28-2012, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixiebelle1973

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. I've added you to my prayer list and him. I hope you don't mind. I truly hope it turns out OK for both of you. Mine is only in short term. I miss him. I still can't fathom what your facing.

Thankyou, that means a lot to me. Sometimes I think this whole experience is God's way of pushing us back to Him. Both of us have been very very against christianity and God up to this point. I recently started praying again and was afraid to tell him. Then found out through a different source that he's been meeting with the jail chaplain and praying with him and I'm guessing he's afraid to tell me about it. Not sure how to handle that situation. But yes. please do pray. Thankyou.

dixiebelle1973 · #12 05-28-2012, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FindingHarmony

Thankyou, that means a lot to me. Sometimes I think this whole experience is God's way of pushing us back to Him. Both of us have been very very against christianity and God up to this point. I recently started praying again and was afraid to tell him. Then found out through a different source that he's been meeting with the jail chaplain and praying with him and I'm guessing he's afraid to tell me about it. Not sure how to handle that situation. But yes. please do pray. Thankyou.

Just remember this the darkest hour is just before dawn. Dawn I know can mean different things. To me of means light. Not always things getting easy, but light. Ask him to comfort you while you are trying to find your way.

FindingHarmony · #13 05-28-2012, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixiebelle1973

Just remember this the darkest hour is just before dawn. Dawn I know can mean different things. To me of means light. Not always things getting easy, but light. Ask him to comfort you while you are trying to find your way.

thankyou very much.

dixiebelle1973 · #14 05-28-2012, 11:32 PM

He is Our Comfort

When life becomes hard,
And so very full of stress.
Jesus holds us close to
His heart and loving chest.

It’s there we may feel
Comfort and strength.
Our Savior loves us so;
For us will go to any length.

His gentle, leading touch
Reaches to our inmost soul.
Restoring peace, and assurance
Filling up every single hole!

The wonderful voice of Truth
Awakens everything around.
Trust in Him, and you with
His presence will He surround.

He is our comfort in all we
Must in this earthy life endure.
He is our everything we need;
On this you can be totally sure!

Dixie Jean Arnold

DRUID1208 · #15 05-29-2012, 10:19 AM

oh my i so sorry you have to have a loved one facing such a fate best thing you can do is be thare for him when he needs you trial a lone is streefal but facing such a sentence i sher it must be hell for him stnad by him and try to be stong is the bestyou can do realy and i do mean be thare every court date every bit you can if it gos as fare as sentecing still being thare shows he has suport and will inpackt the court somewhat love can overcome prison walls if it must like a famy member you know is dieing of something you would stand by them till the end thats the best you can do for him i pray that you do not have to feel the wate of the judges gavil unpon your love good luck

FindingHarmony · #16 05-29-2012, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRUID1208

oh my i so sorry you have to have a loved one facing such a fate best thing you can do is be thare for him when he needs you trial a lone is streefal but facing such a sentence i sher it must be hell for him stnad by him and try to be stong is the bestyou can do realy and i do mean be thare every court date every bit you can if it gos as fare as sentecing still being thare shows he has suport and will inpackt the court somewhat love can overcome prison walls if it must like a famy member you know is dieing of something you would stand by them till the end thats the best you can do for him i pray that you do not have to feel the wate of the judges gavil unpon your love good luck

I've respected his wishes and have stayed away from the trial. I still write him every day. From reading everyone's posts on here, I guess if he is convicted it could be awhile till sentencing. If he is convicted I will be there for his sentencing.

FindingHarmony · #17 05-29-2012, 02:27 PM

I'm very far south of where he's being held and tried. i have no way to be there for the trial and if I did have a way, there are so many reporters there it would be detrimental for our private future. We need to protect our privacy for his son. His only other close friend has been through all of this with him too. She is attending all the testimony and everything. She called me a few minutes ago to tell me how it's going.
The two main peices of evidence against him were a jacket and surveilance video. The jacket is the jacket worn in the video, I presume. It wouldn't make any sense as evidence otherwise.
She said that she just listened to hours worth of expert testimony from the video analysts. Not sure if that is the correct term, but oh well. They basically have completely proven that whoever was in the video is much too tall to be my guy. THANK GOD. And the jacket that appears to be worn in the video has some other males DNA on it. NOT his. THANK GOD. There is still a long way to go, but that was the only peice of actual evidence actually linking him to the crime scene. The only other thing linking him to the crime scene is a scorned ex-lover, offered a plea bargain for her testimony. She is also likely the real murderer, or at least likely the one who set it all in motion without his knowledge in any case. I know it's not over, I know it's a jury trial and they can still convict, but I have to admit I am cautiously hopeful.