Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

DJzGirl · #**476** 07-17-2012, 10:56 PM

Woohoo! I am just so happy to see sisters posting here, alhamdulilah! When I first posted, it took awhile for anyone to reply.

My name is Stacey. I took my shahadah on Sept 11, 1994. been Muslim almost 18 years alhamdulilah. I was 18 when I became Muslim. I am originally from PA and have just moved back. I was married for 15 years (I have 5 kids from it ages 14, 12, 9, 7, and 2). He and I were having issues as he basically left the marriage emotionally. Then he apostated! SO that ended things for sure. As for why I'm on PTO... long story. OM me if you wanna hear the whole beautiful story (lol). Met this brother when I was 17. He was Muslim. Fell hard in love. Broke up. Lost contact. Made contact 17 years later. Both of us were still in love. This time I couldn't let him go. I hoped and prayed (continuously still doing this) that this second chance is our gift from Allah. He is in AZ which is killing me, but alhamdulilah he only has 18 months max and has already been given 4 months back time credit.

My mom was mad to hear that I even heard from him. She is dead set against me communicating with him. She has no idea of our plans to get married. I wish I could never tell her, lol. She has helped me a lot since I moved back to the states (was in Saudi for 9 years alhamdulilah) and I worry that she will be so angry. She will see this move as throwing my life away and worse. Sigh... but there is no way I could walk away again...

DJzGirl · #**477** 07-17-2012, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

Unfortunately there is not a Muslim Chaplain there.

The Christian one has been trying to be as helpful as possible though, alhamdulilah.

Alhamdulilah!

I've met him twice and have spoken to him a number of times on the phone. I was near Hbg, so I was in "central PA." (I put it in quotes 'cuz they call it that, but it's really south central PA, lol...never understood that). M'love is a Cali inmate (tho he's in OK right now, at a private prison), so I understand about the distance.

The distance is so hard. Just trying to get phone calls is hard. When he first went in and was in county he called me for 10 minutes. It was $25! I need to get a local number for cheaper calls. insha'Allah. And I hope I can visit him once or twice insha'Allah. It to ok us over 3 years before we had our first visit. I will def keep y'all updated on the marriage.

Good. And please make du'aa for my guy and me. It is so nice to be able to be myself and not have to hide here.

I think doing intros is a great idea!!! I guess I'll start...y'all already know a little about me from the beginning of the post. My Islamic name is Aakifah; I converted to Islam a little over 3 years ago, masha'Allah. I was born/raised in PA. Moved out here to KS to attend school and be able to see m'love more often. He has been down 9 years now and has 4 years 9 months left.

Having you there for him must be a huge help and source of support alhamdulilah. I began writing him almost 5 years ago, after his father (a good friend of mine) was diagnosed with cancer and he asked me to write his son. The next 4 years 9 months needs to hurry up, lol....I want m'love home, with me, where he belongs!
I hear you! I feel the same.

I talk to his mom, his sons, his cousins, his aunts and uncles, etc. They have pretty much accepted me without reservation.

My mom is not too keen on the relationship, but doesn't really say much. I wish my mom were the same! My stepdad hates that I'm involved with an inmate (he used to be a CO at one point, and thinks all inmates are cons)

My brother and nephew are both COs! lol...but, he seldom says anything to me directly about it. My brothers don't care, they are pretty cool with it. Anyways, that's me...

Look forward to hearing more about y'all.

Thanks for going first with your intro!

DJzGirl · #**478** 07-17-2012, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Destiny1974

Greetings sister,
I took my shahada about a month ago. My intended is in prison here in cali and he is only about 30minutes away he said there are a few there and there are a few in his dorm which makes me more at ease. I agree it does make it easier on them. I just feel alone sometimes because the sisters at the mosque I attend don't talk to me so everything I am learning is from online, trail and error and talking to my man when I see him. So it makes this kind of hard and lonely.

Congrats on taking your shahadah! May Allah guide you and have mercy on you. Ameen. You can ask questions here, if you like.

Alhamdulilah that you are so close to him. We are across the country is from each other and it very hard.

DJzGirl · #**479** 07-17-2012, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Destiny1974

We are planning to get married before he is released and once he is in the free world and we have lived together he wants to plan a traditional islamic wedding. He has been a muslim wow since he was like 8. my name is Destiny Im originally from Long Beach Ca. I was my fiancee first love and we had a child 20 years ago we lost contact and met up again will he was incarcerated. My daughter stumbled across the fact he was her dad and found him and here we are. The reason I took my shahada was I always felt a connection and just didn't know how to convert. Allah works in mysterious ways. I thinki the things I am experiencing will make me a stronger muslimah and a better wife. So I welcome it. I hope to get to know each and everyone of you especially since the people in my life are dead set against me having converted. I am in school and work full time as well.

When will he be released? Both my guy and I are still legally married (to someone else). He has filed and I am about to do so. My kids' dad and I are divorced Islamically though, and that is what really counts. I told my guy that I want us to get married Islamically, even while he is still in. I want to make our relationship halal insha'Allah. And later on we can make it legal insha'Allah. The Islamic marriage is what determines if we are married or not, for me. Not the legal one. And, I have already had the big wedding thing, so I am perfectly find with skipping it this time. Plus, I think most ppl will not support this union. Your story is like mine, masha'Allah. First loves and all that.

DJzGirl · #**480** 07-17-2012, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KindMuslimah

I can certainly relate to your feelings of isolation and loneliness, so I'm also here to be a listening ear if you're having one of those days. Insha'allah, we all can be a comfort to each other as we wait for our loved ones' return. I am very pleased to see that I am not alone in my situation. Al-hamdulillah!

Exactly! I ca relate also. I look forward to finding a comfort here. I love this forum, but there are some aspects that only another sister can relate to. So alhamdulilah we have each other.

A friend of mine told me I need to get remarried, after my kids' dad apostated. I didn't tell her that I am already planning it. I don't think she will agree with my decision.

My guy says he wants to move, not come back to where I am and he is from. I agree that he doesn't need to be in the same city, but my mom is here. I would like an area though that has other Muslims, especially brothers who have also been incarcerated.

HesMyForever · #**481** 07-19-2012, 02:24 PM

RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!!

May Allah accept all of our fasts, prayers, and du'a, Ameen.

I will keep all you lovely sisters in my du'a.

It's unfortunate, but I've had many sisters insist that I should not be involved with m'love because 1. he's incarcerated; 2. because we're not married. I realize, and understand, that he is not able to provide for me financially right now (though, when they are not on lockdown, he works, and does send me money)....he does provide for me emotionally, mentally, and helps me with my deen, alhamdulilah. To me, that is much more important. Most families now are not supported on just one income...so, how a sister can say just because he can't provide for me, I shouldn't marry him, I don't understand.

I do realize that we are not married...but, Allah (SWT) judges our intentions, and our intent has been to be married for quite some time....we've been trying to make it happen. Every Imam I've asked said they will not do a nikah unless a state-legal marriage license is issued....but, we couldn't get the marriage license since the facility he is at did not allow inmates to marry.

So, we've been trying....so, insh'Allah, it will not be held against us. Wa Allahu alim.

BAHK · #**482** 07-19-2012, 09:13 PM

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone, very glad to have found this area of PTO.

Ramadhan Mubarak to everyone! May Allah SWT bless, forgive and better us in this blessed month!

DJzGirl · #**483** 07-19-2012, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!!

May Allah accept all of our fasts, prayers, and du'a, Ameen.

I will keep all you lovely sisters in my du'a.

Ameen!!!!!

Yes, please make du'aa for my family and for the one I love. As for my children, I worry about them and their deen since their father just apostated. As for the one I love, please make du'aa that Allah guides him and we are able to marry soon and it is a good marriage, pleasing to Allah.

DJzGirl · #**484** 07-19-2012, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!!

It's unfortunate, but I've had many sisters insist that I should not be involved with m'love because 1. he's incarcerated; 2. because we're not married. I realize, and understand, that he is not able to provide for me financially right now (though, when they are not on lockdown, he works, and does send me money)....he does provide for me emotionally, mentally, and helps me with my deen, alhamdulilah. To me, that is much more important. Most families now are not supported on just one income...so, how a sister can say just because he can't provide for me, I shouldn't marry him, I don't understand. .

This is hard for me. I was married for 15 years and never had to work alhamdulilah. I did work part time during those years, but never HAD to. Even now, I am divorced, but my kids' dad sends me money each month and I don't HAVE to work, yet alhamdulilah. I was planning to go back to school though and get a job. And for sure I will have to now.

I do worry about what kind of job he'll be able to get. As long as it is halal, that is most important.

DJzGirl · #**485** 07-19-2012, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BAHK

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone, very glad to have found this area of PTO.

Ramadhan Mubarak to everyone! May Allah SWT bless, forgive and better us in this blessed month!

Walaikum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh! Welcome! We just did a few intros. Please send one of your own, too.

Ameen to your du'aa!

DJzGirl · #**486** 07-19-2012, 10:25 PM

Alhamdulilah it is Ramadan. DO you do anything special for you LO during this month? I want to send a beneficial reminder with each letter insha'Allah. He told me there are other Muslims there, but I am not sure how many. And still not sure if there is a chaplain there. A Muslim one.

DJzGirl · #**487** 07-19-2012, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!!

Every Imam I've asked said they will not do a nikah unless a state-legal marriage license is issued....but, we couldn't get the marriage license since the facility he is at did not allow inmates to marry.

So, we've been trying....so, insh'Allah, it will not be held against us. Wa Allahu alim.

Ask even more! lol Bc I am hoping to have an Islaic marriage before a legal one. We are both going through legal divorces. I don't want to wait for the Islamic marriage bc I want to be halal insha'Allah. I never thought about someone holding us up bc of this. And maybe you don't need an imam. Just a brother. What are the requirements of one who marries ppl? Maybe a brother goes to visit your guy and takes your contract to be signed. Another brother can stand in as your proxy and wakil. Just a thought...

HesMyForever · #**488** 07-19-2012, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BAHK

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone, very glad to have found this area of PTO.

Ramadhan Mubarak to everyone! May Allah SWT bless, forgive and better us in this blessed month!

Ameen!

Walaikum asalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu sis! Glad you found this area.

HesMyForever · #**489** 07-19-2012, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJzGirl

Ask even more! lol Bc I am hoping to have an Islaic marriage before a legal one. We are both going through legal divorces. I don't want to wait for the Islamic marriage bc I want to be halal insha'Allah. I never thought about someone holding us up bc of this. And maybe you don't need an imam. Just a brother. What are the requirements of one who marries ppl? Maybe a brother goes to visit your guy and takes your contract to be signed. Another brother can stand in as your proxy and wakil. Just a thought...

Insh'Allah, you will find someone to help you out, sis. But, I've tried to ask other brothers (they have to be knowledgeable enough on the rights and how to perform a nikah, but not necessarily an Imam)...but none were willing to assist. I tried to get someone to do the nikah via mail, via phone, etc...nope.

And, even if I could find a brother to go visit him and stand in for me, we are not allowed to take anything into the visitation room with us except our money. I'm hoping that, insh'Allah, the Imam here at the local masjid where I just moved to will be willing to help me out, since he works with incarcerated Muslims in KS. I will keep y'all in du'a.

As for what I do during Ramadan...I typically send him a card I print up. Other than that, I really don't do anything "special" usually, but this year, I want to reflect more on the Qur'an and share with him what I've read and my thoughts.

KindMuslimah · #**490** 07-20-2012, 06:41 AM

As-salaamu' alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah accept our fasts and charity, answer our du'a, and strengthen our commitment to this deen. Ameen.

Hayya Bina, ukhtis =)

KindMuslimah · #**491** 07-20-2012, 07:47 AM

(Subhaanullah! I was trying to reply to HesMyForever's marriage woes post, but it looks like this wound up at the end of the thread.)

May Allah make it easy for you both. Make du'a and know that Allah is the best of planners (and then do what you have to to make it happen). Insha'allah, it will all work out.

DJzGirl · #**492** 07-20-2012, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HesMyForever

Insh'Allah, you will find someone to help you out, sis. But, I've tried to ask other brothers (they have to be knowledgeable enough on the rights and how to perform a nikah, but not necessarily an Imam)...but none were willing to assist. I tried to get someone to do the nikah via mail, via phone, etc...nope.

And, even if I could find a brother to go visit him and stand in for me, we are not allowed to take anything into the visitation room with us except our money. I'm hoping that, insh'Allah, the Imam here at the local masjid where I just moved to will be willing to help me out, since he works with incarcerated Muslims in KS. I will keep y'all in du'a.

As for what I do during Ramadan...I typically send him a card I print up. Other than that, I really don't do anything "special" usually, but this year, I want to reflect more on the Qur'an and share with him what I've read and my thoughts.

Wow, I never even thought about running into such roadblocks! What about looking into brothers even in other states? or a friend's husband whose wife sorta knows you.? My guy is so far away from me, that finding someone here would be just as hard. I'm in PA and he's in AZ. There are lots of Muslims in Philly jails and i would imagine it would be easier out here. Guess I need to start doing my homework. Yes, thanks for keeping us in du'aa. I need it all! I just pray that this can be made right and a way to seek Allah's blessing. Ameen Let us know if the local imam can help you. I know the imam at a masjid where I used to live in NC used to work with incarcerated brothers. I have thought about asking him for some advice. He knew my ex very well and was so sad to hear about what he had done. But I am hesitant to talk to ppl who knew me before for some reason.

I like the idea of sending him reflections. I have sent him 2 articles so far. I want to vary it, but I want each letter to ave something, anything insha'Allah.

DJzGirl · #**493** 07-20-2012, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KindMuslimah

As-salaamu' alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah accept our fasts and charity, answer our du'a, and strengthen our commitment to this deen. Ameen.

Hayya Bina, ukhtis =)

Ameen! And for that our of loves, too. Ameen!

DJzGirl · #**494** 07-20-2012, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KindMuslimah

(Subhaanullah! I was trying to reply to HesMyForever's marriage woes post, but it looks like this wound up at the end of the thread.)

May Allah make it easy for you both. Make du'a and know that Allah is the best of planners (and then do what you have to to make it happen). Insha'allah, it will all work out.

If you hit reply on the bottom right side of the specific post, then you can quote it. That makes it clear who you are talking to. You can cut some of it out to shorten it if you like. I do it all the time, so as not to have a whole long post before mine even shows up. lol. But it will still show up at the end of the thread. That won't matter though, bc the quote will be present.

If you hit reply at the bottom of the thread, it will go at the bottom still BUT have no quote. Does that make sense?

HesMyForever · #**495** 07-21-2012, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJzGirl

Wow, I never even thought about running into such roadblocks! What about looking into brothers even in other states? or a friend's husband whose wife sorta knows you.? My guy is so far away from me, that finding someone here would be just as hard. I'm in PA and he's in AZ. There are lots of Muslims in Philly jails and i would imagine it would be easier out here. Guess I need to start doing my homework. Yes, thanks for keeping us in du'aa. I need it all! I just pray that this can be made right and a way to seek Allah's blessing. Ameen Let us know if the local imam can help you. I know the imam at a masjid where I used to live in NC used to work with incarcerated brothers. I have thought about asking him for some advice. He knew my ex very well and was so sad to hear about what he had done. But I am hesitant to talk to ppl who knew me before for some reason.

I like the idea of sending him reflections. I have sent him 2 articles so far. I want to vary it, but I want each letter to ave something, anything insha'Allah.

Most Muslim women that I know, that are married, are the ones most against me marrying an incarcerated brother. I don't get it.

I understand wanting for your sister what you want for yourself, and therefore if you have a great marriage where the husband provides, you'd want that for your sister.....but, how about wanting your sister happy? Wa Allahu alim.

I did talk to the Imam today....he said he will only do the nikah once we have the marriage license.

When m'love called me on Thurs, he said the Chaplain is supposed to be getting him the paperwork soon, and that he (the Chaplain) told m'love that the wedding ceremonies (as more than one inmate will be getting married the same day) will take place in January. Soooo....insh'Allah, he doesn't get transferred before January, so we can get married.

Sheryl P. · #**496** 07-21-2012, 06:11 AM

I hope I am not out of place to offer a blessed Ramadan.

HesMyForever · #**497** 07-21-2012, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheryl P.

I hope I am not out of place to offer a blessed Ramadan.

No, not at all.....thank you.

HesMyForever · #**498** 07-29-2012, 10:52 PM

Salaam sisters....just thought I'd stop by and share this:

"Haroon spent 10 years in California prisons and now that he's out hasn't forgotten the spiritual journey that's taken him to where he is today. He leads the call to prayer at the Ta'leef Collective in northern California, similarly to how he answered the call to prayer in prison."