Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

usednabused · #1 05-31-2012, 03:41 PM

This past memorial weekend I spent 4 days in a retreat camp with my congregation. I was not able to have any contact with the outside world at all...

Well, once I got my cell phone back I had over 50 text messages from my ex

<----- I looked exactly like this

Anyhow, the messages were all sorts of things from apologies to blaming to suicidal. I can really see that he is desperate. Well he sends me messages every day with pictures of flowers or romantic quotes or poems. He is doing this every day; he is also sending me emails and all of that. Well, he went to visit my best friend and told her how much he misses me, what he is doing to change, that he is looking for psychologists, and mainly to cry about how "cruel" I am being to him this past two months that we've been separated. According to his I make fun of him and I seem to want him suffer.

I told him I don't know how many times but he just does not understand. I don't want to call my boss to change my cell phone number and desk numbers again.

Is he ever going to get tired

juss me6 · #2 05-31-2012, 03:45 PM

im not sure of your situation but if he is abusive to you why is there no protection order? also dont give him no answers simply ignore him. answering shows him youre going to give in. if you want him to get help encourage him to go forward with what he says hes doing maybe if he starts changing and getting help you can be friends in the future. give him something to look forward to but dont give in to him.

Momma Ann · #3 05-31-2012, 04:04 PM

actually that is NOT what you want to do. No contact at all-certainly no promise of friendship--that will just re-opn the door. Stay out of contact. And really, changing your numbers sounds like a PIA but maybe the best thing you can do.

26thncaliswag · #4 05-31-2012, 04:42 PM

He's not going to get tired for awhile. He's waiting for you to respond. The longer he gets no response from you, the better off you'll be. Any response, even a negative response, can be a postivie one for him. If you respond, it can make him feel that you still care in some degree. Cut off all points of communication with him. Sooner than later, he'll realize that you have no interest in any kind of relationship.

HardHeadedWoman · #5 05-31-2012, 07:15 PM

when you finally strip him of the power. as long as someone (your friend) or anyone else connected with you talks to him he still has power because he knows it will get back to you

juss me6 · #6 05-31-2012, 07:18 PM

if you have a restraining order 3rd party contact is illegal therefore he can get in trouble for talking to your friend

ahora2012 · #7 06-02-2012, 03:18 PM

every time you speak to him even if its just to tell him to stop, you encourage his behavior. negetive attention is still attention. break off all communication - change those numbers asap and get an oop - and talk to a professional. nothing you say will stop his behavior. you have to take back controle. dont be guilted into talking or seeing him just one more time by threats of suicide or the why are you doing this to me stuff - if he sends gifts- dont accept - return to sender. god will give you the strength you dont have and you will get past this.

chili · #8 06-02-2012, 08:16 PM

Block his number and his email address. That way you wont even know that he's tried to contact you and you won't have to feel guilty or obligated in any way.

InmateLover67 · #9 06-02-2012, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by usednabused

This past memorial weekend I spent 4 days in a retreat camp with my congregation. I was not able to have any contact with the outside world at all...

Well, once I got my cell phone back I had over 50 text messages from my ex

<----- I looked exactly like this

Anyhow, the messages were all sorts of things from apologies to blaming to suicidal. I can really see that he is desperate. Well he sends me messages every day with pictures of flowers or romantic quotes or poems. He is doing this every day; he is also sending me emails and all of that. Well, he went to visit my best friend and told her how much he misses me, what he is doing to change, that he is looking for psychologists, and mainly to cry about how "cruel" I am being to him this past two months that we've been separated. According to his I make fun of him and I seem to want him suffer.

I told him I don't know how many times but he just does not understand. I don't want to call my boss to change my cell phone number and desk numbers again.

Is he ever going to get tired

I am going to say this and you probably will not like it, but here goes.....if you are not willing to explain to your boss that your abusive ex is harrassing you on the phone, he/she should be more than willing to help you with changing the numbers. If you do not ask him/her, you are keeping this drama going.

You have to do anything and everything to break the cycle. If you do get the numbers changed, there should never be a reason to change them again. If you want to break free for good from this guy, then do it.

No, he will NOT get tired, because everytime his is able to get through to you, he will feel validated. Once he realizes that you are not reachable, he will move on, if not, you will not know, because you are not in contact with him.

Peace~

I'm done · #10 06-15-2012, 07:34 PM

Listen to the ladies, from eperience they talk. Please listen, and if I might add you dont sound to sure you are ready for this to be done. Don't answer the phone, if you dont change the number just dont answer the phone. put a dont answer next to his name, you will have to be very very stron, becuase he will try to wear you down.

**Nieves915** · #11 07-05-2012, 10:15 PM

when you are ready to be done you will change that number, and email address and never think twice about how many times he tries,, cuz it wont matter...
as long as he has acess to you he will keep on..... i understand sometimes especially in the beginning your wanting to see if he loves you and is really sorry, but the truth of the matter is that this is a game to him,,,, see if he can win you back,,,,,,, it wont last, the minute you give into him the same will come out.
Change your number and he will get the picture that its truly over,,, your not giving that picture right now..... speaking from experience here.....

photoholic808 · #12 07-10-2012, 09:31 AM

when I read that I could swear you were talking about my ex word for word..
I don't know if you ever heard that eminem song love the way you lie

"baby please come back, it wasn’t you, baby it was me
maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
all i know is i love you too much to walk away though
come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when i talk?
told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
next time i’m pissed ill aim my fist at the drywall
next time there won’t be no next time
i apologize even though i know its lies
i’m tired of the games i just want her back
i know i’m a liar if she ever tries to fuckin’ leave again
i’ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire"

the first time I ever heard the song I was blown away
its always the same cycly for me
I am sorry once I accepted than it was all my fault and always got turned around
the only way i got him to stop was jail..
he was facing 15 years but took a plea for
1 year ..but he still has that 15 years holding over his head..
GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG

**Onedaycloser13** · #13 07-10-2012, 09:45 AM

I would get a protective order, first and foremost. Unfortunately, sometimes cutting all ties the abuser gets more desperate and this can be the most dangerous(may not be in this case but better to be safe). Change all numbers, emails, and any other way he can get hold of you. Not sure why you have to change the phone numbers again, but if it is because others have given him your numbers than it is time to cut them lose also. They obviously do not have your best interest at heart and in my opinion any one who is going to help my abuser get hold of me, doesn't really care about me.

photoholic808 · #14 07-10-2012, 10:21 AM

great advice plus every phone call is a violation

Quote:

Originally Posted by Onedaycloser13

I would get a protective order, first and foremost. Unfortunately, sometimes cutting all ties the abuser gets more desperate and this can be the most dangerous(may not be in this case but better to be safe). Change all numbers, emails, and any other way he can get hold of you. Not sure why you have to change the phone numbers again, but if it is because others have given him your numbers than it is time to cut them lose also. They obviously do not have your best interest at heart and in my opinion any one who is going to help my abuser get hold of me, doesn't really care about me.