Fully disgusted, bf split tongue in half on purpose. Please help!

[MrsCetina]

Omg, in so sorry i would be really upset and freaked out too.
A guy did this to his tongue in one of the housing units my husband was in. The guy somehow pierced it, threaded some kind of string in the hole and pretty much sawed it open to the end of his tongue. There was lots and lots of blood... Very gross. I dont understand why anyone would do this themselves, its just asking for infections. Im not into extreme body modifications like tongue splitting, scarification, hook suspension, or eye tattoos, but if someone decides to do it, they need to go to a professional! Its not safe to do yourself.

[Heliba]

Originally Posted by MrsCetina

Omg, in so sorry i would be really upset and freaked out too.
A guy did this to his tongue in one of the housing units my husband was in. The guy somehow pierced it, threaded some kind of string in the hole and pretty much sawed it open to the end of his tongue. There was lots and lots of blood... Very gross. I dont understand why anyone would do this themselves, its just asking for infections. Im not into extreme body modifications like tongue splitting, scarification, hook suspension, or eye tattoos, but if someone decides to do it, they need to go to a professional! Its not safe to do yourself.

Eeew!
Ok, the whole idea of this tongue splitting thing is grossing me out, but to picture this guy slowly sawing his tongue in half with a piece of string just gives me the creeps!!! I can't imagine that pain! Eeww!
Just Eeeewww!

[Dozie Doe]

Originally Posted by countryzgirl

Holy Hell. I'd have the same reaction as yours. I agree with Chris'Lady - give yourself some time to process this. It is a big deal.

OTOH, It is his body. He gets to decide what to do with it. At the same time, you are wholly entitled to your reaction about it. That is important to remember, IMO.

The issue here, I think, goes beyond whether or not you find it physically unappealing. I'm sure if this happened accidentally your reaction would be somewhat different. On its face, that doesn't seem to make much sense. But I think it does because this offers a disturbing window of insight into his emotional state and priorities. That is why this is so upsetting, IMO.

He did not bother to consider you before he did this. That is hurtful, alarmingly selfish and something I suggest you consider very carefully. Given that, I don't think you should twist yourself up trying to make yourself feel OK about this to accommodate him. Let yourself feel whatever you are freely. Don't indulge feelings of guilt or make yourself try to accept it until/unless you are ready. You are not mean or judgmental. He did something to evoke reactions from others...he cannot balk or play victim when that's what he gets, even from you.

Moreover, self mutilation and choosing to make oneself appear ugly and, for lack of a gentler word, freakish, is alarming. People are going to react to this upon meeting him. He might get a bang out of that shock factor but that's not exactly what most of us want from our men. We don't want them to become drones but we are hoping they want to come out of prison ready to integrate into productive society. He just made that more challenging for himself...and for you. Like it or not, how we choose to present ourselves to the world matters. This will make finding decent employment much harder. More personally, I know my father would practically s**t himself if I brought a man home with a split tongue. The thought of that makes me cringe. Your BF's actions were, to say the least, short-sighted and self destructive. That kind of thinking is a big problem, IMO.

Take your time with this one, Hon. I think you have a lot to think about. Please do not feel bad about or judge your reaction. Know that whatever decision you come to is OK. We're here for you, Doll. Hugs.

I dont think he was being inconsiderate when he did it. I know he thought about me, and he thought I would love it as much as he does. Maybe to him, that meant that he wanted to surprise me. But I hate it. Absolutely

[Dozie Doe]

Thats exactly how he did it. Paper clip and dental floss

Originally Posted by MrsCetina

Omg, in so sorry i would be really upset and freaked out too.
A guy did this to his tongue in one of the housing units my husband was in. The guy somehow pierced it, threaded some kind of string in the hole and pretty much sawed it open to the end of his tongue. There was lots and lots of blood... Very gross. I dont understand why anyone would do this themselves, its just asking for infections. Im not into extreme body modifications like tongue splitting, scarification, hook suspension, or eye tattoos, but if someone decides to do it, they need to go to a professional! Its not safe to do yourself.

[Dozie Doe]

Thanks LeBeau....Im not gona leave him over this. I know he considered me before he did it, he thought i would love it and wanted to surprise me. He works in construction so I dont thnk this will affect his ability to get a job, but it most defintely is disgusting

Originally Posted by LeBeau

Add this to the short list of things my husband could do that would make me file for divorce- it's dangerous, pointless, stupid and to do it without your knowlege and approval is beyond inconsiderate and disrespectful. That's not a minor body modification and, besides your disgust, this will affect his social and employment opportunities for the rest of his life.

I'm all for people remaining individuals and making choices even when in a committed relationship but this was too broad and permanent a decision to make alone, as it significantly affects both of you.

He's so, so wrong.

Unfortunately, what's done is done and I'm afraid your options are limited- Accept it and try to adjust or drop him for for being a thoughtless, shortsighted jackass and make it clear to anyone in the future that such body mods are a dealbreaker.

Either choice is reasonable and you don't have to choose today.

[Dozie Doe]

crying. still.

[MrsCetina]

Originally Posted by Dozie Doe

Thats exactly how he did it. Paper clip and dental floss

Jeez... i really dont know what to say.. I am sorry that he did that! What is he saying about it after he did it? Is he going to have it sewed back up after he gets out?

[lil peep]

OMG...this thread is making me feel really ill, but I wanted to see what everyone had to say. You are totally justified in being really upset! That was dangerous and stupid to do while locked up. If he wanted it done, he should have talked to you first cause this is a big deal no matter what he says. Even if you didn't agree, at least he should have given you the courtesy of being able to voice your opinion. He also should have let a professional do it! The thought of a tongue ring still freaks me out let alone splitting my tongue down the middle...ehhhhhh...it's really going to affect his job prospects when he gets out though. That might make it really difficult for him.

Whether you want to stay or leave is your choice of course, but I would be taking my time to think about what he did and to calm down. Tattoos and piercings are one thing, but that's serious body modification.

[taraadele18]

As much as I hated to read through all this I did. Lol. It's making my stomach turn!! I can't believe he'd do that to himself. That's not OK!! I'd be highly pissed myself, and I would have reacted the same way you did!!

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

[n016s]

I'd be gone! That is way too much for me! There are some body modifications that I am against and that is one I didn't even think of til this thread. I wouldn't be able to kiss him ever again, just thinking about it makes me feel ill. Good luck!

[#1AndOnly]

This is crazy to me, I just watched one of the video's ... can they really move both sides ? LOL It intrigues me .. no attractive but the fact that one side can do this and the other that ...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this ... obviously he has a high tolerance for pain. I wish you two the best !

[Miss_Olivia]

How old is he? It sounds so juvenile. Gosh, so immature. I'm sorry for you that he was so thoughtless as to do that. I would feel like you do. Grossed out and deeply disappointed.

[AmberLeigh]

My husband has it done....doesn't bother me. I really can't tell when he kisses me and my child has no idea he just doesn't stick his tongue out at her. He had it done before we were married (he didn't get it done in prison) its really not as noticeable as people seem to think. It also isn't juvenile well no more juvenile then piercings or a tattoo. I am sorry he didn't ask you fist and if it really bothers you that much but if you love him then at least try to think positive. It may not be as big of a deal as you think.

[RuthieBee]

I wonder if you shaved your head, or had a mastectomy and he said "eww, you are so gross now, I am no longer sexually attracted to you"....how that would make you feel? I personally find it funny, that this would push you away. Not the felony, not incarceration, not his attitude... but some silly little physical attribute. I miss mine so bad, that I don't care if he came out with one eye and and a 3rd arm, I would just be so glad he was still "him" I wouldn't care.

I hope its something you get over and you both have a happy, fun, and laughter filled relationship.

[Dozie Doe]

thank you

Originally Posted by AmberLeigh

My husband has it done....doesn't bother me. I really can't tell when he kisses me and my child has no idea he just doesn't stick his tongue out at her. He had it done before we were married (he didn't get it done in prison) its really not as noticeable as people seem to think. It also isn't juvenile well no more juvenile then piercings or a tattoo. I am sorry he didn't ask you fist and if it really bothers you that much but if you love him then at least try to think positive. It may not be as big of a deal as you think.

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by Dozie Doe

After about a week of saying he split his tongue in half, I have finally realized that he REALLY DID do it. I thought he was joking. I am beyond disgusted and I am crying as i write this. I cannot believe my fiance would do that! Its SO gross and disgusting and I cant even fathom the thought of kissing him or even looking at him!!!! How am I supposed to marry this guy if I cant even stand looking at him!!! How is he going to kiss his kids with that mouth!! Yesterday i googled split tongue images and I literally got so grossed out i threw up. I am so upset!! He called last night and I told him I was pissed that he mutilated his tongue and I hate it! I told him "How am I supposed to marry you if I cant even stand looking at you" I guess this was a little harsh, because he got really hurt and upset and told me he couldnt believe I would even say that to him. And now I feel guilty when he's the one whose done something wrong! He is surprised that I am reacting this way, he thinks im gona love it once he "slips it to me" little does he know that i cant stand the thought of that! There goes our sex life! So selfish if you ask me and I cant stop crying. How am I going to spend the rest of my life with someone I dont even want to kiss? Im creeped the fuck out and its GROSS.

May I ask why he wanted to do this? Was it to prove something in there?

I would be freaked out as well. I would ask him how he would feel If I had done something that drastic without talking it over with him? Even if it is not your place to tell him what he can and cannot do, but to give you the respect of hearing your feelings about it would have been appropriate, in my opinion.

Good luck with all of this.

Peace~

[Dozie Doe]

A Masectomy is a completly different scenario. If he was sick or had an accident and lost an arm, leg, etc, thats different. He did this without consulting with me first and thats an issue. He CHOSE to do something that DIDNT NEED to be done, something that im simply not comfortable with. I cant help that it gives me the willies. This is irreversible, unlike my hair that would grow back, or a tattoo I can cover up, or a piercing that can be taken out. This is permanent.

Originally Posted by RuthieBee

I wonder if you shaved your head, or had a mastectomy and he said "eww, you are so gross now, I am no longer sexually attracted to you"....how that would make you feel? I personally find it funny, that this would push you away. Not the felony, not incarceration, not his attitude... but some silly little physical attribute. I miss mine so bad, that I don't care if he came out with one eye and and a 3rd arm, I would just be so glad he was still "him" I wouldn't care.

I hope its something you get over and you both have a happy, fun, and laughter filled relationship.

[Dozie Doe]

I asked him why he did it and he said he thought I would love it. I dont think he felt like he needed to prove anything. I plan on asking him how he would feel if I got a plate in my lip or did something drastically Appearance altering without al least getting his input before. He has talked about seeing it done before and I told him he better never. Years later, he does it!!! NO warning! I repspect that hes his own person and im all about him expressing himself, and I feel the same, he should have tallked with me first, and then made a desicion.

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

May I ask why he wanted to do this? Was it to prove something in there?

I would be freaked out as well. I would ask him how he would feel If I had done something that drastic without talking it over with him? Even if it is not your place to tell him what he can and cannot do, but to give you the respect of hearing your feelings about it would have been appropriate, in my opinion.

Good luck with all of this.

Peace~

[sly_bby_girl]

my man spilt his tongue without letting me know. i was upset for a moment then i realized that its not whats worst. i accepted and i thought it would look horrible. i visited him and he showed me his tongue. it was not bad and it looks like just a small cut. it doesnt look like a tongue in half. it doesnt bother me anymore. hope you will be ok with it soon.

[JKB's Girl]

Ewwww, just the thought is yuck!!!! Kissing is such an intimate and personal thing......I know it sounds bad, but it would probably be a deal breaker for me, just couldn't get past it. Not when it was done on purpose and without talking to me about it, nope, no way.

I can totally understand why you would be so upset, I would be too.

[hisbbgirl]

Oh Hell no! I'm sorry I just seen the videos on how its done and that's is gross. He is crazy! Im gonna make sure I tell my boo that one of the things on his "NOT TO DO" list.

[sugey213]

Well my man split his tongue in half and he didnt ask me permisión he just thought that i was gonna like it.. i cant lie at first when he told me i got freak out i was kind of mad cause i though he was gonna look weired..but when i went to visit him he show me his tongue and the cut it was small plus he still kiss the same i know that ur mad at ur man but when u see him u gonna see its not a big deal u gonna get use to it..

[Princess1029]

Originally Posted by hisbbgirl

Oh Hell no! I'm sorry I just seen the videos on how its done and that's is gross. He is crazy! Im gonna make sure I tell my boo that one of the things on his "NOT TO DO" list.

I just watched a video... It looks like it would hurt like hell! Ouch!

[Dozie Doe]

Originally Posted by sly_bby_girl

my man spilt his tongue without letting me know. i was upset for a moment then i realized that its not whats worst. i accepted and i thought it would look horrible. i visited him and he showed me his tongue. it was not bad and it looks like just a small cut. it doesnt look like a tongue in half. it doesnt bother me anymore. hope you will be ok with it soon.

thank you, I will be seeing him or the first time in about 4 weeks

[Dozie Doe]

UPDATE**
A few days after the "incident" I talked to him and I told him I was sorry for freaking out on him. I also expressed that when making decisions like this, he should have asked for my input before he chose to do it or not. He understands and agrees, also apologized. He said he felt so bad after I told him i felt uncomfortable with it, and that I shouldnt worry because it heeled itself together almost all the way, and that only the tip is a little split. Im anxious to see it, I hope it doesnt freak me out!! Either way, I love this man, TRUELY, MADLY, CRAZY. He can be my lil freak. Lol. Im visiting in about 4 weeks for the first time in 4 months, I just cant wait to kiss and hug him, and to be honest, I hadnt even thought of the tongue too much. Im too thrilled planning his birthday bbq. He is at a fire camp and we can bbq and I can bring him cake . Just so happens the visit day is the day after his bday, and of course Im keeping it a surprise. Thanks ladies for all your input!! Of course I will be back to let you all know how it went!!!!!