Is it stress or am I falling out of love?

[kierstin1976]

My husband has been incarcerated for a year, as of the end of June, on a 4 year DWI sentence. I have been 100% faithful. All I do is go to work, workout, visit him and watch movies. I don’t go out at all. Our relationship has ups and downs. The downs come when he questions what I’m doing all the time and if I’m being faithful. At first I was understanding about it because of where he is but now it gets really old. I have told him how I feel about it but he keeps questioning me. I get mad wasting money on the phone trying to explain why my voice changed or why I didn’t pick-up the phone when he called. He calls so much that I turn the ringer off. I’m to the point to where I hate talking on the phone because we argue so much that I want to just disconnect it. I only got it so I could talk to him since I have to have a landline. I dread him calling me.

Lately I have had a lot of things going on in my life that have been stressful. I’m worried about having a job because the company I work for is getting sued and they may or may not get liquidated. My 12 ½ year old cat, who is like my child, has a chronic condition and has been getting sicker lately. It has been more vet bills and expenses on medicine. I’m trying to budget also to get him a parole attorney for his next review March 2013. I have been trying to cut down on unnecessary expenses. I pretty much pay for everything; commissary, medical, shoes; his mom sends me a little bit of money. I even tried to find a cheaper auto insurance quote because I’m getting screwed now and I got denied because of his record even though he is a non-driver. Also, he hasn’t filed taxes in several years and the IRS thinks that he owes over $10,000 and I’m trying to take care of it because he doesn’t owe that much. As his wife I have to worry about them possibly freezing my bank accounts. It’s just one thing after another and I feel overwhelmed.

He was at a unit 5 hours away for a few months and I flew out to see him every 4-6 weeks. Now he is at a unit about an hour away and I dread going there. It seems like a chore. I have visited him every weekend. This weekend I don’t feel like visiting. We argued about it over the phone last night. The unit was on lockdown this week for a few days. I should have sympathy because he was stuck in a cell for a couple of days but I feel nothing. I’m so tired and worn out from all of this that I don’t have any feelings. I want to cry and can’t. If parole gives him another year set-off in March I don’t think I can stay with him. It has me questioning if I’m committed to this relationship anymore. I have developed a lot of resentment towards him because of the arguing over stupid things. I feel like he tries to make everything about him. I know that I have done everything that I possibly can for him.

I have told him how I feel. All he has is his mom and I. This lifestyle is very stressful and expensive. I want to crawl into a hole so no one will bother me. I want a short break from all of this. I’ve tried to tell him that but he thinks that I’m going to be unfaithful. It’s sickening because I could careless about other men.

[jesselady]

Wow, you seem like you need a mental break which is understandable. Put your self first for once, and clear your mind..maybe you should write him and let him feel everything your going thru, this isn't easy on either side.. don't give up, but make me understand you too have a breaking point..

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by kierstin1976

My husband has been incarcerated for a year, as of the end of June, on a 4 year DWI sentence. I have been 100% faithful. All I do is go to work, workout, visit him and watch movies. I don’t go out at all. Our relationship has ups and downs. The downs come when he questions what I’m doing all the time and if I’m being faithful. At first I was understanding about it because of where he is but now it gets really old. I have told him how I feel about it but he keeps questioning me. I get mad wasting money on the phone trying to explain why my voice changed or why I didn’t pick-up the phone when he called. He calls so much that I turn the ringer off. I’m to the point to where I hate talking on the phone because we argue so much that I want to just disconnect it. I only got it so I could talk to him since I have to have a landline. I dread him calling me.

Lately I have had a lot of things going on in my life that have been stressful. I’m worried about having a job because the company I work for is getting sued and they may or may not get liquidated. My 12 ½ year old cat, who is like my child, has a chronic condition and has been getting sicker lately. It has been more vet bills and expenses on medicine. I’m trying to budget also to get him a parole attorney for his next review March 2013. I have been trying to cut down on unnecessary expenses. I pretty much pay for everything; commissary, medical, shoes; his mom sends me a little bit of money. I even tried to find a cheaper auto insurance quote because I’m getting screwed now and I got denied because of his record even though he is a non-driver. Also, he hasn’t filed taxes in several years and the IRS thinks that he owes over $10,000 and I’m trying to take care of it because he doesn’t owe that much. As his wife I have to worry about them possibly freezing my bank accounts. It’s just one thing after another and I feel overwhelmed.

He was at a unit 5 hours away for a few months and I flew out to see him every 4-6 weeks. Now he is at a unit about an hour away and I dread going there. It seems like a chore. I have visited him every weekend. This weekend I don’t feel like visiting. We argued about it over the phone last night. The unit was on lockdown this week for a few days. I should have sympathy because he was stuck in a cell for a couple of days but I feel nothing. I’m so tired and worn out from all of this that I don’t have any feelings. I want to cry and can’t. If parole gives him another year set-off in March I don’t think I can stay with him. It has me questioning if I’m committed to this relationship anymore. I have developed a lot of resentment towards him because of the arguing over stupid things. I feel like he tries to make everything about him. I know that I have done everything that I possibly can for him.

I have told him how I feel. All he has is his mom and I. This lifestyle is very stressful and expensive. I want to crawl into a hole so no one will bother me. I want a short break from all of this. I’ve tried to tell him that but he thinks that I’m going to be unfaithful. It’s sickening because I could careless about other men.

I would suggest you go back and read your post and tell me what you would tell your best friend if she were in your situation. He sounds like he is self-centered and controlling, is that what you really want for the rest of your life? You deserve to be loved and respected, incarceration or not.

You are in a tough spot with all that is going on in your life, but to have a man that constantly questions your faithfullness is absurd! If you are not going and doing anything, what is the problem? Was he like this before he got locked up? He is beating you down over stupid shit and that is not cool. You have told him how you feel and it does no good.

Take some time to search your soul, because the answers are in there. Trust that you will be given clarity on what your next step should be. I hope you can get this all figured out and take good care of yourself.

Peace~

[DP's Girl]

Being in a prison relationship is hard, but not that hard. The feelings you describe don't have to be part of this journey. Those feelings are because of the way you're allowing yourself to be treated. Most of us on PTO are working, raising children, paying all the bills, going to school, and supporting our LO's alone but I doubt if most of us feel like you. That is an indication that your needs are not being met in this relationship. No matter where he is a relationship is a partnership. He doesn't own you. You have to take care of your mental and emotional health. If he were home would you accept this behavior? If not don't accept it now. Being incarcerated is not a free pass to make everything about him, take you for granted, and have no regard for your feelings. You said you've tried talking to him, keep trying. Maybe you should write a letter explaining your feelings. Try to make him see in every way you can think of but when you're truly tired you'll make the decision that is best for you. I wish you happiness because everyone deserves that.

[LisasTX]

It does sound like a difficult situation to swallow. And his trust issues aren't helping any. But as a his wife you should try your best to keep the relationship because that's what you promised him, you know? Maybe do what others say and take a mental break. Tell him that his questions are stressing you out and take a little break. Maybe less phone calls and no visits for a bit can help you save up to do something fun like a mini vacation. That's probably what I would do.

[kierstin1976]

Thanks everyone for your responses. He wasn’t controlling before he was incarcerated. Since he has been incarcerated I have lost over 30lbs so he thinks that guys hit on me all the time which doesn’t happen at all. He has a lot of insecurities.

I’m not visiting him this weekend and I told him that when he called. Of course he tried to convince me to go by telling me how he has been on lockdown and feels lonely. It is just a matter of him seeing my side. I did tell him that he’s driving me crazy. He realizes that he isn’t the easiest person to deal with. I’m not going to write or pick-up his calls for a little while.