How to handle his family's functions

[ohsweetmaryjane]

Hi all,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and about six months into the relationship, he got locked up. Before he was locked up, I met his mother and maybe his brother a couple times. Well since he got locked up, I've gotten really close with his mother and his one sister-in-law. I'm in contact with both of them pretty much every day. I love both of them, I really do.

So now I am invited to his family functions. Which is really nice of his mother to consider me part of the family. So I went to a family party about a month ago. It went okay, but its like, I don't know anyone, and they don't bother to try to get to know me. Some of them literally didn't say hello to me or they were introduced to me and then acted like I was invisible - no contact no nothing. I went to another family function today and while it was a little better, the bottom line is that no one but my boyfriend's mother and sister-in-law even interact with me at all. It is so awkward. I have severe social anxiety to begin with, like, all morning since 7am, my stomach was in knots about having to go. And yes, I know that I didn't "have" to go, but it was his sister-in-law's baby shower and it wouldn't have been right for me not to go at all.

I guess it just boils down to I feel like an outsider. I feel like I am the "prison girlfriend" and no one sees our relationship as legitimate? Or maybe that is me projecting my stuff on them. The fact is that with my social anxiety, I can barely drag myself to these events, let alone go up and start conversations with complete strangers. And honestly, I do feel like THEY should come up and talk to ME. I mean, at least ask me how he is doing. I don't even have a starting point for a conversation with any of them, you know?

So I talked to my boyfriend and he told me that its causing me too much stress and to stop going to his family functions until he gets out -- which, with that bad news we just got (a whole other issue) could be like a year. He told me that when his mom asks me to go, to just say that I'm busy. He said to just go out to dinner with his mom/sister-in-law and keep in contact with them that way. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I wish I wasn't so crazy and anxious and then I could go without a problem, you know?

I'd really like some feedback. Do you guys go to family functions? Do you feel like an outsider? I realize that our situation is a little different maybe because I didn't know his family AT ALL before he was incarcerated, even though we were together.