Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

FindingHarmony · #1 05-31-2012, 03:00 AM

odd situation.
two of us care about him a LOT.
love him to the end.
both of us.
can't abandon him for anything.
just had a long heart to heart with the other woman.
I know he cares about her. he's told me so.
but the only reason he is pulling away from me is because she can visit him every week and I can't.
it hurts. and i'm not sure how to handle it.

hisbabygurl2014 · #2 05-31-2012, 03:12 AM

Than its time to move on. Dont settle or compromise with someone who doesnt care or love you. You dont say you love someone and than love someone else just as much you love the other. It doesnt work that way. I say move on please.

InmateLover67 · #3 05-31-2012, 03:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FindingHarmony

odd situation.
two of us care about him a LOT.
love him to the end.
both of us.
can't abandon him for anything.
just had a long heart to heart with the other woman.
I know he cares about her. he's told me so.
but the only reason he is pulling away from me is because she can visit him every week and I can't.
it hurts. and i'm not sure how to handle it.

Odd situation is putting it mildly. Why would either of you want to be the other woman? What is so great about this guy that you both want to be strung along? Can't abandon him for anything? Really? This guy has got it made, having two women love him and not be willing to let him go.

In my opinion, he is selfish and only looking out for himself, without regards to how this effects either one of you. There is no REAL man out there that would allow for this type if situation. He has told you he really cares for her, and you continue to be a part of this? And what makes you believe that the only reason he is pulling away from you is because he can see her every week? Do you really believe that?

How long have to two of you been with him? This is a no-win situation, in my opinion. Someone is going to get hurt and it will NOT be him. When you had the heart-to-heart talk with her, how did all of what she was saying make you feel? Are the two of you close? This whole deal seems really bizarre to me and to think that the two of you are going to continue this type of relationship makes me wonder where you learned this type of thing is healthy or acceptable, and to think he will never lose the two of you? Pfft, he has got it made in the shade!

Hmmm, sounds like this guy has his cake and Edith too? He's got two women that feel as though they cannot abandon him, what more could he ask for?

Hun, please, read what you posted, and hit "reply" and share with me, how you would advice two women to handle this same situation? I am thinking you would tell both of them that they are better than this and he does NOT love either on of them, or he would not be doing what he is doing. I bet you would also tell them they deserve better than this.

I hope when you read this, you will see how icky and stomach-turning this whole thing sounds.

Ugh, is all I can say! Hope you work through this one and do not come out on the short end of the deal.

Peace~

Mrs. Bee_Green · #4 05-31-2012, 04:14 AM

"puts hand up" stop it! There is no way you should ever allow this to be going on. Why are you allowing this to go on? He's in prison and he's playing you?!?!?! I don't get it?! I may be wrong, but after reading your post 3 times I am starting to believe you have some insecurity issues. It's the only conclusion I have come to to even fathom this happening. Both of you women need to let him know he needs to make a choice. It should not matter if you aren't able to visit as frequently as she...is that really the reason you believe he is pushing you away? Be honest with yourself. No one is perfect and everyone hits a rough patch. He should be able to understand you not being able to visit and deal with it. Don't stand for this BS. Let her be with him and focus on you. I'm sure if this is his behavior while in prison when he is released he'll be even worst. Let her deal with his drama and you go get yourself a man who's happy with you and only you. I think you posting this was a breakthrough for you. Now it's time to get it together and take to heed what responses you've gotten.

I'll stay checking on this thread for an update...I'm hoping it will be you moving on and dropping that zero!

Good luck!

Scotties_Girl21 · #5 05-31-2012, 04:35 AM

Sweetie there's too many good men out here in the world to be letting one in prison do you like this.

Every day brings me one day closer to you....<3

Sheryl P. · #6 05-31-2012, 04:57 AM

I believe that if he will pull away from you over your inabilty to visit then you need to let him go.
You may still love him but if he is choosing her over you than that is his decison.
Don't stay with someone who has you playing second fiddle.
After all,he would not need visits if he was not incarcerated.
There are plenty of good men out there who will love you and be faithful.

alay2795 · #7 05-31-2012, 08:37 AM

You deserve a lot better, I hope you find it in your strength to let him go and let her have him.
A man will be where a man wants.
If he is so willing to let visits win him over than in my opinion I don't think he was ever really just your's or her's....good luck!

**Onedaycloser13** · #8 05-31-2012, 08:44 AM

He is pulling away from you because she can visit. I am questioning if he truly loves both of you or just going the convenience. If he truly loved you and you were important he would make it work even though you cannot visit. It is up to you the way you want to be treated. Time to put the ball in your court and let him know what you are going to do, that you are too good of a person to allow him to do that to you!

thatwiz · #9 05-31-2012, 08:49 AM

First of all, someone who is not married can have multiple girlfriends-thats being single. Now the I see the problem as you are feeling he is choosing her over you. I have always seen that most men have a favorite, if they are seeing multiple women. When you start to feel less, thats when you might want to look at other options, since he has them, so should you. Then the better one will come along.

fedup2018 · #10 05-31-2012, 08:52 AM

You are a good woman for that. I do not know what to say. This has got my mouth wide open. If my husband tell me he is leaving because I can not visit. I will end all visits for him...period. I will have to step back if he told me he love someone else and wants to be with them. I am sorry for the hurt.

GuerosMama · #11 05-31-2012, 09:07 AM

I am kind of worried as tto why you would subject yourself to that pain to begin with.

And to talk to the other woman is a danger zone she could say things which are untrue.

Having said that, if he is getting.closer to her because of their visits then that is probably not going to stop. If anything they may fall more in love (or so they think, because I don't see why she isn't concerned about his intentions) I know it hurts, but you have got to stop torturing yourself and find someone who will love you and ONLY you.

I mean unless you are in a sister wife kind of situation. Which would change my answer....but you didn't say that.

Save yourself even more heartbreak.

juss me6 · #12 05-31-2012, 09:14 AM

for years i was what you would call the "other woman" out of prison one day i told him i couldnt go on like this anymore i could not be in a relationship like this anymore my feelings were getting to involved. i stopped talking to him. a month later he was out of the relationship living with a friend getting on his own feet. said he could not live without me and his choice was to stop and be with me. i let him get on his feet. eventually we ended up moving in together. trust is still a big issue but i fell in love with this man and still love him to this day. only you can decide what you want to do. i know i had enough of being the other woman and also being cheated on it wasnt worth the emotional damage it caused

Geauxin'KraZee · #13 05-31-2012, 09:17 AM

There is no better way to feed a man's ego than having two or more women pining over him !! Really makes the women involved look very foolish.

xamariee · #14 05-31-2012, 09:23 AM

You deserve better. Don't settle for less then you get even less than what you settled for. My situation isn't the greatest either but if this lady is still in the picture that is no good. Plenty of fish in the sea

LUVINDARON · #15 05-31-2012, 09:30 AM

Why would you want to settle as the other woman? Granted, there are some women out here that are willing to "share" their man, just so that they aren't subjected to the pain of loosing him...I've been there before...I was in love with a man and so was another woman...but I wasnt willing to share...it was either she go or I go...It is affecting you because you posted it, so you are not okay with it. If you are not ok with it, honey, you need to cut some ties. Cause there are plenty men out here that enjoy just ONE woman...He sounds selfish, and careless and you dont want those qualities in a man anyway...Cut those ties, and go speak with someone in regards to your self esteem and insecurities...because clearly you have some issues with those...

Wish you the best....

marissaa · #16 05-31-2012, 09:39 AM

Wow that is an odd situation. How can you be okay with this? Personally, I'd never settle being anyone's "other woman".. He might care about the both of you but it doesn't sound like he's in love with either of you. I say walk away... there's so much more out there for you. Don't settle... (:

MissingMyDaniel · #17 05-31-2012, 09:54 AM

It sounds like everyone involved is aware of the dynamics so I don't see you as the "other woman" or as being "played". It is not a new concept for people to date more than one person, it's called an open relationship. The fact that this man has been honest with you and you have communicated with him and the other girl shows a level of maturity that I applaud. However, if your needs are not being met because of the dynamics of an open relationship or your feelings are not returned by him then I suggest you step back from the relationship. He says that he cares for this other woman and she is capable of meeting his needs in a way that you can't (the visits). Again, I think it is great that he is honest with you and communicates his thoughts and feelings. This speaks on his character. What you do with this is up to you though. You can respect him and remain friends or you can cut ties. You can't force his feelings though. Because honest people are hard to find, if I was in your situation, I would try to remain friends with him and date other people. If it is possible to keep a friendship without having romantic feelings then you've gained a friend and opened up your life to new possibilities. Possibilities that are even better than the last! Good luck to you.

Scotties_Girl21 · #18 05-31-2012, 09:58 AM

You need to come to terms and realize you can do so much better than that Hun!! He doesn't deserve you or her IMO, he sounds like a total douche bag. There's so many men out here that would love you and treat you just as you should be treated. Let her have him, I guarantee that victory will be short lived anyway.

Every day brings me one day closer to you....<3

Zuweee · #19 05-31-2012, 10:34 AM

Obviously he doesn't care about you that much if he has another woman. Take the hint and move on, you deserve better...

Ms. Tazzie · #20 05-31-2012, 10:36 AM

If he's had feelings for this woman,,, You can't lose what u never had... You shouldn't have to compete with anyone if he say he loves you..

Tommysgirl777 · #21 05-31-2012, 10:43 AM

I feel bad for you, but then on the other hand think you need to find your worth!! You want a man that loves and adores you, and wont chose someone over you just because they can visit and you cant. That isnt love! Find a man that adores you, find you!!! You are more then that! Even if your heart loves this man, and doesnt want to let him go. You are only giving yourself the raw end here.. And you should look at yourself as I am precious & deserving of a man that will never want to trade me for someone else! Good luck with that girly!

Miss_Nique · #22 05-31-2012, 10:52 AM

Alot of women already said the obvious. So this is how e I feel..

YOUR CRAZY! Girl, he's not worth it, a guy who has two gf is a dog, how do you knw if he has more?? Yea, move on n stop! Think, he's probably keeping u for you to put money on his books (if ur doing so)

Get a MAN, becuz ur messing with a BOY.

Mrs.Allen20 · #23 05-31-2012, 11:32 AM

He's selfish and not worth the pain of missing him everyday. If a man said that to me I would not put myself through this hell. You can do better

Inhishands · #24 05-31-2012, 12:04 PM

This is one of those situations where the WINNER really ends up being the loser....

MRS.GRIFFIN · #25 05-31-2012, 12:15 PM

Wth!!!!!!!!!!
Because she can visit and you cant.....baby girl look at what you typed....now if a man dont want you because you cant visit him,,,,then guess what, its time to move on. I cant say i know it hurts because i cant, im sending prayers your way for strength,peace,and love in you heart. That one day you shall come across a godly man, who will be your husband. Its alot of fish in this big sea,,,,we swim in

sometimes when things happen we dont know why, but in do time this to shall pass. Dont be all sad, be glad you really found out what he was like......his loss,,,,,of a real good woman