How to Survive a Prison Relationship

[bdwell]

Bamer- "I will love him even though he’s got a few skeletons."
I saw a saying the other day:
While your back was turned and you were talking about me, your closet door came open and your skeletons feel out.
Just love that one

[dessa burkey]

Some days are so hard I just want to run and scream it is just to hard to live with out my fiancé I'm 4 years in to his sentence and have 10 to go and I well be right by his side every step of the way I well make sure he is ok and has everything he needs we have 2 kids and there is days that I fell so hop less and stressed I see people with there partners walking down the street and I can't help to fell angry I en vie them sometimes I am so angry at the world for taking my soul mate and yanking him out of my life with out even giving me the chance to say good by he was extradited back to oregon and I'm in arizona. So I don't get to see him butt once a year does the anger and pain ever get any better because I am going to do the time with my man I love him with all my soul we have been together 9 years

[BobnBecka]

this is my first dealings with being with a guy is a prison. My husband and i have been married for 2.5 years, and we have a 1.5 yr old son. he is in receiving right now, and it's hard not to hear from him. any encouraging words to help me though this tuff time, he has 2 years and 49 week left to do.

[Roxy0720]

This is my first time too! R u far from the reception center? It's not an easy battle. I can say I stay by the old saying everything is for a reason. I can say continue to stay by his side it's much easier for him with a support system. Stay busy and take care of ur self and ur kids. It's very important that u continue to stay in prayer, u must believe have hope and faith. If it wasn't for that I dnt know I would get through this tuff time. I stand by Philippians 4:13 memorize it and when u think u can't handle it anymore repeat it to ur self and that's with all things in ur life. Also read Psalm 37:3-6
Stay true to ur self heart & soul.

[HisChevyBabe]

Originally Posted by Roxy0720

This is my first time too! R u far from the reception center? It's not an easy battle. I can say I stay by the old saying everything is for a reason. I can say continue to stay by his side it's much easier for him with a support system. Stay busy and take care of ur self and ur kids. It's very important that u continue to stay in prayer, u must believe have hope and faith. If it wasn't for that I dnt know I would get through this tuff time. I stand by Philippians 4:13 memorize it and when u think u can't handle it anymore repeat it to ur self and that's with all things in ur life. Also read Psalm 37:3-6
Stay true to ur self heart & soul.

Amen! love the scriptures you posted! Thank you Lord

[newstart2012]

Originally Posted by Gfabolous

I agree 100%. I posted a thread earlier about feeling more down and depressed than usual about my fiance being gone. It bothers me so badly that it literally hurts! I never been apart from him this long and its bad enough that he thinks that I may abandon him while he's locked up since this entire situation is all new to me. I never did a bid with anyone and never thought that I would have to. I love him so much. He has treated me better than any man i've been with. I get so upset sometimes becuz I think back about all the men that has cheated on me, direspected me, and has damaged me emotionally so bad, and when someone finally comes around that sweeps me off my feet, treats me like I deserve, takes time to listen to me, and brought back the happiness that those idoits took from me in the past, he's taken away from me and I cant do anything about it but wait......man this waiting period is so painful....By God's grace I will remain by the love of my life. God I have no strength of my own, pls help me........

It will be 4weeks before my baby comes home thats after 2yrs prior to that he did 3 it has been sooo! hard a lot goes through your mind but i found that keeping busy just writing until the pen breaks and those visits when you can without being unmanageable and phone calls when you can afford it, have helped honestly i took a 5 or 6 month break at one point because they get cocky,spoiled and are going through a lot, however he appreciated and wrote more during that time for whatever reason he is there not important but he needed time to ponder not going back, some learn and don't return some go in and out! Good Luck My Sister

[hisChoyce]

Before my man got sentenced, the last two months of our relationship was extremely rocky... So when he went away in April, I'm sure he was having doubts about me holding him down. We've been together for a year and have been friends for almost 2! When we met he was on house arrest and did a total of 2 years on it, so i knew then he could do some time. He has the possibility of parole after 18 months... And a max of 48! I'm 19 years old.. Im trying to focus on school. But the most important task I have right now is raising his 2 year old daughter. Her mom.. Who knows! I've been left w/ a huge responsibility for someone my age and it is very stressful. These past 2 months have been horrible w/ out him. He is my rock! But every morning when I wake and see his beautiful daughters face.. I realize I am not alone. as of right now she is my biggest priority.. I plan on going back to school full time when he gets home. We also plan to get married. He gave me an amazing ring back in January, but he didn't propose. I know he wants to marry me, especially now that I'm showing him I'm here through whatever obstacles he may face in life, such as this tough one. I'm lonely! I'm depressed! I have no one but him and his daughter, and we are all he has as well! His phone calls every day are the best, especially when we can have a couple hour conversation each day. I send him letters every single day, and I absolutely love receiving them. I have yet to make a visit w/ him.. The visiting application process is ridiculous, but I should be able to visit w/ in the next couple of weeks.. I haven't seen him in 5 weeks! We can't wait to start our family when he gets home. Im blessed to have such a great man! Our relationship is built on loyalty! Having faith in us is what gets me by.

[HisChevyBabe]

Originally Posted by hisChoyce

Before my man got sentenced, the last two months of our relationship was extremely rocky... So when he went away in April, I'm sure he was having doubts about me holding him down. We've been together for a year and have been friends for almost 2! When we met he was on house arrest and did a total of 2 years on it, so i knew then he could do some time. He has the possibility of parole after 18 months... And a max of 48! I'm 19 years old.. Im trying to focus on school. But the most important task I have right now is raising his 2 year old daughter. Her mom.. Who knows! I've been left w/ a huge responsibility for someone my age and it is very stressful. These past 2 months have been horrible w/ out him. He is my rock! But every morning when I wake and see his beautiful daughters face.. I realize I am not alone. as of right now she is my biggest priority.. I plan on going back to school full time when he gets home. We also plan to get married. He gave me an amazing ring back in January, but he didn't propose. I know he wants to marry me, especially now that I'm showing him I'm here through whatever obstacles he may face in life, such as this tough one. I'm lonely! I'm depressed! I have no one but him and his daughter, and we are all he has as well! His phone calls every day are the best, especially when we can have a couple hour conversation each day. I send him letters every single day, and I absolutely love receiving them. I have yet to make a visit w/ him.. The visiting application process is ridiculous, but I should be able to visit w/ in the next couple of weeks.. I haven't seen him in 5 weeks! We can't wait to start our family when he gets home. Im blessed to have such a great man! Our relationship is built on loyalty! Having faith in us is what gets me by.

My man and I are in a very similar situation as you are in. He has a 2yrs old son that stays with his ex and her new boyfriend. Not a good environment from what I was told by his grandma the other day. He has been in since last year December 8 2011 he has been in 180 days on June the 8th. When I first started writing to him I had no intentions on being in a relationship with anyone and then we started getting to know each other and our friendship grew really fast because as we learned about each other we also learned that we had been looking for one another. Our descriptions on who the other had always been looking for had fit both of us to a "T" Love Loyalty Honor and Respect is what our relationship is built on. We write each other everyday, He calls me everyday. I haven't visited him yet either we haven't really talked about it because I am in the process of moving and money is really tight and he is about 4 hours away from me, my vehicle is in no shape to make it that far and he knows that but I plan on saving money in the process now and take a Friday off from work and drive down there and spend it with his grandma. We both love the Lord and put Him first after all He is the reason we are together! He is the center and foundation of our relationship. He wants to get married when he gets out, already have a job lined out for him as he wants to go back to mechanicing which is what he absolutely LOVES!!! also we plan on having a baby together! I am 31yrs old, no kids, never been married and I want a family of my own. My babe is such a blessing to me! and he is an AMAZING man to me! I post money to his books every couple of weeks his grandma posts once a month and between all that he purchases his hygiene food snacks and writing materials for (me) . I am also going to school and trying to focus on that more but its hard sometimes because I am so consumed by him and how much he loves me and accepts EVERYTHING about me and doesn't judge me by my past and all the bad things I have done. I don't care what he did in the past because that isn't what I am looking at I am looking at what he is doing NOW the man he is becoming. Keep your head darling! never lose the Faith or give up! Praying for you and your family .

sorry this is so long

[sbs16]

Originally Posted by Critter07

Yes, definitely a good thread...

I have to second tee.dot - patience is crucial. I have never been a patient person but kicking and screaming, I have been dragged into learning some patience. Not as much as I should have but it's better than I used to be. (grin)

I think the biggie for us is staying in contact. Silence between you and your man starts to mess with the mind. You worry that something's happened to them, they're hurt, they're sick, they need you... They worry the same about you and maybe that you've given up on them and walked away. These relationships are definitely anxiety filled, even when you're in the best of "spots" in your relationship.

My baby and I write constantly, even if we don't have much to say, and are on the phone whenever possible. He told me once when I had gotten so buried with work, 18 hour days for a week or two and he didn't have phone privileges at the time; Baby, I know you're buried and stressed and tired and I hate to sound like a selfish child but I worry about you and the family so much when I don't hear from you. Even if you just take a piece of paper and write I'm okay and I love you and drop it in an envelope, it really would mean so much to me.

As much as we worry out here, I think they worry even more because they have so little control over their lives. That's been a big one for us. And communication is huge, as well. Not just staying in touch but sharing feelings, thoughts, emotions, fears, angers, happiness, et cetera. Very few of us read minds...(smile)

I completely agree about diligent conversation. I haven't heard form him in about 4 or 5 days, which is extremely unlike him. I worry when I don't get a letter everyday, and the weekends damn near kill me. Haha. But, he does worry more about me when I don't write than I do about him. He constantly worries about me giving up and walking away from him. They have NO control over anything, so reassuring him that I'm okay and there's nothing to worry about is crucial. However, when something IS wrong, I have to be sure and be completely honest with him, because they CAN tell even through a letter. No relationship (especially ones like the ones we're all in) can survive without communication, but it's even more crucial for us, because it's all we have.

[sbs16]

- Send letters EVERY SINGLE DAY. I tell him everything I did that day even if it's as simple as "I moved from my bed to the couch, I painted my nails and I ate some cheetos...."

-Send pictures of anything you can. I send pictures of places I visit, if I go out and I look really pretty, I take a picture and send it to him, I sent him pictures of my new apartment, I send him pictures of the dogs... anything. I write little notes on the back of them too. And yes, sexy pictures as well. He likes the ones of me in my underwear and bra more than the explicit ones he could get in the world.

-I send cards for EVERYTHING. Easter, Christmas, Tree Day.. everything. It lets them know you're thinking about them and took the effort to get them a card. I also handmake cards with funny pictures or sayings that I know he would like.

-If you can, send surprises. My boyfriend loves to read about Zombies and stuff like that. I surprise him with books all of the time. Crossword puzzle books, too. He loves though. I don't tell him they're coming, just wait until I get my "OH MY GOD BABE THANK YOU!" in the mail!

-Be honest about EVERYTHING. I tell him things even if I know he'll get mad or not like them, because I don't want him to ever question if I'm keeping thing's from him.

-Remind him that he's great and this doesn't define him as a person. I have to tell him all of the time that he's a GOOD person who made a BAD mistake, and he is NOT just Inmate #whatever. He's a wonderful, brilliant, caring man.

-Work on yourself! This has given me time to work on myself. I've gone back to school, and he is SO proud of me. I do what I want, I enjoy my life as a young college woman. I'm doing my thing now, because when he gets out it's marriage and babies :]

-Talk about your future. It helps both of us have something to look forward too. We talk about living in the country or on a lake someday, and what all we want to do together.

It's not easy at all to do this, but it IS possible. And time DOES fly by. It gets a little better, but never 100% easy. Like the song says "Stand by your man" and work on yourself.

[Joselle]

I write EVERY SINGLE day too... it feels good to know i am not the only one I tell him the most insignificant things that go on my daily routine....Even if i am having a bad day, i still write to him. IS hard, but I try my best to go see him every Saturday.... even though i get to see him only for one hour behind glass. I miss him so much!!

Thank you All for sharing your thoughts! It gives me great encouragement to read and see that I am not the only one going through this......

[jennives80]

I'm very new to the prison thing...my fiance is in MA and i am in CO and i cant get out there to see him for a while....when i do get there hopefully well get married and then once he gets out hes going to move here with me...as of now he has two years left....i dont know how to make it through this time, ive been doing anything and everything to keep busy to help the time go by faster...any suggestions on how to get through this time?

[lmwarner]

Originally Posted by BobnBecka

this is my first dealings with being with a guy is a prison. My husband and i have been married for 2.5 years, and we have a 1.5 yr old son. he is in receiving right now, and it's hard not to hear from him. any encouraging words to help me though this tuff time, he has 2 years and 49 week left to do.

Hi I'm Laurie ,,just new here about 5 mins ago,,,just don't give up whatever you do,,what seems like will be an eternity really does go by pretty fast,,,My man was snatched by the swat team ,fbi, and all local police one fine sunny day,,we were wondering why everything was so quiet that day and here they came out of everywhere,,acting like he was a serial murderer~ all he did was cash some counterfeit checks. Anyway they did let him say goodbye to me and kiss, me. That day I thought I could not go on and almost killed myself! That would've been the biggest mistake of it all because then I wouldnt be here when he got out,I wouldnt be here to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man!! ,its been 5 years,,,doing everything on my own, no one to hold or just have to go grocery shopping with,,to wake up beside, kiss goodnight. But ya know what things werent going so good for us when he was arrested,,drinking ,drugs... and it took this 5 years (could've been about 3.5) to help him to mature,be responsible, the most wonderful ,loving ,smart,funny man that i've ever met. Both of us realize now that this is what he had to go through for him to be the MAN that is coming home this time and NEVER going back. So even though we don't like it, and its very hard to get by some/most days,,,because we(the wives and girlfriends) are not just trying to live our lives out here for us and the rest of the family,, but we are also living everyday in prison , right along with him!! and it is not easy!!.. Being able to talk regularly with him, helps ,,but I think what helped most was putting everything down for him on paper. Including him, still letting him know he;s the BOSS! but by writing ,,everyday if you can,,is almost just llike journeling which is very helpful to get your good and bad feelings out and while doing that you are making him aware that he's still there in your everyday lives, talk about him often , include him,,(we had birthday parties for him and took pics while we opened his presents and ate and had cake,,he loved it, and then he wasnt missing out), and before you know it you all will be a little older ,hopefully alot wiser,, and he'll be walking out of those gates and back in your door. Kevin gets released to a halfway house in 1 month, after 5 years inside, oh and most of that time I was not close enough to visit him,,but if you do as I suggested I think you will find it helpful and will make time go quickly by!! Good luck ! and let me know how you're doing,,

[Iceony76]

I really thought with my boyfriend's bid winding down to the end, that it would make it easier and less anxious experience. What it has done, is heighten the anxiety more. This has been a tough time because I've only known him for a year and I live so far away from him-NY to FL. He said that he will be loyal to me AND will not hurt me. Especially since I've stuck by him knowing all that he has done and accepted him anyway. However, a part of me does'nt entirely trust that he will honor our relationship fully and want to stay in it after he gets out. His mother is fully supportive of our relatioship and tells me all the time to hang in there and ne patient Marriage hasn't been spoken of, but in his future plans he always mentions "us" and "we". Should I hang in there and wait and see?

[HisChevyBabe]

Originally Posted by Ebella76

I really thought with my boyfriend's bid winding down to the end, that it would make it easier and less anxious experience. What it has done, is heighten the anxiety more. This has been a tough time because I've only known him for a year and I live so far away from him-NY to FL. He said that he will be loyal to me AND will not hurt me. Especially since I've stuck by him knowing all that he has done and accepted him anyway. However, a part of me does'nt entirely trust that he will honor our relationship fully and want to stay in it after he gets out. His mother is fully supportive of our relatioship and tells me all the time to hang in there and ne patient Marriage hasn't been spoken of, but in his future plans he always mentions "us" and "we". Should I hang in there and wait and see?

If you two truly care enough for each other then I would say hang in there and wait and see. Has he given you any reason to not trust him? I have felt this way sometimes about my MWI but you have to step out in faith because you never know unless you do. This is my FIRST time ever!!! dating someone incarcerated and I feel so much for him and we have everything in common! and his family is AWESOME I talk to his grandma almost daily and she is very supportive of our relationship as well. Hang in there lady! if it is meant to be you will see

[24chesney]

i won't say it gets easier with time But more bearable. this is my first experience with this, Mark has been gone 1yr and 4mo.... i Wake up crying, hard for me to sleep. i keep my mind busy with work and writing him. we have 9 more months to go. it is so tough. funny thing is that it seems to be going by quickly. we Just got married on may 27th and for some reason its made it tougher. hang in there....lifes a dance, you will Get through this....take it minute by minute....

[Iceony76]

I truly do care for him and he is definately worth it. He hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. You are right, I have to have faith that he will do right by our relationship. I have to say, he has a lot of faith in me when it comes to trust and devotion. So, I should be able to do the same, somehow! This is my first MWI too. I have my moments of despair sometimes.

Originally Posted by HisChevyBabe

If you two truly care enough for each other then I would say hang in there and wait and see. Has he given you any reason to not trust him? I have felt this way sometimes about my MWI but you have to step out in faith because you never know unless you do. This is my FIRST time ever!!! dating someone incarcerated and I feel so much for him and we have everything in common! and his family is AWESOME I talk to his grandma almost daily and she is very supportive of our relationship as well. Hang in there lady! if it is meant to be you will see

[HisChevyBabe]

Originally Posted by Ebella76

I truly do care for him and he is definitely worth it. He hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. You are right, I have to have faith that he will do right by our relationship. I have to say, he has a lot of faith in me when it comes to trust and devotion. So, I should be able to do the same, somehow! This is my first MWI too. I have my moments of despair sometimes.

Same here. With him being there and me here. He totally trusts me. I am not the kind of person to cheat or go looking for someone else because I have never been like that at all. I have always been cheated on but ya know it happens I get back and keep moving but with Kevin we are soulmates. We have been looking for each other and we are not letting one another go. :-) too chemistry and connection between us! He is mine and I am His in the eyes of Christ I thank God everyday for him!

[MissingHim119]

What do u think its the key to a successful relationship with your LO being away? What do u you do?

[BrandonsBabe]

We talk very openly, about anything and everything. We're very candid and it keeps our relationship alive.

[DougsCandy]

Communication

DougsCandy Sent from my LG-P509 using PrisonTalk

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by MissingHim119

What do u think its the key to a successful relationship with your LO being away? What do u you do?

Trust and communication are the keys to having a healthy relationship. Even if he was not away, these would still be neccessary for the relationship to be solid.

Peace~

[Dozie Doe]

Trust, honesty, faithfuless

[Emms]

Definately communication!!!
Then trust =)

[KatieM.]

Communication, trust, FUN and all other things loving.