Need ADVICE: confused - My friend asked my MWI Mate for Money

[HannaBoe]

Hello PTO family,
This is long but I really need some help :'( Sorry.

I have been writing a new pen pal that is in a county jail from my city. Our relationship is fairly new (since January 16th) but we have had several visits, phone calls and letters.
Anywho.... A close friend of mine, "Mina", is a volunteer at my guy's jail, she is helping in a "Shakespeare workshop" they started this year. My guy started participating in this workshop.

Anyway, my man called me the other day and said "Mina" had asked to borrow $200 from him. She said she would drive to my man's parents house and pickup the money if he gave her the green light. She said she would return them soon, that she needed the cash urgently to "buy a really good car, that had a good deal". She said she couldn't take out more than a certain amount at the ATM.

Mina didn't ask to borrow money from me, nor did she mention she had a problem. We see each other very day online, she also has my cellphone. We see each other at least twice a week, have lunch frequently, as we work in the same building.
It seemed strange to me, that she would ask my guy for the money but not to me.

I gave her the cold shoulder the other day that I met her in the building, she came running after me, and said: what's the matter, are you angry? I kept walking and said, I am busy, she pulled me and said what is the matter? I jerked from her, under pressure, I asked: Why did you ask my guy for money and not me?
She didn't have a good excuse. I told her, this situation was awkward for me. She apologized and I kept going. I told her we could talk later. I was angry, and I don't like discussing when I am upset. I got to my desk and since I didn't want to create drama I send her an email saying everything was fine, that I was just busy and stressed etc. She sent an email apologizing, I sent another one, saying that she didn't need to worry etc. I wanted to cool things down. I didn't want to have a fight with someone from my work.

The next day, before I had a chance to talk with my boyfriend, my boyfriend saw her at the "Shakespeare workshop". My boyfriend told me that she started crying to him, saying that I didn't want to talk to her anymore, because she had asked him for the $$$.

...Is it me, or is all this weird? Or am I over-reacting?
I don't understand why she would ask to borrow money from my boyfriend, and not from me. And then, even tho I told her it was all cool, she would go cry to my boyfriend that I didn't want to talk to her.
Man this sounds like grade-school. But I have no idea what to think. It really annoyed me that she went to cry to my boyfriend. But I appreciate my boyfriends openness about everything.
My boyfriend tells me, it was very strange for him that she asked him for $$$$, and that she put on that drama show in the "Shakespeare workshop". I know she asked a mutual friend of ours for some favours that i would be shy of asking. So i don't know if that is just her personality. But it seems weird that she would ask my guy and not me for the $$$.

Any input would be appreciated. ..help...and sorry..and thanks for reading me....

[uRmylife]

First and foremost, sorry you are going through this. I read through what you posted and hoped someone else came before me. This is a tough one. Technically he has done all the right things. He told you and she was honest with you. They were both forethright. But without knowing why they are talking and why he would lend money to your friend without knowing more on the relationship...it is hard to comment. Based on your post sounds like he was honest with you...If I have honesty I believe. I don't go beyond that.

I hope you can figure this out, I surely couldn't understand the dynamics based on the initial information.

Please keep in mind...Your business is NONE of ours. You do not need to provide additional information.

I hope that you are well and figure out what is right for you. Go with your heart and gut...hopefully it steers you right

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by HannaBoe

Hello PTO family,
This is long but I really need some help :'( Sorry.

I have been writing a new pen pal that is in a county jail from my city. Our relationship is fairly new (since January 16th) but we have had several visits, phone calls and letters.
Anywho.... A close friend of mine, "Mina", is a volunteer at my guy's jail, she is helping in a "Shakespeare workshop" they started this year. My guy started participating in this workshop.

Anyway, my man called me the other day and said "Mina" had asked to borrow $200 from him. She said she would drive to my man's parents house and pickup the money if he gave her the green light. She said she would return them soon, that she needed the cash urgently to "buy a really good car, that had a good deal". She said she couldn't take out more than a certain amount at the ATM.

Mina didn't ask to borrow money from me, nor did she mention she had a problem. We see each other very day online, she also has my cellphone. We see each other at least twice a week, have lunch frequently, as we work in the same building.
It seemed strange to me, that she would ask my guy for the money but not to me.

I gave her the cold shoulder the other day that I met her in the building, she came running after me, and said: what's the matter, are you angry? I kept walking and said, I am busy, she pulled me and said what is the matter? I jerked from her, under pressure, I asked: Why did you ask my guy for money and not me?
She didn't have a good excuse. I told her, this situation was awkward for me. She apologized and I kept going. I told her we could talk later. I was angry, and I don't like discussing when I am upset. I got to my desk and since I didn't want to create drama I send her an email saying everything was fine, that I was just busy and stressed etc. She sent an email apologizing, I sent another one, saying that she didn't need to worry etc. I wanted to cool things down. I didn't want to have a fight with someone from my work.

The next day, before I had a chance to talk with my boyfriend, my boyfriend saw her at the "Shakespeare workshop". My boyfriend told me that she started crying to him, saying that I didn't want to talk to her anymore, because she had asked him for the $$$.

...Is it me, or is all this weird? Or am I over-reacting?
I don't understand why she would ask to borrow money from my boyfriend, and not from me. And then, even tho I told her it was all cool, she would go cry to my boyfriend that I didn't want to talk to her.
Man this sounds like grade-school. But I have no idea what to think. It really annoyed me that she went to cry to my boyfriend. But I appreciate my boyfriends openness about everything.
My boyfriend tells me, it was very strange for him that she asked him for $$$$, and that she put on that drama show in the "Shakespeare workshop". I know she asked a mutual friend of ours for some favours that i would be shy of asking. So i don't know if that is just her personality. But it seems weird that she would ask my guy and not me for the $$$.

Any input would be appreciated. ..help...and sorry..and thanks for reading me....

She sounds like a drama-queen and you both should cease all connections with her. I know you work with her, but just tell her you would prefer the relationship to be strictly work-related and leave it at that.

You are right, this is very high-school, therefore, put a stop to all future correspondence.

Peace~

[shaunna]

That is very bizare :S Life is filled with ups and downs as it is without involving high drama people. Maybe either yourself or your partner should just tell her out right you/he can either 1. not afford it or 2. don't feel comfortable lending it in the first place (whatever is the most honest reason really). If she still carries on perhaps it's just best to keep the friendship work related as suggested above

[hisbabygurl2014]

I say stop all connection with the girl and not give her money. and if i understand correctly just lending someone $200 doesnt buy someone a nice car. Just saying.

[DP's Girl]

Her behavior is unacceptable. Everything she did was inappropriate. I would have nothing else to do with her and ask him to do the same. But be careful because she sounds like the kind of person who would start drama at work.

[xxxaxxx]

Maybe she read a bit too much Shakespeare and the whole issue at hand was part of the performance?!

It certainly seems a little backwards to me to ask an incarcerated person for money. From what you wrote -like others already said- your penpal seems to be straight forward with you. If I were you I'd advice him to not lend her any money either, just to stay away from any (further ) drama that this could create.

[Iluvmypenpal]

To be honest it sounds really wierd
I think you should cut connections with her and tell her to stay away from your man theres signs she trying to get attention from his number one u sent her an email saying everything was fine then she goes and crys to ur man saying that you dnt want to talk to her anymore number 2 shes asking him for money why would someone ask an incarcerated man for money i would think he needed it more than me idk but theres something wrong here
Did she know that your man was doing the workshop before she volunteered for it?

[ilovecoffee]

She is probably a women that likes the challenge of taking other peoples men. She probably knew he was going to tell you about her asking for the money. Why else would she turn it around and tell him you dont want to talk with her and make up a lie? If you guys were close going to lunchs and talking friendly then I am sure you have told her how much you like him and she is probably jealous or wanting some of him. HOw does she even know he would have any money? Hes in prison so its not like he has a full time pay, maybe savings but why let someone borrow it. If I was you I would kick her to the curb and tell your man to stay away as much as possible. Someone like her should not be volunteering anywhere to just go and cry like a dam cry baby to someone she doesnt even know! She needs to get a life.

[lil peep]

How does $200 get you a good car? Pretty sure if that's all she was short, setting up a payment plan would be easy and take no time at all to pay off. Why would you ask someone who's locked up for their money? They don't make much money if they do at all. I'd also be put off that she asked your man instead of asking you. She's not friends with him is she? She runs the workshop. I also don't understand crying to him after you got irritated. I think you should keep her at arm's length. Sounds like a lot of drama to me.

[thisfamily]

First of all.. I commend your mate for being open with you!

Secondly, it wouldnt hurt if he established firm boundaries with her. It sounds like they are a bit enmeshed for her to ask him like that. Car? Phfft. It could be for a drug deal for all you know. Definitely a red flag and it's best for your mate to stay away from that lest he could get into more trouble in that prison. I would tread carefully, though, because she could create more problems for him just to be vindicative while he's in a vulnerable position. He should never be alone with her, quit the workshop etc etc.

[Miss_A]

I just find it way strange that she asked a man that's locked up for money. That throws me for a loop. I realize that inmates can and do send their loved ones money, but come on! How does that look? I'm broke (or so she's claiming) so I'm going to ask an inmate for money. Yeah, seems like a good idea to me!!

I'd tread lightly with this lady if I were you.

[FastCarGirl]

She works with you....has a job of her own.

And is asking someone locked up for money?

Really?!?

Basically, that would be considered "establishing a relationship" with an inmate and would get her yanked out of there so fast her head would spin.

Something's very odd about the whole thing...it sounds like she's trying to cause drama and a rift between the two of you to be honest.

[LeBeau]

I can't explain what the hell was/is in her head but I promise you,whatever it is, it's not in your best interests or in your boyfriend's.

I'm just as casual as can be about the issue of men and women being friends but even I would never, ever even think to ask a friend's boyfriend for money without first having exhausted all other options AND having discussed it with my friend, and even at that it would have to be a pretty dire emergency (I mean besides the "damn, I'm 5 bucks short, can ya spot me 'til I can hit an ATM" type of thing- that's different, to my mind.)

She's either up to no good or simply too clueless to be believed, but either way, I recommend cordiality at work but a severing of social ties.

[NatesGurl]

It does sound strange, good thing is your man (penpal) seems to be being straight with you... her on the other hand like others have said sounds like she likes drama... I would be a little concerned that since she volunteers at the jail that she may cause problems for him as well due to her unethical in my opinion behavior... I would ask him to cut ties with her as well if at all possible...just my opinion Good Luck

[Damask8]

Shes being nothing but manipulative. Shes asking him for money and not you because she wants him to feel needed, and shes looking for attention by being "needy". This isn't highschool shit we are talking about, its real life, and in real life you need to stay away from these psychos.

[nicenjazzy]

To the curb with her!!! Seriously??! She asked a man who was incarcerated for money?? How did she know he had it anyway? Who the h.e.doublehockeysticks goes up to a total stranger and asks such?? Wow, that's a new one on me!! I give him credit for telling you and I agree with FastCarGirl, you can easily have her removed from volunteering and sounds like she needs to be.

[ebfisherculp60]

I agree with everyone else.....she needs to be cut off from the both of you!! I can see her drama getting worse and worse over time and eventually putting strain between you and your guy. It doesn't make any sense and I think she has something up her sleeve or is just a straight drama queen!!

[HannaBoe]

WOW Thank you all for your support and AMAZING advice and analysis on the situation. I GREATLY appreciate it. It means a LOT to me. THANK YOU!

I hadn't been able to write, because last week was the most hectic of my year! I had to prepare my bi-annual status report where I show what I have been doing and why the company should keep me. Basically it defines if I can continue on the payroll! I had to prepare so much material, it was very stressful. I also had to move this weekend as my lease ended. So it's been a very agitated week!

The updates on this story are:
A) My MWI is going to finish the Shakespeare workshop which ends next week as that way he gets a diploma and it can help him for showing good behaviour. (He already invested several hours in this course, so it's a good idea to finish it) He doesn't plan on interacting with my co-worker afterwards.

B) I bumped into my co-worker a few days later, I was very nice to her, but didn't dwell on socializing. i was seeking on being cordial to her to avoid drama. Well...despite my attempts of being cordial and nice, she told coworkers we have in common (that we both know) that she had had a problem with me. WTF ....this really bothered me! She is trying to taint my name. I will continue to be friendly with her in front of others, to avoid drama. I saw her several times during the last week, and we chit chatted briefly. I was friendly and it was all good. We even hugged at some point....(We were at a same social event of a co-worker we have in common, and she hugged me in the parking lot, when we were leaving. I hugged her back, but was inside so angry at her. I just didin't want to steer drama at a work reunion).

C) my MWI called me Friday and said that my co-worker had given him a "present for me" in the workshop and he would mail to me....WTF.... My MWI said it's a postcard with a symbol of peace. She told him it was a peace offering.
This "gift" she gave my MWI to give to me, bothered me A LOT. she saw me several times during the week, she could have given it to me in person, she knows where my cubicle is, she could have dropped it off, she could have emailed me that she had a present for me. She even attended my bi-annual status report talk (it's open for everyone and they actually announce each one that will occur so everything is transparent). I think she did the present thing to appear as the "calm good person" and I am of course the craZy b*tch that "won't talk to her". My MWI also thought it was extremly weird that she would send him a present for me....

Thank you everyone for your comments. You really gave me security in knowing that this situation IS NOT normal, and that she is the problem! I hadn't thought about it, but as you all mentioned she is being very manipulative, she is making him feel needed, trying to make me look like a crazy neurotic women, while she is calm, nice and friendly. I mean she sent me a peace gift! How could she be evil? ..hahaha
I will follow the advice from everyone here: be cordial to her at work but not socialize. It has been truly great advice. Thank you all!

[SexyChef1]

Im happy the situation is somewhere straightened out but WHY the hell is she stiill going to him about anything? I mean geesh she could have given you the freaking peace offering, shes involving him way too much and it needs to cease! Im thinking she has a different motive for him and it includes her and him!

[HannaBoe]

yeah you are right. she is a f*cking b*tch...but I don't want to think about her anymore.
I feel sad. At least my MWI supports me. The course was done yesterday