Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

bumblebee37 · #1 05-16-2012, 02:28 PM

i dont know if anyone noticed i havent been on much. i have recieved a few pms expressing concerns if i am real or not, a few with true concerns and bless all of you with compassion for the things we are facing. first let me tell you all the years i waited for my sons release have slowly became regrets as he is now out facing his own demons, pressure, struggles, and real institutionalized attitudes. the dreams of things being better have been replaced by anger, hurt, and i would like to hire an extraction team sometimes. i am truly happy for those of you whom have children who are out, doing well, soaring to new levels, and have given you a new sense of pride but please dont reply by telling me~it would be like rubbing salt in a open wound. life really sucks right now so im grabbing my fish gear, heading to the pier and will decide when i get there whether to jump, beat down a homeless person or not use UV suntan lotion and pray the sun burst me into flames...ugh.

**Patty** · #2 05-16-2012, 02:40 PM

I won't rub salt in your wounds. I also hope you don't do that to yourself. It is what it is and all the hopes and prayers in the world can't stop what must happen from happening on many levels. This I will say, you have to find ways to cope and to maintain some level of sanity in an otherwise insane situation. I pray you find peace.

MrsCetina · #3 05-16-2012, 05:21 PM

Im sorry things arent going the way you planned. I hope life gets bettet for you and your son.

DannysFM · #4 05-16-2012, 08:31 PM

Hi bumblebee:

I am so sorry to hear that things are so rough right now. I wish I had some words of wisdom or good advice for you...unfortunately I don't, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

*ben's girl* · #5 05-16-2012, 08:45 PM

bb,

I've always enjoyed your posts (and your cute bb avatars

) and you make me laugh. I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't think you were real. I've never met you but I feel that everything is real about you. Hang in there and continue to support your son in his dark time. Hopefully he will start slowly coming around to see the good in being released. ((((big hugs)))

amaslow · #6 05-17-2012, 03:05 AM

Oh BB, I know what you mean.. There is a lot of programing that has gone on that is not undone by being on the outside. My son has been out since jan 2011.. He does seem to have some maturity gain, but there is a long way to go. At least he has gotten off of probation and is out on his own.. Hang in there.. Don't you go attacking anyone with your fishing pole!!

mejune · #7 05-17-2012, 08:55 PM

Wow!
I have never been associated with such a large group of people that share a common issue. And that issue is PRISON! And you Bumblebee, have ministered to the masses. You have counseled us, given us direction and personally reached out to us, as individuals ... and for that we love you.

Take some time to look back at your counseling. You will prevail. Your intellect will not fail, you will reach into yourself and find the answers. You will do the very best that you can do, and find solace in the faces of friends you have never laid eyes on.

Peace,

Me

nimuay · #8 05-17-2012, 09:20 PM

BB, he's fatally ill, he's just out and he wasn't super when he went in . . .

It sucks when the reality doesn't match up to the dreams, but most of us face that, I think.

Hugsss

mg113 · #9 05-18-2012, 08:24 AM

BB all I can offer you is a (((hug)))), i pray things get better for you....

**Onedaycloser13** · #10 05-18-2012, 09:46 AM

BB, I am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I am keeping you and your son in my prayers!

countryzgirl · #11 05-18-2012, 03:20 PM

Please don't jump or spontaneously combust. Today is a bad day. That's all. Everything continues to change so this too shall pass. I'm very sorry about your son. That must be very painful. I hope he finds his way. Even if he doesn't, you will find your way to living more comfortably with the situation. You're just not there yet. Things will get better.
Wishing you the very best. Hugs.

bumblebee37 · #12 05-18-2012, 09:52 PM

I appreciate the replies to help calm me. I was having a super bad day. Things are what they are but somedays it's hard to remain calm...especially with my timid personality. ha! We will be heading home this weekend and back to whatever we have to face. Hospice is coming in to help me since I am no longer able to lift or qualified to give him meds as needed. I just get disgusted and fightin mad somedays. thanks for letting me vent. mary

auntieshay · #13 05-18-2012, 10:45 PM

Aww, Mary, I have been thinking about you. Yes, life sucks sometimes and sometimes it sucks more on one person. Vent all you want, damn you have earned the right. Shoot, you own the right to be pissed, mad as hell, tired, scared, disgusted, etc. You emotions have to be all over the place. Take time for you. I have experienced dealing with hospice concerning my mom. I know it is different for you because it is your son. Trust me, hospice will help you and your dear son. Thinking of you and your son for peace. HUGS

IS2012OURS · #14 05-18-2012, 10:52 PM

Many....many....many....many...many hugs for you! I can't find the words to comfort you, but you have PTO to help you vent it out. <hugs>

nimuay · #15 05-19-2012, 03:18 AM

Mary, you are arranging for your son to die - that IS as bad as a day gets. How could you not blow up?

momalways · #16 05-19-2012, 06:52 AM

Vent away BB. I'm so sorry for all that you and Joe are going through and that you're having such a rough time. It's good to hear from you, I keep the two of you in my thoughts. I wish I had the words, but know that people are thinking of you. Sending you hugs!

ps. I had noticed you hadn't been on much. It's hard not to.

addictsmom · #17 06-18-2012, 05:26 PM

I have been away for so long but am just in tears reading this now. Please tell me how you are and if there is anything anyone can do. This is your journey, but that does not mean you have to do it alone.

Diane

bumblebee37 · #18 06-27-2012, 03:26 PM

I'm sure everyone is sick of me, I think I have been on the computer about 24 hrs now.
Today is a bad day. I am home. They have by son asleep most of the time now so I sit with him day and night. My son has been my life. He has been the reason I did many of the things I have. He has been the sunshine when I felt the darkness creeping in on me and I fought with all my might to bring him home, for years I fought.
Anyway, PTO has helped me threw and I wanted to thank everyone for the support threw the years because without all of you I would have lost myself a long time ago. I am trying to take this last walk with Joe gracefully, with dignity, and keep my wits about me but I see I am sinking fast. I will probably go offline for awhile because I feel the need to be alone. Just know I love you guys, you and your children are in my thoughts and I'll be back. I can't give you a specific date but I will be back. (Many hugs) Mary

*SimplyMe123* · #19 06-27-2012, 03:36 PM

bb, I was just thinking about you and came across this thread. I don't know why I didn't see it before! But stay strong, take the time you need, and come back whenever you're ready. The biggest of big group hugs...

nimuay · #20 06-27-2012, 04:46 PM

Mary, do what you need to do . . . gently. Most of all, be gentle with yourself, please! And don't forget your sponsor's number while all this sorrow is swirling around. Don't forget your meetings. We want you back here sober. We'll take sad, we'll take distraught, we'll take mad . . . but sober.

Sorry to keep being on that one note. . . but I care.

Many long, deep hugs, lady!

DavidsMomnTexas · #21 07-01-2012, 04:10 PM

Hugs from me too, that's all I can say.

bumblebee37 · #22 07-04-2012, 12:04 PM

http://www.youtube.com/embed/wvkzoqQ5Oak

Our journey has ended. I'm back in California to spread his ashes. I'm sad. so so so sad. He listened to this song a lot these past few months I wanted to share it with you. Please pray God shows me the way. mary

nimuay · #23 07-04-2012, 04:01 PM

Oh, Mary! I'm so sorry! I'm tearing up pretty badly, but I will say the tired old words - he died free. He died with you. He wasn't alone, he wasn't in prison.............

It's not enough, god knows, but it's better than the alternative.

Many, many hugs, prayers and wishes, BB. As many as the stars

DannysFM · #24 07-04-2012, 08:17 PM

BB, I am so so sorry... There are not words to make this any better, I cannot imagine your pain and sadness. My thoughts are with you, and I am sending hugs and prayers.

Dameswife · #25 07-05-2012, 07:58 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one