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bestmom3911 · #1 05-03-2012, 07:28 AM

My son has been behaving horribly lately in school and out of school. He is cursing out all his classmates and kids at our apartment complex. He beat up a kid at school and slapped another. He also had a horrible tempertantrum in the classroom when he threw jars full of school supplies and cursed the teacher and he ended up stapled his finger when he threw down the stapler. He talks back and argues w/ everyone constantly. I'm at my sorts end cuz his principle told me if he does anything else he would have to go before the board of disciplinary or whatever and will go to juvenile. What should I do? :C

montysmom · #2 05-03-2012, 09:02 AM

Wow Bestmom, I just read all your previous posts and it sounds like you have your hands full and your fiance is only adding to the stressful situation. If he really loves you he would be more concerned with your well being, than his own.

The son that you speak of here is his biological son and your step-son I assume? I don't know the boy's age but it sounds like he needs attention and the only way he can get it, is by acting out. If a child cannot get it by being good and doing the right thing, they will get it any way they can.

He sounds like a young man that thinks no one cares for him. The statement you refered to in one post, that his Mom made, certainly does not help at all.

He needs counseling, attention and someone that really cares about his future and welfare. Since he lacks a father figure, does he have a grandfather or uncle that can step in?

I hope you get the help you need, but it is my opinion that you should take the focus off of your fiance (since he sounds ungrateful) and put it to the children that should come first.

bestmom3911 · #3 05-03-2012, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by montysmom

Wow Bestmom, I just read all your previous posts and it sounds like you have your hands full and your fiance is only adding to the stressful situation. If he really loves you he would be more concerned with your well being, than his own.

The son that you speak of here is his biological son and your step-son I assume? I don't know the boy's age but it sounds like he needs attention and the only way he can get it, is by acting out. If a child cannot get it by being good and doing the right thing, they will get it any way they can.

He sounds like a young man that thinks no one cares for him. The statement you refered to in one post, that his Mom made, certainly does not help at all.

He needs counseling, attention and someone that really cares about his future and welfare. Since he lacks a father figure, does he have a grandfather or uncle that can step in?

I hope you get the help you need, but it is my opinion that you should take the focus off of your fiance (since he sounds ungrateful) and put it to the children that should come first.

Yes he is my step son I try to take him to do things but he jus acts up wherever we go. He has an uncle but he usually makes things worse. In fact he told him if someone bugs him or bullies him to beat them up when they aren't expecting it :/ So like I said I dunno what to do spankings don't work and restrictions don't work. I am at a lost right now

Momma Ann · #4 05-03-2012, 01:09 PM

You need professional help with this. Spankings will only beget more violence acted out on his part. He needs help. Please call a local mental health agency and get him help before things get even worse. Or call the school and talk to the counsellor and get a referral from him/her. This is not going to get better without outside assistance. He may have a condition that needs medial help. Please call someone professional.

bestmom3911 · #5 05-03-2012, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma Ann

You need professional help with this. Spankings will only beget more violence acted out on his part. He needs help. Please call a local mental health agency and get him help before things get even worse. Or call the school and talk to the counsellor and get a referral from him/her. This is not going to get better without outside assistance. He may have a condition that needs medial help. Please call someone professional.

I'm not sure about his counselor at school but I can check and yes I agree he needs something. I'm looking into a few things. I bought a journal that he am draw and write in and he does that everyday now. So I'm trying anything and everything I cam right now!!

nimuay · #6 05-03-2012, 04:09 PM

If you can find him a counselor who works in conjunction with some sort of physical program - basketball, horses, gardening, whatever - it would be an excellent way to get a start.

bestmom3911 · #7 05-03-2012, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

If you can find him a counselor who works in conjunction with some sort of physical program - basketball, horses, gardening, whatever - it would be an excellent way to get a start.

We I looked onto sports and soccer has an kinda of financial help things where he can pmey

kevinmom · #8 06-06-2012, 11:35 AM

There is a nationally recognized program called the parent project that is great. Look for one in your area. It helps and is great!

nimuay · #9 06-06-2012, 01:54 PM

You also might have him given a full physical exam. During that exam, the doctor, if you clue him/her in, might be able to also do some questioning about emotional status. It might be possible that he's severely depressed or ADHD or one of a host of other issues, or hormonally out of balance . . . so many possibilities.

Keep in mind that he doesn't WANT to be bad, but he's stuck somehow and doesn't know how to get out.

xlabel · #10 06-09-2012, 04:05 PM

I'm going through the same thing, unfortunately x2 since the 7 year old is picking up on every bad thing the 14 year old is doing. It's a hell I can not begin to comprehend. I had to pull the older one out of school the remainder of the year...his behavior is so unpredictable. I got him medically excused, the school and his psychiatrist agreed with me when I said I want his first chance at rehabilitation to be through counseling and psychiatry..not the juvenile court system. Get him counseling, pray, and tell him you love him. My oldest don't realize yet, but if I have to home school him , so be it. Schools nowadays don't play around and in a heartbeat they'll throw criminal charges for a bad few minutes, hours, day, etc.

If I have to segregate my child from his peers for his safety as well as thier's, I'm prepared to do it. Be prepared to invest some time and sacrafice, appointments and additional time spent with your child is important. Don't be afraid to fire some counselor or psychiatrist as some of them don't give a damn about helping your child, just the almighty buck,( I recently went through this).

iLYD.R.E · #11 06-16-2012, 04:36 AM

id like to ask have you seen the tv show called: beyond scared straight
if not i encourage you to try to youtube it or google it.
call your local jails and find the one that has a youth program that lets them spend the night or have half days in there he will quickly change that attitude if he thinks hes not loved at home let him get a taste of what jails really like and pray he doesnt like it.

idk if your from california but there are alot of options out here for your son if so.

( almost all the jails im by have a youth program san bernardino, and southwest detention center etc.

**Nieves915** · #12 06-16-2012, 08:18 AM

I didnt catch his age,, did u say? When did this behavior start? Sounds like he has some internal emotional things going on. You should seek out some sort of therapy for him. there are financial resounces that can and will help you with that....
on another note,, this may sound harsh, depending on his age,,,, aside from having him watch shows like scared straight,, let him take a tour of the youth detention facility,,,, I did that with him,...
I also let my daughter sit in jail when she was 17 for two weeks. i could have bailed her out, but for what? She was on a path to destruction,,, she hated me while she was there, cursed my name, but she is a 28 year old wonderful mother of 4 now,,, her seeing the inside of a jail cell woke her up and made her realize that she wanted better for her life,,,,,,,,,,,

Sheryl P. · #13 06-16-2012, 08:32 AM

An angry and sad juvenile with no positive outlet to express their feelings is not good for them or those around them.
He needs counseling and a mentor if you can find one.
Does his school offer any suggestions for mentors?
What about signing him up for Generations United,ROTC or some other program that can re-direct his anger towards a more positive direction.

laneyb · #14 06-20-2012, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bestmom3911

My son has been behaving horribly lately in school and out of school. He is cursing out all his classmates and kids at our apartment complex. He beat up a kid at school and slapped another. He also had a horrible tempertantrum in the classroom when he threw jars full of school supplies and cursed the teacher and he ended up stapled his finger when he threw down the stapler. He talks back and argues w/ everyone constantly. I'm at my sorts end cuz his principle told me if he does anything else he would have to go before the board of disciplinary or whatever and will go to juvenile. What should I do? :C

There are organizations which can help - google Prodigal Child Ministeries. Their web site provides a list of organizations, locations, specialities and strengths. I personally am a HUGE fan of Paul Anderson Youth Home - 90% success rate over 50 years. Warm, caring environment but those boys behave and truly experience a lifestyle change.

Good Luck - you have my prayers

26thncaliswag · #15 06-21-2012, 08:32 AM

Sometimes you run into an issue that has no easy or clear answer. This is one of them. You have been given some excellent suggestions thus far.

You have to understand various dynamics and understand your limitations in dealing with them. He's not your child. As much as you show him love and affection, he can grow to resent that as much as if you didn't simply because you show him more than his biologicals do. It's kind of that "looking for love in all the wrong places" kind of thing.

It could be that he has been traumatized in his past and is suffering from PTSD symptoms. If he's witnessed abuse to those that he's cares for and feels that he was powerless, it could really affect him an a negative way. Unfortunately, a lot of kids are misdiagnosed with ADHD because they present similar symptoms.

He's young and he does not know how to process what he feels at times. Even grown men truggle with that. I do think that professional counseling with someone with ample experience with troubled kids.