Help me understand why he's so crazy over FB.

[chrisnlove]

Me and my man been together 3 years and for 3 years we have argued about facebook. I still have facebook he still fights with me about it. I do not abuse facebook my family and friends are on there no one i dont know its private and i drive 4 hours yesterday to spend my birthday with him (I go every weekend) but its my birthday!! Get home 4 hours later he calls start a fight about facebook....really WTF ... I know I am wrong but i attack him in return so 2 days 10 calls he has been rude and trying to upset me. I try so hard to hold my home down and him and his parents I have no life riding this year out right along with him. I really dont know the words to express to him how hard it is to fight about stupid stuff and maintain a positive, faithful realitionship with him when he is so negative.

[Mrs.taylor2011]

why doesnt he want you on facebook?? if you want to stay on FB stay on there , your grown. (atleast i would) he'll get over it sooner or later. lol

[rickysgrl]

I've said it time and time before....it's JUST the internet.

The best way I can think to stress the point is to let him know that you are an adult (not his child) with your own life, and you can do what you want to do.

His pettiness over an internet site is going to push you further away than bring you together.

Somewhere along the lines I read that you said...you know you're wrong. How is that? For being a normal human being at this day and age? Don't give up anything you like to do because he doesn't like it. That's where you start. Lay down the law. It is what it is, and he can either shut up and deal with it or start losing some kind of privileges (your every weekend visits). It's a waste of energy and I'm sure you would rather spend the time strengthening your relationship and growing as a couple.

Tell him...it stops TODAY.

But still....it's just the internet.

[Lisa Jeanne]

"Me and my man been together 3 years and for 3 years we have argued about facebook."

Notice the "we" in that last sentence. The point is that he can't argue with himself. Choose not to argue with him about this any longer. Tell him the subject is moot and if he can't find anything positive, sweet and supportive to talk about then the conversation is over. If he tries to continue the debate, be silent until he gets the picture. Don't rescue him from his own insecurities and selfishness. Let him go to his corner and sulk if that's what he needs to do. Maybe he'll think twice about going back to prison.

I know this might seem too simplistic, but it will work. The key to this is consistency because if you engage, even once, you'll open that door again. YOU have to make the decision not to participate. Try it, I dare you.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

[Scoobs]

Sometimes you have to sacrifice! Give up FB for awhile at least until the issue dies down. But I wouldn't go back and forth about the it. After all it's only face book you can deactivate today and years later activate and the same page will be there.

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by rickysgrl

I've said it time and time before....it's JUST the internet.

The best way I can think to stress the point is to let him know that you are an adult (not his child) with your own life, and you can do what you want to do.

His pettiness over an internet site is going to push you further away than bring you together.

Somewhere along the lines I read that you said...you know you're wrong. How is that? For being a normal human being at this day and age? Don't give up anything you like to do because he doesn't like it. That's where you start. Lay down the law. It is what it is, and he can either shut up and deal with it or start losing some kind of privileges (your every weekend visits). It's a waste of energy and I'm sure you would rather spend the time strengthening your relationship and growing as a couple.

Tell him...it stops TODAY.

But still....it's just the internet.

I was wrong for attacking him about what he does that i dont like... not the facebook i am not deleting it. I dont even care about it to be honest but its the point. Its a control thing for him and i am not giving in...

[Just Jen]

I certainly wouldn't give up something as harmless as Facebook, because what will be next? Giving up your friends? From what I understand, some men in prison think of Facebook like a dating site. If y'all are still fighting about this three years later, it seems to me that neither one of you has felt heard over the matter. Communication isn't just talking... it is also listening. By listening, I do not mean that you give in to his demands, but that you come to an understanding of his viewpoint. You can stand firm to yours and still respect his.

[PeppersGirl]

My opinion may not count for much but here it goes.
Things have changed so much over the years. I realize that technology has pretty much taken over. But can you remember how different and how much simpler life was before the Internet? People picked up the phone to talk. You heard a voice on the other end of the line which made things more personal. You could hear them laugh rather than assuming that they were based on seeing LOL.
I too use Facebook and I text just like everyone else does. But I have to admit that whenever I go visit the prison and am sitting across the table seeing his face and hearing his voice, I wouldn't trade that for any person behind a computer screen. I could literally sit on that hard stool for hours enjoying an actual conversation. Most people can't find time to sit at a table for dinner. I'm starting to see even more now the importance of doing that. Communication is so very important.
I'm not saying that I think you should stop using Facebook. I'm just saying that if you love him don't let something as trivial as an Internet site come between your relationship. If those people on Facebook are your true friends then they will understand and get your phone number. Two things will happen. Your boyfriend will see that you respect his feelings and it will bring the two of you closer. And you will begin communicating with your friends on a more personal level which will bring you closer to them as well.
Again, this is just my opinion. I wish you the best. take care.

[KatieM.]

I wouldn't let him control me either. Good for you. There are many reports citing facnook as the reasonfor marriages ending....cheating....etc. its not FB causing that, its loose morals. He is just worrying but he needs to get a grip and stop throwing a tantrum.

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by Lisa Jeanne

"Me and my man been together 3 years and for 3 years we have argued about facebook."

Notice the "we" in that last sentence. The point is that he can't argue with himself. Choose not to argue with him about this any longer. Tell him the subject is moot and if he can't find anything positive, sweet and supportive to talk about then the conversation is over. If he tries to continue the debate, be silent until he gets the picture. Don't rescue him from his own insecurities and selfishness. Let him go to his corner and sulk if that's what he needs to do. Maybe he'll think twice about going back to prison.

I know this might seem too simplistic, but it will work. The key to this is consistency because if you engage, even once, you'll open that door again. YOU have to make the decision not to participate. Try it, I dare you.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Thank you very much.... I have been quite he has tried to argue about stupid things to get me to address the facebook again and I keep it moving not going to play his let me win every fight let me be the man blah blah. Here is what I know he is not here he is locked up i begged him to stop driving until we worked everything out he could not. I am doing all this alone 3 kids 7 dogs i run his company i keep my house clean i do everything if i want a facebook than i am gonna have on damn that other mess i am mom and dad right now. I am the BOSS

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by Scoobs

Sometimes you have to sacrifice! Give up FB for awhile at least until the issue dies down. But I wouldn't go back and forth about the it. After all it's only face book you can deactivate today and years later activate and the same page will be there.

No way if I do he wins.... I never tell him what to do if it bothers me I speak he can than choose if it means more to him to keep. That is all he can do also

[FastCarGirl]

What's his issue with Facebook? What does HE say his issue with Facebook is? And ask him if it's really Facebook that's the problem, or his decision to think you can't be trusted. He has to choose to trust you to do right by him, or he will drive himself nuts.....but you don't need to engage him when he wants to push your buttons about it. After all, you use it to keep in touch with family and friends and no matter how much he chooses to bitch about it or freak out about it, none of that is going to change.

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by Just Jen

I certainly wouldn't give up something as harmless as Facebook, because what will be next? Giving up your friends? From what I understand, some men in prison think of Facebook like a dating site. If y'all are still fighting about this three years later, it seems to me that neither one of you has felt heard over the matter. Communication isn't just talking... it is also listening. By listening, I do not mean that you give in to his demands, but that you come to an understanding of his viewpoint. You can stand firm to yours and still respect his.

Very true I have heard his. It seems like he dont want to get caught up so i choose to not be concerned with his reason's he hates it so much but will go on his friends all the time say remarks about making a fake one. I dont keep hoping some chick will find me let me be clear I keep for my friends and my sister who lives in Haiti it is how we talk.,

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by KatieM.

I wouldn't let him control me either. Good for you. There are many reports citing facnook as the reasonfor marriages ending....cheating....etc. its not FB causing that, its loose morals. He is just worrying but he needs to get a grip and stop throwing a tantrum.

If you ask me more men try to talk to me at a gas station than facebook so would you like me to not get gas anymore either. Its crazy and upsetting

[chrisnlove]

Originally Posted by PeppersGirl

My opinion may not count for much but here it goes.
Things have changed so much over the years. I realize that technology has pretty much taken over. But can you remember how different and how much simpler life was before the Internet? People picked up the phone to talk. You heard a voice on the other end of the line which made things more personal. You could hear them laugh rather than assuming that they were based on seeing LOL.
I too use Facebook and I text just like everyone else does. But I have to admit that whenever I go visit the prison and am sitting across the table seeing his face and hearing his voice, I wouldn't trade that for any person behind a computer screen. I could literally sit on that hard stool for hours enjoying an actual conversation. Most people can't find time to sit at a table for dinner. I'm starting to see even more now the importance of doing that. Communication is so very important.
I'm not saying that I think you should stop using Facebook. I'm just saying that if you love him don't let something as trivial as an Internet site come between your relationship. If those people on Facebook are your true friends then they will understand and get your phone number. Two things will happen. Your boyfriend will see that you respect his feelings and it will bring the two of you closer. And you will begin communicating with your friends on a more personal level which will bring you closer to them as well.
Again, this is just my opinion. I wish you the best. take care.

I agree with you on most but he is just as bad. To be so old fashion he will text before picking up a phone. Overall I think he wanted to fight it was my birthday I didnt want to get a hotel room and he started letting the devil use his head for a play ground. It is hard packing 3 kids hotel living every weekend. I just think it was only fight he could start to make sure he messed up my night just in case i had plans. I didnt 8 hours in car i was tired.

[krc1abc1]

My mwi has been down for a long time 34 years he knows nothing of the Internet. He believes that Facebook is a dating site. Early on in our relatiomship he asked me if I was on Facebook. I told him I was. He said to take myself off because I was off the market lol.

[chrisnlove]

Wow!! Facebook is a dating site for my 13 year old daughter. I understand where he would feel that way but mine knows better even been on mine

[epasil2]

How does he see ur Fb!?

[chrisnlove]

Before he was locked up. Randomly called asked for info to sign in didnt find anything asked me about a few dudes he didnt want on there i did delete them. It was just classmates...... never changed he still argued about it.

[patientmuslimah]

I dont usually post on here but I was in a similar situation..and after fussing and arguing I decided if something that small makes him happy..hey...I look at it like this..relationships are about compromise. Its not about right or wrong, winning or losing or controlling the other person. ..Everyone has to bend on some things to make it work. My husband and I have an understanding we may not agree or even understand the others feelings but if it makes one feel some type of way we try to respect it..no sense spending time wasting time arguing or upsetting the other person. (not that it always works but thats what we strive for!)

I say all that to say..u prob dont abuse FB and it may not even be about what ur doing on there...I doubt its about not trusting you either...its probably his own fear that it gives someone else access to you is all..imagine being a man and not being able to be with or take care of your family. its normal to have a fear that someone else is gonna come along and try to sweep u away..and if ur ridin with him like that he knows he has a good thing..so he knows other men prob know too! and if it happened what could he do from there? nothing...its probably very easy to drive urself crazy in there..so go easy on him...I always say that money on the books and visits are the easier parts of the bid..its the days that I have to bite my tongue and remember that my worst day is prob better than his best day that's hard. At the end of the day you can and will do whatever you want...he can barely control his daily activites in there let alone what ur doing out here... just weigh if you feel like fb is worth the drama and go from there..

[Psychocandy]

It would be the principle of him telling me what I get to do or not do that would make me even more determined to keep facebook. Whats happens after you delete your facebook? Stop seeing this friend or that friend? Stop wearing makeup/nice clothes etc.
He needs to trust you and your ability to know what your boundries are.

[shaunna]

At the end of the day yes Facebook has caused a lot of relationship dramas since the beginning however it's not the real problem - it's usually trust and jealousy issues that are the real problem. If someones partner trusted them in all honesty facebook wouldnt be the problem. Sounds like there's more underlying issues and facebook is just getting the blame so to speak.. I suggest you talk to one another as communication is really the key here.

Hope things work out for the best for you

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by chrisnlove

Me and my man been together 3 years and for 3 years we have argued about facebook. I still have facebook he still fights with me about it. I do not abuse facebook my family and friends are on there no one i dont know its private and i drive 4 hours yesterday to spend my birthday with him (I go every weekend) but its my birthday!! Get home 4 hours later he calls start a fight about facebook....really WTF ... I know I am wrong but i attack him in return so 2 days 10 calls he has been rude and trying to upset me. I try so hard to hold my home down and him and his parents I have no life riding this year out right along with him. I really dont know the words to express to him how hard it is to fight about stupid stuff and maintain a positive, faithful realitionship with him when he is so negative.

In my opinion, if he didn't have something to hide, or want you to find shit out, he would not give a rats ass about you being on there.

Peace~

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by Scoobs

Sometimes you have to sacrifice! Give up FB for awhile at least until the issue dies down. But I wouldn't go back and forth about the it. After all it's only face book you can deactivate today and years later activate and the same page will be there.

Sorry, but I disagree with you comment! if two people allow FB to come between them, they have serious issues.....if there is complete trust, there is not need for the BS about it.

Nobody, should have to deactuvate FB because their partner cannot handle it...that is controlling, plain and simple.

I would tell my fiance to jump in a lake if he asked me to get rid of FB....I am a grown woman, I do what I want....he does the same. Of course we have 100% trust, so there is no need for shit like this.

Peace~

[tripsgirl]

Mine HATES facebook. He says it ruins relationships. I have his password and everything to his... and the only drama is his baby momma. And she usually does it on fb so I can understand his concern. I block everyone I know will cause bullshit between us.