Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

JuliannRN · #26 06-15-2012, 01:39 PM

are you sue this is the best they can do???? Tell the lawyer to counter plea. We did and the prosecutor accepted. OR see if he can register on a power tier. My son is gonna be a tier 3. NO postcards.
I am so sorry!!!!!! I am here if you need a shoulder!!

Abeca · #27 06-15-2012, 02:31 PM

Sent you a private message before I read all the way through. Please keep us posted on how things are going. Thank G-d you have a plea option, but it still sounds hard. Please keep us posted.

tglsmom · #28 06-15-2012, 05:51 PM

Thank goodness you no longer have 25-life to deal with. That must be some sort of relief, but I know that it is painful nonetheless. If your son decides to take the plea deal, I hope the judge will decide on three years instead of something more. I can't imagine what will be gained by giving him more time. I don't know about a counter plea. My son took the first plea because he was afraid that if he countered, they would make it worse. We will never know, but he was facing 25-life because of strikes and the plea deal looked good compared to that.

I am so sorry that you have to be on this journey. Not many of us expected to be here either, but here we are and we will all make it through together. Keep us posted.

szcunane · #29 06-15-2012, 07:43 PM

three to 10 doesn't sound bad when compared to 25 to life . . .but as all us moms know anytime is heartbreaking. I used to be a fairly optimistic person, but this journey has made me a realistic that probably borders on pessimistic . .so I say set your heart on 10, so if it comes in at 10 you can say, oh, well ---but if it comes in less - -YEAH! sorry you still need to wait a few weeks to know. And yes, he will have to be registered for the rest of his life, but . .he will get out, those who know him will know who he really is. I do hope that he will forgive himself . . and the first part of the healing and forgiving is to accept responsibility and he as . . and believe it or not many inmates say that there "punishment" brought some healing (of course the long sentences certainly are unfair) . .please keep us posted - - I will be praying for the judge to be merciful and that your son get the lowest years he can get. . .

klw9653 · #30 06-15-2012, 07:57 PM

I hope the judge goes easy on your son or you can counter plea and get a better offer.

1bird2 · #31 06-15-2012, 08:08 PM

Well, it really does sound like HOPE is alive here...I would think that the judge would take EVERYTHING GOOD into his consideration.....I am praying for the VERY BEST outcome possible...
I can only imagine how difficult it was to see him in tears...that crumples me just thinking about it. I am THANKFUL for the lighter side of the visit!!
We ALL know all too well the agony of waiting for the sentence....it was excuciating to me...(even being fairly certain of what it would be) but at least you know that 25-Life is no longer weighing in....THAT IS A RELIEF....
Know that everyone of us are praying for the BEST....I am praying that you will find some comfort these next few weeks...and sz is so right about healing and forgiveness....
I am sure that your son is much loved by all those who know him.... those are the ones that really matter....and those are the ones who will always stand by him and love him... those are the ones who will see him through this mess and beyond.
Get those letters to the judge....they do make a difference.
Keep us posted....we are praying,
Love and prayers,
XXOO

phillyfranko · #32 06-16-2012, 12:41 AM

my sisters son got 1 year in Gander Hill prison on friday because of a few little charges and the fact he was in juvenile lockup for a year at 16...he is 18 in age , but more like a little scared 12 or 13 year old boy...praying he doesnt hurt himself or some one else. He is ADD and dislexsic and was never really diagnosed properly...so he couldnt focus and read or learn like most kids in school...a few bad decisions and hanging with the wrong crowd and a lousy public defender and a too tough judge may destroy this kid.He stole some money from his dad (alcoholic) and dad has since disowned him and said he hopes his son gets 5 years.(Dad commited burglaries and has a criminal record worse than son)
need hugs thoughts and prayers...sis said he could of went to court before he turned 18 and would of got about 6 to 8 weeks in juvy...but he thought with his good behavior and being drug free and helping his grand parents out in VA that he would get little or no time in prison...wish i had got some money together somehow for a decent lawyer...so frustrating...if anyone hurts this kid i am tempted to hurt some one...but i am not violent...and i try to Love, Forgive, and do not Judge...not easy...will tell sis about power of medical and attorney stuff thank you everyone...will be refrerring my sis to this forum and thread...and inno i feel for you...our Justice system is so messed up..

moondoggie1 · #33 06-17-2012, 07:36 AM

Stories like yours break my heart. I'm so sorry for all you and your son are going through.

dbd335 · #34 06-17-2012, 07:31 PM

welcome, inno, i'm so glad you found this place - so much encouragement, strength, advice, experience and above all understanding here - the more i hear of this system we call "justice" the more frustrated i get - the definition for justice will have to be changed if things continue as they are - i will be praying for you and your son -

KidzMom · #35 06-18-2012, 12:58 PM

It seems like its good news - anything less than 25-life!! I hope the judge is in a lenient mood on sentenceing day and sees your son for the man he is as opposed to the confused child he was!
We will all be sending you positive thought on that day! (And I know in Ca the jail credits pre sentencing are 2 for one as opposed to when you get sentenced so while the 3 week wait will be forever... he is accumulating good time (look for the positives - right!).

innotime · #36 06-19-2012, 05:44 AM

I survived him saying guilty to the charge yesterday - sentencing is the first week of July, 3-10yrs, 5 yrs probation, up to $20,000 fine, tier 3 registration....trying to find out from the SORN officer if our house is far enough away from the school for him to come home...that is all he want (Mom, I just want to come home....) Talked to him last night - he is very very scared of his future. thanks everyone for your continued support

mrsrimoldi · #37 06-20-2012, 11:48 AM

I sure am gla. d to hear they are offering a plea~ that should ease your sons mind a little. I'd expect the judge to give the minimum sentence since the crime happen so long ago but who is to say what kind of mood he will be in that day...
I have laughed at so many things I never would have thought possible before, Humor really does lighten our heavy hearts. Being able to find humor is a sure sign you are stronger than you thought. When my son was in the county jail still and wearing those aweful orange jumpsuits~ we lived out in the country, people dropped cats off all the time. One day a big male stripped ginger showed up. I pointed him out and told Hubby "look he looks like our son" LOL sick humor, we named that cat after our son.
I wanted to give you something to be thankful about, You said your son just got his CDL, at least he will be able to go right back to work once he's done with this stuff. That is one of the felony friendly jobs. Keep telling yourself "it will be okay"

elliemay · #38 06-22-2012, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innotime

Never ever thought I would be here. My 23 year old son was arrested the day after Easter on two counts of rape involving 2 children under the age of 12 from an incident that happened when he was around 14-15 years old. He was an awkward child, immature, and as he told me - I thought I was gay - no girls liked me at that time. What a horrible error of judgment. I believe he didn't really think he was doing anything wrong (all his friends were saying they had sex at that age) and I know he never ever meant to hurt those kids ....I am heartbroken. He did confess during the interview (I always told him not to lie to the police) and we are now approaching a pretrial next Monday - he is scared to death.
He was never in any trouble with the law - no drugs, no alcohol, no traffic tickets nothing.... He started working when he was 16, full time as soon as he was 18 and stayed with the same company until they closed down 2 years ago. He got his home school diploma, went to school and got his Indiana firefighting license to be a volunteer fireman. He had just gone back to school and got his truck driving license 6 months before he was arrested. Just got engaged 3 months before he was arrested.
What happened 8 years ago does not make the man he is now....unfortunately Ohio law is very black and white and has mandatory sentencing. We are hoping the state offers a decent plea bargain...I just don't know. He is going nuts right now, has been in county in protective custody (23 1/2 hrs/day in cell) and one 1/2 hour visit a week. Any ideas on how to help him and us get through the next two weeks or so? We know there are consequences (as there should be) for his actions and we accept that (but not sure how to accept the 25 years to life part of it).
Thanks in advance.

I hear what your saying, i'm very sorry to her that about your son, i also have a son going to pretrial tommorrow- friday the 22nd of june. He was accused of rape he did't do an may get 22yrs for it. the law in our states are really bad. Can't understand the system, they are all screwed up!

Please pray for my son and will do the same.

sleepless in Tu · #39 06-22-2012, 09:54 AM

This is one of the most shocking posts I have read here at PTO.I'm so sorry.It is a shame that being told to tell the truth to the police leads to such an outcome.I'm in no way saying to lie.Say nothing and ask for an attorney.People with no experience with the ways of the system often feel asking for an attorney implies guilt.No it doesn't, ask for that attorney,don't say anything! Even if you are 100% innocent get the attorney.Once again I'm so sorry.

innotime · #40 06-22-2012, 10:07 AM

I saw him yesterday and he told that just a short time ago he wished he had lied but now he is glad he told the truth. I don't think he knew at 23 just not to say anything, just like I'm not sure he knew at 14/15 he was exactly doing anything wrong. He is so ready to do his time and get going with his life again. I have been told by someone close to the victims that "they are so messed and will be the rest of their lives!" to which I replied they are only messed up as long as you and they let themselves be. Unfortunately these 2 brothers were abused before the incident happened with my son and the abuse continued between the two brothers afterwards. It doesn't appear that their family support structure is very stable, it took 8 years for the mom and dad to divorce - she would file motions, he would file motions, the judge would throw all the motions out and it would start all over again. I honestly hope their family can get it together enough to get those two young men the help they need to get their lives straightened out.

We have constantly told my son that we will get through this together as a family, my family is being very supportive, and we have friends and neighbors that are also. I have told my son to take advantage of every opportunity offered to help himself grow and learn and heal. And to do this all with as much grace and dignity as he can. 2 weeks until sentencing...hoping for the 3, but knowing it could be more.....

JuliannRN · #41 06-25-2012, 12:46 PM

Innotime.. Isnt hearing guilty the worst thing in the world?? My son will too have to register as an offender however it is just a tier one offender. Too bad the judge cant make that change. One thing I want to recommend. BE PREPARED for the victim impact statements to be TERRIBLE! I am convinced that the girl that accussed my son was coached on what to say in her statement. Most of it was bullshit and she laughed as she walked out the door. Nothing prepared me for that. Please be ready! And you and your soon to me daughter in law make sure you have an equally strong statement. Not sure if it will help but it can not hurt!

innotime · #42 06-26-2012, 08:09 AM

We have everyone we can think of writing letters on behalf of my son and I know victim impact statements are tough (blame everything that has gone wrong in your life on one incident). But I can't say I honestly believe these kids are messed up for the rest of their lives, only if they keep being told that they are. The lawyer has filed a motion to possibly keep my son off of the SO list because of his age at the time of the crime...not counting on it to happen though. Lawyer has not said anything about us making statements, and I already know what the two boys have said about what they want to happen to my son from the paperwork he already has.

Kind of funny, my son is saying the same thing about his life, that he has messed up...no son, not if you keep working to improve yourself, learn from this and keep putting one foot in front of the other....yes made a messed up horrible decision but not a messed up life. A harder than need be life, yes; but not a messed up life.

KidzMom · #43 06-26-2012, 09:38 AM

SOOO TRUE.... self pity - poor pitiful me ---all the excuses in the world because they have been conditioned ...I too believe that your life can only be as ruined as you allow it to be...

Let me be clear, I do believe that any type of sexual, physical, emotional abuse is devastating - and there is a new normal - acceptance - grief - anger etc...but I am a firm believer in controlling your own destiny with positive thoughts....

I have participated in the upbringing of a child from birth (not my child) and have witnessed the power of a hypochondriac type personality in a the parent to make this child believe that she cannot achieve anything because of her "medical issues". This poor child is completely free of this at our house as I expect her to behave normally... but when the child is at home it is no - you can't eat that - no you can't participate in that - your health you know... thus this child cannot do anything for herself and has no self confidence....unfortunately it could be leading her in the wrong direction.....

Sorry about the rant...it just illustrates the power of "brainwashing"....

innotime · #44 06-26-2012, 10:47 AM

I am not trying to downplay what happened at all, it was a horrible thing and will always be a horrible thing. There are consequences and unfortunately they are just as horrible, but it is what it is and there is more to life than all the horribleness. Hopefully his victims will see that some day and be able to have and enjoy all the wonderfulness there is to life. That is my goal for my son too...handle the consequences and move forward the best we can.

Bamagirl49 · #45 06-28-2012, 07:07 PM

Welcome to all you ladies I know excactly what you are all going thru I have been there last year it has been one year and lots of years to go my son got 20 and is still I'm state doing his time and then off to the Feds who knows where. We did the same thing and wrote all kinds of letters and they just went strictly by the law who knows if the judge read them iam so sorry for all of you who still have to go to court I will be thinking about you and follow your posts

innotime · #46 07-06-2012, 11:27 AM

Well we actually got some good news, based on everything the judge might be willing to do community control (probation only) after my son does a psychological assessment in the next two weeks. The prosecutor agreed too!!!! Best news we have heard in a long long time and he could be home by the end of July!

szcunane · #47 07-06-2012, 01:18 PM

Okay, I admit - I didn't see this coming! a judge who seems fair! GREAT NEWS! so, we will pray fervently over the next two weeks that the assessment go well. Oh, how I hope he will be home soon! keep us posted!