How do you cope?

[Jodeet]

Hi everybody, I'm new to this.
My partner has been sent to the MRRC in Silverwater. I am really finding it hard to cope, I feel as though he has died!
Does anybody know how long it takes to register his phone card so he can call me, he still hasn't called.I put money in his account this morning.
How do people cope with there partner being in jail, I cry everynight

[FindingHarmony]

I'm new just today, or yesterday now that it's after midnight. It kinda gets easier, and kinda gets harder at the same time? I'm not sure how people cope. Sometimes I cope and sometimes I don't. It's just hard.

[gexayu]

You just do. Or you don't depending on the day. This first week or so is the hardest .. little to no information and rarely any direct communication with him.
But after the fall out of running around filling out forms ..sorting spends...socks .. undies...what the specific prison will let you send in...banks...or whatever other business was outstanding before he weent in...comes the calm when you finally speak.
Then reality sets in and you wish for the running around doing something days again ..so that you be doing SOMETHING ..ANYTHING for him.
And then it becomes ...it just is what is. You cry a little less often...cope a little better and get on with keeping your end of everything sorted because that is truly the best thing you can do for him and for you.

I still cry and some days I think I am going to loss it ...I get angry with no one to direct it at and sad with no one to hold me and make it go away...then I go on PTO realise I am not the only one out there, that so many people are doing it so much harder than me...so I take a big dose of Suck it up Princess and get on with the day.

One thing about this site...you think our fellas are big tough men... they have nothing compared to how strong some of the women on this site are. Pretty Impressive.

You will get through this. Hugs Jenni

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by gexayu

You just do. Or you don't depending on the day. This first week or so is the hardest .. little to no information and rarely any direct communication with him.
But after the fall out of running around filling out forms ..sorting spends...socks .. undies...what the specific prison will let you send in...banks...or whatever other business was outstanding before he weent in...comes the calm when you finally speak.
Then reality sets in and you wish for the running around doing something days again ..so that you be doing SOMETHING ..ANYTHING for him.
And then it becomes ...it just is what is. You cry a little less often...cope a little better and get on with keeping your end of everything sorted because that is truly the best thing you can do for him and for you.

I still cry and some days I think I am going to loss it ...I get angry with no one to direct it at and sad with no one to hold me and make it go away...then I go on PTO realise I am not the only one out there, that so many people are doing it so much harder than me...so I take a big dose of Suck it up Princess and get on with the day.

One thing about this site...you think our fellas are big tough men... they have nothing compared to how strong some of the women on this site are. Pretty Impressive.

You will get through this. Hugs Jenni

Hi Jenni,

Thank you for the reply. It is very hard - he only went in 1 week ago and I feel like im going crazy. You don't realise how much the little things count such as texts and sleeping next to him everynight until it's taken away from you. I hope it gets easier soon, my first visit is on Thursday.

I put money in his account this morning, do they notify him when money is deposited?

Hugs to all the women out there!!

[bellie]

Hey!!

MRRC is dodgy. Usually takes a week to call. Visits... Go early and take change. Vending machines are outside so buy what you think he may like. Take plenty of Id if your a new visitor. As for money... I can't remember. My boyfriend checks once a week.

Coping. Well I used to write every night. I would write everything we spoke about. It never gets easier, you just learn ways to deal with it better. I don't write as often now but my bf also comes home every fortnight.

I'm not sure if you are in Sydney as well but may I suggest what someone told me... Get your landline diverted to your mobile so it's a local phone call for him.

MRRC also has frequent early lock ins so don't fret if he can't call. Hopefully he will be moved out of there to somewhere better!

Hope that helps. MRRC was a few years ago for us. If you need anything else, just ask!!

Bellie

[gexayu]

Originally Posted by Jodeet

Hi Jenni,

Thank you for the reply. It is very hard - he only went in 1 week ago and I feel like im going crazy. You don't realise how much the little things count such as texts and sleeping next to him everynight until it's taken away from you. I hope it gets easier soon, my first visit is on Thursday.

I put money in his account this morning, do they notify him when money is deposited?

Hugs to all the women out there!!

Nod nod @everything you just said... they give him a paper receipt with the date received ..the amount and who it was from. And in some prisons if the amounts are separate what was allocated to "phone" and what to "canteen".

Only two sleeps til your visit YAY! I know you will feel much better once you have seen each other. I had to wait six weeks this time before I could see my husband...truly thought I was going to end up in a straight jacket
Go slow in there, he is going to be out of sorts too. Think through anything important you need answers about before you go in so you don't leave and go "Doh!"
Good luck and wishing you both all the good stuff Jenni

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by bellie

Hey!!

MRRC is dodgy. Usually takes a week to call. Visits... Go early and take change. Vending machines are outside so buy what you think he may like. Take plenty of Id if your a new visitor. As for money... I can't remember. My boyfriend checks once a week.

Coping. Well I used to write every night. I would write everything we spoke about. It never gets easier, you just learn ways to deal with it better. I don't write as often now but my bf also comes home every fortnight.

I'm not sure if you are in Sydney as well but may I suggest what someone told me... Get your landline diverted to your mobile so it's a local phone call for him.

MRRC also has frequent early lock ins so don't fret if he can't call. Hopefully he will be moved out of there to somewhere better!

Hope that helps. MRRC was a few years ago for us. If you need anything else, just ask!!

Bellie

Hi Bellie,
That was very helpful thank you. I feel better hearing from people in the same situation. I try to talk to people out here and they just dont get it!
Ill be sure to get there early. I live fairly close to silverwater.
I wish my bf could come home that would be amazing your very lucky!
Hoping he is moved. 1 hour visits are ridiculous i think!

Have a nice evening!!

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by gexayu

Nod nod @everything you just said... they give him a paper receipt with the date received ..the amount and who it was from. And in some prisons if the amounts are separate what was allocated to "phone" and what to "canteen".

Only two sleeps til your visit YAY! I know you will feel much better once you have seen each other. I had to wait six weeks this time before I could see my husband...truly thought I was going to end up in a straight jacket
Go slow in there, he is going to be out of sorts too. Think through anything important you need answers about before you go in so you don't leave and go "Doh!"
Good luck and wishing you both all the good stuff Jenni

Great to hear!!
I know I am sooo excited!! i know i will feel better once i see him.
wow 6 weeks must have been awful would have driven me crazy for sure!
Thanks for the advice. Good luck to you and your husband too!!

Jodee

[bellie]

For your sake hope it's only to dawn de loas! I'm in Sydney too. And my guy has been at MRRC, parramatta, mannus (6 hour drive), Junee (4 hour), Bathurst, dawn de loas and now cessnock. Cessnock is my preference but still it's an effort!!

Only one sleep to go for you!

[Sad.one]

Just enjoy every moment of your visit and pay only attention to him... You will cry when u leave but that will happen nearly very time, stay strong and you can get through anything but he will need you to stay strong for hime to get through the time

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by Sad.one

Just enjoy every moment of your visit and pay only attention to him... You will cry when u leave but that will happen nearly very time, stay strong and you can get through anything but he will need you to stay strong for hime to get through the time

You are so right! I visited him for the first time today it felt like it was over in 5 minutes! But I feel so much better after seeing him. Nobody realises what it's like to have someone so special just taken away from them!

Thanks for the reply!

[number8]

Hi Jodeet, Welcome to PTO. Im sure you will find much understanding here. It is hard for people that have never been through this experience to understand. (Gosh, don't I wish I could go back to those days too) But there are people from all over the world here, and we all have one thing in common. For me it is a very safe place to hangout.
Feel free to ask any questions you may have, or wander through the forums, to read or participate.
Im glad you had a good visit :-)
Kia Kaha

[Becky2]

Hi Jodeet. Well at least you've found us. We have all been through what you are going through now and the one thing everyone will tell you is - it gets easier. I remember how hard it was when my husband first went away. I slept at night wearing his t-shirts which I hadn't washed....that only lasted so long
The thing is to get into a routine. Write, get phone calls, visit. All these things become part of your day to day life.
One thing I can advise is - get yourself an interest. Something that is just for you. It may be something that had he been home you wouldn't have gotten involved in because it meant cutting into time with him. Sport, work, study, craft. Try to make the time you are apart worthwhile at least from one aspect.
Oh and keep checking in with PTO. They were the mainstay of my life for 18 months. I am still involved even though he's been home for over 2 years.

Take care.

[Kiki50]

Originally Posted by Jodeet

Hi everybody, I'm new to this.
My partner has been sent to the MRRC in Silverwater. I am really finding it hard to cope, I feel as though he has died!
Does anybody know how long it takes to register his phone card so he can call me, he still hasn't called.I put money in his account this morning.
How do people cope with there partner being in jail, I cry everynight

hi jodeet
welcome. i am also new to this - my partner went to prison last week. Its similar to your situation as he hasnt been able to call yet either.

I am not sure about Silverwater at all - i think thats in NSW and i am VIC so i am of no use. What i am learning though is that at the start, its all very "up in the air" and unorganised.

Sorry i couldnt be of more help - I just wanted to say that you are not alone.

K x

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by Kiki50

hi jodeet
welcome. i am also new to this - my partner went to prison last week. Its similar to your situation as he hasnt been able to call yet either.

I am not sure about Silverwater at all - i think thats in NSW and i am VIC so i am of no use. What i am learning though is that at the start, its all very "up in the air" and unorganised.

Sorry i couldnt be of more help - I just wanted to say that you are not alone.

K x

Hi k

Thanks for your reply. It's good to know I'm not alone !
I'm sorry to hear your partner has gone to prison. It's been horrible , mine still can't call! But I have visited twice which is great!
Im sure we can help eachother through this I'm always up for a chat

Jodee x

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by Becky2

Hi Jodeet. Well at least you've found us. We have all been through what you are going through now and the one thing everyone will tell you is - it gets easier. I remember how hard it was when my husband first went away. I slept at night wearing his t-shirts which I hadn't washed....that only lasted so long
The thing is to get into a routine. Write, get phone calls, visit. All these things become part of your day to day life.
One thing I can advise is - get yourself an interest. Something that is just for you. It may be something that had he been home you wouldn't have gotten involved in because it meant cutting into time with him. Sport, work, study, craft. Try to make the time you are apart worthwhile at least from one aspect.
Oh and keep checking in with PTO. They were the mainstay of my life for 18 months. I am still involved even though he's been home for over 2 years.

Take care.

Hi Becky!
Nice to meet you :-) I laughed when I got your message cos I'm wearing one of his shirts right now! Lol god I miss him.
I have been told by a few people to get an interest it really doesn't help sitting around thinking about the situation were in. It could be worse I keep telling myself.

It's great to hear from people like you! You must have been stoked to have your man back home! I can't wait!

Love Jodee x

[Jodeet]

Originally Posted by number8

Hi Jodeet, Welcome to PTO. Im sure you will find much understanding here. It is hard for people that have never been through this experience to understand. (Gosh, don't I wish I could go back to those days too) But there are people from all over the world here, and we all have one thing in common. For me it is a very safe place to hangout.
Feel free to ask any questions you may have, or wander through the forums, to read or participate.
Im glad you had a good visit :-)
Kia Kaha

Hi Kia!
I really appreciate the welcome message thank you! I think this forum will be a life saver! Hehe I am so glad I discovered it.

Thank you again

[beddatroid]

It took my partner 9 days t b able t contact me so i know wat yur feeling.. my man has been inside two months now n it does get easier as the days go on.. yu just learn t cope for yur own sake n plus fo yur partners.. my bf was meant t appear in court yesterday but was remanded til Thursday this week so fingers crossed he is granted bail n will b coming home.. yur not weak for crying.. I tend t cry atleast 2 days out of the week.. but I also visit 3 times a week n my partner calls me bout 4 t 5 times a day so I always get ny contact from him.. stay strong yu will be amazed at how strong yu actually r.. =]]

[Standbyhim1]

Welcome to the "PTO club"

Agree with what everyone has said. It is what it is. You deal with it some days others you don't. But everyone here is going through the same thing one extreme to another and no one is judgmental here so you will find friends here

Best wishes to you on this journey xx