Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Just Jen · #1 06-16-2012, 05:34 PM

I think me and my man are on the verge of our first fight, and really it is due to lack of clear communication. I have a budget for phone calls - it would be unwise not to do so - but we tend to run out of phone before we run out of month. LOL So then we go a week or two without being able to speak. There are times when he has not wanted me to accept the call, just wanted me to pick it up so that he knows I am missing him too. But then there are other times when he asked why I picked it up without accepting it. It is confusing. I think his helplessness in the situation (at the mercy of my paying for it and taking the calls) has made him be unwilling to discuss his desire in the matter clearly, but it's not my job to think or speak for him. I don't want to be hard about it either, because I already feel like it's hard on his pride to be at my mercy.

I am writing a letter right now telling him I am putting on my big girl panties, he is putting on his big boy drawers, and we are going to get to the bottom of it. He and I will definitely straighten it out... we don't normally have communication problems... only over this phone issue. We aren't fighting yet, but we just might have one over this. I am inviting his suggestions, and making my own suggestions such as different codes (like number of calls in a row) for different things like: 1 call, thinking of you; 2 calls, really missing you; 3 calls, I really need to talk to you.

I'm not really looking for advice - I think I got it figured out - I'm mostly just venting, inviting discussion, etc. I thought it might be interesting to do a poll.

His Future · #2 06-16-2012, 05:47 PM

Well it seems like u got it figured out so good luck I hope everything works out for the better :-)

HisKissOfLife · #3 06-16-2012, 07:45 PM

I understand the phone issue thing completely. I have had to have some serious talks with him before about not getting pissed about the phone issues we have, whether it be missed calls, bad signal, blocked calls, etc. It has seriously been a total pain in the a** the entire time we've had phone calls available to us. It's a tough one but as you said, all you can do is try to get down to the root of the issue because most of the time it's not really about the phone.

Loubabygirl · #4 06-16-2012, 08:03 PM

Lou and I haven't really had a fight. We had a little tiff about where my money is going because i phrased something wrong and he took it the wrong way but we cleared that up immediately. As far as call...we talk A LOT. Way more then we probably should lol but I can't go without his voice like I have to right now. But he will call me once and when our wonderful 60 second and 30 second woman comes on he asks of he can call back or if I want him too. If I can't afford the calls he is so understanding and knows its not because I dont want him to its because we can't use all the money so fast but we spend A LOT on phone calls :x

Just Jen · #5 06-16-2012, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by His Future

Well it seems like u got it figured out so good luck I hope everything works out for the better :-)

Apparently, I haven't got it figured out as well as I thought. He called tonight... repeatedly... so I put money on the phone. We ended up having a fight, both said some hurtful things, but we stepped back, apologized, talked more constructively and made up. The irony of it is he was calling because someone sent him a money order that he wanted to send to me to help pay for the phone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripsgirl

We never faught until he went to jail. When he was home before I started yellin he would either say baby I'm sorry or calm down baby lol but since he's been in jail we've got into some pretty heated ones.

Yeah, this wouldn't even be an issue if not for this situation. We could talk whenever and how ever much we wanted out here. There really isn't anything else for us to fight about. I'm sure we'll find something to fight about, but he said if it looks like we're about to fight, he'll just kiss me and that will end the fight. LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by HisKissOfLife

I understand the phone issue thing completely. I have had to have some serious talks with him before about not getting pissed about the phone issues we have, whether it be missed calls, bad signal, blocked calls, etc. It has seriously been a total pain in the a** the entire time we've had phone calls available to us. It's a tough one but as you said, all you can do is try to get down to the root of the issue because most of the time it's not really about the phone.

This isn't the end of the phone issues, because like you said, you have had to have more than one talk. I'm just hoping the next conversation will be less emotional and more constructive. Sadly, the root of the issue is both of us feeling at the mercy of the phone provider and helpless over the reality of how much I can afford.

GraceNhope26 · #6 06-16-2012, 11:04 PM

Sometimes I'm busy so I don't answer, and he calls and calls then I finally answer and say I'm at the dr. Or something, and he is like okay well I will call you back....then sometimes I do the same thing, answer but he yells at me for answering and waisting the $$. *rolleyes* so its like who knows the day or mood he will be in. I made a call for another guy on my 2nd cell and oh man he lit into his girlfriend sooo bad about not getting $ on the phone and not doing it fast enough etc. I felt bad for her. What I'm saying is the phone causes a lot of problems. They can't control much so they try to control that little piece...

marissaa · #7 06-16-2012, 11:29 PM

We never really fight!! Never have had any major issues thank goodness (: we have kinda debated, & discussed some issues but we've never been like one mad at the other.. I love him ill let him win any fight just so we can make up!

Lisa Jeanne · #8 06-17-2012, 12:46 AM

Laughing...there has been nothing normal about our relationship. The first 5 months were dreamy and then all of a sudden the sh** hit the fan. L was wrongfully convicted of a murder he had nothing to do with. He has done 22yrs on an 82yr sentence.

We argued, fought and cried together for several months due to having to make what we both agree were life and death decisions. He had exhausted all of his appeals and the remaining options to free him were few.

On Feb 3 of this year the Cook County State's Attorney announced a newly formed conviction integrity unit solely for the purpose of re-investigating possible wrongful convictions. We sent her letters that were ignored. We decided that we needed to start a full-on campaign. Only, that "we" was really "Me" all by myself. Talk about daunting. For 2 months we were both on edge, stressed and going at it with each other. He has never seen the internet but had many ideas and thoughts about who to petition etc...I disagreed sometimes as I had NO INTENTIONS of failing. I could see what he couldn't. On April 26th (just 2 days after everything went "live") the states attorney sent him a letter telling him they are re-opening his case. Success has never been sweeter.

Funny, because we are both older with grandchildren, very mellow, easygoing, non-combative yet strong-willed. We have and do talk about everything under the sun. Now, we are better than ever. He laughs and lovingly says with an exasperated sigh, "I feel like we've been married for 40 yrs."

One of the things that I did early on in our relationship was have an astrological compatability chart done. An astro birth chart is blueprint for one's life. It is set in stone at the time of our birth and is very telling as to what lessons, struggles successes etc...that we will face in our lives. The planets do not lie. A compatability chart tells of a relationships strengths, weaknesses and compatability. If anyone is interested and you don't want to pay for one there are "free online astrological compatabilty charts" that you can do. You only need to do a google search and provide birth times and places. I sent L the charts and we had fun with it. It was uncannily accurate, enlightening and inspiring.

Stand Tall and Walk in Beauty

Just Jen · #9 06-17-2012, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loubabygirl

Lou and I haven't really had a fight. We had a little tiff about where my money is going because i phrased something wrong and he took it the wrong way but we cleared that up immediately. As far as call...we talk A LOT. Way more then we probably should lol but I can't go without his voice like I have to right now. But he will call me once and when our wonderful 60 second and 30 second woman comes on he asks of he can call back or if I want him too. If I can't afford the calls he is so understanding and knows its not because I dont want him to its because we can't use all the money so fast but we spend A LOT on phone calls :x

I wish we could talk a lot, and sometimes I am the one saying call again, but mostly it's him calling more often than I can afford.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LauraB419

Sometimes I'm busy so I don't answer, and he calls and calls then I finally answer and say I'm at the dr. Or something, and he is like okay well I will call you back....then sometimes I do the same thing, answer but he yells at me for answering and waisting the $$. *rolleyes* so its like who knows the day or mood he will be in. I made a call for another guy on my 2nd cell and oh man he lit into his girlfriend sooo bad about not getting $ on the phone and not doing it fast enough etc. I felt bad for her. What I'm saying is the phone causes a lot of problems. They can't control much so they try to control that little piece...

I'm so glad that my man has never yelled at me, not even raised his voice, because I would not be able to handle that. Even in this fight we had, I was the only one getting emotional. But when I say that I am feeling pressured to provide more than I can afford, I don't need him saying, "I just won't call anymore."

BrandonsBabe · #10 06-17-2012, 12:47 PM

I think the code is a good idea. Brandon and I kinda have that going on. He pays for the calls, but we (HE!) also has an issue with running out of minutes long before running out of month (He's just terrible about saving minutes. In his words "I can't stop myself from calling you when I wanna talk to you."). When he's really running out of minutes, he'll call so I can just answer and say "I love you." If I was actually supposed to accept the call, he'll call back immediately. It works for us, and I think that it would work for you guys. Good luck on getting things straightened out.

**shaunna** · #11 06-17-2012, 05:08 PM

we had our first argument probably five months in, it wasn't even anything serious just a misunderstanding due to the differences in humour

Psychocandy · #12 06-18-2012, 05:54 AM

No arguments so far.

qpwings · #13 06-18-2012, 01:49 PM

No arguments

billysbutton · #14 06-18-2012, 02:38 PM

I can't remember a single time billy and I fought...I'm not tryin to be one of those annoying chicks that pretends everything is roses lol. We had bigger fish to fry like saving his life. I cherished every letter and second I had with him. I guess the small stuff never mattered to us thinking back. We were a team....team galloway....nothing and nobody got between us.

Scorpio1026 · #15 06-18-2012, 02:49 PM

It's been a year and a half for us and no fights so far! We don't have any issues with the phone except he doesn't like how much I pay! I easily spend $200 a month, so he will go days without calling me and it makes me absolutely insane! The man can't tell me no though, so I just have to whine a little and he'll call me over and over! = )

StayShort · #16 06-18-2012, 03:03 PM

We have had two little issues but mainly one was a misunderstanding and one was me looking into things to much. We have yet to have an actual fight and how he is it will probably be me getting pissy and loud and him not saying anything. Thats how he is so thats not even a fight its me throwing a tantrum. Lol thank God I have a calm natured man.

Just Jen · #17 06-18-2012, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorpio1026

It's been a year and a half for us and no fights so far! We don't have any issues with the phone except he doesn't like how much I pay! I easily spend $200 a month, so he will go days without calling me and it makes me absolutely insane! The man can't tell me no though, so I just have to whine a little and he'll call me over and over! = )

I wish I could spend $200 a month. If I was able, we would have never had this issue. It's sweet how your man watches out for you because he doesn't like how much you pay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrandonsBabe

I think the code is a good idea. Brandon and I kinda have that going on. He pays for the calls, but we (HE!) also has an issue with running out of minutes long before running out of month (He's just terrible about saving minutes. In his words "I can't stop myself from calling you when I wanna talk to you."). When he's really running out of minutes, he'll call so I can just answer and say "I love you." If I was actually supposed to accept the call, he'll call back immediately. It works for us, and I think that it would work for you guys. Good luck on getting things straightened out.

He says the same thing about not being able to control himself from wanting to hear my voice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by StayShort

We have had two little issues but mainly one was a misunderstanding and one was me looking into things to much. We have yet to have an actual fight and how he is it will probably be me getting pissy and loud and him not saying anything. Thats how he is so thats not even a fight its me throwing a tantrum. Lol thank God I have a calm natured man.

He says it's cute when I throw a tantrum, and he is a calm-natured man... except for when I cussed him, then he said, "I can't tolerate being disrespected." =/ I know I can't put all the blame on him for this fight.

abdisgurl · #18 06-19-2012, 08:17 AM

We have never fought or argued once in 9 months. We are always happy to hear each others voice and he always knows how to fix things when I'm sad.

ilovecoffee · #19 06-19-2012, 12:42 PM

Well me and my babe havent fought .... yet! LOL. Actually right now there is no money on the phone. He can try and call he wants but it doesnt ring since I have to pre pay it first. We talked last wednesday and I told him He can call tonight or tomorrow when I get money. Well I have to go out tonight so I dont have enought time to do what I need to do for the phone. Tomorrow he will see if there is money and he will call.. I would tell him if he doesnt like it maybe he can get ajob in there and start sending me money for the phone. Im not even working yet!!!!

Joshua's_Girl · #20 06-20-2012, 01:23 PM

So far in the 8 months we have been together we have fought 2 twice.
Mainly misunderstandings.
Right now is one of those fight times.
I am sure if he was here right now he would kiss me and make it better but he is locked up, so he blows everything out of the water.
His mind is messing with him.
So are other inmates feeding crap into his head.
He says even though I am mad at you, Jess, I still love you.
Makes me feel better anyways, but still we just fought, so I feel like crap.
Anywho, yes, we fight.
Honestly I think it is healthy to fight sometimes.....not all the time though.
Just my 2 cents on this!

nickeldawn · #21 06-20-2012, 03:47 PM

So I said over a year, but really what we had wasn't even a real fight.. it was just confinement getting to his head and him thinking we were in love but weren't friends... I kind of got a little upset because I consider him my best friend and it hurt that he felt that way. But a couple days later he said he was having a rough day and he let his frustrations go and took it all out on me and he knows we're friends and nothing will break that bond... so i guess its not really a fight fight and in that case we haven't a real fight.