Death of my son ...

[klw9653]

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine a worse pain than losing your own child. My prayers are with you & your family.

[NurseRatched]

My heart aches for you. I also lost my son this year. If you ever want to chat, send me a PM. I can offer no advice, but I can be here for you.

[JJS811]

My deepest condolences to you and all your family for the loss of your beautiful son.

R.I.P. Anthony.

[lynnk]

Your story is so heartbreaking. It could be my story - probably any one of us .. Most of the mothers who post here have kids in prison because they are addicts. So your story could be our story... which is why it is so painful for all of us to read. And that you know that when we say we will pray, we will. My sister lost her son in an alcohol related accident a few years ago. She slept a lot for the first few months and then after that, she got involved in grief groups. I also know a lot of mothers in Parent Alanon who have lost their children to drug overdoses and they keep coming to P.A. which I truly respect and admire. I have asked God to spare me that one... I honestly believe that He knows what He is doing. That He does not give us more than we can handle. You are a very strong mom and grandmother too. Your story here is very powerful and you may be able to help other parents and save lives too because of what you have endured. But please, dear, take the time to heal first. There are many, many groups of parents who support each other that have lost children to drugs. I know of several in So. Calif. Thank you for sharing with us - what a lot of courage that took for you. Love, Lynn

[LittleWing13]

It took a lot of courage and strength to come here and share this heartbreaking story. I'm so sorry.

God bless you and your family while you struggle with this loss.

[mardavjar]

I am so sorry for your loss. This could be my story too. We all morn with you.


Thank you Jancy, for one the comforting post I have ever read on this site.

[debi6pa]

RIP Anthony.....XOXO to your mom :-)

[Mommaduke]

Not sure how I missed this. I am so sorry for your loss. Like the posters above me have said, this could have been any one of our children. Such a tragedy.

[norasearight01]

Originally Posted by UserNamesRCrazy

My son Anthony was incarcerated for two years. I came here to prison talk A LOT in that first year, and a bit toward the end of his time.

He came home the first week in March of this year (2011) and was focused on spending time with his daughter. As a matter of fact by the time we got home, there was a message from his former boss asking if he was home yet and ready to start work. Three days later, he was working full time.

My son met a young woman who was good for him, I'd known her about a year, but he was still very obsessed with his ex fiance' and Mother of his daughter. That relationship ended, and he quickly moved on to a girl he knew when he was younger - trash - hooker, straight up, no joke - he was all about her to make the ex jealous, he quit going to work, lost custody and visitation of his daughter. I'd agreed to supervise the visits, but decided against it because he'd started using and drinking, and being verbally abusive to people, including me, in front of his daughter. It wasn't okay.

He married that hooker in May, and in early July was trying to get an annulment because she didn't stop selling her body. At the end of July, she called the cops on him after he busted the windshield out of their car. He broke in my house, stole my pain pills and was arrested (but because of her calling the police) - the police watched my son take the pills while cuffed in the back of their car, it was on video ... less than 24 hours he was dead.

They never should have taken him to jail, they let him die in jail.

It's been such a difficult time because I have anger at so many people, and agencies, starting with the Parole Officer, right on down to the jail where he was left to die in a cell, never checked on from 11 p.m. at night, until the next afternoon during lunch, to his Father who never, ever, ever believed me when I told him our fucked up our son was on drugs since he was a teenager. My Granddaughter will never know her Daddy again, she hears things about him that she aught not hear at her age.

Addiction is a real disease - it kills. It sneaks up on a person and sucks the life right out of them, and those they love. My beautiful son, is gone, he could have been saved, sure, he'd have gone back to prison for a year or so, but he would have been here, I would still have had that hope that he was really going to change and be a better person. BUT, the police didn't care about his life because all they saw was a criminal - they didn't see a son, a Father, a nephew, a Grandson, a best friend ... the didn't see an addict - they saw a criminal. Addicts need help, serious in patient treatment - prison isn't it.

I'm sorry for everyone who has to deal with their child being incarcerated, and I thank you ALL for being here for me while my son was locked up. I think about the heartache we all feel.

Protect your sons and daughters however you can and know that when the police let them die ... no lawyer will take the case ... because of their criminal record.

RIP Anthony no one can hurt my son any longer, he's no longer in pain ... it's taken me since he died in July to come here and let you all know. Whew.

Please, believe me when I say that me, and my family will mourn with you, and pray for you. I am so glad that you were finally able to come here and tell us about what happened to Anthony. I also think that EVERYONE needs to know what happened to him. Why this is not a legitimate law-suit is beyond me. The police department needs to be held accountable, and I personally would not shut my mouth. Somewhere, some how someone will listen!I will pray for him to make open the way...... This is not about money for you, that would be cold comfort I know, but your "story" should NOT slip under the radar. I sit here and realize fully that this could have been the son or daughter of any one of us. Ultimately alcohol and other drugs are at the bottom of what lands our kids in jail. As for you granddaughter, you must be strong for her and be very sure that she will grow up knowing how much her father loved her and that he was a very precious person. Hang on for her!
Nora

[Gavin123]

As I was sitting here reading this thru tear-filled eyes my husband walked in and asked me what was wrong. I explained what I just read and we both wept...
I can not imagine your pain right now...I am so truely sorry for your loss.
Please know we are all here for you whenever you want to talk, K
{{{{{{{{{{{{Deepest Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mg113]

OMG I cant imagine how you feel losing your young child!! i will keep you both in my prayers...........no parent should ever have to bury a child...........and the police watched him take those pills makes me SICK to think about.\
hugs to you .. we are here for you

Lisa

[Gavin123]

I had to come back to tell you I cried on and off all day today thinking of you and your family. You are living a mothers worse nightmare. I will pray for you every nite that God gets you thru this. I just am so very sad for you...I'm just so sorry.
Just know many moms here are praying for you and feel your pain.
{{{{{{Warm Hugs}}}}}}

[HurtingMom]

That's awful. My deepest condolences and prayers to you and your family. May Anthony rest in peace.

[addictsmom]

I remember talking with you a long time ago. I am so, so very sorry for Anthony's death.

What you are saying is the police have a video of him taking the pills, sitting in the backseat of the police car, that caused his death? And they have no liability for that. Now, I might understand that if they picked him up off the street and did not see him with the pills, or if he somehow got the pills on his own while already in jail, BUT NOT when they have him in the car and see him with the pills and 1) did not take the pills away from him immediantly and 2) have on video him actually swallowing the pills. You have every right to be furious and dont you dare give up on this. Use your pain and sorrow right now for anger and make someone take responsibility for their INACTION.

I have never lost a child, so I do not even begin to know your pain, but I do have an addict (heroin) for a daughter and so many times I have thought through her funeral, who I would call/tell, etc.. cause every parent knows that this is always possible. I have even made my daughter tell me what kind of funeral she wants, what songs she wants. You are truly living our worst nightmare and I am again, so very sorry. Big hugs to you and your family

Diane

[allaboutvball]

First and foremost, I am beyond sorry for the loss you and your family has suffered. His daughter definitely doesn't deserve to hear anything negative about her father. Some people have no boundaries and it's sad that they can't even be adults when a child is around. Insensitivity is in abundance in this world and it's so damaging...I am sorry.
I agree 110% with addictsmom. There was a recent settlement in this county to a family for the death of their husband/father. He died while being in custody, repeatedly tazed, beat on, etc, and ended up dying from being tazed. They settled for 1 million dollars.

My point here is that if it was caught on tape, there should be some lawyer somewhere who is willing to step-up and help you and your family. We all know that once our children or loved ones are in custody, their health and needs are the sole responsibility of the law enforcement agency that has them.

I commend you on having the strength to share his loss with all of us. I hope you can find it within yourself to keep fighting and hopefully some justice will be served for him/his memory (and his daughter).

My Deepest Condolences to you and your family

[amloozinit]

I can only hope that I can be as strong as you, if this is in my future. You are a strong woman. Thank you for sharing your story. "amloozinit"

[momalways]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Anthony. There's no greater fear than this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[esteli]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember you and me talking because we both visited San Quentin State Prison. God be with you in your pain.

[UserNamesRCrazy]

It will be a year on the 30th ... it feels like yesterday, but then it feels like forever. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not crying. I've aged so much in the past year. It takes a lot of faith to keep going. We did find an attorney to take the case on behalf of my Granddaughter, it could be years before we see a settlement.

I spent a night in jail recently due to harassment by the police department (I've never been in trouble with the law, EVER) for a DUI even though I was at home drinking. I'd gone out to my car to get something out of it, and four police officers rolled up with sirens blaring. Even though I was NOT driving, and they never saw me driving. I'm certain they are all angry that I'm not just suing the department but each officer as well; two of them were at my house to arrest me. It is a long story that started about forty five minutes before I was at home. I don't drink and drive, two drinks max - and then I either drink water, or I go home.

Proving they are harassing me won't be easy, I don't have much fight in me these days, but I'm going to muster it up.

I hope that none of you ever have to go what I've gone through and thank you all for the kind words of support.

[Nicksmother]

I am sorry you are going through so much.

[Bamagirl49]

Iam sorry you have so much trouble and hope you can get things straighten out we are here for you
Hope you feel better soon I know your heart is still hurting
Keep us updated

[Abeca]

These anniversaries are painful and I am so sorry you are going through so much. Thanks for letting us know what is going on and please let us know how things move along. Sounds like they have your home watched and are just waiting for any type of misstep so they can punish you further. Please take care.

[Indymom12]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to have a child that's an addict. I was very fortunate that the prison she went to had an excellent rehab program and that is what untimately saved her. What a tragic loss of your son! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Indymom12]

Originally Posted by jancy

we survive because we have no choice. Even if we sat in a chair all day and cried, they would still be gone. My son was all I had when he died. I was grief torn and losing my mind. Within a few months I walked out of my job with no notice. I was going to drive into a telephone pole to stop my grief...it was so painful and lonely. It seemed to me that the whole world was still going on, and I felt the world should end.

At the last second before stepping on the gas headed to the pole...I decided I would try and find out where he went. I was so angry with God that I quit going to church. Quit living, only was a shell going thru the motions. I started to examine my faith by staying up late and watching all kinds of tele-evangelists, called a few, wrote to one. I asked God to show me that he was real..thru the Bible. I went and bought one and read it cover to cover...twice. Through that process I realized that I did indeed believe that Jesus was the son of God, that he came and died for us and most importantly...THAT HE ROSE AGAIN. I read about the widow of Naim whose son died and when he was risen from the dead the first thing was that he was returned to his mother. I knew that my son was still alive...his spirit encouraged me and surrounded me.

I have to say that I cried a long long time. I remember the night he died..I sat in the bathtub and was staring at the faucet a long time...in a numb trance. I did not cry at the funeral home when people came to greet us. I thanked them all for coming in my son's honor. I held up and then fainted when I got home.

I packed all his things except for a very few and gave his clothes to a home for children.

One day the next year, I was out on my riding mower and I looked to the house, there on the front window was his hand print. I was stunned...it looked to me like he was waving to me. I got off the mower and ran to the window to look closer at the print. I could not wash that print off for years to come. I wiped around it.

He makes me smile now. I think of him and smile that he blessed my life. I do still cry on the day of his birth. I have such a hard time that one day, mostly because no one mentions him to me ever. I long for him all day on his birthday. I used to have to stay home from work on the anniversary of the day he died. that lasted a long many years. I decided I would not dwell on that, it used to make me crazy rethinking the day in detail over and over.

I believe with all my heart that my son is present with me in spirit. I know he loves me, and does not want his mother crying all the time. I know we will be together in paradise forever. Your son is wiser now. he knows your pain and sees you. He wants you to go on and remember the good times. he will send you a message somehow of his love. something you never expect. it might be a letter you find, some memory that pops in your head, something someone says to you to recall his favorite song, food, or something.

this is not the end.

They are not gone. They've gone ahead!

[traviesita]

stay strong! I know it must be hard, so sorry your going through all this. My prayers are with you!