Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

hismess · #1 06-24-2012, 11:15 AM

my baby came home friday morning. we agreed a few months ago that he'd spend this weekend with his family and i would go see him monday. i never thought i'd feel like this, frustrated and aggrevated.
all last week, the last few days before he came home, i wasn't excited or nervous or anything about him coming home. friday to me was just another day. i just thought it was because i wasn't going to be there when he came home.
but the more friday went on the more pissy i got. thinking of all i've done and how his family didn't do shit. but yet they get to see and spend time with him all weekend. i got a message from a family memeber saying that his first day home went great and he looks great and i'll see when i see him. i thought to myself, "yea he should look great! i'm the one who supported him inside, made sure he ate good. made sure he had clothes and shoe's when he came home! I DID IT! NOT ANY OF THEM!!! but THEY get to spend the weekend with him and I don't! Yea i get to see him monday, but its not the same. cuz on monday i gotta run him all over the place so he can get his crap done!" a friend sent me a text saying "aww alone time with him monday". I was like NO!!!! not alone time when i gotta take him to the sherriff's office to register, DSS and DMV. THATS how we're spending our first day together!!! the first time we'll see each other in almost 2 yrs! a day full of sherriffs office, DSS and DMV! WOW!!!
then he calls me friday night, almost 8 hours after he came home!!! by then i was pissy and it came out in my voice...pure attitude with very short answers if he asked me something. he kept asking me whats wrong and was i ok and i'd say i'm fine, nothings wrong. when we went to hang up, we normally say loves you n miss you and blow a kiss to each other. all i did was say love u n bye and hang up.

also, i sent $160 down to him so he could take the family out to eat when he came home and get a cell phone. he got the phone, his daughter was setting it up while we were on the phone. has he called or texted me yet? NO!!!! actually he's not called me since friday night!!! that has me aggravated as well! i make sure he has the money to take his family out to eat and i'm not allowed to be there! WTF???!!!!

i understand he's with his family and spending time with his kids. but is a phone call or text once in a while during the damn day too much to ask for???!!!!

everyone says i don't have the right to be mad or anything cuz he's spending time with his family. well that may be true. but after all iv'e done, don't i at least deserve a damn call once in a while?
i know he'll probably call later tonight or first thing in the morning, about me taking him to where he needs to go to get his crap done. but with the way i'm feeling, i don't even want to do it! UGH!!!!! i should be happy, and i am for him n his family, but at the same time i'm aggravated and frustrated. what the hell is wrong with me????!!! i never thought it was gonna start off like this!!!

Jootje · #2 06-24-2012, 12:23 PM

I am not going to defend him or attack you!!! but when you have taken a deep breath and think about it, maybe, just maybe he would have called or texted you over the weekend if you had acted a bit more enthousiastic when he called you friday.

And I can understand you are aggrevated that he spending time with his family while the both of you will be running around doing things that need to be done on monday instead of "alone"time but...the both of you agreed on that before him coming home so it is not really fair to be angry about it now.

It is almost monday so do the things that need to be done and try to not have the anger in you now, spoil that day, so when all is done at the end of the day the both of you can finally enjoy your evening together, have a nice dinner, and cherish your "alone time"

**Patty** · #3 06-24-2012, 12:32 PM

You started off by saying that the two of you agreed in advance that he would spend this time with his family. He stuck to the plans but you aren't happy with that. Did you only realize you would feel this way when it actually happened or before he came home? What I'm getting at is IF you felt you wanted to change or modify the plans before he got out - that was the time to do it.

Honestly even if you didn't realize how this would make you feel until he got out, when he called you should have let him know. The two of you might have been able to make arrangements to see each other.

On his end, it is a little strange that he would want to spend an entire weekend with family without spending any time with you. Most guys getting out of the joint can't wait to be with their wives/girlfriends no matter how much they love their families.

I can understand how you feel and think you need to let him know. Communication is key to any successful relationship. Best of luck to you.

Eternal Sunshine · #4 06-24-2012, 01:22 PM

I think he is sticking to the agreement you two made as well, but then again, why wouldn't he? I mean, you have made it easy for him, giving the money to take the family out, the new cell phone, the clothes, shoes and food while he was in there. It seems he loves your money and doesn't mind using it. He will call you when it's time to run him around tomorrow. Sorry you are feeling angry and left out, but it has been made easy for this to happen. After all, you "agreed" to it somewhat.

shaywow · #5 06-25-2012, 04:05 AM

I REALLY understand how you feel. Remember Plans are made to be broken. The fact that you have stood by him makes you just as much family as they are. So the minute you goto feeling Left out there should have been a change of plans and you should have been included ESPECIALLY if you are funding the damn thing anyway. It just doesnt seem fair to me. It seems like there may be a pattern of the family putting all the hardwork on you, while the light fun times he spends with them. Thats not cool. You need to communicate with him ASAP.he doesnt no hw u feel until you tell him! If you dnt tell him you will forever be the worker bee while his family enjoys all the honey! sorry so long but I felt your frustration!

shaywow · #6 06-25-2012, 04:08 AM

and also he is the one coming home...shouldnt the family be celebrating him and treating HIM to dinner....Why should you have to pay for EVERYONE? thats a bit excessive.

Lhawkins31 · #7 06-25-2012, 04:39 AM

I wouldn't have sent nothing we n the key word we would have been enjoying that best of luck to u

Mrs' Hawkins

n016s · #8 06-25-2012, 07:22 AM

I completely understand why you are feeling that way. Although that was the plan, it would still be hard to sit there knowing he's home and not with you or calling you. Are you not on good terms with his family? That's so strange that they wouldn't at least invite you to dinner!! I hope you have a good day with him today, and I would express how you felt this past weekend with him. Let him know you want him to spend time with his family but it did make you a little upset that you weren't a part of the homecoming at all. I hope you get to do something fun when you are done running around today! Best of luck to you!

4ever love · #9 06-25-2012, 08:04 AM

You stated he has a daughter who was working on his cellphone, so I gather she's semi grown. That would put your man as not too young....

I get the point you two made prior arrangements, but I agree with Patty. Who initiated these prior arrangements, you or him? All the men I know, would want private time with a woman, especially just out the gate. And why would you have to give him money to take his family out?

Lastly, why aren't you allowed around the family? Sounds like you live close enough to be invited and involved in his homecoming with the family.

Sounds like he has expectations of you, that you follow, even though those actions are hurtful to you. I'd stop all of it. You are being too kind and generous and of course, none of them are going to say, no thanks, hon....

I hope you are able to get your quiet time with your man. I know we all long for that special time and it's what keeps us riding with hope.

Amanda_UWW · #10 06-25-2012, 09:20 AM

Why are you not with him and his family? I don't think anything could stop me from seeing my loved one the first day he came home. The family and I would just have to work it out if there were any issues.
Since it's after the fact, I would try to move on and enjoy your time. Don't spend your first day in a fight... After he gets settled in, I would talk to him about this... I would also watch for more red flags and make sure I am not being used.

Wayne'sGirl2 · #11 06-25-2012, 09:44 AM

Gilr i would be soooo pissed of it is not even funny he would have to call me at leats once a day.

Sheryl P. · #12 06-25-2012, 10:19 AM

I understand why you are angry that he is not calling but he probably got it loud and clear that you are angry with the way things went.
I know it is hard when you feel hurt but have you tried telling him how you feel and why you feel that way instead of lying and saying your fine when you are not fine?
Now I have to agree that family is great and spending time with them is a good thing but I would be pretty darned unwilling to let him spend time with them before personal alone time.
He could have told them he would be available at a later date ,they don't sound like they would have known when he was due to hit the gates anyway.
Still,you have to let him know what you want and not just agree to what you don't want and then get angry.

Tiny xo · #13 06-25-2012, 06:43 PM

i dunno, it sounds kinda strange to me. maybe i'm crazy but i'd be pretty pissed. why are you not the first person he wants to see when he gets out? i mean you would think that YOU + his child or children, are the people he'd want to see right away.

lil peep · #14 06-25-2012, 07:22 PM

The only reason I'm not the first face my man's seeing out of that gate is he needs to take a bus trip home so it'll be a couple of days. But I'm the one picking him up and he's coming home with me! He doesn't want to see anyone else and would never plan to have another person pick him up.

However it seems like you guys made those arrangements before he got out. If you were unhappy once they happened, you should have explained it to him instead of getting snippy and telling him you were fine. I think it's strange as well that he wouldn't be calling or trying to get some you time in regardless unless he's upset about how you're reacting. I think you guys need to really sit down and talk about what's going on with both you either on the phone or in person. My other thing is even if you're running around doing errands all day, at least you're together!! He's home...he's next to you in the car and you can talk, touch, take your time....I mean, just enjoy him regardless

Your man is home!

OneOfMany · #15 06-26-2012, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hismess

he kept asking me whats wrong and was i ok and i'd say i'm fine, nothings wrong.

Work on improving your communication. He asked what was wrong and you said, "nothing...I'm fine."

work on asserting yourself and voicing how you feel and why you feel that way. It doesn't have to be confrontational.

adamsrubberduck · #16 06-26-2012, 08:59 PM

My question is this... if you brought the cell phone then why don't you call him? Why not tell him that you miss him and want to talk to him? Yes he is with family but why can't he take a 5 min break per day and tell you thank you and I love you see you soon?

I get the whole family thing. I have not met my future in laws yet and I am not comfortable with the idea of meeting them yet. My guy and I agreed that I will pick him up and we will spend time together and then he will spend a couple of days with his mom. He has my blessing and I love him and don't really care if he doesn't call me all day everyday that he is with her. Once a day so A okay with me. The difference is that we worked out the details long ago and he knows that it is ME 1st! Family and friends 2nd. If for some reason this doesn't work I feel like I can tell him. Why can't you talk why with your guy? Big RED flag if you can't talk about something this small what happens if there is a big problem?

hismess · #17 06-27-2012, 08:14 PM

i don't even know where to begin. but in my last post, it was about how he came home and i was feeling resentful due to not being there all weekend. we had agreed that he'd spend the weekend with his family and kids.
he did call me, at 11pm sunday night with pure straight attitude. he was not his normal self. at first i let it slide, due to my attitude on friday when he called. then he came out and said, "we gotta lot of sh*t to talk about, i heard alot of sh*t about you today." so I was like, "ok, what?". then it started.
a little background, in october 2011 i ended the relationship due to a few reasons. the main reason was he got pissed at me one day cuz i didn't answer the phone when he called cuz i was in the shower. when i did answer it, his first reply was "if i could rip you threw this f*cking phone right now i would, but let me stop before the CO hears me!" for a week after that, it was pure attitude from him. for months every one of his calls was "baby i need you to do this...", "baby you need to do this...", "baby could you please....". it was always something he wanted. he was very demanding and put a lot of pressure and stress on me. so when he made that comment i ended the relationship a week later. a few weeks later i started to see someone else. it didn't last very long. it wasn't serious at all. we were free to see other people, there was no commintment. we were more friends then anything. well i was also seeing my ex, and when it got serious i ended the relationship with my friend, and there was no hard feelings or anything, cuz we were not serious and had the agreement of seeing other people. well when things went bad with my ex, we ended it before it got too bad. it only lasted about 6 weeks. anyways, after the first of the year i met a guy, we hung out for 2 weeks and i told him to kiss off. he was a jerk! about a month later, my baby and i started talking again and decided to work it out. things were going great. he never asked me about what i did or who i was seeing during our break up. it was always a fresh start, forget the past.
well the click of friends my baby and i hang with are a bunch of backstabbing 2 faced drama people. as long as you run with them and do as them, they got your back. the moment you cut your ties with the click, they start to run their mouths about you. well i did just that at the first of the year, i cut ties with them all. i needed a change in my life, and that ment cutting out the people, drugs and drinking, for it was time to grow up. my baby knew this. he didn't want to go back to the click cuz of the drama and lifestyle. its part of the reason why he's done a few bids, the drug and drinking. he knows how the click is, how they run their mouths and lie and start drama.
my life has gotten so much better since i left it. i had cut a lot of things out of my life before the first of the year. i was slowly getting out of the click last summer. some changes happened quick and easy. others took a little more time but i over came them. he knew this. i don't regret leaving the click at all. i'm better off for it.
now back to sunday nights phone call.....when i asked him what we had to talk about, he started in on what i did when him and i were split up. he harped on those 3 guys, saying i never told him, and he heard other things, and that we needed to talk. you could hear the anger and attitude in his voice. he was very cold. completely not himself. i tried to explain to him that we were not together so no i don't have to explain anything. he did not want to hear the fact that we were not together. he said all that was the reason why i ended it with him back in october. he would not and will not even acknowledge the fact of what he had said, about ripping me threw the phone, as the reason why i ended it back then. that it had nothing to do with anyone, but him and me, and how he was treating me and how he spoke to me and what he said. he fully believes it was due to my friend i began seeing. then he made the comment of he didn't know i was so wide open. that really pissed me off!!! so i said we have nothing to talk about cuz we weren't together. that if he wants to listen to and believe the click, then there is nothing to talk about.
then he snapped off at me about if i was still gonna come see him monday and take him to where he had to go around town. i was like no i'm not! he was shocked and said your not? and i said nope. he really got pissed and said this is bullsh*t and hung up on me. tuesday morning i sent him a text message explaining a little more and he's not called or texted me back. his kids have taken me off their facebook as well.
i'm hurt but i'm also pissed, considering all i've done for him. i was there for this bid, he got what he needed during the bid, he got the clothes and shoes and all he needed when he came home from me. not his family, not his kids, and not from the click! i told him a month ago about some drama the click was starting, which was not anything of what he threw in my face. he even said then that he didn't want the drama or BS from them.
there was one girl in the click, who was suppose to be my bestie, that stayed in contact with him during this bid. i get the feeling she told him all this and more, so he knew before he came home. that would explain a lot of stuff that went on over the last 2 months. a few red flags that i thought i was just over reacting to or thinking way too much of.
either way, its over. even though we hadn't seen each other in over 18 months, it still hurts. i know, i should of went to see him and talked about it all. but not with the way he was speaking to me. if he would of approached me about it in a different way, i would of been willing to talk to him about it all. but the way he ripped my head off, and then it didn't change at all when i kept telling him we weren't together, it only made me more pissed.
i wish him the best. the one thing this bid hasn't changed is his temper. before this bid, his temper was real bad. he beat 2 of his ex's in the past. so thats another reason why i didn't want to go see him to talk about this, with the anger and attitude he had with me on the phone. i'm not gonna walk into something and get my own a$$ beat.

**Patty** · #18 06-27-2012, 08:33 PM

Hey hismess ~ I have merged these threads together, it makes more sense. Your most recent post sheds some light on the fact that there was a lot more to the originally stated problems. It sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama and I'm sorry you're going through it. I wish you all the best in the next chapter of your life.

hismess · #19 06-27-2012, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty

Hey hismess ~ I have merged these threads together, it makes more sense. Your most recent post sheds some light on the fact that there was a lot more to the originally stated problems. It sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama and I'm sorry you're going through it. I wish you all the best in the next chapter of your life.

thanks patty for doing this. yes there was a lot of other issues that at the time i didn't want to see or maybe didn't really think about due to trying to get everything else done in time for him to come home. thanks again! i'll be okay in time. i have my times when it hurts n all i do is cry. i cried monday, tuesday was a good day went to work n was fine. today woke up crying and just couldn't do it. i was to be off work on vacation all next week, but i moved it to the rest of this week and half of next week. i go back on thursday next week. i'm just taking some much needed "me" time to heal. thanks again.

NileMusiq · #20 06-28-2012, 09:47 AM

Sounds like Good riddance...

verito7981 · #21 06-28-2012, 11:18 AM

As a woman we deserving the best no matter what, we r the rocks to their well being. We always seem to put ourselves last to plz others, now is the time to do u he will try and get back.with you since he feels like his family has his back NOW. But In all reality their guilt is killing them, if u decide to talk to him go to a public place. Like a park restaurant or something like that. Good luck love yourself and stay positive!!!

Sent from my ADR6300 using PrisonTalk

prophetessacorn · #22 06-28-2012, 11:44 AM

I am sorry you are going through this, you did all you could and I wish you the best!

pisces317 · #23 06-30-2012, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hismess

my baby came home friday morning. we agreed a few months ago that he'd spend this weekend with his family and i would go see him monday. i never thought i'd feel like this, frustrated and aggrevated.
all last week, the last few days before he came home, i wasn't excited or nervous or anything about him coming home. friday to me was just another day. i just thought it was because i wasn't going to be there when he came home.
but the more friday went on the more pissy i got. thinking of all i've done and how his family didn't do shit. but yet they get to see and spend time with him all weekend. i got a message from a family memeber saying that his first day home went great and he looks great and i'll see when i see him. i thought to myself, "yea he should look great! i'm the one who supported him inside, made sure he ate good. made sure he had clothes and shoe's when he came home! I DID IT! NOT ANY OF THEM!!! but THEY get to spend the weekend with him and I don't! Yea i get to see him monday, but its not the same. cuz on monday i gotta run him all over the place so he can get his crap done!" a friend sent me a text saying "aww alone time with him monday". I was like NO!!!! not alone time when i gotta take him to the sherriff's office to register, DSS and DMV. THATS how we're spending our first day together!!! the first time we'll see each other in almost 2 yrs! a day full of sherriffs office, DSS and DMV! WOW!!!
then he calls me friday night, almost 8 hours after he came home!!! by then i was pissy and it came out in my voice...pure attitude with very short answers if he asked me something. he kept asking me whats wrong and was i ok and i'd say i'm fine, nothings wrong. when we went to hang up, we normally say loves you n miss you and blow a kiss to each other. all i did was say love u n bye and hang up.

also, i sent $160 down to him so he could take the family out to eat when he came home and get a cell phone. he got the phone, his daughter was setting it up while we were on the phone. has he called or texted me yet? NO!!!! actually he's not called me since friday night!!! that has me aggravated as well! i make sure he has the money to take his family out to eat and i'm not allowed to be there! WTF???!!!!

i understand he's with his family and spending time with his kids. but is a phone call or text once in a while during the damn day too much to ask for???!!!!

everyone says i don't have the right to be mad or anything cuz he's spending time with his family. well that may be true. but after all iv'e done, don't i at least deserve a damn call once in a while?
i know he'll probably call later tonight or first thing in the morning, about me taking him to where he needs to go to get his crap done. but with the way i'm feeling, i don't even want to do it! UGH!!!!! i should be happy, and i am for him n his family, but at the same time i'm aggravated and frustrated. what the hell is wrong with me????!!! i never thought it was gonna start off like this!!!

first off breath i wanna understand you always ,he's home and unless you fear him going back there's time and room for you guys to be together after all the whoppla,no matter what you done its be done with love and not stupilations so relax and let him enjoy his freedom ,kids that you'll have him for as long as you want,reminding you that some of these guys havent seen anyone other the you and a couple of 100 men in awhile so they tend to just relish in the freedom,i do understand your right about him texting,calling these are signs that there's something else going on thats making him lose focus to you the person who held his ass down,COMMUNICATE WHATS BOTHERING YOU TELL YOU FEEL LEFT OUT ,TELL HIM NOT TO LET YOU FORGET HOW IMPORTANT YOU MADE HIM WHILE IN PRISON THAT HE SHOULD REMEMBER THAT NOW YOU NEED HIM TOO

savannah2 · #24 07-02-2012, 10:56 PM

my daughter in law just informed me that she wants nothing more to do with my son,,she said she is happier with him out of her life,,,he is serving 3 yrs for dwi3,,he is expected to be out this time next year,,,im not even sure he is aware of what she is going to do,,, and im at a loss,,, guess my question is can she file for divorce in tx while he is in prison in Bonham,,, is there anything that i can do for my son so she does not ruin his life with not paying his bills ect?? I just want to know what she can do while he is in jail

Klewis · #25 07-03-2012, 01:33 AM

I always say a person's name on here can say a thousand words. His Mess the whole relationship sounded doom from the start. Too much was going on. His attitude and you jumping from man to man. It sounded like neither one of you was really getting all you needed from the relationship and was just looking for an excuse to get out of it. First you said he said he was going to rip you one, so you broke up with him and obviously you wasn't in pain then because you moved on pretty quickly. Now he became free and he needed an excuse to break up with you, so he used what you did. Its a good thing this roller coaster ride is finally over and hopefully you will not jump in to another relationship until you work on yourself and figure out what is it that you are looking for. You need to find out what is missing in your life. Hopefully this guy can grow up and learn how to talk to people. I wish you both the best of luck.