Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

**nevaeh2morrow** · #26 06-06-2012, 10:08 AM

For some reason I got up this morning and checked the jail registry. My son was picked up last night and booked into the county jail for possession.... weird that I would check.

**LifeTraveler** · #27 06-06-2012, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevaeh2morrow

For some reason I got up this morning and checked the jail registry. My son was picked up last night and booked into the county jail for possession.... weird that I would check.

I'd chalk that up to Mother's intuition. I'm sorry it had to wind up that way, but maybe he'll get some real help now.

**lisainengland** · #28 06-07-2012, 04:02 AM

I agree its Mothers intuition. Hopefully this will be the first step in him turning his life around

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevaeh2morrow

For some reason I got up this morning and checked the jail registry. My son was picked up last night and booked into the county jail for possession.... weird that I would check.

4ever love · #29 06-07-2012, 09:56 AM

I'm one that once I see they are in jail, I know they are alive. It's a relief for me. Now you can turn off his cellphone, and now he has a bed and some food. Relax...

Hugs to ya! Hang in there and depending on your personal situation, you'll know how to handle this. I'm a contract writer and everyone knows it around here. You sign a Contract with me on whatever conditions and rewards we decide.

Why I think it works, is they all like structure and preciseness (is that a word?). It's written so I won't back out, but neither can they without consequences. To get that get outta jail card, the small parts of the Contract must be fulfilled first. Getting out of jail does not mean I bail them out (then I'm babysitting), but rather help them through the process to get the least punishment possible, with a possibility of dismissal. If Contract gets broken, my help is immediately stopped.

Thought I'd just share this with ya as one of many suggestions. Been thinking about you lately. Sounds like a pedicure is in order to relieve some of that Momma stress.

ccyoung52 · #30 06-07-2012, 03:56 PM

I can so relate to your story on some levels. My son and his wife are both addicted to heroin and zanax etc.........My son has become a strangere to me.........the little boy who used to hunt and trap and ride motorcycles.......well he is no more. Worse he has three children trapped in this addiction with him. He gave up my oldest grandson for adoption to his stepdad, that might give him a chance at a semi normal life (my grandson that is).
You HAVE to try to quit worrying 24 hrs about this. It doesn't change anything. I nearly killed myself with worry when i found out about all these drugs issues in my family. I couldn't believe it an couldn't accept that this was happening.
It is WORSE than a nightmare. I have no answers really, i'm sorry only can say that you are not alone. Heroin seems to be becoming a huge problem in our country and it still shocks me just to recognize that.
God Bless and also just PRAY hard for your son, PRAY constant it seems to make me feel better because i know it's the ONLY thing that might make a difference.
take care,
cindy

**nevaeh2morrow** · #31 06-07-2012, 04:48 PM

Thank you everyone. I'm not sure I can convey how much your comments help me. UPDATE: He was PR'd the next day and let out at 6:30PM last night. I haven't heard a single word from him. I have no idea where he is.

I am really curious about the contract you are talking about 4Ever Love? Do you mean write a contract between my son and I and if he can stick with the contract then I will do____________ and he will do___________? Is this done with him living here or not here? I hope you will see this. You got me thinking but I also don't want to mess up.

4ever love · #32 06-07-2012, 05:37 PM

Yes. Contract between you and your son. You have to fill in what you're willing to negotiate when he does each thing asked. Works just like a real contract. I make mine look very official. Last paragraph reads: any amendments to this contract shall be in writing and signed by both parties. Centered heading: Contract between _____ and ____ After the contents of what is expected, completely spelled out, then I have signature lines with each name underneath and both date it. Done in black pen, just like a real contract. After signed, each gets a copy. No contract, no deal. Written stipulations on living at house and they get broken, it's breach of contract. Then living at home is null and void. Must spell it all out though.

That way all cards are out on the table and for some reason when it's in writing, it's easier for us not to give in, and is teaching them what the real world is like. We even sign an application/contract to get a library card, driver's license, you name it....

He'll have to show up for Court so he may ask for some help. Perfect time to lay it out to him. Hugs!!

**nevaeh2morrow** · #33 06-07-2012, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4ever love

Yes. Contract between you and your son. You have to fill in what you're willing to negotiate when he does each thing asked. Works just like a real contract. I make mine look very official. Last paragraph reads: any amendments to this contract shall be in writing and signed by both parties. Centered heading: Contract between _____ and ____ After the contents of what is expected, completely spelled out, then I have signature lines with each name underneath and both date it. Done in black pen, just like a real contract. After signed, each gets a copy. No contract, no deal. Written stipulations on living at house and they get broken, it's breach of contract. Then living at home is null and void. Must spell it all out though.

That way all cards are out on the table and for some reason when it's in writing, it's easier for us not to give in, and is teaching them what the real world is like. We even sign an application/contract to get a library card, driver's license, you name it....

He'll have to show up for Court so he may ask for some help. Perfect time to lay it out to him. Hugs!!

I like this. It may help me too as far as staying consistent with him and not backing down.

thisfamily · #34 06-07-2012, 09:48 PM

People look at me weird when I tell them I am glad my boyfriend is in prison... because it's the only way to escape the drugs on the street for him. His addiction was so bad he got assaulted by other junkies for stealing their drugs, which led to his arrest when the police noticed he had an old warrant from Louisana.. it was for a drug possession. I also gave birth to our daughter just 4-5 days after his arrest, so that was the only thing that made me sad. He never met his daughter. But he is safe in a place where he has no access to drugs.. and he is finally detoxed. He's more his old self and the man I really fell in love with. However, I know he needs LIFELONG programs to help him stay away from drugs and others with access to drugs. I have learned so much from this experience.. yes, I definitely went through A to Z.. we were always broke, he stole from me and his family, sneaked out to be with other addicts, etc etc. It was so horrible. Our addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can make the decision to make changes. So when he is released, I won't let him live with us unless he is in a solid long term drug program and cut off his druggie friends forever.

So.. mama, I think you definitely did the right thing in kicking him out.. you had no choice, he continued his behavior and took advantage of you financially and emotionally. Now he's in a safe place with the resources to address his addictions. He is finally given an opportunity to turn his life around. I pray for you that he takes it... and sticks to it forever.

I don't know about making a 'contract' just yet... it sounds interesting, though. It's kind of similar to the conditions I gave my Jailbird in writing. He agreed to them PLUS he is writing a FULL account for the last two years. However, I would just wait on the contract for your son.. let him go through the drug programs first, and he will get guidance and the education... then he will appreciate any contract you want to make with him more fully. He may not be ready to fully realize the devastating consequences of his actions on you and his loved ones yet? You didn't make contact with him as of yet?

4ever love · #35 06-08-2012, 07:30 AM

Ieatcupcakes: Though I hear you out on the contract thing, and with all due respect, I must disagree.

We are dealing with a son here and not her man. Those in, and of themselves, must be treated differently.

Perfect example: I worked my butt of helping a mother get her son out. I sent emails to him stipulating a contract between him and his mom would have to be reached. He never disagreed, wavered; it was his mom who didn't follow through. You see this one needs structure as most young men do. We also must respect, in helping them, not to rock the macho manly thing either. We are moms.

They are learning to own their own. We are to guide them, not enable them. This mom let the contract thingy go and we can't find him now. He's not calling!! You see, those friends, were right there to "catch" him, get him loaded, and right back into "their" groove.

I believe he was waiting for that Contract, willing to sign, ready to volunteer for a HWH but it never came about. So, as my man would say, then they say "F it", and head down the road with friends.

**nevaeh2morrow** · #36 06-08-2012, 01:54 PM

Yes, the whole contract thing makes a lot of sense to me. My son is very orderly even while using. I mean you should see his room. It is cleaner than mine! One time a cop looked in his room and said,"I can't go into his room legally but by just looking in here, he does not look like someone who is on drugs." I think the contract would offer some consistency. Something to keep in front of him (as well as for me) I can't help but think that if I had a contract with him in the past I would not have "given in" as much as I did. Or at least that would have been something I could have pulled out and started a discussion with. I can see it as a good tool. I don't think it would be a miracle thing or anything but I really can see it has something tangible to be put in front of both of us.... even my 12 year old daughter.

I like the idea.

No I have heard nothing from him. Nada.... I'm sure he is ok but I'm also sure he is still using. I told him to contact me when he was ready to get help so I guess he is not ready.

I would love to know where he is but truthfully, not knowing where he is and not talking to him is keeping me from backing down, as painful as that is to say.

mymommasboy · #37 06-08-2012, 06:10 PM

I feel for you, as I have been in the exact same situation. After telling him he had to leave (wasn't respecting my rules), he ended going to live at the other end of the country by bus and ended up living in the seediest area with all the junkies. Three months later I got a call from major crimes - my son committed a terrible crime and is facing up to 25 years in prison. He is an alcoholic and has alcohol induced psychotic episodes. I went to Al-Anon too a few times but it just didn't click with me. I'm not sure that there is anything else, but even if your son is not addicted to alcohol it is still applicable. I bought the Al-Anon book and I read it regularly, that really helps. It's so hard to live through this, no one understands the daily emotions we go through unless they have been through it. There's also a lot of shame in what my son has done, so not everybody is able to hear it without being judgmental. Hang in there. Jen xxx

**nevaeh2morrow** · #38 06-10-2012, 02:03 AM

Well, my son walked in the door this evening. Acted like nothing was wrong. I could tell he was wasted. Could barely stand up. Said he came home to get his clothes. I asked him where he had been. He lied to me. He didn't know that I knew he had been arrested. He said he was basically couch surfing. I told him I knew he had been arrested. He said he was getting into treatment on the 18th. He went into his room and stumbled around trying to get a bag together. I followed him, told him how much it was hurting to watch him barely able to walk, to watch him go through this. He denied being high. I noticed something in his pocket and asked him what it was. He lifted up his shirt and then hid it. I asked again and he said it was a "tooter" - (what he smokes the pills with)I said, I guess you better go then.... As he walked out the door I called his name and he stopped but didn't turn around to look at me. I said, "I love you." He said, "K." and walked away.

After more than a week of not knowing anything, I saw him for 5 minutes before I had to tell him to leave again.

I pray that I will be able to see him again and he will be able to say, "I love you too, Mom."

**lisainengland** · #39 06-10-2012, 02:27 AM

Oh hell, that must have been so horrible for you. I am praying that he soon realises what he is doing to you and to himself and seeks the help he needs.
I'm sure one day you will hear the words "I love you Mom " again

4ever love · #40 06-10-2012, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevaeh2morrow

Well, my son walked in the door this evening. Acted like nothing was wrong. I could tell he was wasted. Could barely stand up. Said he came home to get his clothes. I asked him where he had been. He lied to me. He didn't know that I knew he had been arrested. He said he was basically couch surfing. I told him I knew he had been arrested. He said he was getting into treatment on the 18th. He went into his room and stumbled around trying to get a bag together. I followed him, told him how much it was hurting to watch him barely able to walk, to watch him go through this. He denied being high. I noticed something in his pocket and asked him what it was. He lifted up his shirt and then hid it. I asked again and he said it was a "tooter" - (what he smokes the pills with)I said, I guess you better go then.... As he walked out the door I called his name and he stopped but didn't turn around to look at me. I said, "I love you." He said, "K." and walked away.

After more than a week of not knowing anything, I saw him for 5 minutes before I had to tell him to leave again.

I pray that I will be able to see him again and he will be able to say, "I love you too, Mom."

I'm here with ya. Hang in there. Sounds like the 18th might have something to do with that arrest.

I have my friend's son on the couch sleeping as we speak. The call came on Friday. He was freaked outta his mind. He would only stay at a house he felt safe, it was mine. I've been able to ask a few questions, to seek answers for us all.

He was hanging in there. Within 24 hrs. of release, his baby mama, who he thought was helping him, grab all his emails & went off. (This would be 1st trigger)

Two days later still hanging on, she rants on him like no other. He needs $1200 just to get driver's license back and as of yet, we can't find his car, nor can the CHP. (second trigger) Same day, his "friends" call him with a CARE PACKAGE!! I'm like, what the heck is that? It's money, drugs and a good time.

We've called his old recovery home and he must be sober and have $650 to enroll. Then $650/mo. I'm sorry, but let's get real. We have found another but are waiting for him to decide. He is grown.

No charger, he invents one and blows up his prepaid phone. Maybe that's a Godsend. Maybe new phone and no old contacts (hopefully lost in that prepaid).

He and I have a verbal contract as of now, and it's working. When he was lit outta his mind, I was the only one he felt he could trust. Everyone, and I mean everyone was after him - conspiracy theory in his mind.

Mom came up and visited yesterday. He was nervous. She's coming again on Tues. and Fri. with his son. Hopefully within some of this time, he'll make the right choice and check into HWH. I have faith as that's all we have to stand on, and it is a war between the bad and the good. With God's help, we will prevail.

4ever love · #41 06-10-2012, 09:46 AM

I re-read your post. Yes he did lie to you, but he then really told you the truth. Doesn't want to admit to you, he's high, but then does when discussing the pipe. Wierd as it sounds, I believe that's a good thing. I believe he is couch surfing until his Court date. He is trying, in his mind, to not disturb you and he knows that you have put your foot down. It's wierd too, cause they actually respect us for that, but get mad at the same time. We must remember their minds are altered when using.

My take: He knows you love him and HE LOVES YOU TOO. He really gave you all the info you needed to get the jest of things. He's telling you this all, because I believe in his mind, all will go good when he checks into the treatment. He's an addict. He knows his party will be up soon.

I'm addicted to chocolate. To understand where he's coming from, I use my feelings on what if I never in my life can eat/use chocolate again to "feel" good? I'm completely sober, but that's a scary thought - no more chocolate in my world. I truly believe that's how they face their demon also. Puts me and their struggle into perpective.

God: As we sit here on these computers, worrying about a loved one who's struggling, will you please ease our minds as we open up our minds to accept any help from You, we can get. These kids are young, and have fallen because of this incredibly crazy world that includes drugs, legal and illegal. Please enlighten them, lift them up and change their free will choice, so we all can have a better tomorrow.

In God I trust!

thisfamily · #42 06-10-2012, 09:57 AM

I am so sorry.. I can feel the pain you felt when you saw him again... being high.. all over again... expect the worst, hope for the best, ya know?

Tooter? Sounds like what Jailbird does too.. snorting pills. I think I will make a new thread asking for drug 'terms'... I want to be wise. Care Package?? Sheesh.. more like Careless Package. So called friends.. omg... they need to be cut off permanently.. but yeah it's up to the addict.. however he will not be in the proper state of mind to do it.. so I am telling you... getting a longer jail term will help... consider reporting him to the cops next time he is home or you find out where he is... he will only get arrested for drug possession, which carries 3 to 4 years plus they will get him the proper support resources for his addiction.. which can cut off months from his sentencing. Just make sure he isn't caught selling drugs.. that carries a stiff sentence of 20+ years!!

**nevaeh2morrow** · #43 06-10-2012, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4ever love

I re-read your post. Yes he did lie to you, but he then really told you the truth. Doesn't want to admit to you, he's high, but then does when discussing the pipe. Wierd as it sounds, I believe that's a good thing. I believe he is couch surfing until his Court date. He is trying, in his mind, to not disturb you and he knows that you have put your foot down. It's wierd too, cause they actually respect us for that, but get mad at the same time. We must remember their minds are altered when using.

My take: He knows you love him and HE LOVES YOU TOO. He really gave you all the info you needed to get the jest of things. He's telling you this all, because I believe in his mind, all will go good when he checks into the treatment. He's an addict. He knows his party will be up soon.

I'm addicted to chocolate. To understand where he's coming from, I use my feelings on what if I never in my life can eat/use chocolate again to "feel" good? I'm completely sober, but that's a scary thought - no more chocolate in my world. I truly believe that's how they face their demon also. Puts me and their struggle into perpective.

God: As we sit here on these computers, worrying about a loved one who's struggling, will you please ease our minds as we open up our minds to accept any help from You, we can get. These kids are young, and have fallen because of this incredibly crazy world that includes drugs, legal and illegal. Please enlighten them, lift them up and change their free will choice, so we all can have a better tomorrow.

In God I trust!

I agree with you on his lie/truth. I agree with you that he does love me. I think if he didn't love me he would have turned around and looked me in the eye. I know he is struggling in his head. I wish I could just shake it out of his head. I wished that I could have sat him down and talked to him about the contract thing but I knew it wasn't the right time. He couldn't focus, he was concerned about two things at the moment - getting some clothes and getting out of there with the least amount of eye contact as possible.

I feel like my son is ashamed when he is with me at times like this. One time in the past out of frustration I said, "Why are you continuing to do this? Don't you love me? Why are you putting yourself and me through this?" He responded that yes he loved me and "you are the only one who has never given up on me." At that moment, the shards of glass poured onto my heart again. At the time I didn't know if he was saying that so that I would sympathize with him and continue to enable him or if he really meant that.

Today, I believe he really meant it that day. I think that because of his inability to look me in the eye while talking to me yesterday. I think he is ashamed but yet completely powerless to the addiction.

I think you are correct also on the addiction and that this is his way of "partying" before he will never be able to have it again. Sort of like bingeing I guess. The last hoorah - so to speak.

I'm not so sure about the 18th treatment date being because of court. I looked up online his court date and it is in July. Since he doesn't have any money I think he has gone to the State for detox and I know they have a waiting list. I think he was promised a bed on the 18th for a 7 day detox. I don't know but I think that is what that is. He did say he go there everyday and check to see if there was a cancellation or a no show before then but he also said he wasn't going to "do that shit." (meaning, check in with them everyday.)

**nevaeh2morrow** · #44 06-10-2012, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ieatcupcakes

I am so sorry.. I can feel the pain you felt when you saw him again... being high.. all over again... expect the worst, hope for the best, ya know?

Tooter? Sounds like what Jailbird does too.. snorting pills. I think I will make a new thread asking for drug 'terms'... I want to be wise. Care Package?? Sheesh.. more like Careless Package. So called friends.. omg... they need to be cut off permanently.. but yeah it's up to the addict.. however he will not be in the proper state of mind to do it.. so I am telling you... getting a longer jail term will help... consider reporting him to the cops next time he is home or you find out where he is... he will only get arrested for drug possession, which carries 3 to 4 years plus they will get him the proper support resources for his addiction.. which can cut off months from his sentencing. Just make sure he isn't caught selling drugs.. that carries a stiff sentence of 20+ years!!

Yeah, good idea on the thread for the lingo. I'm learning more than I care to...

4ever love · #45 06-10-2012, 11:16 AM

"He ain't doing that s..." hehe Let him believe that entitlement. He is showing up though and that's what counts. Maybe that's some sort of Court condition, before the hearing. Honestly, sounds like progress to me. Might be slow for us, but big strides for them.

We are negotiating the phone thing right now. I'm working out some stipulations. I need to log out now.

Prayers to all and have a great day!!

Adamsmom94 · #46 06-10-2012, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevaeh2morrow

I can honestly say that this is probably the worse day of my life. After years of struggling with my sons addiction(s), losing thousands of dollars in money and material things, sleep, stress, humility, friends, family among other things I forced my son to leave yesterday. He left saying that he understood why, he left with no money and no place to go. He left with the clothes on his back. I am left with a deep hole in my heart. It honestly feels as if my chest has been cut open and someone is pouring shards of glass onto my heart.

Months ago after bailing him out of jail I attended an Alanon meeting. It was good but I haven't been back because everyone talked about alcohol. I think it is for families who have a loved one that suffers from alcohol addiction. Where do I go? Where do families go with loved ones who are addicted to oxy and heroine?

Hi there, I am a recovering addict. I became addicted at the ripe old age of 35!!! Pills and soon heroine! It is a terrrible terrible addiction to recover from. I saw that u went to alanon, and didnt find it helpful because they didnt talk about drug addiction...There are NA(narcotics anonymous)meetings that are open to all not only addictsthat may help, try a speaker meeting...recovering addicts telling their stories, also if u go back to alanon just replace the "alcohol"terminology into heroin, in ur head...its all the same.Chances are ur loved one also has an alcohol problem but the drugs took over at some point...that was my case, i know if i take a drink i willl use again. Good Luck I hope u find some support out there. And I truly hope ur son can get into a good rehab and try to recover,,,,its very hard but can be done with love and support. Maybe since hye knows ur going with the tough love he will take a look at his situation and decide to surrender. God Bless!!!!

**nevaeh2morrow** · #47 06-10-2012, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adamsmom94

Hi there, I am a recovering addict. I became addicted at the ripe old age of 35!!! Pills and soon heroine! It is a terrrible terrible addiction to recover from. I saw that u went to alanon, and didnt find it helpful because they didnt talk about drug addiction...There are NA(narcotics anonymous)meetings that are open to all not only addictsthat may help, try a speaker meeting...recovering addicts telling their stories, also if u go back to alanon just replace the "alcohol"terminology into heroin, in ur head...its all the same.Chances are ur loved one also has an alcohol problem but the drugs took over at some point...that was my case, i know if i take a drink i willl use again. Good Luck I hope u find some support out there. And I truly hope ur son can get into a good rehab and try to recover,,,,its very hard but can be done with love and support. Maybe since hye knows ur going with the tough love he will take a look at his situation and decide to surrender. God Bless!!!!

thank you for being candid about your addiction. I sooooo much would love to talk to a recovering addict of oxy and heroine. Maybe it would help me to understand what he is going through. I just can't even imagine what it would feel like or what is going through his mind. I would love to just stick a microphone in his brain so I could hear what he is saying to himself.

I have been going to the Alanon meetings and I've gone to 2 NarAlon meetings. There aren't very many of the later. I mentioned quickly to him yesterday that I am going to meetings to help me recover from his addictions. He didn't say anything. I'm not sure he understood since he was pretty high at the time.

This week I will try to find an open AA meeting and an open NA meeting and go listen.

4ever love · #48 06-10-2012, 04:41 PM

I share with the young ones what I know about oxy. I've helped several older folks through the last months/weeks of life. I'm candid with the kids and I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this story, but I feel it needs to be told. With that being said, it it is.

Oxy is given freely, by end of life agencies. What it does to the elderly, is shuts them down and they die sooner. Personally, I'm opposed to this and get extremely emotional about it. It is out there, because it saves the government tons of medicare money, that would be spent on medical treatments/facilities/care to keep the patient going. It is not a great "pain" medicine and there are plenty out there that work better. Then I ask the kids, is it really your plan while partying to shut down your organs and kill yourself? Cause this medication, time and time again, does just that. Of course, I'm way more candid with them in person, and I do use explicit language to convey my message. They have no clue that's what this drug can do to them, but they do find them in "grandpa's and grandma's" medicines.

I'm sorry but it's the worst prescription drug out there and it needs to be removed, regardless of how much money FDA and the drug creator make. It's killing our youth at a rapid rate and we can't tolerate it no more!!

**nevaeh2morrow** · #49 06-10-2012, 05:53 PM

I was informed of that information - Oxy shutting down your organs this past week. Here locally, there was a huge "oxy bust" about a year or two ago and Oxy really dried up here. That was when my son started using heroine because it was cheaper. Instead of paying $80+++ a pill he could by heroine for $10.00

What do you know about Heroine? Does it do the same thing? Is it stronger? Weaker? The same? I recently found out that he has been smoking Suboxone too? Not sure how to spell it but I think that is given to stop using but obviously is abused also.

4ever love · #50 06-10-2012, 09:43 PM

Suboxone is substituted by the dr's for oxy or heroin. I heard it just replaces the oxy, and you still have to be weaned off suboxone.

Explained to me like this, if one can't get meth, they will use ritilin. If one can't get oxy, they will use suboxone.

Heroin is on the rise. Don't know much about it at all. Just when I went to that intervention, my friend's son looked close to death. Scary...He told us he couldn't go 24hrs without slamm'n it. Took 7 day detox and he was back on it again. He told us his pyschiatrist said, Oops you slipped and gave him full prescription of suboxone and he takes that, but will use both if possible. Also sells his prescriptions.